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Death is Here, Chapter 3: Any worshippers around? (2YE spinoff at Chapter 71)

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u/eaglejarl [+4] (16 hours later)

  1. I really liked how you handled the bit with Herrún; glad to see she's going to be more than a sex toy.
  2. The phrase "[she left and] I followed in her wake" worked well for me; for whatever reason it was very evocative of the divine transit experience.
  3. Maht's temple in Capital City would have been one of his major places of worship in Arannias. Having Cairn trash it is very definitely going to draw his attention, and I don't see why he wouldn't show up and apply the beatdown stick. Hopefully that gets addressed next chapter.
  4. I'll second /u/JackStargazer: for me at least, Cairn feels dumb, drunk with power, and is not a character I can identify with or like. I'm not sure if you're intending for that to change, if this is going to be a bashing fic where the point is to enjoy watching him get beat on, or something else. No matter what option you choose, I hope it starts soon.

A couple of links that might be useful to you:

Divine Rank lists what gods in general can do. Death started off as a Rank 20 god but will be losing power quickly unless he can find some worshippers. (This is happening to Suze in 2YE.)

Divine Salient Abilities lists the different powers that a god can have. In 2YE Suze definitely has the Alter Reality and Alter Size powers, although beyond that nothing has been definitively shown. Cairn, of course, can have entirely different abilities if you so desire.

EDIT: I would suggest avoiding putting key information in your author's notes. (e.g. "Cairn is an unreliable narrator and that skews his (and our) perception of the story.") Give the audience and your own writing credit -- the story can stand on its own.

u/MadScientist14159 [+1] WIP: Sodium Hypochlorite (Rational Bleach) Eventually. Maybe. (a day later)

So just reading through this, Know Secrets doesn't have any prerequisites.

Why aren't all the gods stealing Herrun's schtick?

u/eaglejarl [+1] (a day later)

Up to you. Personally, I took the "Suggested portfolio: Knowledge, secrets" part to be proscriptive instead of suggestive in this case -- when I created Herrún I decided that "knowledge and secrets" was a portfolio, so only she got to take that ability.

(Interestingly, I created Herrún and her portfolio long before I ever read that list of abilities, so there was a certain synchronicity there.)

u/Noir_Bass [+3] (11 hours later)

Awesome chapter. Probably a really bad idea to go berserk on War's temple, and right after Herrun's warning too. He's probably going to pay for that soon.

u/JackStargazer [+4] Primordial Apologist (12 hours later)

He's really acting rather dumb, and drunk with power, despite having several very visual examples of being a small fish in a large pond. He's unsubtle, uncouth, and frankly rather unintelligent from all we've seen so far.

I find myself hoping he gets either annihilated or at least significantly humiliated in the next few chapters.

u/Mraedis [+3] (14 hours later)

Exactly what I was thinking.

u/MoralRelativity [+3] (15 hours later)

More smart-arse than smart so far.

u/Empiricist_or_not [+3] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (17 hours later)

Agree on both points, but how many of us would really be cautious rational when suddenly injected with a massive amount of supernatural power?

u/JackStargazer [+3] Primordial Apologist (19 hours later)

When just injected? Likely not many. When shown very, very clearly that there is always a bigger fish and you're not it? And that there is a system to be gamed to become it?

I like to think I'd wise up pretty quick.

u/Kishoto [+1] (a day later)

Also, just something to think about, despite how so many of us think rationally, we all know that when the time comes, being rational isn't easy to do. It's not our natural state of being. We can all postulate theories and such, but very few of us are HJPEV in our thinking.

Sidenote: The story has only spanned a few hours in world time. It's been almost half a day since Suze took out Neklos.

u/MoralRelativity [+2] (17 hours later)

Probably not many of us. Almost certainly not me. I think I would REALLY want to give my powers a workout.

I think Cairn's character is well-written. I may not like him that much but he is well realised in the setting.

u/Kishoto [+1] (17 hours later)

^^ Something to think about. :)

u/ArisKatsaris [+1] Sidebar Contender (17 hours later)

Yup.

u/MoralRelativity [+1] (an hour later)

Best chapter yet. I'm looking forward to the next instalment.