13 KiB
[RT][FF]Hermione Granger and the Perfectly Reasonable Explanation - Ch 12: Leverage
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Author: u/RobinDrew Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE)*
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URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9950232/15/Hermione-Granger-and-the-Perfectly-Reasonable-Explanation
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Score: 31
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Created: 2016-07-08T20:00:48
Post:
Comments:
u/Nevereatcars [+10] The Greatest Is Behind (an hour later)
Snape knows that YH is confident that Voldemort will return, and that she's actively thinking about a whole bunch of things she shouldn't have a clue about. He also either felt OH, or bounced off her occlumency shields, or she hid her presence somehow. It would be interesting if he read her mind as well. It'll be interesting to see what he does with that. Dumbledore or Malfoy or keep it to himself, if he moves against Nott (slytherins have potions the next day)
u/4t0m [+7] Chaos Legion (5 hours later)
This is definitely a really cool development, and one that I didn't expect at all for all that it emerges totally naturally from what we know about the world.
That said, I'm slightly of two minds about the execution.
Snape abruptly backed a single step away from her, his expression not changing in the slightest.
I thought this line was almost a really great, subtle indication that Snape read her mind, relying on reader knowledge, and that it did a nice job of demonstrating that we are dealing with an intelligent Snape (or at least one with some self-control). Even then though I wished his reaction had been something a bit less dramatic than even merely taking an abrupt step backwards.
I thought so even more after seeing the chapter end with the explicit revelation of what happened. Given that we are about to find out for sure, I think Snape's reaction should be more subtle. This makes him even more impressive (and doesn't detract from impact of reading his POV -- though I can see why /u/RobinDrew might not want to make Snape too perfect) and allows readers to feel clever when they figure out what happened before having it spelled out directly.
If the text is going to explicitly say what happened, there's no need to find a happy medium between being clear enough that everyone gets it and subtle enough to reward readers who are paying attention.
This is a very minor complaint though :).
u/RobinDrew [+4] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (20 hours later)
When I realized Snape had a good chance of stumbing onto the Time plot, I couldn't resist.
But even knowing the Prophecy and having additional reason to be on guard after the murder, a decade of peace is a far cry from active double-agent duty. Given how completely unexpected what he encountered would have been, I decided that he was just rusty enough that he'd be rattled enough to show any reaction at all. :)
You're right about it not being necessary from a reader standpoint, given the coda - that was purely an impulse to establish dramatic tension, and I didn't reconsider the earlier decision in light of it. Though it does at least still have the benefit of providing Hermione with a small clue for later use.
u/4t0m [+7] Chaos Legion (4 hours later)
I am amazed by how well you portrayed Theodore Nott here. The entire time he spoke I had this awful squirmy feeling in my gut and I felt the same desire to do nasty (for non-weird values of "nasty") things to him that Hermione did. I imagine most people here will feel the same way, which is a testament to how well you've portrayed Hermione, since Theodore's behavior here is something we've been known to cheer for. I am hoping Hermione will toughen up a bit, but it her reaction here was actually wonderful.
Also, to reiterate something I've said before, I'm really looking forward to the rest of this story. You've set it up to be so much more than just another "Actual Smart Hermione" fic, and it has the makings of something quite original. Add that to your great writing and the result is a really memorable story.
I'm glad to see you were able to keep the story going after the incident in the library. Something like that could easily have derailed the story (in a bad way), but it looks like you have found a way to keep it moving forward in a way that
keeps Hermione in a position of agency
continues to deliver on the things that readers have enjoyed up to this point
shows Hermione dealing with the new information in a proactive way, and
continues piling on new complications.
Really impressive stuff, and I think the result will be wonderful if you continue to be successful on all of those points.
u/RobinDrew [+6] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (21 hours later)
Thank you!
What went up is definitely better than my first draft, where Theodore was too thorough in analyzing the situation, to the point where he'd discarded all his sensible theories as to what was going on, and was starting to question some of the evidence.
I thought about it, and realized that it does make sense for high-status pure-bloods to receive "factional" tutoring before Hogwarts (a-la Draco in HPMOR), but it's not likely to be in critical thinking (as that would not be a survival trait, given the faction's difficulties with objective reality), rather in fast, reliable heuristics for identifying opportunity and acting on it.
That shortcut most of the analysis, recognizing that, regardless of Hermione's motives for "making it up", she'd made herself vulnerable. And because he doesn't believe a word of it, he's content to make personal use of the situation, rather than immediately owling his father, which could've had much more serious and immediate consequences.
u/Nevereatcars [+8] The Greatest Is Behind (5 hours later)
One of the FF.net reviewers complained about "another school of 11-year old Machiavellis," so I'll give you my counterpoint.
More Machiavelli, please.
I'd rather my scheming 11-year-olds be competent instead of fumbling, as long as my scheming adults are proportionally more competent.
u/space_fountain [+4] (5 hours later)
Yea that's the thing. It isn't 11 year olds reading this. Not to mention some 11 year olds are pretty darn smart. You miss out on some of the character development through aging here though
u/PeridexisErrant [+4] put aside fear for courage, and death for life (a day later)
Yep. I remember my reaction to Ender's Game (age c. 11ish) as disappointment that the kids weren't clearly out-thinking the adults.
