18 KiB
[D, JK] You've successfully taken over the world. What do you do first?
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Author: u/None *
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URL:
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Score: 12
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Created: 2015-01-30T09:06:32
Post:
[deleted]
Comments:
u/Mister_Tulip [+11] (7 hours later)
I would attempt to locate a competent regent who could actually run the world; I strongly suspect that taking it over and running it properly are separate skill-sets, even if they have some overlap.
u/Someone-Else-Else [+1] Anti-Spiral (9 days later)
Isn't locating a competent regent a different skillset from running it, too?
u/ancientcampus [+5] juggling kittens (23 days later)
The committee to form the protocol for the committee to choose the members of the committee to vet candidates for the regent...
u/Cruithne [+6] Light Sith epistemologist (6 hours later)
Scrap nuclear weapons. Who am I going to use them against, myself? likewise, I'd go about dismantling most conventional military forces as well, save a small 'police force' I could use to prevent rebellions. There's really no point having armies when the concept of a 'nation' is second to your whims.
Secondly, I would plug a few of the holes that allow countries to defect in tragedies of the commons- for example, tax havens. No country will be able to get ahead of its surrounding countries by compromising in a way that harms both.
These are things that any sane leader of a world would do- once you can control an entire system, you can begin to remove areas where that system fights itself.
I'm not an economist, but would tariffs come under this? From what I know of them, they would, but I'd consult some economists before abolishing them.
As a second measure of filling my coffers, I'd confiscate the wealth of all who opposed me. This confiscation would be graduated according to how much I was opposed, and what the crimes of the person opposing me were. So, even if Mugabe surrenders to me immediately, I'll still arrest him and confiscate his wealth. If, however, Argentina opposes me but backs out early on in the war, I'll only take a fraction of the leaders' wealth, deposing them and keeping them under house arrest.
Now, some things that I would enact based on my preferences:
A universal code of law. This would no doubt be extremely unpopular, but hey, what are you gonna do about it, assassinate me? Do you really think the person standing on that podium is the real me? I've never been fond of cultural relativism as a justification for things we might consider 'wrong'. This would enshrine things like freedom of speech, freedom of religion, civil rights and liberties, etc.
A huge diversion of resources towards preventing climate change and research into renewable energy. I'd hope that the money freed up by having a tiny military budget would be enough, but if not, the world is going to have to buckle its belt.
Borders would initially stand (I need to preserve order while I figure out if opening them would let potential opponents get a foothold into more vulnerable locations), but over time I'd dissolve them and encourage people to abandon their idea of a nation. Exceptions would be made if immigration started to lead to a tragedy of the commons- for example, if everyone moving caused a net loss of wealth or quality of life, or if too many people move away from a location that I'd have to resettle in to take advantage of its natural resources.
I'd pump more funding into the space agency (at this point, there will be only one space agency, consisting of a consolidation of the previous ones). This is much cheaper than you'd think, so even if I multiplied the budget by ten, it wouldn't make too much of a difference to the world economy. Also, this money will be made back in the long run several times over.
I'd also pump money into the arts. Again, art is cheap, and it'd help offset some of my negative publicity.
This post is getting a bit long now, so I'll leave out my plans for education and health reform.
u/eaglejarl [+6] (7 hours later)
You would be much better off with a small, nationally-funded organization that does space research, and then create incentives for private companies to do all the actual space development. NASA has been great at research, but SpaceX brought the cost of putting things in orbit down by a factor of 10. If they can get the Dragon man-rated in its current form then they will have brought it down even more.
Corporations look for ways to make things cheaper and more efficient. Government agencies look for ways to make things safer. Corporations focus on the short term, government agencies can think about the future. Those are all simplifications, of course, but largely true. You need to take advantage of the strengths of both systems.
u/TimTravel [+2] (11 hours later)
Maybe keep a couple nukes for asteroids if that's a plausible option.
u/Kishoto [+2] (a day later)
Based on current technology, I don't think we have a nuke that's large enough to destroy an asteroid that was large enough to be a concern to Earth. And even if we do, we definitely don't have the sort of launching and targeting systems set up to accurately fire it off into space and hit the asteroid at a far enough distance so that the nuclear explosion doesn't irradiate our atmosphere.
