1.0 KiB
[RT?] Horizon Breach Chapter 17, a log horizon/ログ・ホライズン fanfic
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Author: u/elevul Cyoria Observer*
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URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11936165/17/Horizon-Breach
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Score: 5
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Created: 2016-08-22T09:27:41
Post:
Comments:
u/elevul [+2] Cyoria Observer (9 minutes later)
Improving.
I don't understand why you're describing the dialogues rather than writing them down, though. For example:
Naotsugu swore vehemently that Tetra had an overskill she'd kept quiet about.
Tetra swore, just as vehemently, that she was secretly a pink party pony.
u/GaBeRockKing [+1] Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857 (8 hours later)
In this case, neither are actually talking; I'm talking about past actions.
I'll definitely take that advice into consideration, though. The next few chapters are pretty dialogue-heavy, so I'll need to make sure the dialogue is at least interesting.