6.9 KiB
[RT][DC][HF] In Fire Forged Chapter 5 - Naruto "rational" AU
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Author: u/omgimpwned Sunshine Regiment*
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Score: 18
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Created: 2014-07-12T23:10:48
Post:
Comments:
u/Anderkent [+7] (52 minutes later)
Pretty good chapter. My only concern is that with not much happening this chapter (though we do find out that roofies are still a thing. Watch your drink, girl!), and the next one being interlude, the pacing might suffer a bit. It kinda feels like this arc didn't have a real conclusion - rather it's just setting a couple threads up, but doesn't close anything.
One'd think the fight vs the Uchicha would be a better closing scene in the act, but that might or might not fit your plans.
In general, I remain optimistic towards this story. Keep up the good work!
(I'd post a review but can't log in to ff since they stopped supporting + in emails ;_;)
u/omgimpwned [+2] Sunshine Regiment (a day later)
I'm hoping the interlude won't be seen as slow - certainly, I think it should prove very interesting for people. It's true that this arc doesn't close anything off, and it was honestly never meant to; it's an opening, and that's basically it.
It may seem long now, but the beginning is very short in comparison to the rest of the story - we're only just barely getting started. When I initially thought out the story structure, it didn't feel like an issue to me because the beginning was so "short". Maybe that was a mistake on my part, but that is as it is, now.
Hopefully, though, you'll soon start seeing the payoff that I've been anticipating and planning (and sense the reasoning behind it), as all this setup begins to play out throughout the volume and later the entire trilogy as a whole. I've been aching to write the next arc in particular for a very long time, now! :D
u/Anderkent [+3] (a day later)
Right. I think you're hitting one of difficulties while writing serial fiction. Compared to the entire thing as you currently envision it, and for the reader that comes later when more of the story is written, the opening might in fact be just fine.
The live reader, getting a chapter every two weeks, has a significantly different perspective.
I think a good comparison here would be the first act of worm. It has a similar number of chapters (6), and is the opening to a larger story, but within itself it also has a clear opening - build up - climax - resolution progression. We are introduced to the MC, see her take the first steps in the parahumans world, and wrap up with a big fight that resolves the most immediate problems (and creates twice as many new ones, of course).
Now, don't let this discourage you. I'm still enjoying the show! Just think this might be worth keeping in mind.
Edit: I suppose the other perspective is - if you didn't call it an 'act', I'd be totally fine :P An act with no resolution at all seems misnamed.
u/omgimpwned [+1] Sunshine Regiment (2 days later)
I suspect you're entirely right. In fact, my original plan called for me to write the entire story first (or at least, the first volume), and then post it all fairly quickly as I got it all edited (mostly because I despise abandoned fiction - it's a tragedy, and I didn't want to do it to any potential readers). I changed that plan a while back and just got it out there instead.
It's definitely something I'm keeping in mind for the future arcs and volumes. The entire beginning arc of volume two has already been rearranged drastically to get into gear much quicker, for example. That being said, I think this first arc in particular would be difficult to truly rearrange to segue into the larger "myth arc" (I'm doing that as fast as I possibly can, believe me) - the team selection>bell test>D-ranks>etc beginning is an almost holy format that serves to introduce the changes in a familiar way; there are forms to follow in Naruto that I feel like I need to at the very least afford passing nods. In the future, I'm going to have much more free hands to arrange things as I like.
On an aside note, I never did call it an act. I called it an arc - I... think there's a difference? Though I'm not sure it makes your complaint invalid - I do see your point.
u/agamemnon42 [+3] (3 hours later)
Just so you know, "In Fire Forged" is also the name of a fantasy trilogy by Laura Resnick, published in 2003.
u/omgimpwned [+2] Sunshine Regiment (a day later)
It's also the name of an anthology by David Weber (and others) set in the Honorverse. I've googled the title and winced a bit, but back when I thought of it, it seemed very appropriate, and it still does, so I've stuck with it - titles, I suppose, aren't my strongest area.
u/Kodix [+2] (8 hours later)
Very enjoyable chapter. Not much happening, but it's still good background info.
u/Sophronius [+2] The Need to Become Stronger (5 days later)
Very nice chapter, I liked it a lot. I liked her interaction with her father. I liked the talk about seals of course, though it does slow down the chapter a bit, especially in combination with the training and the talk with dad, all of which was slow. I think the chapter would be improved hugely by having something action-y or tense-y happen in between the training with Ino and the dinner. Now it's "first we have a scene where Sakura talks to Ino while training. Next, we have a scene where Sakura talks to Ino... while having supper!" :P
(I would have liked some description of how Sakura actually goes about earth chakra molding -even just one line explaining how she chooses to mold earth rather than regular chakra- but this is more my personal preference than something crucial to the story.)
u/omgimpwned [+1] Sunshine Regiment (5 days later)
I tried to think of something, but in the end it would simply have been action solely for the sake of action, which I wasn't a fan of. Originally there was a part where Team Seven assisted the police with busting a drug operation and dished out some ol' regular asskicking, but in the end that one didn't work out, so it got trashed along with most of the original chapter five.
I swear, for every word that's been uploaded, there've been two or three words written already that didn't make the cut! :D
u/Laborbuch [+2] (8 days later)
I think you might get some use out of this discussion on /r/Naruto. It lists and and talks about the various technologies in the verse.
Admittedly, I opened that discussion since I needed the information for a story of my own, but that hardly precludes you from using its findings and results as well.