9.8 KiB
Pokemon: The Origin of Species, Chapter 27 - Challenges
-
Author: u/DaystarEld Pokémon Professor*
-
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9794740/27/Pokemon-The-Origin-of-Species
-
Score: 44
-
Created: 2016-01-01T12:43:38
Post:
Comments:
u/SkeevePlowse [+7] (5 hours later)
Oh yeah. Leaf's article is going to be received quietly and without much attention. Definitely.
It's going to touch off a shitstorm of epic proportions, and I would not be surprised to see our heroes run out of town.
u/The_Magus_199 [+2] Ankh-Morpork City Watch (7 hours later)
I dunno... even though that would be immediately bad for the heroes, it still seems like too high a level of "success" for her first try, considering that both Blue and Red's first attempts fizzled. I can't help but feel that Leaf's article is going to be less effective than she's like, not more.
u/diraniola [+7] (8 hours later)
The difference is that Red and Blue both went out EXPECTING to succeed on their first try. Both had huge ambition and jumped in without really getting ready. Leaf is going very slow, getting lots of feedback and doesn't expect anything big to come from it. I can see her getting a huge impact with negative consequences, which she seems to be willfully ignoring the possibility of.
u/The_Magus_199 [+1] Ankh-Morpork City Watch (13 hours later)
Ah, okay, that makes sense.
u/DaystarEld [+6] Pokémon Professor (21 seconds later)
Hey all, welcome back and happy new year! Thanks for all the great suggestions for the Patreon. I should be launching it within the next month, and will link to it through Reddit posts first to help facilitate initial feedback more quickly.
A note on pokemon taxonomy: though a number of amusing comics have pointed out the confusion of a Pokemon world native to words like "rat" or "dog" in the pokedex or despite the (nearly universal) lack of our world's animals in theirs, I've never found this particular detail to be problematic. "Dog" is not a specific animal: it's a wide family of very closely related animals, more specific than canid but less specific than German Shepard. Houndour and Stoutland are dogs. There are no American Bald Eagles in Pokemon, or even Unovan Bald Eagles, but there are still eagles, such as Braviary and Staraptor, the latter of which could also be called a hawk depending on what features you focus on.
The point is that ekans is a snake and onix is a snake, despite them both being very different creatures, because both share enough descriptive traits to be grouped under the category "snake." It might be more colloquial and less scientific in the pokemon world than in ours, but labels are just boxes that we draw around things that are similar enough to ease communication, and there's no reason that would be less true in a world of wildly different magical beasts just because they also have other labels to use, like Fire type and Electric type.
Happy reading, and all feedback welcome!
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (27 seconds later)
Typo thread here!
u/4t0m [+3] Chaos Legion (14 hours later)
Maturin returns from her shell
Very subjective but I don't really like this phrasing.
knowing that any second now he'd realize
Should probably be "he'll."
It tumbles backward, then catches itself in the air before it falls and flaps the water from its feathers as it hovers warily in place.
I think this phrasing could be improved, esp. the "before it falls..."
Meanwhile Maturin's head is back in her shell, standing upright and waiting for her next command.
Maturin's head is the subject of the first but not the second clause.
Her legs all kick out at once in the same direction
A bit unclear imo.
He'll have to rely on speed and some diversity.
"Diversity" seems weird to me here.
as some of the fire lands on his long white hair or wooden skin.
Should maybe be "and."
If he doesn't know better he'd say Jarod is being nice, in his own way.
Sounds bad to me. You could say "if he didn't". It wouldn't be past tense, but subjunctive.
Blue's shiftry hops forward from one foot to the other as the onix heaves rocks through the air with its tail, but Kemuri has already closed the distance between them and cuts the onix's grey hide with his leaves.
Phrasing could be improved imo.
if Kemuri's mobility is restricted, he would be in trouble.
"Were restricted" or "will be" imo.
It crashes to the ground on Kemuri's side, and soon its arms are a blur as bits of green particles flow in a mini cyclone toward the onix, far tighter and more directed than stray bits of leaf normally might.