I mean, in this scenario we're talking about the ~500 smartest children of a population of ~10^10, putting them in the top one-hundred-millionth or so. Add military training ("all warfare is based on deception"), and a social environment which challenges their skills, and what hope do relatively normal adults have?
u/Fresh_C [+3] (2 days later)
I don't think they necessarily got the most normal adults to teach them either. Sure the teachers probably weren't all geniuses, but you can bet they were all top experts in their individual fields of expertise.
And they seemed to mostly be taking a very hands-off approach to mentoring the students so there really wasn't much chance for the kids to "get one over" on the adults.
Though I may be making a mistake by assuming that most of the students were treated similarly to the way they treated Ender.
u/None [+3] (4 hours later)
If you're Nott, how do you safeguard yourself from losing the contents of the incriminating letter to a memory charm without revealing it to anyone else? Some sort of mechanism that reveals it to someone if he doesn't tell it not to every 24 hours maybe - nothing he'd be able to craft himself at 11, but he's from a Slytherin family, and an artifact with that ability would be good for Slytherin plotting, so maybe he has one.
u/Achille-Talon [+3] (4 days later)
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm still not convinced that there is an older Hermione time-travelling inside her younger counterpart's head. Why? The title. The Perfectly Reasonable Explanation. It won't be justified unless and until a very reasonable explanation that's very much unlike the weird stuff we are initially led to think appears. Therefore, my current theory is that there is a Perfectly Reasonable Explanation to the note and the glimpses that Hermione hasn't discovered yet.
u/RobinDrew [+2] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (5 days later)
I'd always planned (maybe planned is a strong word - hoped?) for one of the larger mysteries of the story to be "What is it exactly that the 'Perfectly Reasonable Explanation' will have, in the end, explained?" A relevant sub-mystery is the question of from whose perspective will it be perfectly reasonable?
B-)
u/Achille-Talon [+2] (5 days later)
Oh, I see. The perspective thing hadn't occurred to me, but at least, rejoice that I am wondering. Actually, it will be a premiere in HP rational fanfiction if the title is that justified: HPMOR was about rationality, but not about methods in particular, and "Significant Digits"'s title's meaning is still completely unknown to me.
u/RobinDrew [+2] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (2 minutes later)
- Official Typo/Britpick Thread, if you are so inclined, helps if they're all in one place
u/KarlitoHomes [+4] (13 minutes later)
Parvati tried to point out that she'd totally been watching the sand-glass
Should be Padma, I believe. Also earlier, Snape awards Parvati a point for Ravenclaw, but she's in Hufflepuff.
u/RobinDrew [+4] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (49 minutes later)
Argh! Darn twins...I was paranoid and sure I'd double-checked all of these... Thanks!
u/eric1221bday [+5] (4 hours later)
Also I think you would need to change the line afterward
Despite having prevents disaster and earned a point for Ravenclaw
To reflect the fact that she was in Hufflepuff
u/RobinDrew [+2] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (19 hours later)
Sigh. Right you are, thanks!
u/4t0m [+5] Chaos Legion (4 hours later)
She'd sort have expected the Patil twins to find each other...
I'm not totally sure what happened here, but I'm pretty sure that "have" should be "of". You could also just remove "sort".
u/RobinDrew [+4] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (20 hours later)
Dear lord. Thanks, this one is horrible!
Analyzing it, I have found that when I'm typing very fast as I compose, homophone errors are more frequent than any other type, as if my hands are just taking dictation from my thoughts (though I usually notice errors when they come out).
Ordinarily that wouldn't make a lot of sense for this example, unless you're thinking in a British accent, in which case "sort of" actually does sound close to "sort have" (at least, for the Hermione accent that lives in my head).
In any case, I changed it to "vaguely", which probably suits her better in precision-of-thought terms anyway. :)
u/Wireless-Wizard [+2] The Foundation (13 hours later)
Wastes of salt
Is that a Lovecraft reference? Essential Saltes, and all that.
I quite like your voicing of Snape in general. Different enough from the canon first lesson to not be a waste of time, but with enough similarities that he's obviously got a pre-written speech he uses on all the
little bastardsfirst-years
u/RobinDrew [+2] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (20 hours later)
It could be, I've read maybe half of the Lovecraft stuff. I want to say I've heard the exact phrase used somewhere, though Google didn't help. But as I wanted something with a little more bite than the original "dunderheads" - but not quite so far as "waste of skin" - it seemed to fit. Salt can have a lot of functions in Potion-making, but also rituals, and is thus far more useful to Snape than the average first-year. :)
And thank you! I've tried to avoid direct quotes from the canon book, which is easier as the story progresses and events diverge anyway. Using Madam Pomfrey's death to highlight safety seemed very Snapeish, and yeah, the original seemed a little too poetic for Snape to have been entirely off-the-cuff.
u/Gigapode [+3] (2 days later)
It also just makes sense as a potions insult: Salt is a very common ingredient, so for a student to be a waste of even salt suggests they aren't worth much at all.
u/None [+2] (2 days later)
Also the students spend too much time wasting salt by crying in Snape's classes.