12 KiB
[RT] Romeo and Juliet - Prelude
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Author: u/DiscyD3rp Wannabe Shakespeare*
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URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/2aaosy/rt_romeo_and_juliet_prelude/
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Score: 14
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Created: 2014-07-10T02:13:15
Post:
Chorus
Two households, both alike in dignity
(In fair Verona where we lay our scene)
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of lovers joined in mind and soul,
Who've moved their plots before their clever minds
To end the feud and keep their bloodlines whole.
With anxious breathing held in hiding plans
From wrath of families holding peace contempt,
These lovers misdirecting facts have banned.
By desperate action people do attempt
A game of changing minds throughout their day.
While night our lovers' fears are left for sun.
**Translation**
In the beautiful city of Verona, where our story takes place, a long-standing hatred between two families erupts into new violence, and citizens stain their hands with the blood of their fellow citizens. Two children of the waring families have found love, and have plans for ending the feud brought to their priority by the recent violence. In fear of what punishment being discovered would entail, these lovers hide each other and their goals from their families, who have been uncooperative yet in attempting peace. Between them, they speak frankly and openly about themselves and family news, not willing to take the bias any one family's account holds. In desperation, people involved in the feud make efforts to sway the minds of others to their own goals. Romeo and Juliet spend some nights together just for themselves, taking a break from their stressful plans.
The rest of the story will likely be written in a narrative style, simply for readability's sake. Iambic Pentameter is really fun to write in though, if a bit inefficient. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Comments:
u/Timewinders [+9] (6 minutes later)
Maybe use iambic pentameter for recaps of the story so far at the beginning of each chapter? I think that would be a fun way to do it.
u/DiscyD3rp [+3] Wannabe Shakespeare (19 minutes later)
I may do something like that. I was just thinking about having sonnet preludes before each "Act". That'd be plenty of poem, I think. Maybe I'll even write two entire versions of the story, though! :)
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [+7] Utopian Smut Peddler (10 hours later)
So...keeping Juliet at 13, like the original?
Even an extremely intelligent, mature, and rational 13-year-old might be a little weird as a "lover" in a story read in modern times. Which was sort of old Bill's point even during his time, some think. Tough call either way, though it seems like it would be a bit of a cop out to make them both 16 or 18 just because it makes people squck out. I guess making only one of them (Romeo) that age or older might be even worse...
In any case, seeing "rational" and "teenage love" together will involve some serious dramatic acrobatics. Hope they're smart about this, too. I mean, have you seen the statistics on divorce rates for people under 20 in Verona...okay, well, bad example there. She should still look into finishing college first- okay, again, that doesn't factor in. Huh. These period pieces have sharp edges, don't they? Why are they saving these families, and their society in general from a violent end again?
Oh wait! You didn't say how they were ending things, or bringing "peace." Or what their "stressful plans" might be. Or how rational Romeo reacts to the idea that someone his equal as both a human being and in rationality, Juliet, will never be treated as anything better than beloved chattels by her family and society. Someone is being clever, and I hope it's you and not just me. Or maybe that'll be in the sequel -- Romeo and Juliet: God Emperors of Verona.
Fine. Moving on.
If half of it isn't them fighting hormones and the attendant natural, but irrational biases, I'm not sure it'll be anything but teenagers In Name Only. Perhaps they'll be rational (and ahead of their time) enough to simply take that problem "in hand," so to speak, instead of performing crazy and risky antics, both moonlit and not.
Looking forward to seeing it. I'm sure it'll be great, even if it doesn't cater to my particular brand of madness. I note it isn't tagged "DC", so maybe not. I wish you good writing in any case.
u/Kodix [+5] (16 hours later)
Romeo and Juliet: God Emperors of Verona.
I'd read that. I'd read that reaal hard.
u/DiscyD3rp [+5] Wannabe Shakespeare (20 hours later)
whistles innocently while avoiding gaze.
u/None [+2] (a day later)
And now you know how I spend much of my time feeling.
u/AmeteurOpinions [+2] Finally, everyone was working together. (22 hours later)
In any case, seeing "rational" and "teenage love" together will involve some serious dramatic acrobatics.
Tell me about it. Romance is a comparatively small part of my story, but my cast has 4-7 teens in the party and it is quite the challenge to write.
u/None [+4] (23 hours later)
I'll keep this in mind when I eventually get to writing Rational!Animorphs.
u/DiscyD3rp [+2] Wannabe Shakespeare (a day later)
Oh god is that being planned? Please let that actually happen. rat!Animorphs is something the world truly deserves.
u/None [+1] (a day later)
Yeah, I'm sorta planning it, but I lost all my notes (that I was going to post for a [BST] thread) when my HDD died hard. I've been trying to muster up the effort to restart. Maybe I need to take a long train-ride without internet or something.
u/DiscyD3rp [+1] Wannabe Shakespeare (a day later)
Two methods that kinda help me out. 1) tell yourself you'll just work on the project a little, like making a list of every character that's going to be in the first chapter. It lowers the barrier to starting, and then you just keep on writing without insane effort. 2) turn off your main distracting device for awhile. Days where I leave my handheld smart-device off and upstairs are some of my most productive, unsurprisingly.
u/None [+1] (a day later)
The first thing might actually work. I've found that the best way to start my programming practice is to just launch the text-editor. Just committing to launching one program. And then my mind gets into programming mode.
