2.4 KiB
Reigns End a 2YE unofficial sequel that continues the story to the conclusion of Jake reign as emperor.
-
Author: u/bulls55 *
-
Score: 7
-
Created: 2015-03-04T21:56:57
Post:
Comments:
u/bulls55 [+4] (2 minutes later)
This is my first ever story so I have to admit it might be a bit mediocre but still I would appreciate any critism.
u/Gurkenglas [+4] (58 minutes later)
The problem with writing a story about the end of Jake's reign is that Jake controlling things tends to change the world incomprehensibly over the span of days to months. What we've seen happen with everyone getting FLEA'd up is just after about fifty days. Who knows what might happen after a hundred?
Also, Jake would have just ennobled everyone long ago, so people don't care about nobility anymore. What are the nobles going to do about it?
Also also, at some point Jake would remember the ritual that is apparently able to summon people from other worlds, and start reaching out to those more throughly, especially Earth, because they too deserve to lose their scarcity and inequality.
u/eaglejarl [+6] (11 hours later)
What we've seen happen with everyone getting FLEA'd up is just after about fifty days.
20, actually.
u/bulls55 [+2] (an hour later)
at /Gurkenglas I planned on addressing some of the things you commented on and in fact many of the points that you stated are things I am already planning on incorparating into the story in the next few chapters.
u/BadGoyWithAGun [+1] (a day later)
:/s/their/they're, on multiple occasions.
u/eaglejarl [+4] (11 hours later)
I am so flattered that you did this; thank you.
Comments:
- You captured Jake's tone well
- There are a lot of run-on sentences, and the punctuation needs some attention -- read it aloud. Everywhere you pause, use a comma. When the thought changes, use a period. There's obviously more to it, but that's a good 80/20 win.
- I'll actually be releasing a very short epilogue chapter on 2YE in the next couple days, in which Jake makes it home. It's mostly so that the people who have the story on alert will know that there is new stuff, but I did want to do a little picture of what happens after Jake returns.
I'll look forward to the rest of Reign's End!