52 KiB
Star Wars, Episode III, Revenge of the Methods
-
Author: u/Sagebrysh Rank 7 Pragmatist*
-
URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/3dwt4f/star_wars_episode_iii_revenge_of_the_methods/
-
Score: 3
-
Created: 2015-07-20T04:41:42
Post:
Authors note: I don't actually usually write outright fanfiction, so I don't have an active FF.net account. I've made one, but I can't post it there yet. It'll go up tomorrow or Tuesday and I'll put a link in this thread, in the meantime, I'm posting the first section of this right to reddit.
In an alternate galaxy Far far away, what happens when Anakin gets a !rational upgrade and decides to take on the Jedi and the Sith? Can the Chosen One bring balance to the force, or will he give rise to a new era of darkness?
Star Wars
Episode III
Revenge of the Methods
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . .
War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader, General Grievous, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine, leader of the Galactic Senate. As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor. . .
The boy smiles as his tiny ship slides through the inky darkness of space above the Republic battlecruiser. The smooth arc of Coruscant divides the horizon into the distance. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, extending his force senses outward in all directions. His Master’s ship glows with force energy, and far below, and endless sea of life boils and churns in the planetwide metropolis.
“Are you ready Master?” The boy asks as his fingers strum the controls of the fighter craft.
“For the record Anakin, this is a bad idea.” Obi Wan Kenobi’s voice says with an unhappily chuckle over the communications link.
“If I recall Master it was your idea.” Anakin retorts.
“Please Anakin, you should know by now that doesn't make it a good one.”
“We’ll be fine, there isn't a droid made that can out fly you Master, and no other way to get to the Chancellor.” Obi Wan’s fighter rolls and dives over the lip of the attack cruiser, Anakin’s following without hesitation. As the edge of the destroyer zooms past them silently, a massive battle reveals itself in upper orbit of the planet. Trade Federation vessels clash with Republic forces in a silent and destructive ballet.
“Speaking of which.” Obi Wan’s voice said as proximity alarms began to blare in the cockpit. The student and master weave their ships back and forth past each other, confusing the droid systems and causing them to collide. The two move as one unit, tethered together by the invisible bonds of the force.
“I thought this was supposed to be difficult.” Anakin teases as the two race between two broadsiding vessels, dodging the massive turbolaser blasts coming from either side.
“Easy?” Obi Wan exclaims with some irritation. As the two pass out from between the dueling capital ships they fly directly into a veritable cloud of droids. The two jedi starfighters open fire on the droids, blasting a tunnel through the center of the swarm even as the droid fighters turn to swarm behind them. “I don’t suppose you’ve got a plan then?” The master asks with the tone of aggravated calm he wears at most times.
“We’ve got to split them up, head for the tower at our ten o’clock.” Anakin says, taking his ship into a steep roll and veering sharply through the hanger deck of a republic destroyer, trailing droid fighters behind him.
“Why am I always the bait?” Obi Wan complains as he forces his ship into a tight spin, temporarily confusing the droids tailing as the swarm tries to rotate around him.
“Relax I’m coming around.” Anakin says through the comm as the droids manage to blast a wing panel off Obi Wan’s ship.
“Easy for you to say!” Obi Wan says as he cuts one of his engines and tips the nose of his ship sideways, blasting away a group of droids approaching on his flank. He swings the nose all the way around, taking the ship through a bone shaking flat spin, blasting droids all the while, but the swarm tailing him is still too large to shake off.
Anakin’s fighter comes out of the sun, passing Obi Wan at full speed and firing past him into the trailing droids, shattering the swarm as it attempts to dodge. He takes his ship through a large loop to bring it up alongside his Master’s craft.
”Next time you're the bait,” Obi Wan says, managing a chuckle. “Now let's find the Command Ship and get on with it.”
“Master, General Grievous's ship is directly ahead.” R2 transfers the location of the command ship to Obi Wan. “The one crawling with vulture droids.”
“I see it. Oh, this is going to be easy.” Obi Wan says cheerfully.
“May I then Master?” Anakin asks him hopefully.
“Not this time. There's too much at stake. We need help. Odd Ball, do you copy?” Another voice comes in through their shared communications link.
“Copy, Red Leader.”
“Mark my position and form your squad up behind me.” The master says to the pilot as the Trade Federation cruiser looms larger and larger in front of them.
“We're on your tail, General Kenobi. Set S-foils in attack position.” a trio of larger ARC-170 fighters drop into formation behind the jedi starfighter, extending their S-foils as they move into position. In his cockpit, the boy smiles.
“This is where the fun begins.” Obi Wan says as the vulture droids leap from the surface of the ship, rushing out to meet their attackers.
A mass volley of missiles leaves the clone starfighters, passing silently by the two jedi knights as the carve white trails of vapor through the upper atmosphere of the city planet. The onrushing swarm of droids evaporates into an overlapping wall of explosions and debris.
The two jedi vessels blast through the smoke heading for the massive bay doors still open on the Trade Federation vessel. So massive in front of the tiny fighters is the capital ship now, that its bulk rises away from them in all directions like a curving plane of dark metal. As the jedi continue onward unmolested further, the boy listens with some dismay to the voices echoing over the communications system.
“There are too many of them!”
”I'm on your wing. Break left! Break left!”
“They're all over me! Get them off my--” The voice vanishes into static.
