12 KiB
[RT][FF]Horizon Breach - Chapters 1-3 [Log Horizon]
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Author: u/GaBeRockKing Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857*
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Score: 22
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Created: 2016-05-08T16:54:13
Post:
Comments:
u/GaBeRockKing [+4] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (5 minutes later)
#Summary:
Players once trapped in a video game world find a way to connect it to the original world... but since the video game world is a real world in its own right, they get to keep their powers, and people back on earth can figure out how to use them as well. Politics ensue.
Log Horizon fans will get the most out of this, but it's written so as to be relatively understandable by people not familiar with the source material.
#Other notes:
I've been throwing around the idea of how to write a story about the world as it discovers magic, and this is the final result of several iterations, including that experiment I did with the guy in his cabin, and a thread about how to limit magic spread.
Thank you very much to all the /r/rational users who helped get the first two chapters squeaky clean and out the door, as well as the users who responded to all my what-ifs.
AO3 version is here, although it'll update a little after the FF version since I tend to be rather forgetful.
u/None [+3] (2 hours later)
[removed]
u/GaBeRockKing [+3] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (7 hours later)
It's a long story. Don't ask.
I still have PTSD from the demonic chimichangas.
u/None [+3] (4 hours later)
[deleted]
u/GaBeRockKing [+2] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (6 hours later)
Just out of curiosity have you read the novels, or is this based entirely off of the anime?
Anime, but I'm making extensive use of the Wiki. I can't stand reading fan-translated work, as everything just feels so stilted.
Though I'm probably biased as I don't really like her much.
To be honest, my internal reasoning just boiled down to having to pick someone from LH so readers would be familiar, and because Shiroe is more difficult to write (he's smarter than me), Minori was my second best choice. Isuzu probably would have been a good pick... but I honestly completely forgot about her during planning.
Don't worry, though-- she won't be the only character to go through.
Thanks for the typo checking, by the way!
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (4 hours later)
Enjoyed it pretty well overall! A few quick notes:
In chapter 2, still not sure why Shiroe didn't just private message Akatsuki with what he wanted: she implies that he did something to "flush out" her prey by forcing them to go into hiding? Doesn't really make sense to me.
In chapter 3, the revelation that people in our world have classes and can use skills like in Elder Tale is a rather drastic plot point. I have to wonder how it occurs: did people in our world develop the ability to cast Elder Tale style magic the second Minori came through, or only through exposure to her does the "game-ness" of levels and spells, even physical action "spells," spread to them? Also, she should know better than to teach someone an aggro-gaining move as their first thing: she's lucky the Prime Minister's bodyguards didn't shoot him.
Also curious to know what the developers of Elder Tale think of their game suddenly becoming a real world, and why they haven't been brought in on the meeting. Maybe they were the main source of information to brief the Prime Minister on the game, but if so that should be mentioned, since otherwise their absence is noteworthy in the narrative.
Lastly, I don't remember where in the series it was shown that heroes can be stopped from respawning. Is that from the light novel? In any case, Shiroe should definitely have told her to hold that information back. There's no reason for him to treat our world government with any less suspicion or caution as other potential enemies, which is exactly what they are, and he's smart enough to recognize the potential conflicts that are surely on the horizon.
Typos:
Chapter 1:
I'm not going to lose out because "
I'm not going to lose out because-"
Lander nobles
Landed nobles?
Chapter 2:
plans to efectivwly
effectively
communication..
communication...
Chapter 3:
not emphasising with
not empathizing with
Looking forward to the next chapter!
u/GaBeRockKing [+3] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (7 hours later)
Also, she should know better than to teach someone an aggro-gaining move as their first thing: she's lucky the Prime Minister's bodyguards didn't shoot him.
She's earning her "sorcerer's apprentice," nickname :P. More seriously, I'm trying to exclusively use moves listed on the wiki, and the other samurai abilities are all damage-dealing, so not something she could really have him do in a crowded office.
Also curious to know what the developers of Elder Tale think of their game suddenly becoming a real world, and why they haven't been brought in on the meeting. Maybe they were the main source of information to brief the Prime Minister on the game, but if so that should be mentioned, since otherwise their absence is noteworthy in the narrative.
Elder Tale is based in the US, so they couldn't get to japan fast enough. And because this won't come up for a fair amount of time (if I bother mentioning it at all) many of the game developers would have been online for the release of the new expansion anyways, so they're themselves trapped in the game world.
Lastly, I don't remember where in the series it was shown that heroes can be stopped from respawning. Is that from the light novel?
I honestly don't know-- I grabbed the info from the wiki.
Everything else delves into spoilers, but thanks for your review and typo-checking!
(Lander is short for People of the Land, by the way, so "Lander Noble" is as intended.)
