20 KiB
[RT][HF][NSFW][better fonts] The Care and Feeding of Magical Creatures ch. II.2: Unquenchable
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Author: u/Soren_Tycho Clothing-optional Spacetime*
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Score: 16
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Created: 2016-12-02T20:06:21
Post:
Comments:
u/CapnQwerty [+4] (13 hours later)
With the softness of her breasts to distract me, it takes a second for the weirdness to register, and even then I have to shift my hand around a bit to be sure, to make sure I’m not just missing something.
The bolded part is a bit redundant, with the two 'sure' phrases. I would suggest either dropping 'a bit to be sure' and the comma or just the 'to be sure'. The sentence flows better that way, in my opinion.
“I’m not human. Not built like you. Don’t need anything to pump my ichor around. I do have a heart, it’s not a human heart, but it’s yours.”
D'aww!
...though that does raise the question of what ichor is even for, if not for carrying nutrients around.
She’s a monster and she sought me out in what was compared to this place this heart of hell because she was looking for another monster.
This one's a bit hard to parse. The bold part especially seems unfinished. Is 'this place' supposed to be 'compared' to the 'heart of hell'?
She tries to move an arm out of my grip to comply, but I hold them fast and she looks at me, lusty but confused. “You have a tail.”
Ah, the advantages of having extra prehensile appendages...
One of the worst parts about being a succubus is that masturbation is just seriously underwhelming. Fuckin’ ironic, right? But think about it - I can’t exactly eat my own lust, can I?
I don't see why not. You (the author) have already established that emotions can be produced without functional limit, and consuming them must give significantly more energy than creating them, or it wouldn't be over unity, especially considering what nectar can do.
Unless the emotions of succubi work differently from humans? That would explain why succubi bother bonding with them instead of just feeding off each other.
lovesick Hollow Hearts always do have a tough time eating but damn if I didn’t work out some misplaced masochism there
Are Hollow Hearts a subset of succubi or is it just another name for the species?
Aren’t I supposed to have some kind of upper limit on how horny I can get?
Well, you are a succubus.
Later I’ll look back at all this and understand what I’m doing now, all the lonely nights built up on one another, all the longing, wishing for someone in my bed with me, all the long years of desperation built up and weighing on this moment, the inevitable emotional necessity of making her desperate for me the way I’ve been desperate for her these many years before we can fuck, the need to see her need break her the way mine’s broken me so many times, but right now all I know is that I need this like I’m dying of thirst and have never tasted water until now.
Between this and the suicidal thoughts, I think I can guess the direction his character development is going to go.
I’m gonna drool all over the raft with how much nectar my mouth is making. Swallow some, that helps, but now I have to get it together enough to form words...
I wonder how nectar compares to saliva as a lubricant...
I want to touch everything, grow a thousand hands and run them over every curve, grab her by the hips while I run my fingers through the folds of her desperate, dripping pussy, trace the lines of her wings, probe the adorable belly-button that heaves with her breath, just above the ground. Is this what tentacle porn is actually about? I could make use of a few hundred tentacles at the moment.
Seeing as how magic, shapeshifting, and souls are a thing, it wouldn't surprise me if there was a way to accomplish this.
I don’t understand how, but I can feel it: to her, this is love.
Hmm. Is this a trait of succubi, or because she's bonded to a guy who's into BDSM? I would think it'd be the latter; it would limit their food supply rather severely otherwise. Unless succubi breed slowly enough that they can afford to be picky?
Or, wait--
God dammit yes I’m Hench yes not being allowed to cum makes me hot but I can still be fucking frustrated by it now, can’t I. Sort of the point but ARGH!
--hmm. This suggests a correlation. Is she into BDSM because she's in Hench, or in Hench because she's into BDSM? If the former, is it a learned behavior, genetic predisposition, or magic influence? Is there a House for every kink? Surely not, there'd need to be thousands.
can I even get this to your mouth right now with how drunk your energy is making me? Soo-oh dark, yum... There is a dark river inside me, deep and black as night, bottomless and terrifying.