“I'm going to go help them out.” The boy says resolutely, beginning to pull up from their approach to General Grievous’s flagship.
“No, no!” His master scolds him. “They are doing their job so we can do ours. Stay on course, oh and have you noticed the shields are still up?”
The great aperture of the hanger bay hung open like a yawning mouth, still framed by the glowing blow of the shielding systems.
“Oh?!? Sorry, Master.” Anakin spins the fighter gracefully and a volley of laser fire reaches out to the capital ship’s hull. A fireball mushrooms out of the command ship’s side as the shielding flickers and goes out.
“Oh, I have a bad feeling about this.” Obi Wan remarks as the two fighters swerve to avoid a torrent of debris suddenly being sucked out into space. Obi Wan’s ship strikes down hard and bounces, knocking out the legs of a vulture droid as it slides across the deck in a fantail of sparks.
Anakin’s entrance by comparison appears somehow graceful despite his heat radiator panels being clipped off as an emergency bulkhead slams across the opening to keep the ship from venting to space.
The Master ignites his light saber and cuts his way out of the cockpit, catapulting himself clear and blocking blaster fire as he rolls through the air, on his feet before his ship has stopped sliding. Battle droids begin to swarm the master, but he wades through them as if scything through the autumn harvest.
The student jumps out of his ship and cuts his way through the battle droids to join his master, R2 pops out of his compartment and obediently follows in Anakin’s wake.
“R4, locate the chancellor.” Obi Wan orders of his astromech unit, which chirps and whistles in reply and starts over towards a console on the wall.
Dead droids begin to pile up in a layer on the floor of the hanger as the two jedi clear the room with their sabers. R4 manages to bring up the ship’s schematics before a stray blaster shot sends its domed top flipping through the air across the hanger.
“Oh dear.” Obi Wan says as he cuts down the droid responsible and together he and Anakin clear the hanger.
“R2 Tap into the ship's computers.” Anakin orders the astromech as he pulls the burnt husk off R4 out of the way. Obi Wan walks across the floor of the hanger as Anakin calls out the information to him.
“The Chancellor's signal is coming from right there.” Anakin said, pointing to the lone structure jutting from the top of the massive vessel in a rude spike. “The observation platform at the top of that spire. But... I sense Count Dooku as well.”
Obi Wan draws a breath as he strides up beside Anakin. “I sense a trap.”
“Our next move then?” The student asks his master.
“Spring the trap.” The master answers lightly, his student can’t help but smile slightly as they set off into the vessel.
“R2, stay here and look after the ship.” Anakin tells the astromech as they leave. “And stay in contact, we’ll need you if we have to override any of the ship’s computers.” The droid seems to squeak in frustration but heads back towards the two jedi fighters nonetheless.
Despite the army of droids swarming the Trade Federation cruiser, the two Jedi Knights have no trouble walking down the halls of the ship, cutting down droids and slicing through reinforced doors as they go.
“This seems far too easy.” Obi Wan remarks idly as he hit’s the elevator switch.
“Well master you did say it was a trap.” Anakin answers him. He turns on his heel to look back the way they came. Three destroyer droids with shield bubbles active flank them from all sides.
“Hands up.” The droids order the jedi, Anakin smiles as he raises his hands. Obi Wan frantically mashes the elevator button. In Anakin’s hand is his lightsaber, which activates with a hiss. The destroyer droids let loose with a hail of blaster fire, straining even Anakin’s reflexes as he struggles to block the shots.
The elevator doors open and Anakin ducks quickly inside, just behind Obi Wan. The doors slide shut and the elevator activates. Anakin had just began to let out a held breath, when a robotic voice spoke from behind him. The elevator was full of battle droids, their blasters trained at the ready. Even with their jedi reflexes, they wouldn’t be able to destroy them all before the first blaster went off.
“Drop your weapons! I said drop 'em.”
“Okay.” Anakin says mildly, drawing an incredulous look from Obi Wan. The two of them drop their lightsabers as the droids start roughing them up.
“I sincerely hope you have a plan Anakin.” His disgruntled master says to him.
“I’m working on something.” Anakin said thinking quickly. The elevator stops and Anakin seizes the moment. The sudden loss of velocity sends loose objects, like lightsabers, launching upwards towards the ceiling. Anakin grips the blade with the force, activating it and sending it on a rising spiral that neatly slices through all the droids before embedding itself in the elevator’s ceiling. Anakin yanks the blade out.
“Does this count as ten yet Master?” Anakin asks Obi Wan as he presses the up button on the elevator again.
“No,” the master answers with a chuckle, “And it’d be nine. That business on Cato Nemoidia doesn’t count.”
“If you say so master.” Anakin leans against the wall as the elevator begins travelling upward once more.
At the top of the elevator shaft, the doors slide open to reveal the general’s quarters. Windows all around provide a view of the carnage unfolding all around them. On a balcony opposite the entrance, Supreme Chancellor Papatine is confined to a chair, looking quite distressed at his current predicament.
“Chancellor are you alright?” Anakin asks as he strides into the room.
“For the moment” He says in a low voice. “Count Dooku.” He mouths, gesturing behind them with his eyes. Above and behind the jedi on the balcony, the Sith Lord stands at the ready, flanked on either side by super battle droids.
“Generals Kenobi and Skywalker, to what do I owe the honor of such an unexpected visit?” The Count says mildly, spinning the curved hilt of his saber around in his hands.
