3.6 KiB
Trust in God, or, The Riddle of Kyon kinetic novel [RT][WIP?][FF]
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Author: u/DCarrier *
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URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/3r0m4o/trust_in_god_or_the_riddle_of_kyon_kinetic_novel/
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Score: 23
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Created: 2015-10-31T22:14:40
Post:
I made this a couple year's back based on Eliezer Yudkoski's Haruhi fanfic Trust in God, or, The Riddle of Kyon. I made it using the Kyon, Big Damn Hero visual novel, which is based on Kyon, Big Damn Hero (unfinished due to author existence failure).
It's not exactly complete. It goes to the end of the story, and I think it's pretty good as it is, but it's lacking a few backgrounds, and more music would be good. If anyone wants to help, that would be great. But if you just want to read it, you don't have to wait until I post a complete version.
Comments:
u/Yuridice [+6] (6 hours later)
I really liked Trust in God, this is an interesting way of using the material.
u/NotAHeroYet [+2] City of Angles Municipal Government (2 hours later)
I'd ask if there's a more frazzled koizumi avatar out there. this one isn't all that frazzled looking. Still, maybe it's justifiable.
Good work, otherwise, though.
u/DCarrier [+4] (9 hours later)
There isn't one. There are 53 sprites of Yuki, who is known for her complete lack of facial expressions, but there's not a single frazzled Koizumi.
u/NotAHeroYet [+1] City of Angles Municipal Government (23 hours later)
So either this is the worst it has ever been,- plausible, if surprising- or it's so subtle that only with years of interaction can kyon tell Koizumi is at all frazzled -vaugely implausible, but still, theoretically, possible.
u/DCarrier [+2] (23 hours later)
He can tell how Yuki's feeling. Why not Koizumi?
u/NotAHeroYet [+1] City of Angles Municipal Government (a day later)
I meant more the raw strength of the prose. koizumi isn't "slightly stressed", it's "frazzled, like a rag that had been used to mop up one spilled tea after another." it feels too potent a line for a slightly tired individual, or a subtly exhausted individual. This might be personal biases, though.
u/DCarrier [+3] (a day later)
I was just being silly. I don't have sprites to match the prose, and I doubt I'd be able to draw something like that. Haruhi also isn't wearing the clothes it says she is during the date, they're standing on the school roof instead of a skyscraper, they standing on the school roof when the text is clear that they're crawling, etc.
u/scruiser [+1] CYOA (17 hours later)
Just played through. Brilliant job
expanding onthe story while remaining true to its ideas and ending.*Edit: Memory totally wrong about the original story length.
u/DCarrier [+3] (17 hours later)
Expanding on? I just added graphics. I didn't change any of the actual text.
u/scruiser [+2] CYOA (18 hours later)
Wow... I totally incorrectly remembered that story somehow... for some reason I only remembered part of the introduction and the second half of the last chapter of it. Even reading your story, I didn't remember it but instead assumed you decided to elaborate more on some of the details... Well, I did like the graphics and such.