## [WIP][FF][MK?][RT?][DC?] A link to an interesting, full-of-promise Isekai-type story, that was almost rational, that had/was poised to have lots of rational themes...

* Author: u/Gavinfoxx *
* URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/6dddgu/wipffmkrtdc_a_link_to_an_interesting/
* Score: 9

* Created: 2017-05-25T23:39:32

### Post:

...that ultimately let me down on being the Rational Fiction thing.  But it's still good!  And you should read it anyway, and maybe some of the discussion that's taken place in the last several pages as well -- I would like some help identifying what exactly is leaving a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, when so much of the story is so fantastic.  It seems to be a partial deconstruction of isekai type stories where the protagonist just goes on a murder spree (this does not happen in this story).  Of course, I'm not the author.  It's still a great story, and does the 'factions are driven into conflict by values' thing, and also seems to have the 'fictional world has consistent rules' theme.  Also, everyone but the protagonist seems to solve problems through intelligent application of their resources and knowledge.  It had, at the beginning, some scientific methods used to demystify things, but the author seems to have dropped those, at least as far as the protagonist is concerned.  Still, the premise of this story oozes potential, and the characterization of everyone but the main character is fantastic, and the main character does seem to have a consistent personality.  Anyway, the story is on Spacebattles, and is sort of fanfiction (sort of), and the guy wakes up as an automated GDI defensive outpost from Command and Conquer, in a world that is definitely NOT Earth.  Also, I'd like to see what you think of this, both here and maybe as a reply in the spacebattles thread!


https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/for-whatever-reason-i-was-reincarnated-into-an-advanced-guard-tower-si-tangentially-c-c.425866/

### Comments:

> **u/ShiranaiWakaranai** [+2]  (2 hours later)
> 
> Becoming an advanced guard tower instead of an obelisk of light, how pitiful. Will definitely read this, thanks for the recommendation.

>> **u/Gavinfoxx** [+1]  (2 hours later)
>> 
>> Hey, the obelisk thing is... spoilers. ;)

>>> **u/ShiranaiWakaranai** [+2]  (a day later)
>>> 
>>> Ok, I've read it to the most recent chapter (1.17), so here's my two cents.
>>> 
>>> MC isn't a tower of deadly lasers, but is close enough. However, since military might doesn't really threaten the MC, the author has chosen to go for political intrigue instead, with new factions popping up all over and trying to manipulate the MC.
>>> 
>>> Which means it doesn't really belong in this subreddit, since the most rational thing to do in a political mess is to be irrational so you are less predictable and manipulatable. I.e., unlikely to be a rational fic.
>>> 
>>> Overall, the story feels like it's still in the prologue stage, or rather, the preliminary clue-gathering stage for a lengthy mystery novel, which makes it hard to determine whether it will be good or not. I will continue reading as more chapters come out.

> **u/TofuRobber** [+3]  (a day later)
> 
> Read to the second chapter. With the mc not choosing the basic diagnostic skill I gave up on it. I can't stand the rambling and complaining mc. The world seems interesting but the execution is lacking.
> 
> Too many words for a lot of nothing.

>> **u/Gavinfoxx** [+1]  (a day later)
>> 
>> He did fairly quickly get that... and I did warn you that the protagonist isn't rational, but other actors are.  And I was hoping you might be able to find a specific complaint and suggestions that us in the replies aren't finding -- we've been saying 'the protagonist has these problems', but since I'm not great at the rationality thing, I couldn't specify particular ways that the protagonist is being a moron other than a few things...