“Your reign of terror has gone on long enough Dooku.” Anakin boasts, his saber sliding into his hands as he moves into a fighting stance.
“This time we will do it together.” Obi Wan remarks, matching Anakin’s stance as Dooku casually leans against the rail. “I was about to say that,” the boy responds.
More battle droids begin to appear around the perimeter of the room, weapons at the ready as Dooku leaps down from the balcony to land lightly in front of them in a dueling stance. “Your swords please, Master Jedi. We don’t want to make a mess of things in front of the chancellor.” His posture is calm, his muscles relaxed, and raw power radiates off of him as his lips curl into a grin.
“Is that supposed to be a threat?” Obi Wan asks him sarcastically.
“No.” The Dark Lord of the Sith says sinisterly, his red blade hissing open in his hands.
The chancellor calls out from where he’s held by force field to his chair, “Get help! You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord.”
”Chancellor Palpatine, Sith Lords are our specialty.” Obi Wan replies. As one, the master and student let their cloaks fall to the floor, activating their sabers as Dooku launches into a vicious series of attacks.
“You won't get away this time, Dooku.” Obi Wan quips as the two rapidly trade blows, each one parried inches from their flesh.
“I think you mistake the circumstances my friend.” Dooku says as he almost effortlessly parries both of their attacks. “Skywalker and Kenobi. I must say, I've been looking forward to this.” The Sith says as blades whirl faster than one could follow without the aid of the force. Still Dooku maintains his calm boastful tone, not even breaking into a sweat.
“So have I” The boy snarls as he launches a flurry of vicious blows, “My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Count!” The exchange ends as all parties bounce off one another, coming to a rest with their blades just beyond each other’s read.
“Good. Twice the pride, double the fall.” Dooku lunges forward, forcing the Jedi back towards the center of the room. “Your moves are clumsy, Kenobi . . . too predictable. You'll have to do better.” He launches an oddly curving attack, when Obi Wan blocks, the impact angle forces them apart.
Anakin lunges into the gap, bringing his sword down vertically towards the count’s head, but the sith knocks the blow aside and Anakin buries the blade into the deck plating.
“And you Anakin, I thought you said you had improved. There’s more to being a Jedi then brute strength.” Dooku slashes towards Anakin, who raises his blade just in time to block, stopping the strike close enough for the Sith blade to singe off the tips of his hair. He snarls in anger and shoves his weight against the blade, breaking them apart. Obi Wan attempts to use the moment to strike Dooku from behind, but the Sith bats away his attack with a look of almost boredom. He shoves Obi Wan away with the force, slamming his body against the reinforced windows before turning back to Anakin and deftly sidestepping his next blow.
“Don’t throw your whole weight into your attacks Skywalker, it makes you imbalanced.” Dooku scolds as he trips Anakin and sends the young jedi knight sprawling across the floor. He’s playing with the boy, pulling his strings and succeeding in winding him up. The air crackles with latent energies as the two stare down each other.
“You’re a traitor and a murderer Dooku, don’t tell me how to be a jedi.” Anakin says through gritted teeth, his waves of anger radiating outwards in all directions. Seated on his prison throne, the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic smiles faintly.
Obi Wan’s brows knit with worry as he picks himself up off the balcony floor and he looks down at his student in battle, sabers clashing against each other with superhuman speed. He barely notices the trio of battle droids taking aim at him as he cuts them down, leaping once more off the balcony and into the fray.
The Sith Lord focuses on blocking Obi Wan’s attacks, while keeping up with the furious tempo of the strikes he throws at Anakin, keeping himself between the two to stop the master from aiding his student.
Obi Wan sees the blow that would end Anakin’s life, and moves quickly to block it. Unfortunately it was a feint constructed just for that purpose, and his block throws him off balance. Dooku takes the initiative and cleanly cuts Obi Wan’s hand off at the wrist, sending his blade clattering uselessly off into the distance. Obi Wan looks at his stump of a hand with astonishment for a moment, before Dooku strikes him with a wave of force energy, catapulting him across the room yet again. His head strikes the floor of the balcony and he crumples unconscious on the deck.
“No!” Anakin shouts as Dooku yanks a section of the balcony downwards with the floor, pinning Obi Wan beneath the structural metal.
“Well then, one down, one to go. I must say young skywalker, you disappoint me. You have rage.” He throws an attack which Anakin parries with a furiousness that embeds both their blades into the deck. “You have anger.” He attacks again, throwing his full weight into it. “But you don’t use them.”
Despite his strong talk, the energy in the room is changing. Dooku’s power is waning as the battle progresses, while the boy’s continues to wax stronger.
“You could have been so much stronger.” Dooku says as he launches a rapid series of attempted killing blows. “Too bad you will never live to see that potential.” Dooku is tiring, and tries harder and harder to bring the attack to a close. He’s no longer playing with the boy, he’s out to kill him and is using every ounce of strength in his aging body to keep pace with Anakin’s furious cadance. His eyes go to the chancellor and a wave of fear radiates off of him, his movements falter, and Anakin is quick to seize the initiative. Before Dooku can realize what is happening, Anakin has removed both his hands at the wrists and caught Dooku’s crimson blade out of the air. Dooku crumples to his knees, Anakin holds the pair of sabers crossed and level with Dooku’s neck, the fear in Dooku’s eyes plainly visible, remaining firmly locked onto the chancellor as he realizes that his master has betrayed him.
