2.4 KiB
[RT] [WIP] [HF] Actions and their Consequences Spellcraft and Heavy Artillery Chapter 13
-
Author: u/logic11 *
-
Score: 7
-
Created: 2016-08-19T20:48:55
Post:
Comments:
u/logic11 [+1] (57 seconds later)
So, it's been a couple of weeks since I posted a new chapter - this one is actually a couple of weeks old. I modified the hell out of the site since the last chapter, hopefully it's more readable now.
u/logic11 [+1] (7 minutes later)
And my server cacked... just rebooting it now. Sorry.
u/kingnothing36 [+1] (2 days later)
This is one of the most promising stories I came across in a while. I was hooked after the first few chapters and finished up to the latest.
However it will need quite a bit of rework to reach the level of the more popular works on this subreddit.
the issues I have so far:
The war is basically modeled after the Great War. Soldiers are used as cannon fodder to the very extreme, so much that adapting simple strategies of trench warfare had a huge impact. In the real WW1, the countries lost about 15-20% of their soldiers within 4-5 years. So unless they have some magically enhanced breeding system, this war wouldn't have lasted a decade.
For the same reason there should be a huge gender imbalance and the civil society should look much more different from our own.
Even if they conveniently obtain god like powers, the different behavior of 9 soldiers shouldn't change a war this easily.
the romantic development between 'Scandinavian hot babe' and the main character is a little bit too wish fulfilling. Especially because she is the only female character in the story worth mentioning.
u/logic11 [+1] (2 days later)
I have some of that stuff dealt with in the story (it just hasn't been revealed yet) and some of it does need some rewriting (that's absolutely true, I've been writing and releasing basically first draft).
One that I absolutely need to clarify - the war wasn't won by that one squad. I need to make that clearer in the story. Gandia was already in the process of vacating - that process in fact took several years, even with magic in place.