23 KiB
Pokemon: The Origin of Species, Chapter 32 - Decisions
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Author: u/DaystarEld Pokémon Professor*
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URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9794740/32/Pokemon-The-Origin-of-Species
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Score: 35
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Created: 2016-06-01T10:58:13
Post:
Comments:
u/manipulativ [+29] (4 hours later)
His hand twitches indecisively from left to right, and he finally just chooses at random.
Of course.
u/DCarrier [+16] (9 hours later)
twitch
I see what he did there. I missed it at first.
u/MaddoScientisto [+22] (53 minutes later)
Praise the helix, great chapter as usual
u/DaystarEld [+10] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
\o/@
u/Cariyaga [+13] Kyubey did nothing wrong (an hour later)
"Red didn't mean to imply with his comments that Yuuta wasn't a Renegade. He was just reacting automatically to potential bias or irrationality. Blue has accused him in the past of getting too much enjoyment out of being a devil's advocate to infuriating extremes, but Red never means to do it maliciously. Something in him just naturally pushes back at things that look too sure or damning."
This is something that I sympathize greatly with. It's an issue I often have, too. Regardless, this was a fantastic chapter. I really felt the tension Red felt in my gut when he made his decision.
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
Thank you, glad to hear it worked for you :)
u/DaystarEld [+10] Pokémon Professor (2 minutes later)
Hey all, welcome back! A few quick notes: first, my website is up! Thanks to my patrons and their continued support, you can head over to daystareld.com to find the whole story uploaded there, including a FAQ page, an updated team roster, and a Disqus comment system. I've also uploaded some other things there, including writing/tabletop RPG advice and some board game reviews. Hopefully I'll be able to continue adding more work soon: any and all feedback on the site design, articles, or comment system are welcome!
Second, this chapter includes the first bit of poetry I've written in years. Feedback on it would be particularly welcome, including any suggestions to improve lines or sections: I don't plan on doing much more poetry writing anytime soon, but since I'm so out of practice with it I feel the least confident in its quality.
And third, if you're looking for new rational fiction to read, I recently finally started Unsong, and am devouring it as fast as I can. Without going into spoilers, imagine if the God of the Old Testament was real, and speaking parts of his True Name (in Hebrew of course) let you cast magic spells. Then imagine corporations patented parts of the Name to monopolize their use, and were resisted by an underground coalition of Unitarian Universalist communist kabbalists. Then imagine the whole thing was written like a cross between Douglas Adams and Good Omens.
It's pretty fantastic, is what I mean to say. Head over to unsongbook.com to check it out, and thanks for reading, as always!
u/None [+12] (24 minutes later)
[deleted]
u/Rouninscholar [+6] (4 hours later)
So, few things. First the renegade system seems a little more abusable than it should. In general I find it interesting, but they should have to sign something, or officiate their stance in some way. As of now I cannot decide wether this is a comment on the story, or on the world.which in general means you're doing a good job of writing it. I would be afraid that a ranger would just say "yes, they witnessed and went on their way"
When spoken out loud "I'd teach you and you'd teach me" Sounds worse than "I taught you and you taught me" with the same general flow to the poem, but I am in no way a poet, so keep a few grains of salt on hand.
u/DaystarEld [+8] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
Absolutely more abusable than it should be. The followup paperwork is digital, but I'll probably add it in so it doesn't seem quite as bad.
I was planning on editing the poetry soon after I get more feedback, and I'll definitely keep your thoughts in mind when I do :)
u/noggin-scratcher [+1] I am a happy tree (3 days later)
When spoken out loud "I'd teach you and you'd teach me" Sounds worse than "I taught you and you taught me" with the same general flow to the poem, but I am in no way a poet, so keep a few grains of salt on hand.
I was finding that line a little flow-breaking, and going from "I'd" to "I" and "you'd" to "you" definitely helps; just slightly shortens those syllables. Occurs to me that "I teach you and you teach me" would also fit, but maybe that would be a little too much of a direct quote.
Finding myself slightly tripping over "Our nights" too, but that may be an issue of accent/pronunciation with "Our" being more elongated in a British accent (more like "oww-er", rather than just "are")
u/Golden_Magician [+5] (18 minutes later)
Great chapter!
Am I right in perceiving some Shin Sekai Yori vibes in the whole Renegade system?
Also, HELIX
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (24 minutes later)
Thank you!
No idea what that is :) I see it's on Crunchyroll though, so would you recommend it?