From his seat across the room, Palpatine speaks for the first time since the fight commenced. “Good, Anakin, good. I knew you could do it. Kill him. Kill him now!”
The boy’s breathing is fast and hoarse, his heart beating through his chest as rage still courses through his veins, his eyes go from Palpatine to Obi Wan, who remains unconscious, a pool of blood forming at the back of his head. His train of thought erratic and full of emotion, his voice falters.
“I shouldn't.” The boy says, his voice cracking slightly as his eyes remain fixed on his friend and master, who this animal of a count had just brutally crippled. His anger continued to rise, blood boiling, all it took from Palpatine was the slightest of nudges.
“Do it!” The true master of the sith shouts from his chair. Count Dooku begins to speak, but before he can get a word out, Anakin draws the blades through the air, taking Dooku’s head off at the shoulders. His body slumps and his head rolls away.
“Uh oh.” Says a robotic voice on the ledge, reminding Anakin of the presence of the large group of droids with weapons trained on him. Blood running hot, Anakin simply reaches into the well of the force and crushes the life out of the droids where they stand. He tosses away Dooku’s foul red blade and retracts the blade of his own saber, breath still rattling in his lungs.
Silence descends on the chamber, save for the boy’s gasping breath.
“I couldn't stop myself.” He said as he looked to Dooku’s headless corpse. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You did well, Anakin. He was too dangerous to be kept alive.” The chancellor says mildly.
“Yes, but he was an unarmed prisoner.” The boy reaches into the force and releases the bonds holding Palpatine in his chair. “I shouldn't have done that, Chancellor. It's not the Jedi way.”
Palpatine stands up, rubbing his wrists. “It is only natural. He cut off your arm, and you wanted revenge. It wasn't the first time, Anakin. Remember what you told me about your mother and the Sand People. Now, we must leave before more security droids arrive.” The chancellor knew exactly which strings of the boy’s to pull, but that didn’t stop him from next rushing to Obi Wan’s side, ripping off the structural support that had fallen on him. Despite the Chancellor's cunning, the boy remained loyal to a fault to his old master, and would not abandon him to the hands of fate.
“Anakin, there is no time. We must get off the ship before it's too late.” As if to provide emphasis to his words, the deck beneath them lurches suddenly. Anakin pays the chancellor’s cowardice no mind.
“He seems to be all right. No broken bones, breathing's all right.” The student pulls the master onto his shoulders.
“Leave him, or we'll never make it.” Palpatine needles, trying to appeal to the boy’s sense of self preservation, but his bravery makes such an act unthinkable to him.
“His fate will be the same as ours.” The boy responds mildly. He leaps to the balcony with Obi Wan across his shoulders and they approach the elevator. Anakin presses the switch on the door several times but the machine remains utterly indifferent to his actions.
“Leaving so soon are you Jedi?” The voice of General Grievous booms over the room’s intercoms. The ship rattles with another impact.
“Grievous!” Anakin says the name like a curse, mashing the elevator button again. “R2 come in, I need you to activate elevator 3224.” the boy says into his communicator. R2 chirps in response and the door opens. Grievous’s sick laugh continues over the shipwide comms system.
“Anakin Skywalker ... I was expecting someone with your reputation to be a little older.”
Anakin ignores the taunt as he pulls the Chancellor into the elevator and they start back towards the hanger deck.
“You know Anakin, if you were to defeat Grievous today as well as Count Dooku, the war would be over.” The chancellor says calmly, folding his hands into his pockets.
“Frankly chancellor, I’ll quit while I’m ahead.” the boy says somewhat coyly as he wakes Obi Wan on the floor of the elevator.
“I seem to be missing something.” Obi Wan says with only a trace of bitterness, looking at the stump where his hand once was.
“Oh yeah.” Anakin reaches into his pocket and withdraws his master’s saber. “You should be careful not to lose this.” He teased, using the line Obi Wan had used with him once. The master chuckles and takes the saber with his remaining hand.
“To think you are foolish enough to believe you can escape.” Grievous continues to taunt.
“Ignore him.” Obi Wan instructs his student.
“Oh, I already am.” Anakin says as the elevator came to a halt and the doors open.
The three of them rush into the hall and break into a run for the hanger.
“R2 get the ship ready, we’re getting out of here.” Anakin shouts into his communicator over the endless taunts of Grievous over the comm.
“You lose, General Skywalker.” The droid general says, and the voice goes silent.
“Well, that wasn’t the least bit ominous.” Obi Wan states. A moment later the trio is hurtled to the floor and a great groaning begins to come from all the walls of the ship.
“Oh, was that the self destruct? My mistake.” The throaty voice says over the intercom. “Oh well. Time to abandon ship.” Another explosion rocks the deck.
“R2 what’s going on?!” Anakin shouts into the communicator as he struggles against the tilting deck. “R2 come in.” The droid remains silent on the connection.
The Trade Federation cruiser is breaking up, fires leaking out all over the hull as it slowly rotates in a flat spin, sliding towards the planet below. The fierce heat and pressure of re-entry buckles the hull and after a moment of resistance the blast doors on the hanger deck are ripped away, sucking the jedi starfighters and hundreds of droids out into space. One tiny astromech droid clings desperately to the hull by a grappling hook as its master’s voice grows quieter and quieter in the thinning air.
