6.0 KiB
[RT][HSF] Set In Stone: Follower Epilogue Rational Stonepunk Complete
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Author: u/Farmerbob1 Level 1 author*
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URL: https://setinstonestory.wordpress.com/2015/10/02/epilogue/
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Score: 29
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Created: 2015-10-02T10:11:05
Post:
Comments:
u/Farmerbob1 [+6] Level 1 author (8 minutes later)
Well, that's a wrap on the first draft. I'll be starting to edit and prepare it for E-Book publication over the next couple weeks. I will look into selling it from other sources in addition to Amazon.
I am very keen to get your takeaways before I begin editing.
What did you like? What did you hate?
Was there anything that just drove you nuts?
Did Albert suck too much agency out of the characters, or did I balance that well, keeping him relevant but keeping the story about the characters?
Did anyone grab the idiot ball who wasn't clearly intended to do so?
u/elevul [+3] Cyoria Observer (23 hours later)
Yay, well done. As discussed before, please let me know when the epub will be ready, I'll gladly support you by buying it (although I'd prefer something like patreon).
u/clawclawbite [+2] (5 days later)
I really liked how you handled Albert, he is at the same time the 800 lbs Gorilla of the setting and the cranky old man who wants to be left alone, while plotting 5 steps ahead.
u/clawclawbite [+5] (8 hours later)
Metallurgy is a very interesting answer.
u/nevinera [+2] (9 hours later)
Albert didn't suck any agency out that I could tell, but Taylor ate all of it - as soon as she stepped into the scene, Allen didn't get to make decisions or perform many effectual actions. He 'resolved' the central plot with his idea, but that doesn't grab you very much, especially because from our perspective it's a really obvious idea.
It felt like it was developing well as a Hero story - a gifted young man tossed into a dangerous situation, and struggling upwards - and then the conflict was suddenly (and off-camera) largely resolved by a new character, and the main outcome (that we can see) from this gigantic conflict and his dangerous situation is that he gets to go to school. Overall, it feels at this point like I just read a backstory.
u/Farmerbob1 [+3] Level 1 author (10 hours later)
Rationally though, do you think that Allen would have been allowed to participate in high level political discussions? The end of the story was the end of chapter 28. The epilogue was just to tie up some of the loose ends and set up the next story, which will definitely include Speedy and a dolphin in a shallow-water meeting, heh.
Stateman Taylor is the leader of New Tokyo, the state whose population will be starving if they do not get food. They are going to take agency as soon as it's offered to them, and they do, in the epilogue.
I'm not saying that you don't have a point, because from a story-writing point of view you do, and it's valid, but I didn't see Allen as the one to solve the problem completely. He was always intended to be the catalyst, the source of the idea, not the one to do the political behind-the-scenes wrangling to make it actually work. Think tank vs. implementation.
Unlike swords-and-sorcery books where the young hero can hack and cast his way into the throne room of the evil overlord and save the day, Allen is restricted by his ability to convince other people to do what he wants. He's not very good at it, except for when he has ideas that are undeniably good. When it comes down to negotiation and diplomacy, Allen needs to get out of the room, stat. And he's come to recognize that, even if he's agreed to try to work on that weakness with the Stateman.
One of the greatest weaknesses of the story from a writing point of view (for me) is the lack of violence as a viable option for conflict resolution. Being violent to some extent was allowable for Allen due to his age and circumstances, but he could easily overuse it. Albert might forgive him violence transgressions until he was sixteen, but the human government certainly would not, for serious transgressions. After sixteen, he would have both Albert and the human government against him for violence transgressions.
Writing mostly without violence as a resolution-generator was definitely a much greater challenge for me that I imagined possible.
u/nevinera [+3] (14 hours later)
I don't mean to be overly critical - I enjoyed it, and I'd read it again (probably after I finish rereading Worm). And I don't have a way that I think it should have gone, I just know it broke a lot of narrative rules - the ending let out a bunch of built-up plot tension without making anything out of it, and it felt strange.
You certainly treated it well from a rational perspective, and you did an awesome job with building the characters and the narrative tension too. I found Allen especially to be much more relatable and interesting than the characters in your other works, and I hope you can keep whatever wizardry you mixed up to make that happen. His concerns concerned me, and I was upset when he was manipulated and hurt - at a guess, it was because you managed his character flaws well, and because you had to model him more carefully.
u/Empiricist_or_not [+2] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (12 hours later)
This is exactly why I like it.
u/diraniola [+2] (4 days later)
So I haven't really been following this since these days I try to only read finished fiction. What is it about? What's the pitch? And should I read it now?
u/Farmerbob1 [+1] Level 1 author (6 days later)
I have just rewritten the backstory as a prologue. There will be a new thread shortly asking for people's opinions on it. If you ask the same question there, you might get a response. This was off the front page before you replied to it. It would feel weird for me to try to sing the praises of my own book. I clearly think it's worth reading, heh.