The question here is whether BDSM makes the emotions 'taste' dark or if it's the human protagonist's self-loathing slipping through.
Deep. So deep. Just too long. Just hurts, just a little, you’re just a little too much for me.
Barely fits, does he? Not too surprising, seeing as the story's suggested that both Lyra's body and personality were molded throughout her growth to be sexually and romantically appealing to the human protagonist.
...so hard...wheee!
Lyra is adorable.
tail wound crushingly tight around my thigh
Huh. I'm surprised it can exert that much force.
Lyra's anatomy is fascinating (no, not in that way; well, yes that way but also the other one). I'm looking forward to succubi biology class!
Also their culture and history and limbo and seraphim and Pandemonium and all the other worlds it's connected to and--
--by which I mean more worldbuilding, please!
she’s so wet it actually helps me last longer, keeping the feeling from being too intense
...apparently, it works pretty well!
after a moment we’re both just gasping, shuddering with aftershocks.
Excellent erotica. A+ gold star.
Focusing on the characters and their thoughts and feelings during instead of just the physical aspect was a good choice, in my opinion, since it gives the sex scenes narrative weight, and even someone who isn't into what the characters are doing can still appreciate the insights into their thoughts and personalities.
“I love you too, Master.”
About that. Not to kill the mood, but I recall Lyra mentioning earlier that she was only able to 'watch' the human protagonist when he was having sexual fantasies or doing things closely related. I don't know about you, but someone basing their entire opinion of me on just that wouldn't get a very accurate picture at all.
Not that the human protagonist is much better, really. For all that Lyra seems pretty great, he's known her less than a day. I guess in his case it can be partly blamed on how American culture treats the word 'love'. And that he went through like a dozen hair's-width-from-death experiences with her over the course of a few hours. And that his social support network had recently been obliterated.
Or did the same process that molded Lyra's body and personality also make her fall in love with him? I kinda hope not. That sort of mental manipulation is rather horrifying, and it would probably do terrible things to the human protagonist's self-esteem.
Also, it doesn't really make sense for anyone else to call him 'Master', so if that was your plan to get around giving him a name, you're gonna need a different one.
Speaking of names, now that they're not being chased by murderfuck spambots or WMDs in the form of angels and have sated their sex drives (temporarily, I'm sure), Lyra can tell the human protagonist her original name!
(You thought I'd forgotten about that, didn't you? Thought I was bested so easily? Never! Mwahahaha!)
I could probably fill a couple more pages with questions about and comments on the previous chapters, but I'll give you the chance to kick off the world building proper before I bury you in my curiosity =P
Looking forward to the next chapter!
u/Soren_Tycho [+2] Clothing-optional Spacetime (4 days later)
AAaaaaahahaha you've fallen into all of my traps!
I mean, ahem, thank you for this excellent and valuable feedback.
General comment: You've missed an explicit-but-passing mention of a god-level paperclipper whose existence may update your understanding of certain plot, worldbuilding, and character developments.
Specific comments:
Huh. I'm surprised it can exert that much force.
Fun game: calculate grip and thrust forces necessary for a satisfying tail-job. Multiply by ~1.5m of tail between tip and portion that would wrap one's thigh.
Or did the same process that molded Lyra's body and personality also make her fall in love with him? I kinda hope not. That sort of mental manipulation is rather horrifying, and it would probably do terrible things to the human protagonist's self-esteem.
I'm still waiting for a document on this rigorous delineation between genetic/environmental/developmental factors and mental manipulation everyone seems to be using. But yes, American treatment of the word 'love' is problematic at best, they've both experienced severed social ties leaving them alone with only each other, and near-death and/or shared traumatic experiences are shown to create strong emotional attachments.
