12 KiB
[RT] Glimwarden, Chapter 3
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Author: u/alexanderwales Time flies like an arrow*
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Score: 32
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Created: 2016-05-20T13:03:33
Post:
Comments:
u/CouteauBleu [+18] We are the Empire. (53 minutes later)
Let's see... Little compulsion to ethical behaviour, resents people for reasons she won't communicate to them, a tendency to self-aggrandize, socially isolated, and she has a crippling dept to (someone described as) a power-hungry aristocrat. Yeah, somehow I don't see her arc having a happy ending for anyone involved.
u/4t0m [+12] Chaos Legion (5 hours later)
In case nobody writes a similar comment: I actually like Melanie a lot so far as a character, and, embarrassingly, gained a bit of perspective on a friendship of mine (with me as the Sander and my friend as the Melanie). Further, you managed to convey a bunch of information about Sander, and his strengths and weaknesses, without having Sander take the reader's attention off Melanie, or making him the focus of her PoV. Having him give a monologue full of new information, and then showing how that monologue is actually sort of inappropriate and indicative of the problems with their friendship, strikes me as a really clever way to deliver exposition and characterization for two characters all at once in an elegant and subtle way.
u/CouteauBleu [+3] We are the Empire. (8 hours later)
I don't think Melanie's a compelling character, in the sense that I don't really want to know what will happen to her, but she is well-written.
And yeah, I can totally see myself as the Sander in any number of relationships. That's basically why I only make friends with people who are good at communicating their intentions and feelings.
u/alexanderwales [+9] Time flies like an arrow (3 minutes later)
This chapter sees the introduction of our third viewpoint character (and last-for-now), Melanie Masters, young proprietor of the Black Mare and unlikely hero. The next chapter will be posted two weeks from now.
u/AmeteurOpinions [+10] Finally, everyone was working together. (47 minutes later)
So we have Harry, Draco, and Hermione. But who is our Defense Professor?
u/None [+8] (4 hours later)
Came here to say this. It feels like RWBY/HPMOR crossover.
Wonder what the
Semblancessignatures of the team would be, and how would they be munchkined.^(silly prediction: partial transfiguration for SS, mind shenanigans for PP, troll regen/innocence aura for MM)
u/PeridexisErrant [+1] put aside fear for courage, and death for life (17 hours later)
...Omake time!
u/tbroch [+6] (6 hours later)
Sanders seems far too interested in technical and scientific learning to be Harry, though. Also, Melanie is clearly reading as an escape mechanism more than because she loves learning things.
u/SometimesATroll [+5] (11 hours later)
And Draco is a normal kid who acts like a sociopath(in some situations) because of how he was raised.
Philip is a sociopath (or close to it) who acts like a normal person because of how he was raised.
u/Zephyr1011 [+7] Potentially Unfriendly Aspiring Divinity (3 hours later)
For all that Melanie claims to be aware of the distinction between fantasy and reality, she seems terrible at accounting for it
u/PeridexisErrant [+11] put aside fear for courage, and death for life (17 hours later)
Hey! She's read books where the protagonist makes the distinction between fantasy and reality, you take that back.
u/DaystarEld [+7] Pokémon Professor (8 hours later)
Excellent expansion of Melanie's chapter: she has much more grounding and periphery characterization now, matching the other two primary protagonists.
That said:
Some of the info at the start of the second section now feels redundant. Maybe shift it to the early part of the chapter, so that it doesn't rephrase what we've already gathered about her and her life.
Her motivation feels like the weakest, when it should be the strongest. What I mean by that is I feel like there's lost potential here. Sander wants to be a Glimwarden because it "feels right," excites him intellectually, and for some lineage sentimentality. Phillip wants to be one for the potential challenges it contains, and possible power. Both are similar in that they don't need to become Glimwardens, but want to be. They could do other things with their lives, their talents, and at worst are just bored with things as they are. Melanie, on the other hand, is fairly miserable with her life. She should have a fire lit in her mind by the chance to become a Glimwarden. She should be barely restraining her eagerness in front of her aunt, biting her tongue at telling Sander that she will be one too. Not only is this her chance to become a heroine from one of her stories, even acknowledging that stories aren't like real life, it's also her one real chance to break the shackles of the inn...
And yet she seems far too neutral, too reserved, for any of that to be felt. It makes her a less compelling character, in my mind, than she should be.
You probably have a different character/arc for her in mind, or maybe she takes some time to develop into things, but for now my perspective is she can use the emotive boost early, if possible. Regardless, looking forward to the next chapters!
u/alexanderwales [+3] Time flies like an arrow (a day later)
At the risk of showing too much of how the sausage is made:
Her inward sense of motive is the weakest mostly because of how she's built as a character. Her first thought on hearing the offer is "this is a way out", but her second thought is "I'm going to get fucked over somehow". Her first comparison is to a story where some patsy gets stuck between two forces more powerful than himself and crushed by them. This is a road forward, ergo there must be something wrong with the road.