“R2’s not responding.” Anakin said as he dusted himself off. “Something’s wrong.”
Fractures spiderweb across the ship as the reentry forces turn air into concrete. The airstream catches the inside of the hangerbay and the ship is spun violently around. It’s nose points back towards space while its smouldering engines swing planetward. Somehow through all of this the artificial gravity remains functional and as the air currents subside R2 tumbles back onto the deck.
Obi Wan activates the door to the hanger bay, but it makes an unpleasant burp sound and remains shut. “Well that’s odd.” He says scratching his beard with the hand he still possesses. Anakin shrugs and slams his blade into the door, intending to cut a hole through. At this he succeeds, unfortunately the far side of the door is now exposed to the vacuum of space and as Anakin punctures the bulkhead all the air in their chamber begins getting sucked through the gap. The two jedi leap back from the hole as the door deforms under the stress of the air leaving, the hole widening as the suction peels the metal open. The astromech finally responds to its master.
“R2 says the hanger bay is depressurized.” Anakin states somewhat unnecessarily.
“Oh, I hadn’t noticed.” Obi Wan says sarcastically as the hole continues to widen.
“Our ships are gone too. We’re going to need to find another way out of here. R2 where are the escape pods?”
The droid chirps again and Anakin scowls. “The escape pods and shuttles have already been launched.”
“Grievous.” Obi Wan states flatly before taking off into a run. “Let’s get to the bridge. Can you fly a cruiser like this?”
“You mean, do I know how to land what's left of this this thing?” Anakin responds as he jogs along beside, making sure the chancellor is able to keep up with them. “R2 get somewhere safe, this is going to be rough.”
“I don’t know if I like the sound of that.” Obi Wan says as they round a corner at full sprint and rush into the now vacant bridge. The bridge windows are stained red and orange with the heat and friction the ship is experiencing as they reenter.
Anakin throws himself into the the pilot's chair and starts bringing up the ship’s status reports. The great vessel is falling like a stone, stern first into the atmosphere, shedding pieces all the time. The observation spire they had rescued Palpatine from is ripped from its moorings and goes tumbling past them into the darkness beyond. “Well?” Obi Wan presses Anakin.
“Well, under the circumstances, I'd say the ability to pilot this thing is irrelevant. Strap yourselves in.”
“Do you at least know how long until we explode?” Obi Wan asks with some irritation as Anakin fights with the controls. “Explode?” The young Jedi says, looking up suddenly.
Deep within the heart of the warship, General Grievous’s booby traps activate, sending the hypermatter annihilation reactor into an uncontrolled overload, the exotic matter violently flooding out into the damaged vessel. Explosions erupt from the vessel’s surface, combined with the reentry forces, the ship begins to tear itself apart.
“Oh wait I think I’ve got something, activating emergency booster engines.” Anakin says thinking quickly. He jams the throttle to the firewall and opens up the drive vents all the way. The force of the venting hypermatter combined with the ship’s thrusters manage to slow the descent, and for a moment it seems the vessel might stay in orbit. Sitting atop the pillar of fire created by its engines, the ship momentarily slows to a halt.
“Well done Anakin.” Obi Wan starts to congratulate his student, when the engines and drive core of the ship spectacularly explode in a flower of fire and shrapnel. The intact nose falls through the debris cloud, its aerodynamic shape tipping the nose down towards the surface as they tumble through the cloud of debris.
“We’ve lost something.” Anakin says neutrally, still fighting desperately with the controls.
“Not to worry,” Obi Wan says cheerfully. “We’re still flying half a ship.”
Only half of the hanger bay remains, and everything aft of it is simply gone. Trapped amidst the debris, grappling hook holding to the most solid available surface, a tiny astromech droid squeals as it hangs on for dear life.
“We’re hitting the atmosphere, pressure rising, we've got to slow this wreck down. Open all hatches, extend all flaps, and drag fins.” Anakin instructs Obi Wan, who one handedly manipulates the consoles. The wide eyed chancellor sits thin lipped through this ordeal, bony fingers digging into the armrests.
“Temp steady. Hatches open, flaps extended, drag fins enabled, speed still rising.”
“Okay here comes the rough part.” Anakin states as he yanks back the steering console, trying to pull the craft out of its dive and pressing them all against their seats.
“Five thousand meters. Three thousand.” Obi Wan reads off the altitude gauge through gritted teeth as the burning hulk is subjected to intense g-forces. “Two thousand. Fireships on the left and the right, there’s a landing strip two thousand meters ahead of us.”
“I see it.” Anakin snaps as the ship continues to groan and deform around them. “We’re coming in too hot, we’re going to overshoot.”
“Try and ease it down.” Obi Wan recommends as the landing strip grows larger ahead of them. Anakin shoves the controls forward and pushes the nose down to try and land the ship on the runway, but their horizontal speed is too great and the ship bounces off the tarmac in a great crunch of metal and flame. The ship clips the control tower as the runway passes beneath them. There is nothing in front of the ship now but endless factories and warehouses.
“Now what?” Obi Wan manages to ask.
“Now we’re kind of committed.” Anakin says as the burning wreck continues its inertia driven arc, the nose tipping down towards the city streets.
“Anakin pull up!” Obi Wan shouts as the rows of warehouses rush up to meet them.