Praise it! \o/@
u/None [+3] (3 hours later)
[deleted]
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
Good to know, thanks! I've got a ton on my watch list already, so it's nice not to put this at any kind of priority.
u/Golden_Magician [+3] (36 minutes later)
Hey, do yourself a favor and go watch it then- it's in 10/10 territory, as far as I'm concerned!
Does this mean that Red will start hearing the whispers of the mob in his head? That would certainly make for an interesting plot device.
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
Haha, I'm going to try and limit references without reason, buuuut he is a psychic, soooo... why don't you put me down for a "maybe" :)
u/AurelianoTampa [+2] (2 hours later)
Shin Sekai Yori is really good if you like psychological horror and fantasy. Has that creepy vibe the entire time of "Something is very VERY wrong but I don't know exactly what it is." I'd put it in the top 5 horror anime series I've watched. That said, it's not really "rationalist." Just good horror.
Do yourself a favor though and ignore the manga. It's much more about fan service than story building. Which, well, I guess can be good in its own way... but doesn't hold a candle to the anime.
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
Gotcha. I've got a fairly long watch list at the moment, but if I'm in the mood to check out good horror anime I'll keep it in mind.
u/Psy-Kosh [+2] (8 hours later)
I wouldn't call it bad. But I'd call it super depressing. "All human's are telekinetic... therefore the world is super crapsackcraptastic"
There're some spoilery things I could say to illustrate what I mean. But yeah, someone recommended it and I watched it. It's interesting, but...
u/AurelianoTampa [+5] (8 hours later)
Great chapter! Reread 31 again right before it, and man, what gut punches. I feel for Red, but honestly I think I took the deaths harder than he did, and felt more like Blue when it came to witnessing for Yuuta.
Something I might have just missed or misunderstood - is Branding a physical brand? It doesn't sound like it, as it's implied that Yuuta is to be executed and not simply marked, but I was wondering if the Brand is actually something more solid than just a Kill-on-sight order.
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (9 hours later)
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it! Nope, just a Kill on Sight order. The word may or may not be be a holdover from a time when it was a physical brand, but people are often branded in absentia, and the spirit of the word is still preserved.
u/Cariyaga [+3] Kyubey did nothing wrong (13 hours later)
If a renegade turns themself in, are they imprisoned or executed?
u/DaystarEld [+5] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Once branded, they would be executed. If there is doubt in the matter though and they are only suspected, turning themselves in usually reduces their chance of being branded quite a bit.
u/Cariyaga [+4] Kyubey did nothing wrong (a day later)
Have there ever been cases of branding being overturned? How... hard a line is being a renegade? For instance, if you used a pokemon to defend yourself from an assailant, would that be grounds for it?
u/DaystarEld [+5] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Generally speaking, branding isn't overturned because in order to be branded in the first place, you have to have people witness using pokemon to attack humans. If the original Ranger or witnesses are proven to be corrupt or complicit in some deception however, it's technically possible.
No, self defense is allowed, which is why Yuuta pointed out that Maturin attacked his abra, trying to justifyung him summoning sandslash and attacking with it.
u/Saffrin-chan [+4] (10 hours later)
The poem seems good to me! (although I'm not that good at poetry myself, so don't take me too seriously!)
Were some of the lines deliberately referencing the original theme song? A bunch of the lines could be interpreted as references to the song lyrics, but the line "I'd teach you and you'd teach me" especially seems like a direct reference to Gotta Catch 'Em All!
^^also ^^you ^^know ^^I'm ^^not ^^going ^^to ^^be ^^able ^^to ^^listen ^^to ^^that ^^song ^^now ^^without ^^thinking ^^of ^^pokemon ^^funerals, ^^right?
u/DaystarEld [+7] Pokémon Professor (11 hours later)
That line in particular was inspired by the song, yes :) I'm glad you liked it!
also you know I'm not going to be able to listen to that song now without thinking of pokemon funerals, right?
steeples fingers together Excellent... coughs I mean, uh. I'm sorry...
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (4 minutes later)
Typo thread!
u/KnickersInAKnit [+5] (an hour later)
"Sparrow also didn't make it" - should be Spearow unless Red's nicknamed his bird and I've been misreading it this whole time.
u/noggin-scratcher [+5] I am a happy tree (3 days later)
Hm, there's a question... would they even have the word sparrow in the Pokemon-verse, or do they know only of spearow? There's probably quite a few Pokemon named by pun/similarity with animals that they don't have...
