7.8 KiB
[FF] Parody of Stargate SG-1: S5E3 + E17
-
Author: u/eaglejarl *
-
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11361802/7/What-if-SG-1-weren-t-stupid
-
Score: 19
-
Created: 2015-07-18T07:24:37
Post:
Comments:
u/None [+4] (6 hours later)
[deleted]
u/eaglejarl [+2] (8 hours later)
Heh, yeah. You should do a few of these -- you've clearly got the snark for it.
Could you turn your radio's battery into a grenade, sir? It's the same thing, just with longer words."
In fairness, it probably WAS possible. Based on the episode I just did, where setting off an explosion next to a huge pile of naquadah was going to make an even bigger explosion...well, the feeling I get is that naquadah is unstable and goes boom if too much energy is applied. Quite possibly, turning that thing into a bomb was as simple as duct-taping a grenade to it and pulling the pin.
u/None [+1] (10 hours later)
[deleted]
u/eaglejarl [+2] (10 hours later)
Heh. Yeah, that kind of thing. It got a lot smarter after a couple of seasons.
u/liamash3 [+2] Mizu (29 minutes later)
I'm quite enjoying this little series you're doing, eaglejarl. Seems the Stargate series had quite a few issues with the TV production regarding common sense and logical courses of action. How do you decide which episode to write a parody of?
u/eaglejarl [+5] (8 hours later)
Oh, also: for the most part, this show is damn smart. The acting is excellent, the plots are interesting and fresh, there are arcs but they are deftly handled so newcomers aren't totally lost, and it's pretty rational. Keep in mind that you're only seeing the ones that are worth parodying, and note how far apart the numbers are. There were a bunch in the first couple seasons that I didn't get around to doing, but after early season three the parody-able episodes are getting thin on the ground.
u/eaglejarl [+1] (6 hours later)
Mostly whichever ones are crying out for it. Ascension wasn't particularly lacking in rationality except for a couple of idiot balls, but it needed a good calling out for its failures. Fail Safe was also pretty reasonable, although the final effect (humans now crazy resource rich) was funny, so it needed a tweak of the nose.
Plus, they're fun, easy, and I can crank them out quickly. They make a nice break from more serious writing.
u/eaglejarl [+1] (a minute later)
Two new chapters for your reading enjoyment.
u/Gurkenglas [+1] (3 hours later)
Naquada supply is a problem? I thought we already have enough naquada for as many reactors as we need, anything that would require a ZPM just takes impractically (in the sense of "its a lot of work to make them and hook them up") many naquadra reactors, and the public still has to pay for energy because telling them everything would produce "mass panic".
It would be interesting to see a ratfic about the SGP going public (and the ensuing mass panic?).
u/eaglejarl [+3] (6 hours later)
I'm not sure how much naquadah they had, actually, but I didn't think it was "cheap as dirt".
All they need to do now is grab a Stargate from some uninteresting world, fly it to the asteroid, and they've got easy mining forever.
u/JackStargazer [+4] Primordial Apologist (7 hours later)
That wouldn't actually work, you can only have one active Stargate per star system because magical wormhole science. This becomes a plot point on that episode where they gate to Antarctica.
They can however use a stolen Tel'tak to move it back and forth. They sure took enough of them.
u/eaglejarl [+1] (8 hours later)
Ah, good point, I forgot about that. It seems pretty fair, too -- maybe a wormhole needs to be a certain minimum length, so you can't gate inside your own system, and creating one puts enough strain on local spacetime that the area isn't "flat" enough to form a new wormhole.
/handwave /handwave
u/Gurkenglas [+1] (12 hours later)
Nope, that wouldn't be enough of a handwave as dialing into a system with two stargates always points you at the same one. If that weren't the case, you could just jump to another point in your system via an intermediate planet somewhere else.
u/Empiricist_or_not [+1] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (11 hours later)
I always cringed every time I hear ZPM (Zero Point energy Module:) depleted
In explanation I do believe it is something that takes energy out of a quantum vacuum i.e. free neg-entropy. I don't have the math, but then again it's math/a conjecture that hasn't been practically applied yet.
u/JackStargazer [+1] Primordial Apologist (12 hours later)
That's basically it. A ZPM is a pocket universe, and a device that extracts vacuum energy from that universe. It runs out when the Universe inside reaches maximum entropy.
u/Jiro_T [+1] (4 hours later)
I don't think the original story violates common sense. I got the impression from the original that the "stalker" was supposed to have limited experience with human society and emotions. If Sam understands this, she could legitimately not want to treat him like one would treat a normal stalker. Any actual real life stalker is someone who is willfully ignorant of another person's boundaries; this willful ignorance is absent here, and plain ignorance isn't the same thing.
Also, it isn't necessarily wrong to ask someone for a report and then to say that the report that you asked for sounds crazy. Asking for a report implies that the report may get a certain amount of unexpected results, but not an unlimited amount.
u/eaglejarl [+1] (6 hours later)
It's freaking creepy and Jack was way out of character. For those reasons it needed a good mocking. Aside from that, though, Sam never actually tried to sit Orlin down and clearly explain why what he was doing was wrong.
Edit: fixed autocorrect error.
u/Gurkenglas [+1] (8 hours later)
Earth's astronomers didn't see the asteroid at any point during or after the episode?
u/eaglejarl [+2] (9 hours later)
As /u/KZLightning says -- yes, someone spotted it but the Air Force hushed him up. It was apparently coming in from a weird angle, and the Goa'uld had dropped it very close to start with, which is why only one guy spotted it.
u/Empiricist_or_not [+1] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (11 hours later)
It's a big empty out there, I think weird angle is more telling about our current space facing sensors that might deserve RL ridicule.
u/JackStargazer [+1] Primordial Apologist (12 hours later)
It was outside the plane of the elliptic, the angle at which basically everything in system orbits the sun. Most telescopes are pointed at something interesting, which generally means either in that plane or focused much further away.
u/Gurkenglas [+1] (12 hours later)
But it's still out there after that episode, just going away from the Earth - anyone could find it, and trace its flight path to see that it seems to have went through the Earth.
u/eaglejarl [+1] (13 hours later)
/jedi_handwave These are not the plot holes you're looking for. Move along.
u/KZLightning [+1] (8 hours later)
One of the many times that secrecy was maintained at the expense of giving the public an idiot ball. (The idea that such a large project could be kept secret indefinitely is completely unrealistic.)
EDIT: The other possibility is that the Stargate program somehow gained super competence but only in maintaining their secret. (The degree of super competence is that given by a Culture Mind.)