6.8 KiB
[RT] Phantom Blood Chapter 3: Staying Out of Politics (Urban Fantasy/Mystery/Horror)
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Author: u/That2009WeirdEmoKid *
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Score: 11
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Created: 2016-11-04T17:50:18
Post:
Comments:
u/That2009WeirdEmoKid [+2] (6 minutes later)
I'm still unsure about posting here... I'm very paranoid that there's a huge problem with this story, even though I'm only on the third chapter. I guess I'm just afraid someone's gonna tear apart what I've written so far, but at the same time, I kinda want that to happen so I can fix whatever flaws it has. Human desires can be so paradoxical at times...
Anyway, this chapter has the first action scene of the story so I hope it's enjoyable. Feedback is always welcome!
u/None [+1] (3 hours later)
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u/That2009WeirdEmoKid [+2] (3 hours later)
Nah, that's just my Fictionpress avatar. My username over there is Kyubey the Kid, so that's why there's a cute little alien sociopath there. I will say that this story is very much inspired by shows like Madoka/NGE/Serial Experiments Lain in that it eventually devolves into a depressing, metaphysical insanity, but I'm doing that gradually. I can't really have characters going crazy if no one cares about them. I guess a more apt comparison would be: "What would happen if Hunter x Hunter meets Madoka".
u/None [+2] (5 hours later)
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u/That2009WeirdEmoKid [+1] (6 hours later)
Yes! Thank you for reading! In the next chapter, Elizabeth literally asks why they didn't show their magic to the editor. The talisman she picked up can transform into a gun, so just doing that could be enough to prove it. There's actually a couple of reasons for magic being so unknown:
The first lesson every mage learns, no matter what tradition they follow, is to keep their unique spells a secret until it is absolutely necessary to do otherwise. You never know who's an ally, and even then, things like hypnosis and mind reading aren't uncommon. Since half of all mage battles are figuring out what your opponent is doing, their culture has developed a stigma against sharing the extent their abilities. Only close friends get to know it, and it's a huge display of trust. Also, Al didn't bother finding out any of the thug's spells because mild spoiler He's kind of an exception to this rule. Even then, there are situations where he has to figure out the opponents spell. It's just that he was too focused on escaping to care about it in this particular moment.
Al didn't transform his talisman in front of the editor because, in the past, bringing a gun out of nowhere usually ended up badly for him. People normally get nervous when someone suddenly brandishes a weapon. Joshua can't transform the talisman because it only works with Al's mana.
Mages are such a tiny percentage of the population, that they've become a very insular community. Out of the twenty million people in Xeistoria, only a little more than a thousand are magic users. That's .005% of the population, so it's very unlikely that you meet one, let alone see them in a situation where they have to use mana.
A bunch a shit went down thousands of years ago where the church would persecute any magic users that weren't "blessed by their goddess". This was usually a flimsy justification, and was used by the church as political tool to monopolize all magic users, but it created a bit of paranoia among the magical community. Right now, it's still taboo to openly display magic and while not illegal, it won't score you any points with the Tribunal. The church is a bit more chilled out in this age, but they maintain an uneasy truce with the magical families of cities far enough from their capital (like Xeistoria). Al and Joshua are kinda skirting a loophole where they're not really showing their magic, just helping people with magical problems.
I think this works in general, but I'm still running into trouble with certain details. For example, healing magic is an average ability possessed by low-tier members of the church, like the usual priest. Right now I'm banging my head against the wall trying to come up with a reason for why they aren't famous for these abilities, since they can be easily shown. They can literally cure any type of cancer if they wanted to! You'd think they use this as proof, but for some reason doctors are considered more trustworthy than a guy that can heal you with just a touch. Honestly, if you have any ideas about this I'd love them. Really, anything to make the setting less flimsy, because even after thinking about it a lot, I still feel like it has some holes.
u/abcd_z [+1] (a day later)
I haven't read the story yet, but here's a suggestion:
Priests are required by their church to help keep the masquerade up. To this end, most hospitals have at least one priest on their staff with a bland name like, "medical assistant". The church also restricts the amount of healing that a priest can do. They're allowed to enhance a hospital's rate of success, but they are strictly forbidden from solving any injuries that couldn't be duplicated by the existing medical technology.
Additionally, priest magic depends on a priest's belief that they're doing the right thing. So if a priest attempts to do something that they've been taught is forbidden (like, say, use their healing magic outside the church-sanctioned uses), it will probably fail because of their own internalized guilt.
u/None [+1] (8 days later)
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u/That2009WeirdEmoKid [+1] (8 days later)
I guess it also has to do with his character. I didn't show his argument with the editor, but the guy barely let Al finish talking before taking a jab at him. His mindset afterwards was more "fuck this guy" over "let me show him i'm not lying". I dunno, does this sound like a bad explanation? He does show Elizabeth magic in the next chapter, mostly because he was fed up with being called a fake and they were in private. Maybe it doesn't work well.
u/hoja_nasredin [+1] Dai-Gurren Brigade (6 hours later)
IMHO
In the first 2 chapters nearly nothing happened. In the 3rd there was a fight but I believe it could have been shorter.
My adivce is try to compress and throw away all not essential stuff.
u/Charlie___ [+1] (10 hours later)
Seems fun to me. The magic doesn't seem super interesting to me and I'm not very clear on how exactly the magic is integrated with society, but the characters are good and I'm happy to keep reading.