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
Woops, thanks. Fixed!
u/Mizu25 [+1] (4 days later)
Red unclips the pokeball, then braces his himself physically and emotionally. "Go, Rattata," he mutters.
then braces himself
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (4 days later)
Fixed, thanks!
u/trekie140 [+3] (a day later)
I only just discovered this story and think the premise is really interesting, but I have never played Pokemon or watched the show. Would I be able to understand the story if I know basically nothing about the setting?
u/DaystarEld [+7] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Nothing from the anime or game's stories really matter for this, so you should be okay. The main issue you might run into is that I don't often describe what each pokemon looks like in great detail: you might be okay off the brief descriptions, but you also might end up having to google new pokemon every few chapters.
Other than that you should be good, and I'm actually really interested to see what someone who isn't familiar with the source material thinks of it. Let me know if you start reading :) Reviewing the first few chapters with an outsider's eye would be very helpful.
u/daydev [+3] (a day later)
The Renegade handling makes the judiciary system in Ace Attorney seem fair and procedurally sound.
More seriously, as I said in a comment to the previous chapter, I think it's a bit inconsistent that at the same time there are "Pokemon lives matter" activists, and they also execute people without anything resembling a fair trial for "reckless Pokemon handling with malicious intent". That's not the level of America's stereotypical "being tough on crime" (years in prison for weed), that's the the level of trials at the dawn of the Soviet Union where they "disposed of the archaic capitalist notion of 'guilt'" (replacing it with the notion of "danger for society"). I think the story is going in the direction of lampshading the flawed system (unlike, e.g. Harry Potter were in a supposedly "wonderful" world the judiciary system is fucked beyond belief, and not a word is said against the system as a whole), but maybe it's starting too "dark", at this point of the world's progress there should've been some reforms already.
u/DaystarEld [+7] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
I think it's a bit inconsistent that at the same time there are "Pokemon lives matter" activists, and they also execute people without anything resembling a fair trial for "reckless Pokemon handling with malicious intent".
In what sense? The first group cares about pokemon wellbeing, the second demonizes people for using pokemon against other humans. There's little overlap there.
at this point of the world's progress there should've been some reforms already.
Possibly, but keep in mind that the majority of 21st century Americans are okay with indefinite detention and torture of suspected terrorists, and we're not faced with the threat anywhere near as often as people in the pokemon world.
u/daydev [+3] (a day later)
In what sense? The first group cares about pokemon wellbeing, the second demonizes people for using pokemon against other humans. There's little overlap there.
In the sense that if society progressed to the level that a significant number of people start caring about animal rights, a significant number of people (possibly, not the same people, but there should be an overlap) should already care about human rights and not be okay with summary executions. The chapter almost makes Leaf look like those radical eco-terrorists: she's pretty vehement about Pokemon abuse, but she's kinda just a bit queasy about summary execution of a human.
Possibly, but keep in mind that the majority of 21st century Americans are okay with indefinite detention and torture of suspected terrorists, and we're not faced with the threat anywhere near as often as people in the pokemon world.
This is happening "out of sight, out of mind" to "evil foreigners". If it was the case that you could be executed as a terrorist by a police officer and four random people basically on the spot without even right for attorney or habeas corpus, there would be more outrage.
So in the end I understand that it won't happen (and I don't begrudge you for that, it's a minor point), because it would require a major restructuring of a story, and also I'm just one person, but I think what would work better if there were separate Pokemon courts that tried trainers with a simplified procedure, but still adhered to standards of courts-martial, or at least courts from Ace Attorney. Not this legalized lynch mob.
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
In the sense that if society progressed to the level that a significant number of people start caring about animal rights, a significant number of people (possibly, not the same people, but there should be an overlap) should already care about human rights and not be okay with summary executions.
The perspective of Renegades in culture has a lot to do with this: it's drilled into everyone's head from an early age that these are the lowest of the low: in a world where monsters threaten humanity daily, a human choosing to use monsters to kill others is an unforgivable act. Human rights are for those that do not prove themselves inhuman.
This is happening "out of sight, out of mind" to "evil foreigners". If it was the case that you could be executed as a terrorist by a police officer and four random people basically on the spot without even right for attorney or habeas corpus, there would be more outrage.
Most Renegades are branded out of sight as well other than by those who are their potential victims, like Blue and Leaf, and who are not usually the kind of people particularly interested in giving the Renegades the benefit of the doubt. The idea that people deserve all these safeguards our society has in place for preserving innocence are basically tossed on their head for Renegades: if an accused murderer goes free, maybe they'll murder a few more people before they're caught again. Renegades command creatures that can wipe out entire towns, when directed with human intelligence.
