3.2 KiB
Medicine Angel
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Author: u/PeridexisErrant put aside fear for courage, and death for life*
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URL: http://www.miraclejones.com/stories/sing-meatbags-sing-medicine-angels.html
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Score: 21
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Created: 2015-10-26T11:39:02
Post:
Comments:
u/FeepingCreature [+12] GCV Literally The Entire Culture (41 minutes later)
NURSE STABBED IN DUMMY AFFAIR
NJ. A nurse at Morris Folger Memorial Hospital was found stabbed to death this morning. Local Surgeon Dr. Peng has been arrested and has confessed to the crime. Peng was apparently overcome with rage when he encountered the nurse, J.O., in mid-coitus with the hospital's training dummy when he came in for an emergency. Security footage was made available to us showing him stabbing the nurse thirty-seven times with a surgical scalpel. Peng, who was almost incoherent, claimed that the dummy had been "his"; apparently he had been listening to its genitals for medical advice. At this moment it is unknown what drugs, if any, the well-respected surgeon was on at the time. Hospital officials have voiced disbelief and bewilderment at the grisly crime, though a staff member who asked to not be named told us she "saw it coming miles away".
u/Adamantium9001 [+7] United Federation of Planets (7 hours later)
a staff member who asked to not be named told us she "saw it coming miles away".
Oh wow that humour is black. A coping mechanism for her grief, I presume?
Also, the nurse is J.O.? I bet the reporter loved that one.
u/FeepingCreature [+6] GCV Literally The Entire Culture (12 hours later)
For the record, hilariously enough, those parts of the joke were unintentional.
I am not a native speaker. I just read this and went "Oh wow, that cannot possibly end well."
Unrelatedly: does anyone feel like we're getting the other half of an absurdist story here? I mean, if you read something where a surgeon consults the dick of a practice dummy for advice, would you go "clearly a teleworking medical analyst has hacked that dummy" - no, you'd assume they were hallucinating or it was a demon or something.
u/Transfuturist [+3] Carthago delenda est. (9 days later)
This is already an absurdist story. A telepresent hacker-nurse roots a bag of nanoactive meat to haunt a doctor who paints the faces of his patients into balls that he rolls around in naked by answering yes/no questions with a foot-long boner. This is as fucking absurdist as it gets!
u/FeepingCreature [+3] GCV Literally The Entire Culture (9 days later)
Weird, as I was reading it every individual step seemed somewhat plausible at the time, and yet I can't disagree with your description.
u/Transfuturist [+2] Carthago delenda est. (10 days later)
It is a thing of great beauty and power.
u/ancientcampus [+1] juggling kittens (12 days later)
Okay, that was funny. Waking a patient up, then putting them back down again, seems really strange. IT medical technicians sounds really cool and I firmly agree it could improve patient care.