"It" refers to two diff. things in this sentence, and other times you use "he" for Kemuri.
Red has a moment to wonder if that would work when Kemuri blinks, glow fading from its eyes.
I think "would" is weird here.
If Maturin didn't duck its head in immediately after, it would be crushed like an egg.
Same, but more the context/meaning that strictly grammar. Like, why isn't it "doesn't/will" or "didn't/would have been"?
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (18 hours later)
Fixed them all, thanks a lot!
u/DrunkenQuetzalcoatl [+1] (an hour later)
Its Horn Drill can instantly kill most it Pokemon it can get into position.
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (6 hours later)
Fixed, thanks!
u/DrunkenQuetzalcoatl [+1] (2 hours later)
and he steps forward to meet meet her for a hug
u/ZeroNihilist [+1] (6 hours later)
Kemuri's arm, but cutts the bundled leaves
Blue watches it close to see if the wound will close on its own [probably unintended repetition]
around Blues's shroomish
Blue knows how it plays to the audience to show off such a strong pokemon [missing full stop] He hasn't
The applause slowly die as they meet in the middle
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (12 hours later)
Fixed, thanks a lot!
u/Cariyaga [+2] Kyubey did nothing wrong (an hour later)
Heheh, now I'm really looking forward to Leaf's article myself... We'll see how it turns out for her and Pewter.
u/None [+2] (2 hours later)
Great descriptions for the battle and good pacing. Really enjoying this fanfic
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (6 hours later)
Thanks, glad you're liking it!
u/None [+2] (6 hours later)
It's brilliantly written. The only one that compares is game of champions, but that appears to be dead now.
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (12 hours later)
Yeah, I've been hoping or an update to that ever since I was linked to it. Still got my fingers crossed.
u/Lugnut1206 [+2] (6 hours later)
Will we see the full text of the article when it's released?
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (11 hours later)
Likely not. I imagine it being a few thousand words, which is almost the size of a chapter. I might end up writing it up in full, but overall I think it's better to use that time/space to continue the story and convey the article with summary and excerpts.
u/Cariyaga [+5] Kyubey did nothing wrong (12 hours later)
As a bonus chapter at some point, if you do write it up, it could work.
u/liamash3 [+1] Mizu (14 hours later)
"Yeah. For the most part, it's seems almost totally unrelated.
most part, it seems
Good chapter. I liked the battle scenes, and how Brock and Blue used tactics to fight one another and give orders to their pokemon.
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (18 hours later)
Fixed, thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
u/Corticotropin [+1] (a day later)
Yesss it's up!!
u/OhaiItsThatOneGuy [+1] (a day later)
I don't know if you've answered this in a previous thread or not as this is my first time on the sub. Anyways, I realized recently that Nuzleaf evolves into Shiftry through a leafstone. How do you explain the large group of Shiftry in Viridian Forest, or similar evolutions, like the Raichu? Are evolutionary stones even a thing in your story? Love the story btw!
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Evolutionary stones do exist, and are found in nature. Glad you're enjoying the story!
u/DCarrier [+1] (3 days later)
Can they be synthesized, or are they only found in nature? Also, what about rare candies?
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (3 days later)
Most can be synthesized, but its not worth doing for the most part, as they are not wholly consumed on each "use."
Rare Candy are basically performance enhancing drugs: some say they make your pokemon stronger, others say the results aren't optimal and have drawbacks.
u/lilybeans20101 [+1] (9 days later)
Hi there, I just discovered your series a few days ago and love it so far, but I have to ask, do you have a planned end date? Just from a rough estimate, how often should I check for new updates and how long until there won't be anymore?
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (9 days later)
Hey there, glad you're enjoying it! I update once a month at the beginning of each month, and currently have no end date forseen: I know where the story is going and how it will end, but have no way of knowing how long it will take to get there. All I can say is it will probably be around a hundred chapters, and possibly more.
u/lilybeans20101 [+1] (9 days later)
Great. I'll be happy to read them.