The second thing won't work. My main distracting device is the same as the one I do research and writing on. I have leechblocked tumblr and reddit, so that's a start.
u/None [+0] (a day later)
Don't you have some kinda breakfast time or something before heading out to work? Just allocate that time for the thing you know you need to sit down and actually fucking work at. Then work on it like you're trying to escape doing something more important but less fun.
u/None [+2] (a day later)
I don't work, at the moment. My time is divided in "looking for a job", "trying not to freak out because I don't have a job" and "basic necessities like eating and sleeping."
It's not a good state of mind to work on long-term projects.
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [+4] Utopian Smut Peddler (23 hours later)
Group dynamics are different from two lovers spiraling into each other in an endless dance of sickeningly sweet blah. I think it is still important to maintain a sense of what each character's internal emotional state is, as that leads to better explored character motivations and a more realistic feel for their part in the story.
I avoid gender and gender roles here because your characters shouldn't be cliches for no reason. Have a manly-jock character, but make it clear that is how they are because of who they are, not because that's just the way males are. Statistically, it is a likely personality trait, but it shouldn't be assumed. Better yet, that might not be who that character wants to be, creating even more depth and complexity for a character.
Bottom line is, for groups of teens, you need realistic teen group dynamics. I suggest just writing scenes assuming that, at any one time and no matter how many teens are present, two-thirds of them are vaguely horny for no good reason and therefore unusually confrontational and impatient. Realize, however, that the other one-third of them are still only partially socialized persons who have just recently been (functionally speaking) complete sociopaths for just over a decade, which they're still embarrassed to think about.
For the horny teens: if their love interest is present, they stay next to them and stare at that person like fucking Edward Cullen in maximum creeper mode. If the teen love interest is also horny, make sure they aren't left alone unless you want the obvious to happen. Because it will happen at least a little, unless they are literally the most controlled and rational people to have ever lived. If no love interest is present, they avoid looking at anyone while trying to act cool (but coming off as antsy), because they still notice how attractive all their friends are and they're not sure if feeling that way about a friend (maybe someone other than their love) is okay.
The other teens are, of course, worried they're about to get horny for no good reason, and are therefore irrationally withdrawn and standoffish to everyone else because two-thirds of them are acting a little insane, they want to avoid "drama," and they also fear they are next. If their love interest is present, they will prefer to stay next to them contentedly, possibly wondering why their love is staring at them like a fucking horny creeper.
Roll dice for these roles, when otherwise not plot important. Now write the scene, and any time someone from opposing horniness camps interacts, they both get offended for no reason, regardless of relationship status, gender, or topic of conversation. Instant realism, "drama," and party turmoil.
And all without having to make one of them be the "bitchy one" or the "jock asshole" just to make it seem "realistic". Filter these sorts of emotional reactions through their rational minds, but make sure they don't turn into emotionless robots just because they've read some developmental psychology, a book about utilitarianism, and understand first year cog-sci concepts.
Oh, and if any adults get involved, all teens present get immediately offended and want to be somewhere else.
u/alexanderwales [+7] Time flies like an arrow (46 minutes later)
I really enjoy the iambic pentameter, and look forward to seeing where you're going with this. I honestly wouldn't mind having the whole thing be in Shakespearean language, but I don't know whether I'm in the minority there, and it's almost certainly a lot more work.
u/Bobertus [+2] (9 hours later)
The poetic version is definitely beautiful, but it would be too hard for me to follow a story written that way.
u/Adamantium9001 [+2] United Federation of Planets (a month later)
I'm dying for an update to this :(
For my money, ditching iambic pentameter entirely would divorce it too much from the source material, but using it for recaps seems like a good compromise.
u/DiscyD3rp [+1] Wannabe Shakespeare (a month later)
I'm terribly sorry for the delay. My life is caught up in a lot of stuff right now. Call it the planning fallacy, or call it akrasia, but this project took low priority. I hate leaving plans off to die, so I'll try and get finished with the first chapter soon though.
I'll offer up an 80% chance there'll be an update before 2 months from now, but with pretty wide error bars there, in both directions. Quantitative self-awareness is hard.
u/thecommexokid [+1] (a day later)
If you do wind up writing more iambic pentameter, you can make it a little easier on yourself by not forcing your phrase boundaries to match up with the line boundaries. If you look at some real Shakespeare, his commas and periods rarely fall at the end of lines, and he often switches speakers mid-line, even.
u/turbinicarpus [+1] (a day later)
Whose plots have moved before their minds
Is it just me, or should there be another foot in this line?
u/DiscyD3rp [+1] Wannabe Shakespeare (a day later)
Oh wow you're right. I'm not sure how I missed than on my re-reads. Should be fixed now.