EDIT: Although, depending upon how far out we're able to predict it hitting us, it's possible to throw enough resources at developing these.
u/Timewinders [+2] (18 hours later)
I don't think a small force for rebellions, even if it's a very well-armed one, would be enough. There are a lot of weapons lying around and depending on how you took over the world the leftover equipment of old militaries might still be left. Heck, you could have significant portions of old militaries outright become rebels right after you take over the country. Every country would have people trying to reestablish their old nations; people have a lot of pride and don't let go of tradition easily. Those rebels would have the sympathy of ordinary citizens and would be difficult to root out, especially in the less developed countries. Your empire would have to last a very long time before the majority of people would be alright with being a part of it. Only then could you reduce the size of your military significantly.
u/Cruithne [+1] Light Sith epistemologist (19 hours later)
The part about portions of old militaries becoming rebels is one reason I'd want to dismantle the armies. If I leave them standing they may rebel, but if I scrap their gear and take apart their structure, they're at a loss. Also, the financial power I'd be able to bring to bear would be enormous. Unless everywhere rebelled at the same time, I'd be able to buy a lot of loyalty on a case by case level for rebellions.
u/Timewinders [+1] (19 hours later)
How would find all of their gear when you first take over? They're not always documented, especially in areas like Iraq, and plenty of it is acquired through the black market. And some would hide gear when it looks like their country is on the brink of being conquered. As for buying loyalty, the U.S. put a price on Osama bin Laden's head and it still took them many years to track him down. Obviously it's easier when you directly control the country you're searching in, but how much direct control can you really have if most of the people there hate your guts and many of those places are so rural that even their current governments barely have control in those areas? One of the first things I would do is develop infrastructure and centralized administration heavily in as many third world countries as I could in order to increase my ability to control my subjects, but that would take a long time. Even if the insurgents are disorganized enough to not be a serious threat, you would still be fighting multiple wars at a time for decades. Reducing the size of your military would not be an option.
u/Cruithne [+1] Light Sith epistemologist (20 hours later)
I'm assuming a lot of this work is already done, though. OP said I'd successfully taken over the world, not that I'd taken over one country and am using that to conquer the world. So, for a case like Iraq, I'm assuming that all current factions have unconditionally surrendered to me, and one condition of that surrender would be for them to cede weapons, fortifications, finances and prisoners to me. The fact that I already hold a good deal of the current movers and shakers in prison would be powerful in places with a tribal system, where the next possible insurgent is the brother of someone I've captured.
u/E-o_o-3 [+6] (6 hours later)
Hmm...i suspect most of the energy ends up being directed towards keeping the power. So, how exactly did i take over the world, how stable is that situation, and exactly how much control do I have?
u/Jace_MacLeod [+1] (a day later)
Exactly! First step after gaining power is to go full-tyrant to make the system stable. One must keep an eye for the future.
u/OffColorCommentary [+10] (40 minutes later)
Ominously demand the presence of various (now-former) world leaders and then, one by one, make them sit through a lecture on all the places their policies were not designed for actually making lives better, delivered by an actual kindergarten teacher.
u/OffColorCommentary [+2] (11 hours later)
I get the feeling that the rest of the respondents here missed the [JK] tag.
My actual answer would be to gather a variety of top administrative and logistics experts. I'd check that they use evidence-based methods and send home any who don't. Then I'd explain my ideology and goals to the lot of them, update my plans wherever I find a well-informed objection, and look for experts that are genuinely excited and on-board with how my program interacts with their specialties and hire them.
I mean, I would still do that forced berating by a kindergarten teacher thing if I had enough clout that it wasn't likely to backfire, but that's for my own amusement, not an attempt to accomplish something.
u/ben_sphynx [+3] (5 hours later)
Ruling the world is probably quite hard. You need to consider a lot of things.
One needs an advisory panel or cabinet including all ones most effective opponents. If anyone can provide well reasoned arguments as to why what you are doing is a bad idea, you want them as your advisers.
One also needs a good number of scientists available as advisers.
This means that you have a much better chance to make rational decisions, based on as much evidence as possible.
u/xamueljones [+3] My arch-enemy is entropy (9 hours later)
First thing I'd do is to ask /r/rational what to do.
u/Nevereatcars [+1] The Greatest Is Behind (4 days later)
Of all the names I recognize as /r/rational regulars, /u/eaturbrainz is one of the most likely to become secret ruler of the world. Luckily, he's tipped his hand a bit too far by asking us for advice.
u/None [+3] (4 days later)
I'm honored. Though I am wondering why you think secrecy plays any necessary part. Quite to the contrary: I am not the kind of fictional ubermensch who can get things done without cooperation and manpower.
u/Askspencerhill [+4] I almost stole Cruithne's flair (5 days later)
Though /u/eaturbrainz is pretty ballin', I rather think [deleted] would be the most likely, actually. You can't even click on his name or anything. That tells you he's got skill.
u/helltank1 [+4] Unfriendly AI (2 hours later)
Confiscate and donate the fortunes of ex-dictators to AI research institutes. When the AI is finally released, wink at it and repeat the old adage about back-scratching.
u/None [+5] (5 hours later)
Get all the smartest people in the world I can think of, stick them in a room, and tell them they can only leave once they've come to a unanimous decision about what I should do.
u/awesomeideas [+16] Dai stiho, cousin. (6 hours later)
"You should let us leave the room."
u/None [+10] (7 hours later)
If that's their answer, they're not as smart as I thought.
