6.5 KiB
[RT][HF] Feedback requested for a fantasy short story
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Author: u/TabethaRasa *
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URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/2rrjz3/rthf_feedback_requested_for_a_fantasy_short_story/
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Score: 7
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Created: 2015-01-08T18:10:39
Post:
I have a short story out as a bit of a test piece for a fantasy novel I'm working on. I'd like for the novel to pass the rational fiction litmus test, so I'd appreciate knowing what works vs. what doesn't in the sample piece.
I know ~5500 words wasn't really enough to get a thorough grounding in the magical mechanics, and the plan is to get into more detail in the full version. That said, consider everything there up for comments or criticism.
The story, "Luck's Touch", can be found on AO3 or fictionpress. Comments can be posted on either site or here, and are appreciated.
Edit: As is noted below, I am working in someone else's IP, which means I have limited influence regarding existing characters and locations. As a result, I am primarily interested in feedback geared toward characterization, storytelling style, problem solving, plotholes, logic breakdowns, and mechanics fumbling, etcetera. Essentially, if my storytelling skills aren't up to par, I'd like to see where. If I'm doing something right, I'd like to know what.
That said, I do welcome all feedback.
Comments:
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [+10] Utopian Smut Peddler (5 hours later)
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u/TabethaRasa [+6] (5 hours later)
Wow, thank you very much for the thought and effort you've put into this. This gives me a lot to work with and consider.
u/None [+3] (51 minutes later)
If I were looking along a bookshelf, essentially the challenge of a novel based on this story would be to do something to interrupt my sense of cliche, and to do it quickly.
u/TabethaRasa [+5] (an hour later)
Thank you for your response.
Is that sense of cliché from the lack of a synopsis here, the synopsis posted for the short story on the sites, or the story itself?
I can revise my description or post a hook of some sort here if you think it will help, and I'm open to suggestion if you feel there are overused tropes you'd like to call out. I can't, however, do much to change the basic premise of the story.
u/None [+7] (an hour later)
Aayara thief Mythralis guild legend Siyara Haven Velrya Tesri Rethil Symphony swords sorcery Silver Steel gods test
I don't know what this borrowed world is, and there are plenty of people who would find all this comforting, but basically all this stuff just kind of sounds like every other fantasy book, so if you want to appeal to anyone looking for something more than every other fantasy book you need something early on to indicate that it is something more than every other fantasy book. Indicate it with your tone or subvert a trope or do something to make it all your own rather than something that feels very borrowed.
u/TabethaRasa [+3] (an hour later)
Thanks for elaborating, I'm grateful for the feedback. As I am writing in someone else's IP, it's difficult to address the existing character and location names, pantheon, or genre, so it seems that this story might not be up your alley.
I'd definitely appreciate your opinion on my own solo IP when I have something to show for that project, as I think it contains unique spins on old concepts that might appeal to you more.
Thanks for your time!
u/Timewinders [+2] (2 hours later)
IP? Is this a fanfic of something? It was posted as original fiction.
u/TabethaRasa [+5] (2 hours later)
This is written in the Shades of Venaya setting, which is owned by Andrew Rowe. I'm one of three writers, including Andrew, working on novels within this setting.
As a result, I am primarily interested in feedback geared toward characterization, storytelling style, problem solving, plotholes, logic breakdowns, and mechanics fumbling, as these are the elements that I have the greatest control over.