“That’s what I’m trying to do.” The boy manages to get out before the bridge windows are obscured by being inside of a factory. Machinery is sent scattering in all directions as the wreck plows through the structure, sending people in the building diving for cover. The far wall rushes at them even as the ship slows and the nose smashes through it into the sunlight before the rest of the ship comes to a grinding halt. The bridge hangs out over a canyon between the building, the windows providing a view down the canyon street into the depths of Coruscant.
Anakin slumps in his seat, letting out a held breath. Obi Wan chuckles as he looks around the carnage. “Another happy landing.” He says to no one in particular.
Comments:
u/FeepingCreature [+11] GCV Literally The Entire Culture (8 hours later)
Two hours later...
"So, before you ask, yes, I noticed."
"Noticed what, Anakin?" Obi-wan asks confusedly.
"That the Chancellor is Sith, obviously," Anakin replies irritatedly; "I mean, 'kill him, boy, strike him down'; seriously? Wait, you mean this wasn't a test?"
Always there are two, master and apprentice, and Obi-wan groans with sudden understanding. "But the Force..."
"Well, it did feel like a trap," Anakin remarks. "Explains why he seemingly got eviller after you were knocked out; hiding from a Jedi master can't be easy."
"So, the Chancellor fancies you his new apprentice then," Obi-wan observes after a moment's contemplation, and Anakin's eyes go wide. "I wonder how we can use that."
u/callmebrotherg [+9] now posting as /u/callmesalticidae (6 minutes later)
Most of this could probably be cut. It's not really dissimilar from canon.
Maybe set it at the point that Anakin gets the rational!upgrade?
u/Pluvialis [+6] Second Age Sauron (11 hours later)
As I couldn't detect any differences at the beginning, I skimmed ahead to figure out where it diverged. I couldn't find it - mind helping me out?
u/callmebrotherg [+4] now posting as /u/callmesalticidae (23 hours later)
Can't help you. I stopped reading thoroughly halfway through, skimmed the other half, didn't see anything, and just assumed that there were changes. :/
u/Sagebrysh [+5] Rank 7 Pragmatist (12 minutes later)
Technically he would have already gotten the 'seed' of it before the start of the story, the point of divergence is already in the past, it'll just take some time to actually, you know, diverge. I could have skipped forward to the parts where the divergence really becomes significant, but episode III really isn't all that long, so I thought it'd present a more unified piece if I just started where the movie started and ran from there. There's still some changes, Obi Wan losing his hand, etc, but yeah, I do hear where you're coming from. I might end up cutting this part out, but I do think it helps set up the story a bit.
u/boomfarmer [+5] Trying to be helpful (9 hours later)
With the exception of Obi-Wan losing his hand, to me this reads pretty much like canon.
Also, have you considered writing in the past tense and using semicolons? Comma splices are weird.
u/Sagebrysh [+1] Rank 7 Pragmatist (9 hours later)
I usually do past tense, I thought the presence tense might work better for this though. Its something of an experiment still at this point.
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [+4] Utopian Smut Peddler (11 hours later)
Reddit has long been a hot spot for conversation on the internet. About 57 million people visit the site every day to chat about topics as varied as makeup, video games and pointers for power washing driveways.
In recent years, Reddit’s array of chats also have been a free teaching aid for companies like Google, OpenAI and Microsoft. Those companies are using Reddit’s conversations in the development of giant artificial intelligence systems that many in Silicon Valley think are on their way to becoming the tech industry’s next big thing.
Now Reddit wants to be paid for it. The company said on Tuesday that it planned to begin charging companies for access to its application programming interface, or A.P.I., the method through which outside entities can download and process the social network’s vast selection of person-to-person conversations.
“The Reddit corpus of data is really valuable,” Steve Huffman, founder and chief executive of Reddit, said in an interview. “But we don’t need to give all of that value to some of the largest companies in the world for free.”
The move is one of the first significant examples of a social network’s charging for access to the conversations it hosts for the purpose of developing A.I. systems like ChatGPT, OpenAI’s popular program. Those new A.I. systems could one day lead to big businesses, but they aren’t likely to help companies like Reddit very much. In fact, they could be used to create competitors — automated duplicates to Reddit’s conversations.
Reddit is also acting as it prepares for a possible initial public offering on Wall Street this year. The company, which was founded in 2005, makes most of its money through advertising and e-commerce transactions on its platform. Reddit said it was still ironing out the details of what it would charge for A.P.I. access and would announce prices in the coming weeks.
Reddit’s conversation forums have become valuable commodities as large language models, or L.L.M.s, have become an essential part of creating new A.I. technology.
L.L.M.s are essentially sophisticated algorithms developed by companies like Google and OpenAI, which is a close partner of Microsoft. To the algorithms, the Reddit conversations are data, and they are among the vast pool of material being fed into the L.L.M.s. to develop them.
u/Sagebrysh [+1] Rank 7 Pragmatist (19 hours later)
I didn't intend to, I'm not sure what you mean by a comma splice?
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [-3] Utopian Smut Peddler (20 hours later)
Reddit has long been a hot spot for conversation on the internet. About 57 million people visit the site every day to chat about topics as varied as makeup, video games and pointers for power washing driveways.
In recent years, Reddit’s array of chats also have been a free teaching aid for companies like Google, OpenAI and Microsoft. Those companies are using Reddit’s conversations in the development of giant artificial intelligence systems that many in Silicon Valley think are on their way to becoming the tech industry’s next big thing.