OR something really insane is going on and we don't have the whole story because one character considers it what-the-hell-is-water obvious while the other has no clue this could even be a factor...but that'd be weird.
Speaking of names, now that they're not being chased by murderfuck spambots or WMDs in the form of angels and have sated their sex drives (temporarily, I'm sure), Lyra can tell the human protagonist her original name!
Oh it is so much worse than this. Stay tuned.
NB I have read a lot of Ursula K. LeGuin, why do you ask?
I could probably fill a couple more pages with questions about and comments on the previous chapters, but I'll give you the chance to kick off the world building proper before I bury you in my curiosity =P
At the risk of sounding arrogant and/or obsessed I'll say that I've put a positively abnormal amount of worldbuilding into this work. So far, you haven't posed a question I haven't already considered...so, bring it. :)
u/CapnQwerty [+2] (5 days later)
General comment: You've missed an explicit-but-passing mention of a god-level paperclipper whose existence may update your understanding of certain plot, worldbuilding, and character developments.
Did I? Huh. What chapter was it in?
I'm still waiting for a document on this rigorous delineation between genetic/environmental/developmental factors and mental manipulation everyone seems to be using.
Er... I think there's been a miscommunication here. I wasn't talking about 'normal' 'human' development. The way I understand the maturation of succubi based on what's in the story so far, once Lyra 'chose' the human protagonist and 'bonded' with him, her body and personality were shaped by that through what I assume to be magical means to be more appealing to him.
Put another way, I'm worried that being bonded to him forced/forces her to fall in love with him.
Put a third way, would she have fallen in love with him if she had still watched all his fantasies and stuff but hadn't bonded with him?
OR something really insane is going on and we don't have the whole story because one character considers it what-the-hell-is-water obvious while the other has no clue this could even be a factor...but that'd be weird.
Yes, I do realize that there's a rather large gap in assumed knowledge between them and that there's lots of information the story hasn't revealed yet. I've tried to account for that as much as possible, but I make no claims as to my success.
Oh it is so much worse than this. Stay tuned.
Well, that's not ominous or anything.
At the risk of sounding arrogant and/or obsessed I'll say that I've put a positively abnormal amount of worldbuilding into this work. So far, you haven't posed a question I haven't already considered...so, bring it. :)
Challenge accepted!
u/Soren_Tycho [+2] Clothing-optional Spacetime (5 days later)
Did I? Huh. What chapter was it in?
Romance language. In your defense, there were much more interesting things happening and it was very sneaky.
... Put a third way, would she have fallen in love with him if she had still watched all his fantasies and stuff but hadn't bonded with him?
Apologies, one of my pet peeves seems to have escaped and run wild in an irrelevant circumstance. Although I'm acceptable with knots IRL I don't always do well binding things that don't on some level want to be tied up. It's been dealt with now.
I see also what I misconstrued in your speculation. Suffice to say we're hung up on the delta between what's been revealed, her maybe-maybe-not romanticised understanding thereof, and what I know of how succubi work. Let's see how this plays out after tomorrow's chapter, which is titled 'Wham Line' and pays off some of the worldbuilding striptease I've been doing.
Challenge accepted!
There is a scene in Hogfather which has unaccountably not been youtubed yet, in which Death cracks his knuckles to the sound of what is apparently an entire forest being snapped in half. In lieu of a clever youtube reply, please imagine me doing this now.
Also I wanted to say seriously, thank you for the feedback and pondering. As an author replies like this make my life.
u/CapnQwerty [+1] (6 days later)
Romance language. In your defense, there were much more interesting things happening and it was very sneaky.
Well, I went back and re-read the chapter, and the closest I could find was this part:
It’s like, just because incubi and cacodemons and gluttons and sluggards are animals and towers are assholes, everyone decides succubi must be dangerous too.
I'm guessing you're referring to one of these? Probably towers? I didn't see anything about them being 'god level paperclippers' though.