So in the end I understand that it won't happen (and I don't begrudge you for that, it's a minor point), because it would require a major restructuring of a story, and also I'm just one person, but I think what would work better if there were separate Pokemon courts that tried trainers with a simplified procedure, but still adhered to standards of courts-martial, or at least courts from Ace Attorney. Not this legalized lynch mob.
The legalized lynch mob is kind of an important point in the structure of society though :) I don't want their government and society to be too perfect or progressive in every field: I think living under constant siege would cause certain aspects of society to be more draconian than less, and how they treat "treason," which is what being a Renegade in such a tight-knit, everyone-helps-each-other kind of society is akin to, is one of those areas.
u/maniacrmm [+2] (8 days later)
Can I just say I enjoyed this discussion, both points being valid to an extent. I would say so far, to my knowledge, the story does not preclude the existence of anti-branding groups. They could, and very arguably should exist. But I think the rationale behind the ironclad stance on renegades is sound. With monsters at the door it is almost inconceivable that man would not become somewhat monstrous in response to the incredible theat they pose.
u/DaystarEld [+1] Pokémon Professor (8 days later)
With monsters at the door it is almost inconceivable that man would not become somewhat monstrous in response to the incredible theat they pose.
Exactly :) Well put.
u/Traiden04 [+2] (2 hours later)
Just to comment on the layout of your website. Would there be a way to have the content block centered on the screen too? It just feels weird having so much space to the right of the screen. It is good that it is not all negative space, but the background you have chosen just highlights the fact there is nothing there. You could fill it with a twitter roll, or separate out the search bar to be in that space. Just a few suggestions, I love your work and can't wait to read more.
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (7 hours later)
Good ideas, I'll see what I can do to fill the right side with something useful. If not I'll just try and center the text.
u/Mizu25 [+2] (4 days later)
Red seems confused real Renegade aren't as blatantly odd and different to the average person as media has portrayed them. Amusing, and yet it makes sense such a hated and feared profession would be exaggurated by people.
Seems everyone's pretty tense after the Renegade judgement is passed too, and Red's pretty sore about the loss of two of his pokemon. Snapping at Blue due to something he thought was implied condensation when instead it was concern, after all...
Unsurprised that Red's more bothered about the dead humans than his Rattata. He knew the scientist less time-wise, but they were also the same species as him, and thus he's hardwired to care for them more. I think.
"Think you should tell them before the news does?" Leaf asks as her ledyba crawls up her back and onto her hat.
I'm just imagining this happening, mentally picturing how big Ledyba are commonly depicted, and kinda wincing. Big bug, and all that; can understand why anime Misty is freaked about them.
Remember Modama Town? Old Agate Village?
Checked the names on a whim, and realized the second's referencing a town from Pokemon Colosseum and XD. Those games and the region they take place in canon to this story, then? The first's an anime-exclusive kanto town, but I'm unsurprised you borrowed that considered the sheer unlikelihood of only having the number of towns and cities in the games populating Kanto.
Good explanation for the heroes obtaining fossils akin to the game progression, and I like how all three got to pick one of the canon pair. And in the case of Leaf, one you would normally obtain from a scientist at Pewter Museum.
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (4 days later)
I'm just imagining this happening, mentally picturing how big Ledyba are commonly depicted, and kinda wincing. Big bug, and all that; can understand why anime Misty is freaked about them.
Yep. Leaf is a bit more "tolerant" of pokemon, even the icky ones, than Red, who had a similar "bugs ew gross" reaction to his spinarak :)
Those games and the region they take place in canon to this story, then?
Yep, the world of the main series games is way too small and limited, so I decided to include all the games and anime and even manga locations I can find as long as they don't blatantly contradict each other.
u/XxChronOblivionxX [+2] (4 days later)
"Yeah. Just thinking." I need another flying pokemon. He sighs. "What do you think of the Renegade system? Does it seem… fair to you?"
Blue frowns at him. "Of course not. That's the point, isn't it? 'Better to brand ten innocents than let one Renegade go free?'"
"Yeah, I know. The damage that one Renegade can do to society far outweighs the lives of the ten. Are you ever scared of being one of those ten, though?"
"What? No. I'm not going to attack anyone, why would I?"
Man, Blue is comically missing the point here. I think he's a little too confident in how ironclad his own beliefs are.
Also, I just started reading this again after checking it out when it first started. Seriously great stuff and I eagerly anticipate further chapters.
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (4 days later)
Welcome back, and glad you're enjoying it!
I think I might change that line of his actually. Haven't thought of something better to put instead yet, so might just delete it.