Now Reddit wants to be paid for it. The company said on Tuesday that it planned to begin charging companies for access to its application programming interface, or A.P.I., the method through which outside entities can download and process the social network’s vast selection of person-to-person conversations.
“The Reddit corpus of data is really valuable,” Steve Huffman, founder and chief executive of Reddit, said in an interview. “But we don’t need to give all of that value to some of the largest companies in the world for free.”
The move is one of the first significant examples of a social network’s charging for access to the conversations it hosts for the purpose of developing A.I. systems like ChatGPT, OpenAI’s popular program. Those new A.I. systems could one day lead to big businesses, but they aren’t likely to help companies like Reddit very much. In fact, they could be used to create competitors — automated duplicates to Reddit’s conversations.
Reddit is also acting as it prepares for a possible initial public offering on Wall Street this year. The company, which was founded in 2005, makes most of its money through advertising and e-commerce transactions on its platform. Reddit said it was still ironing out the details of what it would charge for A.P.I. access and would announce prices in the coming weeks.
Reddit’s conversation forums have become valuable commodities as large language models, or L.L.M.s, have become an essential part of creating new A.I. technology.
L.L.M.s are essentially sophisticated algorithms developed by companies like Google and OpenAI, which is a close partner of Microsoft. To the algorithms, the Reddit conversations are data, and they are among the vast pool of material being fed into the L.L.M.s. to develop them.
u/Transfuturist [+2] Carthago delenda est. (a day later)
physically hurts experienced native English readers to constantly encounter comma splices
You must fix this if you want strangers on the internet to read what you write. It is a major, major issue. You can also work around this.
Typical mind.
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [-2] Utopian Smut Peddler (a day later)
Reddit has long been a hot spot for conversation on the internet. About 57 million people visit the site every day to chat about topics as varied as makeup, video games and pointers for power washing driveways.
In recent years, Reddit’s array of chats also have been a free teaching aid for companies like Google, OpenAI and Microsoft. Those companies are using Reddit’s conversations in the development of giant artificial intelligence systems that many in Silicon Valley think are on their way to becoming the tech industry’s next big thing.
Now Reddit wants to be paid for it. The company said on Tuesday that it planned to begin charging companies for access to its application programming interface, or A.P.I., the method through which outside entities can download and process the social network’s vast selection of person-to-person conversations.
“The Reddit corpus of data is really valuable,” Steve Huffman, founder and chief executive of Reddit, said in an interview. “But we don’t need to give all of that value to some of the largest companies in the world for free.”
The move is one of the first significant examples of a social network’s charging for access to the conversations it hosts for the purpose of developing A.I. systems like ChatGPT, OpenAI’s popular program. Those new A.I. systems could one day lead to big businesses, but they aren’t likely to help companies like Reddit very much. In fact, they could be used to create competitors — automated duplicates to Reddit’s conversations.
Reddit is also acting as it prepares for a possible initial public offering on Wall Street this year. The company, which was founded in 2005, makes most of its money through advertising and e-commerce transactions on its platform. Reddit said it was still ironing out the details of what it would charge for A.P.I. access and would announce prices in the coming weeks.
Reddit’s conversation forums have become valuable commodities as large language models, or L.L.M.s, have become an essential part of creating new A.I. technology.
L.L.M.s are essentially sophisticated algorithms developed by companies like Google and OpenAI, which is a close partner of Microsoft. To the algorithms, the Reddit conversations are data, and they are among the vast pool of material being fed into the L.L.M.s. to develop them.
u/Transfuturist [+5] Carthago delenda est. (a day later)
Fine then. I'm stating that you're projecting your mental anguish at noticing comma splices onto all native English speakers. I in fact read that entire conversation, and while I consider correct grammar to be important, I do not find things like comma splices physically painful, as your own psychosomatic hyperbole would suggest. I think you're overstating it as an issue and needlessly concerning a hobby author, let alone a beginner, with a minor mistake pattern. "Shame on you?" Really? You've been ridiculous in this entire thread.
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [-2] Utopian Smut Peddler (a day later)
Reddit has long been a hot spot for conversation on the internet. About 57 million people visit the site every day to chat about topics as varied as makeup, video games and pointers for power washing driveways.
In recent years, Reddit’s array of chats also have been a free teaching aid for companies like Google, OpenAI and Microsoft. Those companies are using Reddit’s conversations in the development of giant artificial intelligence systems that many in Silicon Valley think are on their way to becoming the tech industry’s next big thing.
Now Reddit wants to be paid for it. The company said on Tuesday that it planned to begin charging companies for access to its application programming interface, or A.P.I., the method through which outside entities can download and process the social network’s vast selection of person-to-person conversations.
“The Reddit corpus of data is really valuable,” Steve Huffman, founder and chief executive of Reddit, said in an interview. “But we don’t need to give all of that value to some of the largest companies in the world for free.”
The move is one of the first significant examples of a social network’s charging for access to the conversations it hosts for the purpose of developing A.I. systems like ChatGPT, OpenAI’s popular program. Those new A.I. systems could one day lead to big businesses, but they aren’t likely to help companies like Reddit very much. In fact, they could be used to create competitors — automated duplicates to Reddit’s conversations.
Reddit is also acting as it prepares for a possible initial public offering on Wall Street this year. The company, which was founded in 2005, makes most of its money through advertising and e-commerce transactions on its platform. Reddit said it was still ironing out the details of what it would charge for A.P.I. access and would announce prices in the coming weeks.
