4.9 KiB
Rational Momento?
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Author: u/MugaSofer *
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URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/3dvner/rational_momento/
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Score: 0
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Created: 2015-07-19T22:24:53
Post:
Comments:
u/chaosmosis [+12] and with strange aeons, even death may die (4 minutes later)
typo
also, I feel like we need higher barriers to entry than "RATIONAL X???" for posts in here
u/Transfuturist [+5] Carthago delenda est. (54 minutes later)
The nifty self-moderation feature has already kicked in.
u/callmebrotherg [+5] now posting as /u/callmesalticidae (7 hours later)
I think this is the lowest percentage of upvotes that I have ever seen in /r/rational (it's at 8% right now)
u/ancientcampus [+2] juggling kittens (a day later)
It's like Dadaist art
u/ancientcampus [+6] juggling kittens (a day later)
Rational Momento
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Momento.
“Pics or it didn't happen.”
Leonard Verres pondered these words of wisdom. He did not know what they meant, but he trusted himself. After all, he had pre-comitted to always do so. Perhaps he would never know the purpose of his self-assigned tasks. Shrugging, he discarded the empty can of spray-paint, took a quick selfie, then slowly walked away, leaving a mainframe computer burning in his wake.
MOMENTO MOMENTO MOMENTO
“Leonard, we need to talk about this.”
The strangely attractive woman was following him. He didn't remember her name, but this didn't bother him. He didn't remember a lot of things. All he knew was that every second wasted was three billion lives lost to entropy, if you counted future hypothetical lives, which of course, Leonard did.
“You can't just go murdering every student that wins a chess tournament,” she continued.
Was that what he was doing? Interesting. Oh well, he trusted himself. Turning to... whatshername... he decided further pestering would slow him down, resulting in more lives lost than the time required to correct her. “You see...” (Leonard mumbled something that could hopefully be interpreted as a name) “you've fallen victim to the supporting character fallacy. You need to think in moral utilitarianism. Only then can you be a rational hero. A hero like me.”
MOMENTO MOMENTO MOMENTO
“You see, there is a mathematical formula called Bayes Theorem, which states-”
The man buried his face in his hands. “I know about Bayes Theorem, Lenny. You tell me about Bayes Theorem every fifteen minutes.”
CAUTION: SCENE BREAK DO NOT CROSS
Standing at the console of the Master Control System, Leonard's hand rested over the button. All their work, about to come to fruition. The Singularity within their grasp, the entire world ready to upload, though the rest of the population didn't know it. They didn't need to.
“Will we remember any of this?” asked his wife.
“No,” replied Leonard. “For as we stand here, at the end of all things, with the last Death vanquished, there is no more need for progress. Mankind's ambitions, fulfilled. To ensure there will be new adventures, new goals to strive for, I will erase our memories. In fact, I may cause myself to relive the highest points of my life, over and over. It may seem gauche, but if you think of it from a strictly utilitarian point of view, there are no downsides.”
“But will we meet again?”
“Of course, Haruhi. I've thought everything through.
“It's a good thing research has shown that people are marginally happier in polyamorous relationships. I'm sure I've read that somewhere,” commented Hermione, the Girl who Lived, Died, Lived a Bunch More Times, Turned Into a Dragon, Dolphin, and a Spaceship That One Time.
“It certainly makes our lives easier,” agreed Tsunade.
“Nothing can go wrong,” said Laura Ferno-Verres.
“I'm sure it will be painless,” said Taylor.
“My contract requires me to mention Nargles in every sentence,” noted Luna.
“Well, no time like the present.” Absetmindedly stroking Ranma's hair, Leondard pressed the button.
FIN.
COPYRIGHT: I don't own anything except my original intelectual property and my neurons. STEALING IS WRONG.
u/None [+2] (a day later)
[removed]
u/ancientcampus [+1] juggling kittens (3 days later)
I'm really glad someone found this. I'm pretty sure no one else is going to see this now. :)
u/None [+3] (3 days later)
[removed]
u/ancientcampus [+2] juggling kittens (3 days later)
I wanted to shoehorn in precommitments, acausal trade with himself, and an "I am a potato" time traveler password, but I couldn't immediately see how to put it.
u/ancientcampus [+2] juggling kittens (a day later)
No offense to OP. I just wanted to write a parody fic.