8.2 KiB
[RT][HF][FF] Gentle reminder that "The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namespace" is updating.
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Author: u/mhd-hbd Writes 'The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namesake'*
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URL: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3808279/chapters/8485900
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Score: 8
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Created: 2015-08-20T10:20:20
Post:
Comments:
u/BadGoyWithAGun [+9] (an hour later)
I wish fanfiction came with an "accessibility to people who have never heard of the original" rating.
u/ArgentStonecutter [+3] Emergency Mustelid Hologram (an hour later)
This. What's a reference for the original?
u/traverseda [+1] With dread but cautious optimism (3 hours later)
Steven universe.
u/ArgentStonecutter [+3] Emergency Mustelid Hologram (3 hours later)
Yes I got that. What is "Steven Universe"?
u/traverseda [+3] With dread but cautious optimism (4 hours later)
It's a cartoon about the "crystal gems". Pulling a lot from the magical girl genre, and things like jem and the holograms. It's written by one of the writers for adventure time.
Without going into spoilers too much, it focuses on a small group of gems that protect earth, and their half gem half human child.
Generally, it just pulls it off really well. It focuses a lot on emotion, and emotional intelligence. It's like MLP if MLP was actually trying to teach empathy and conflict resolution skills.
Generally the characterization is very good.
u/mhd-hbd [+1] Writes 'The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namesake' (a day later)
u/Chronophilia [+1] sci-fi ≠ futurology (a day later)
It's a cartoon about the Crystal Gems, a trio of superheroines / magical girls who fight monsters and have adventures. The eponymous protagonist is the newest member of the Gems, a 10-year-old boy still learning to use his powers.
The focus is generally on slice-of-life and character interaction, though there's no shortage of action-adventure too. Particularly in the early episodes, the Gems generally leave Steven behind while they go off on their missions, and the story is about how strange it is to grow up raised by the Gems (though Steven's Dad is an important secondary character too).
The writers work very far in advance and they leave a lot of clues about future episodes for the attentive viewer (or, more commonly, for the re-watch). This makes the world feel very consistent and well built. It's probably where the nerd appeal comes from too: the show gives out mysteries to be solved.
u/traverseda [+1] With dread but cautious optimism (3 hours later)
Steven universe keeps getting better. Watch at least until cat fingers, although I'd give it until the episode where a gem build a space elevator.
u/ulyssessword [+1] (17 hours later)
Speaking of that, how would this fic rate?
u/mhd-hbd [+1] Writes 'The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namesake' (a day later)
It would rate: "watch the first fifty-seven episodes, eleven and a half minutes each."
Which is significantly better than most other fanfics I have tried writing (which rated "read 1.7 million words.")
u/mhd-hbd [+1] Writes 'The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namesake' (44 seconds later)
I am going through my backlog of chapters, one per day. I'm bound to run out soon, and will then regress to a slower update schedule.
u/traverseda [+2] With dread but cautious optimism (3 hours later)
Cool, I haven't been giving this as much attention as I should.
u/nerdguy1138 [+1] GNU Terry Pratchett (a day later)
You're killing me, here. Could you maybe combine a few chapters into one bigger one, and release those?
In general, the chapter breaks are more like single scene breaks.
u/mhd-hbd [+1] Writes 'The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namesake' (a day later)
I'm starting on a trend of writing longer chapters. Might collate them all into larger arcs (with different names) at some point.
Generally a chapter of these lengths takes me a day of writing; and I am an extremely scenic/visual storyteller.
u/Revlar [+1] (7 days later)
I've watched all of Steven Universe recently, so I decided to give this story a shot. I've really been struggling to read it, honestly, because it feels like there's no substance. Most of the stuff that happens beyond the fountain scene are references to canon. The story relies on references from the canon instead of setting up its own reality. Characters try to learn the rules of the universe (or at least of their loot) without a clear plan, just as curiosities, and while that might be in character for the characters of the show, it's not rational in the least.
The whole story feels like stream-of-mind and written on the spot, so it fails to make me care for it. I find myself groaning more often than not, or shaking my head at how characters could be used interchangeably for most scenes and how they snap from one emotion to the next without any clear tells:
"Pearl leaves by the warp pad for undisclosed reasons, leaving Connie, Clonnies, Steven, and Amethyst alone.
Connie high-fives Z.
“You are such a bad ass, Connie,” Amethyst says, giving her a slow clap. “I've never seen anyone get Pearl in the mood for a duel that quickly. But fair warning: she's really good.”
“She taught us everything we know,” Q says. “We know.”
“I better get a video-camera. Maybe even an audience,” Steven says. “This is going to be so cool.”
“... What have I gotten myself into,” Connie says, sighing. She slumps under the weight of realization."
u/mhd-hbd [+1] Writes 'The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namesake' (7 days later)
Harsh but fair. Thanks for pointing out those flaws.
u/Revlar [+1] (7 days later)
I'm sorry if I came off as harsh.
I think the initial basis of the story has merit, it's just the way it's written it feels more like you're writing stuff that helps you remember how a scene goes in your head, visually.
I'm sure this story could work as a straight up addition to the show, it feels like a script to a set of in-between episodes; and I'm sure they wouldn't be received badly. The problem is that in a medium like writing, it ends up lacking in several respects. When you can't rely on the body language of the animated characters and the tone of their voice you have to compensate with their thought processes, especially for the main characters, and there's very little of that here.
Instead of having the characters think things, there's usually a description of them posing as if to think and then discussing an idea between themselves. This can work in scenes with a quick pacing, but when characters have all the time in the world it breaks immersion and makes a reader wonder if the characters are only multiple stand-ins for a single mind.
Most of the Stevonnie chapters were about people pausing to discuss among themselves the same thing, over and over again, which only compounds the issue, because while the text is somewhat personalized to whatever character is speaking at the time, the basic idea is still interchangeable among them. Characters end up seeming like multiple voices for the exact same thought process (except for Ronaldo, but he's not far from the group, choosing to mention 'hermaphroditic' just to continue the running joke).
u/mhd-hbd [+1] Writes 'The World is Your Oyster, The Universe is Your Namesake' (8 days later)
The harshness impression I got might come from the way you structured it. Try a Feedback Sandwich next time: specific praise about one aspect of the thing, followed by whatever more-or-less damning flaws you want to point out, followed by an overall thing.
So something like (abbreviated): "IMO: good use of canon references, poor prose, general lack of theory-of-mind, overall premise has merit."