Reddit’s conversation forums have become valuable commodities as large language models, or L.L.M.s, have become an essential part of creating new A.I. technology.
L.L.M.s are essentially sophisticated algorithms developed by companies like Google and OpenAI, which is a close partner of Microsoft. To the algorithms, the Reddit conversations are data, and they are among the vast pool of material being fed into the L.L.M.s. to develop them.
u/Transfuturist [+1] Carthago delenda est. (a day later)
pathetic outrage
lol ok
u/Sagebrysh [+1] Rank 7 Pragmatist (21 hours later)
I see now. Essentially, I should be using much fewer commas and many more periods. That being said, I have a fear of breaking up a sentence too much and having it become stilted feeling. Like. Even with having read the wikipedia article, I'm not entirely sure where my commas are appropriate and where they aren't. Was the comma in that last sentence used correctly or was that a splice? I worry I could easily go too far the other direction and end up with an endless chain of sentence fragments. Should I simply try and reduce my number of splices or are they never in any way acceptable? I look at the above responses I have to you, which you said contained splices, and rewrote them below:
I usually do past tense. I thought the presence tense might work better for this though. Its something of an experiment still at this point.
I didn't intend to. I'm not sure what you mean by a comma splice?
This feels..choppy. I can't explain exactly what I mean by that, but I can't imagine myself speaking in that manner. When I read the sentences that are 'fixed' they are the ones that feel wrong in my head, not the original versions. And I am a native english speaker. Is this really this much of an issue? I mean I've gone through enough college lit that I feel like I should have encountered this before today if it was that much of an issue. Does it become more pronounced when I'm writing in the present tense?
Not trying to sound whiny or anything, I do want to improve my writing and above all I want people to enjoy my writing. Still though, when I look at a correction and it seems worse then the original version, I have to ask these questions.
And I just realized there's probably a splice in the last paragraph.
Not trying to sound whiny or anything. I do want to improve my writing and above all I want people to enjoy my writing. Still though. when I look at a correction and it seems worse then the original version I have to ask these questions.
That doesn't feel better to me. I'm sorry but I'm really not getting it I'm afraid.
u/TimeLoopedPowerGamer [+3] Utopian Smut Peddler (23 hours later)
Reddit has long been a hot spot for conversation on the internet. About 57 million people visit the site every day to chat about topics as varied as makeup, video games and pointers for power washing driveways.
In recent years, Reddit’s array of chats also have been a free teaching aid for companies like Google, OpenAI and Microsoft. Those companies are using Reddit’s conversations in the development of giant artificial intelligence systems that many in Silicon Valley think are on their way to becoming the tech industry’s next big thing.
Now Reddit wants to be paid for it. The company said on Tuesday that it planned to begin charging companies for access to its application programming interface, or A.P.I., the method through which outside entities can download and process the social network’s vast selection of person-to-person conversations.
“The Reddit corpus of data is really valuable,” Steve Huffman, founder and chief executive of Reddit, said in an interview. “But we don’t need to give all of that value to some of the largest companies in the world for free.”
The move is one of the first significant examples of a social network’s charging for access to the conversations it hosts for the purpose of developing A.I. systems like ChatGPT, OpenAI’s popular program. Those new A.I. systems could one day lead to big businesses, but they aren’t likely to help companies like Reddit very much. In fact, they could be used to create competitors — automated duplicates to Reddit’s conversations.
Reddit is also acting as it prepares for a possible initial public offering on Wall Street this year. The company, which was founded in 2005, makes most of its money through advertising and e-commerce transactions on its platform. Reddit said it was still ironing out the details of what it would charge for A.P.I. access and would announce prices in the coming weeks.
Reddit’s conversation forums have become valuable commodities as large language models, or L.L.M.s, have become an essential part of creating new A.I. technology.
L.L.M.s are essentially sophisticated algorithms developed by companies like Google and OpenAI, which is a close partner of Microsoft. To the algorithms, the Reddit conversations are data, and they are among the vast pool of material being fed into the L.L.M.s. to develop them.
u/Sagebrysh [+1] Rank 7 Pragmatist (a day later)
Ask in writing groups for people who want to volunteer to be a beta reader, or "beta". Let them read your creative writing and accept their technical help in rewriting your rough* drafts. Note when things you release are unbeta'd (i.e. rough drafts). But usually, rough drafts aren't published "publically", where tens of thousands of people are likely to read them and clutch their heads in pain.
I've been looking for beta readers for a while now actually. It got to the point where I just said 'screw it' and started just pushing stuff out there as I went. I've asked in this subreddit for beta readers before, on other forums I follow, on facebook...no one seems all that interested.
u/Cariyaga [+1] Kyubey did nothing wrong (21 hours later)
Try using semicolons in place of the periods you replaced commas with. For instance: "Not trying to sound whiny or anything; I do want to improve my writing and above all I want people to enjoy my writing."
u/Sagebrysh [+2] Rank 7 Pragmatist (22 hours later)
I do like semicolons; is that a proper use for one? ;_;
u/boomfarmer [+0] Trying to be helpful (3 days later)
"Not trying to sound whiny or anything; I do want to improve my writing and above all I want people to enjoy my writing."
Augh no. "Not trying to sound whiny or anything" is not a complete clause. It's incomplete. It has neither subject nor verb. This is where you would use a comma.