"You should let us leave the room and give us each a billion dollars."
u/awesomeideas [+3] Dai stiho, cousin. (7 hours later)
No need to get greedy, Mr. Isn't Locked In A Room.
u/kaukamieli [+3] (7 hours later)
Could be pretty smart. They could probably improve the world a lot with that money.
u/Jello_Raptor [+8] The Last Tool User (7 hours later)
"We need to use the bathroom."
u/TimTravel [+0] (11 hours later)
Actual laughter was produced.
u/Nevereatcars [+2] The Greatest Is Behind (4 days later)
Did u lol?
u/traverseda [+2] With dread but cautious optimism (4 hours later)
u/JosephLeee [+1] (6 hours later)
But what if it's cold?
u/Nepene [+2] (9 hours later)
Step 1. Secure my people. Per my extensive experience with political rulership (democracy 3) I know I need several things to keep the people happy. I need foodstamps so people are well fed and good. I need agricultural production so food prices are low. I need low crime so I need a large investment in education and extreme measures to stamp out all crime. I need healthy civilians.
As such I make large, multi billion dollar, investments in agricultural sciences, food distribution technologies, water purification techniques, have CCTV cameras everywhere, make facial recognition technology so everyone can be identified, have shoot on sight orders for violent criminals (rapists, murderers, and such) and rehabilitation programs for lesser criminals and make a large investment in drone technology and robotic police so in the future I have less need for fallible humans. I enact mandatory public education programs for healthy eating, have regular mandatory sports for my subjects, mass vaccinations, and well funded healthcare programs.
Step 2. I need more money. I need to avoid running out of resources as that can cause problems. I disband most armies, make substantial investments in AI bureaucracies, legalize all drugs (better they be in a drug addled haze than they be thinking about resisting me) force hospitals and schools and police to use recording heavy but paper low measures (I've often heard them complain they spend more time doing paperwork than work) raise income taxes in many countries.
Step 3. I need to entertain my civilians. Happy civilians who enjoy the sight of heavily armed drones flying above their heads are safe civilians. I enact numerous public programs to encourage local cultural events, sports events for exercise, provide funds for local clubs and such. I provide lots of funds for artists and game makers and such to make entertainment for my subjects and spread their works wide and far. Piracy is legalized so my poorer subjects can enjoy entertainments.
Step 4. Whatever I want. People have their bread and circuses, I have enough money to provide. I encourage industry to keep generating more money and follow whatever whims I choose. My ever more mechanized army becomes ever more loyal and irresistible and I win.
u/shupack [+2] (13 hours later)
After I've crushed my enemies, I will see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women.
u/None [+1] (9 hours later)
I'd make a list of my goals in abstract- improve quality of life, stop evil, promote space travel. Then hire competent human beings to do all the actual work while I retired to my rooms to play video games.
u/alexanderwales [+1] Time flies like an arrow (6 hours later)
I actually probably would establish death panels, though obviously not under that name. If we have limited dollars available to take care of everyone, then we have to make some kind of decision about how those dollars are allocated, and putting obscene amounts of money towards high risk patients is pretty stupid. The quality-adjusted-life-year model has always just seemed right to me ... and as supreme ruler of the world, I would be able to make it a reality!
u/Nevereatcars [+1] The Greatest Is Behind (4 days later)
Can we put these people in/on (choose appropriate) cryonics instead of euthenizing them?
u/alexanderwales [+1] Time flies like an arrow (5 days later)
You're not actually euthanizing anyone - the most you're doing is not allocating public money towards their medical care. They're still welcome to spend their own resources on keeping themselves alive. Some people won't be able to cover the costs themselves, and as a result will die - which is why they're called death panels by detractors. No one gets euthanized unless they want to be. As for state funding of cryonics, I think it's too expensive and too unlikely to work. I would rather spend the money on other things.
u/ZankerH [+0] Remove Kebab (10 hours later)
Delegate authority over everyday lives of ordinary people to local organised religions. On the level of (former) countries, instate a political class composed equal parts of clergy, aristocracy and a meritocratic lower-upper class to placate the academic world, and give them free reign to run their countries, encouraging regionalism and discouraging maintenance of political entities ruling over more than 20 million subjects.
Found an institution of the emperor of mankind to formalise my rule. The institution collects tax from its member states, maintains a standing army capable of overpowering any half of the rest of the world, and runs global-scale engineering and research efforts, specifically space programs, which are forbidden to individual member-states. This results in significant brain drain, as the emperor employs all or the overwhelming majority of leading scientists, engineers and entrepreneurs, ensuring his domain remains more advanced than the rest of the world. Wars between member-states are financially discouraged, but not forbidden, though the emperor reserves the right to intervene in any conflict to prevent lasting economic failure.