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (9 hours later)
developers would have been online for the release of the new expansion anyways, so they're themselves trapped in the game world.
Ha! Can't decide if that would be better or worse than it was for the average player. I kind of assumed the developers were in on the whole thing, hence them not showing up in the anime so far.
I honestly don't know-- I grabbed the info from the wiki.
Gotcha. I've watched Seasons 1 and 2 twice each and can't remember it, which makes me pretty confident it hasn't happened in the anime. Might be worth looking into the timeline on when that occurs to see if it messes with continuity.
(Lander is short for People of the Land, by the way, so "Lander Noble" is as intended.)
Doh, I knew that, wrote out the typos as I found them and didn't go back to delete that one after it was explained.
u/GaBeRockKing [+1] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (9 hours later)
Gotcha. I've watched Seasons 1 and 2 twice each and can't remember it, which makes me pretty confident it hasn't happened in the anime. Might be worth looking into the timeline on when that occurs to see if it messes with continuity.
Chronologically it's bound to have happened-- Plant Hwyaden bought the Cathedral the same way Shiroe bought the guild building, but where just more proactive about enforcing their power.
Oh well, even if I'm wrong, I doubt we're getting S3 anyways with S2 sort of flopping and the author's tax evasion, so I don't think anyone else will call me out on it :P
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (11 hours later)
Is it confirmed though that someone buying the Cathedral and getting you blacklisted causes you to never respawn, opposed to just making you respawn an the next closest one?
Aw, I didn't know there were any issues with the series and figured S3 was coming eventually. Now I'm sad.
u/GaBeRockKing [+2] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (12 hours later)
The wiki had something about how their fates were undetermined. I figured it wouldn't matter to shiroe, because he got a plausible reason to smear plant hwyaden.
As for the season problems, Log Horizon pulled pretty decent ratings, even if the DVDs didn't sell fantastically, and the tv network that funded it cared more about ratings. At the same time, though, the people who funded LH get government money, which puts LH in kind of a pickle.
Regardless, we're basically out of canon material, so maybe by the time there'd be enough to make S3 the author would be forgiven.
u/GaBeRockKing [+1] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (5 days later)
By the way, it turned out that I was at least partially right about developers falling into Elder Tale.
Though there's something about the company mainframe not being affected... Eh, I'm just going to treat it the same way I've already been.
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (5 days later)
Neat. Yeah it seems like the company mainframe was exempt, which would explain why most developers were not trapped.
u/KarlitoHomes [+2] (6 hours later)
I've just started watching Log Horizon; should I worry about series spoilers?
u/GaBeRockKing [+1] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (7 hours later)
Yes, please don't read this until you've finished.
Also, you'll find people saying that S2 is worse in quality than S1. That's not false, but my personal experience was that the complaints tend to be overblown, and it picks back up after the children's arc.
u/MaddoScientisto [+2] (3 days later)
I was always amazed by how rational log horizon was to begin with and as soon as I saw this rational fic I thought "but it's already rational".
And yet I really enjoyed reading the chapters so far and I can't wait for things to go somehow horribly wrong with magic unleashed in the real world
u/elevul [+1] Cyoria Observer (2 days later)
Read. Very interesting premise. I'm fairly curious to see how you continue it.
u/Mizu25 [+1] (5 days later)
Horizon Breach ch1 errors
once we have a talisman, simply gathering up enough mana to use it will be a considerably cheaper than manufacturing a new one.
will be considerably cheaper than
We've been looking for this since we got into elder tale, I'm not going to lose out because "
Missing the rest of the sentence after 'lose out because' here.
Horizon Breach ch2 errors
To the petite assasin, the world of Elder Tale felt just as real as the one back home.
assassin
She knew how much it needled him to have her act to formal,
act too formal
"Plant Hwyaden plans to efectivwly send an additional agent without our knowledge over to the real world
effectively send an additional agent
Horizon Breach ch3 errors
"Now, if you and your parents well follow me, I'll lead you to my office."
will follow me, I'll lead
Indicus watched her for a reaction, then made a frustrated sound. "Useless whore. I out-manipulate Shiroe and you don't give a single damn. Fuck this and fuck you.
fuck you."
Thought I recognized the forum posts generator - from the Worm fandom over on Sufficent Velocity and Spacebattles, no? Anyway, this was quite good so far, and I'll be curious to see where else you'll be taking it. Also gonna be curious on what Plant Hwyaden's plans are, as I could never quite follow them in the anime when it aired.
u/GaBeRockKing [+1] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (6 days later)
Thought I recognized the forum posts generator - from the Worm fandom over on Sufficient Velocity and Spacebattles, no?
Yep. I'm a big worm fan, and I've been looking for an excuse to use it since my last worm fic flopped before I got far enough along to post. Incidentally, it also balloons my wordcount ;)