So yes, she's less compelling of a character right now, but I'm okay with that because that's part of who she is, part of where she's going, and part of how her temperament and philosophical outlook mesh with (and contrast with) the other characters. A Melanie that gets eager about things isn't the Melanie I need her to be.
u/CouteauBleu [+2] We are the Empire. (a day later)
She's not the Melanie Light's Hollow needs. She's the Melanie Light's Hollow deserves.
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Her first comparison is to a story where some patsy gets stuck between two forces more powerful than himself and crushed by them. This is a road forward, ergo there must be something wrong with the road.
True, this was a pretty telling part of her character and perspective. It didn't feel like it at the time though. Hmm. Now I'm wondering why. Maybe there's a better way to make it more central to the chapter? I'd have to reread it with an eye toward editing to be sure, and I'm not sure you'd want to do such a big overhaul of the chapter if you already have something else planned.
So yes, she's less compelling of a character right now, but I'm okay with that because that's part of who she is, part of where she's going, and part of how her temperament and philosophical outlook mesh with (and contrast with) the other characters. A Melanie that gets eager about things isn't the Melanie I need her to be.
Fair enough, I feel the same way about Leaf in my story. Just be aware that the dynamic may not come across as you intend: Phillip is definitely detached enough to make a second detached character like Melanie feel like a lesser shadow of him, until she evidences some uniqueness or insight to stand out in her own way. I definitely haven't been able to make Leaf's sections as engaging as I want them to be for everyone though, so maybe I'm projecting.
u/CMEast [+4] (9 days later)
Hmm, some speculation on a time before lanterns and the first Glimwardens.
If the darklings are as dangerous as as common as it seems, then it seems hard to imagine a world with darklings but without lanterns - they go together. A lantern can be used to create a shadow... so perhaps lanterns aren't just safe areas, perhaps they also create the darklings in the first place!
I imagine it as a lantern being created as a weapon, a source of darklings - only those that survived found they couldn't turn the lantern off without dying to the darklings too. As time passes, for them to travel or expand their settlements they must create new lanterns; always with a ring of darklings around them.
I'm probably wrong here, but it's fun to speculate :)
u/redstonerodent [+2] High Council of Gallifrey (an hour later)
He shifted around and took his eyes from the stars to look at her.
He hadn’t taken his eyes from the sky.
Where has Sander been looking?
u/alexanderwales [+2] Time flies like an arrow (an hour later)
Bah, I'll fix that. Thanks,
u/Areign [+1] (2 hours later)
like this maybe?
u/youtubefactsbot [+1] (2 hours later)
How to Use Your Peripheral Vision - Instructional Demonstration [0:24]
For use only in the event of an emergency clubbing scenario.
^Dude902 ^in ^Howto ^& ^Style
^29,924 ^views ^since ^Mar ^2013
u/biomatter [+1] (2 hours later)
I sent in a bunch of typos with that fancy new doodad of yours! Hope it is working well for you. One of them was a little too difficult to convey with text alone though. This might be an issue with my browser, but I just wanted to let you know what I'm seeing here. There's a funny linebreak where there should be one. Dunno why I'm seeing it, it's probably just a problem on my end, but just in case...
u/alexanderwales [+2] Time flies like an arrow (2 hours later)
Thanks for the help. I don't see that weird line break, and there's nothing suspect in the HTML, so I'm not sure what's going on there. I'll probably have to do some browser testing. :/
u/biomatter [+1] (2 hours later)
That's fine, I wouldn't worry about it unless tons of other people see it too. I just wanted to throw it out there.
u/Kerbal_NASA [+1] (10 hours later)
I tried Ctrl+Enter and nothing happened. I'm on Ubuntu/Firefox. :/
(BTW the error was:
If she was Pater John, then Colsum and aunt Linda were, collectively, the handsome devil, and the darklings or perhaps service to the glimwardens.
(should probably end with "glimwardens were the witch" or however you think it should be written) )
u/alexanderwales [+1] Time flies like an arrow (10 hours later)
Fixed that, thanks. I don't think Mistape is a hundred percent great, but at least this doesn't send me down the rabbit hole of debugging.
u/Kerbal_NASA [+1] (10 hours later)
Works great on my machine now, yay!
u/TotesMessenger [+1] (29 days later)
I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/glimwarden] Glimwarden Discussion Link: Chapter 3
^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^(Info ^/ ^Contact)