## [TH][Real Life][Death] Eliezer Yudkowsky's heartrending eulogy for his younger brother.

* Author: u/DiscyD3rp  *Wannabe Shakespeare**
* URL: http://yudkowsky.net/other/yehuda/
* Score: 20

* Created: 2014-09-25T05:50:30

### Post:

[Link to content](http://yudkowsky.net/other/yehuda/)

### Comments:

> **u/None** [+6]  (23 hours later)
> 
> Thank you for posting this. It really hits close to home for me.
> 
> My little sister died recently (age 18). One month ago, to the day. I grew up with her, but my parents divorced over 8 years ago, and I've since been living in a different state. I hadn't had the opportunity to spend any time with her since then.
> 
> I thought I'd have more time than this. I never expected it, never in a million years did I think she would die. She was among the last I worried for. Among the last I expected to be taken from me. I can't express how wrong it feels.
> 
> She had a minor injury with her knee. She developed a blood clot that went undetected and it went to her lungs. She collapsed one day, paramedics couldn't do anything by the time they got to her, and they didn't get her to the ER fast enough to save her. Death by DVT/PE at age 18 in the USA. How ridiculous is that?
> 
> My father died 5 years ago, killed by a confluence of factors brought about by negligence of staff members--while under supervision after a routine surgery. I felt much the same then. It is as if everything now is all a sad, strange, distorted echo of that time. And I can't help but think, who is next?
> 
> That alone is terrible enough. But I live in the southeast US, right in the middle of the bible belt, where insanity is the norm. At their funerals the majority of people sincerely believed and took comfort in the idea that their deaths were at least in part a cause for celebration. I had to sit through that, both times. And both times I could do nothing but grit my teeth and grind my nails into my skin as the funeral ceremony inevitably devolved into a sermon and a plug for the local brand of religion.
> 
> Even more, I cannot express how hard it is to have had to go through this, knowing what I know, knowing that they are gone, knowing that they will never return, and not having even the luxury of a single sane person to talk to, of anything resembling emotional support.
> 
> As before, the worst of it has past, and the absurd, irreverent machinery in my brain has decided that there has been enough grieving. But the pain is still there. The anger is still there, and there isn't a day where I am not reminded of it. Everyone goes about their business now as if they never existed. Or worse, they laugh and smile fondly at the memories, and talk of how they will meet again one day. Of how they're both together, and happy.
> 
> They all grieved, but there was not a single person who grieved for either of them as I did. How frustrating it is, to have everyone constantly offering consolation, trite bits of "wisdom," and empty platitudes. How frustrating it is, to be so angry and so hurt, to feel such a gaping void their absence, and to have everyone else around act as if it is ok, as if it will ever be ok.
> 
> Until now, I have never heard a single sane word uttered on the subject of Death, from someone who truly understands what it is to forever lose someone you love.
> 
> Eliezer is right; there is no comfort to be had here, and no peace to be made. It does not get better, and it will never be ok. I still feel the pain, and the anger, and the emptiness, and the helplessness. But at least his words give me a measure of strength. Strength to face Death, the true enemy. Strength to face the reality of this terrible world we live in, and to not ever accept comforting lies.
> 
> Over five thousand people have died since I began writing this. And another few dozen just now. Every one of them are fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, husbands, mothers, wives, friends...
> 
> My father. My sister. Dead, but not forgotten.
> 
> And then there are the untold billions my pathetic meatsack of a brain cannot begin to comprehend. There is so much suffering, so much death, and we do nothing. I do nothing. We must work faster, indeed. And I must do my part. In honor of her, I will be donating on a monthly basis what I can afford to MIRI. Until I can do more, I can do no less.

>> **u/DiscyD3rp** [+3]  *Wannabe Shakespeare* (a day later)
>> 
>> I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and for humanity's loss of yet another mind.
>> 
>> I can't offer much, but I offer you my ear if you ever need to talk about things, or just rant. Your feelings are legitimate, you are *not* alone in feeling like you do, and I don't want you to ever forget that. Fuck death and everything about it.

> **u/None** [+13]  (9 hours later)
> 
> MOD'S WARNING: DO NOT SAY ANYTHING IN THIS THREAD YOU WOULDN'T SAY DIRECTLY TO ELIEZER'S FACE.  LIKE EVERYONE WHO HAS LOST A CLOSE LOVED ONE, HE IS *SENSITIVE* ABOUT THIS, AND HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE.

>> **u/alexanderwales** [+16]  *Time flies like an arrow* (11 hours later)
>> 
>> Only saying things that you would directly say to someone's face is a good general policy, especially on the internet.

> **u/DiscyD3rp** [+1]  *Wannabe Shakespeare* (5 minutes later)
> 
> It's not *exactly* the kind of content that is expected here, but I feel it belongs on this subreddit. I've never lost someone close to me, so I occasionally find my way back to this.  It's terribly sad, and I use it to try and remind myself how much growing up the world has left to do, and how important working towards a better future is.

> **u/None** [+1]  (9 hours later)
> 
> There is only really one thing I think on such sad occasions anymore: "never again".

---