>>> **u/TofuRobber** [+2]  (2 days later)
>>> 
>>> I'm fine with the mc not being super rational. It's mostly the voice of the mc that is off putting but his choice of skills was the tipping point.
>>> 
>>> I mean he(she/it) complains for two whole chapter about how he doesn't understand anything or how to check his stats and how nothing makes sense but when he finally gets a chance to do just that he dismisses it. Maybe it's suppose to be humorous and I'm not getting it but if that was the case I think it would have been funnier if he did get that skill only for it to actually be disappointing.
>>> 
>>> My first complaint is that he thinking too much like a human and at the same time not enough. He doesn't really accept his role as an advanced guard tower but he's doesn't fully make comparisons to his current situation and former human experiences.
>>> 
>>> For example, he realizes that the world only responded when he used computer-like terminology, e.g. [System Diagnostics] and he either doesn't truly experiment with it or the author poorly express the extent that he tried. There are other questions too. Why does he get headache due to the difference in vision. He's not human anymore, so where does the headaches come from. If he gets headaches are there other bodily functions? Does he get hungry? He's notices the passage of time but does he get tired? 
>>> 
>>> The mc also isn't experimenting as much as I'd expected. All he does with the camera is attempt some makeshift binocular vision (which seems kinda stupid and unnecessary). I would have like to see if the cameras operated with multiple functions (infrared/ultraviolet/lidar?) or how far/close he can "see". He praises the human eye and forgets how terrible human eyes actual are when compared to technology that could see both telescopic and microscopic. He's not limited to human biology so there's so many ways for him to take in his surrounding and non of that even passes his mind.
>>> 
>>> He admittedly did start experimenting with his weapons but it was mostly a waste of time and we don't get a peek at his train of thoughts through that process. We're only told what happened and his conclusion that we simply have to accept it. I mean he notices that using ammo consumes mana. I would have then wondered if using mana was somehow creating mass from an unknown replenishing energy. I would have tested to see if the used bullets remained or disappeared shortly afterwards. At the minimum, he should at least attempt to figure out the rate of mana regeneration (but that's probably going to be given to him or ignored completely).
>>> 
>>> Lastly, and more importantly I have no connection with the mc at all. More than being an actual character, it's safe to say that the mc is simply a self insert of the author (which is fine) but I don't know a thing about who he is. All I know is that he used to be human (or at least know of human anatomy and experiences) and knows of C&C. Why isn't there more questioning about his situation. And I mean actual questioning, not his statement of observations. Lizard people were introduced but he doesn't seem curious at all. Heck the ants interesting in their own rights and what does he do? Kills them and ignores them. There's no attempt at even trying to figure out his situation at all.

>>>> **u/Gavinfoxx** [+1]  (2 days later)
>>>> 
>>>> Could you put some replies to that, and the other things we've been complaining about, in the reply to the thread? I think broadening the sorts of complaints going around and giving actual suggestions to improve could do the thread some good!

>>>>> **u/TofuRobber** [+2]  (2 days later)
>>>>> 
>>>>> I'm not invested enough. Feel free to use what I've written if you're incline to though. It seems like it's suppose to be a lighthearted slice of life fantasy story. There's potential there to turn it into a more rational fiction but I don't think the author had that in mind when starting it.
>>>>> 
>>>>> My opinion: I'm biased since I had different expectations going in. It seems like a fun enough read, similar to other Isekai lightnovels, that I'd might have picked it up had I been looking for something like it.
>>>>> 
>>>>> I do think forcing a change in the character's behavior without believable explanation will work against the story unless he wants to revamp the entire thing. If you really want him to update his mc maybe have the author consider introducing a digital bug, hardware damage, software update through skills, or increased INT stats to show how his thought patterns change over time.

>>>>>> **u/k-k-KFC** [+2]  (2 days later)
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> mc decides to dump all stats into luck after minor experimentation and finding noticeable effects for all stats other than luck...

>>>>>>> **u/Gavinfoxx** [+1]  (3 days later)
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> Yes, we noticed that and have been complaining about it vigorously to the author.  I was mostly hoping for some of the less obvious stuff we haven't found!

>>>>>> **u/Gavinfoxx** [+1]  (2 days later)
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> Well, more to help the author learn as an author, I guess. You've made some good points, but I've been... bad at giving the author useful writing advice; my focus has been more simple complaints.  Competent, useful constructive criticism is something tricky for me to do.

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