## [WIP] Decagon - Chapter 1

* Author: u/None *
* URL: http://flickegon.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/decagon-1-1/
* Score: 4

* Created: 2014-09-25T15:38:53

### Post:

[Link to content](http://flickegon.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/decagon-1-1/)

### Comments:

> **u/narfanator** [+3]  (5 hours later)
> 
> Bluntly, both characters appear to already be dicks, which may make it hard to read. Unsympathetic viewpoint characters are hard to make enjoyable stories with.

>> **u/None** [+3]  (5 hours later)
>> 
>> I... uh.... can't argue with that. Yeah, they're pretty much dicks. I would say "Well, there are more viewpoint characters, and they aren't as much of dicks," but I should probably have started it with one of them, shouldn't I?
>> 
>> I apologize for starting my book with dicks. Do you feel it's a major enough flaw that I should change around chapter orders?

>>> **u/narfanator** [+1]  (14 hours later)
>>> 
>>> Gah, I don't know yet. 
>>> 
>>> Actually, I do know: No, it's not. More because it has to be ok for it not to perfect.

>> **u/narfanator** [+1]  (5 hours later)
>> 
>> Read the other one, too. I like where you /can/ go with these, but right now I feel like I'm just spending a lot of time reading about things that won't be that important. You should try removing more, or answering: How does the reader know to feel like this is important?
>> 
>> I did like internal monologue explaining the guy's misanthropy, but not the encounter with the jocks, who don't feel like characters, or characters that could possible matter. Worm's bullies - a short lived role in the plot - have a great deal more going on than as a mere foil for characterization. HPMOR's bully scenes - wherein the bullies are, effectively, nameless characters - don't actually have anything to do with the bullies. The first is actually a scene between Harry and Neville, the second between them and Lestrange, and the SPEW encounters are about the interactions between the team members.
>> 
>> I like the confused timeskipping, but, if these are meant to be rational characters.... there's a deep lack of curiosity in something very strange, there.

>>> **u/None** [+1]  (6 hours later)
>>> 
>>> Thank you for the advice. However, at the beginning of Worm, it doesn't *seem* like the bullies have a lot going on other than to be bullies, or at least that's how I felt reading it. They just become more important later on. However, I can definitely see the jocks being something like plot pieces rather than characters in this, and definitely see that I should expand on the scene. I suppose I will go back and do so. Thank you, again.

>>>> **u/narfanator** [+1]  (14 hours later)
>>>> 
>>>> No problem! I'm just glad I can give useful critique.

>>>>> **u/None** [+1]  (14 hours later)
>>>>> 
>>>>> It was definitely useful. It actually made me change my plans for what to do with some characters, and edit the scene a bit. So, again, thanks!

> **u/None** [+1]  (36 seconds later)
> 
> It's not very rational so far, but I fully intend to make its roots in rationality stand out more.

>> **u/AmeteurOpinions** [+1]  *Finally, everyone was working together.* (5 hours later)
>> 
>> Err... what is it?

>>> **u/None** [+2]  (5 hours later)
>>> 
>>> Yes, I didn't make that very clear, did I? I apologize.
>>> 
>>> Shortly: People start developing super-powers in a fictional city named Roosetown, including a group of ten teenagers, and then super-powerey stuff starts happening. It's similar in a way to Worm in premise, but with a few changes: This details the first appearance of superpowers and what happens afterwards, rather than being set in a world where the powers already exist.
>>> 
>>> I have pretty much the entirety of the story arc planned out, more or less, and it's going to be rather long, and it's going to discuss super-power tropes quite a bit.

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