Let's see how this plays out after tomorrow's chapter, which is titled 'Wham Line' and pays off some of the worldbuilding striptease I've been doing.
Also I wanted to say seriously, thank you for the feedback and pondering. As an author replies like this make my life.
You're welcome!
u/Soren_Tycho [+2] Clothing-optional Spacetime (6 days later)
I'm guessing you're referring to one of these? Probably towers? I didn't see anything about them being 'god level paperclippers' though.
Nope. :) It's sneakier than that. You now have ~24 hours to guess before it gets explained explicitly.
u/CapnQwerty [+1] (6 days later)
Hrm. Let's see. What other entities were mentioned in this chapter...
Well, succubi and humans, obviously, but unless Lyra actually is as evil as the human protagonist's (fuck it, that's too long; he's Jack now) as Jack's former religion would have him believe, it's not either of them.
There's the 'devil' and 'the Christian god'. Lyra doesn't seem to think the former exists, but the latter...
I think the Christian God’s kind of a bastard if he’s anything like people describe
So she hasn't met him, but that would mean he exists to meet in the first place. A 'maybe', then. What else is there...
There're the stars, which are apparently sapient enough to have language. Unless 'language of the stars' means the language of the interstellar community or something. The former could technically count, I guess, though stars can't really use anything heavier than iron for fuel so I'm not sure they'd be much of a threat.
Lyra mentions Sade again, but I can't imagine succubi having any sort of positive relationship with a paperclipper based on what Lyra has told us about them.
Perfekti? No, they feed on zealotry, and zealot-capable life needs too many resources for them to count. They didn't seem to have the capability to be paperclippers anyway.
Lyra mentions a 'seed-ghost', though from the context it sounds more like a possibly-somewhat-sentient equivalent to DNA
I'm not seeing anything else that looks like it could be the name of an entity.
Or, wait, you didn't use invisitext, did you? That'd be incredibly annoying.
u/Soren_Tycho [+1] Clothing-optional Spacetime (6 days later)
Nope, no invsitext. It's one of the options you mentioned, I'm realizing just how oblique the reference was, and it's not necessarily an evil[1] paperclipper. Just, you know, single-minded.
Also it doesn't make paperclips, obviously.
However, my real reason for replying here is to thank you for alerting me to the following very important orthographic error:
I think the Christian God’s kind of a bastard if he’s anything like people describe
Fixed version (to be seen in the text after tonight's deploy):
I think the Christian God was kind of a bastard if he was anything like people describe
[1] inimical to the short- and long-range utility functions of the protagonists.
EDIT: Well, holy fuck. Reread your comment and realized I've actually in this tale got two god-level paperclippers and both are number-indefinite due to being semi-swarm intelligences. One's kind of incompetent and has only really been met in fully-grown form the one time so far, though.
u/Soren_Tycho [+3] Clothing-optional Spacetime (2 minutes later)
Love is stronger than death, many waters cannot quench love. Even Rivers and Sea at once cannot wash it away.
-Inscription found above the Hollow Heart Abyss, Charybdis’ Breath region
As promised, on Fridayish. Now with nicer fonts in the intro blurb and still with nicer fonts in the main text.
u/Empiricist_or_not [+1] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (23 hours later)
Can you make the options to turn off the glow persist when you go from one chapter to another please? Thank you for making the fonts default to ones most of us use BTW.
u/Soren_Tycho [+2] Clothing-optional Spacetime (a day later)
This is one of those coming-soon features along with the chapter RSS feed. Stay tuned.
u/Empiricist_or_not [+1] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (a day later)
Thank you
u/nerdguy1138 [+1] GNU Terry Pratchett (2 days later)
Are you the one who wrote a story with sex-magic? A sorceress kidnapped a guy, and killed him on an altar in a hidden city?
If so, I've been looking for that for months!
u/None [+1] (an hour later)
[deleted]
u/Soren_Tycho [+1] Clothing-optional Spacetime (a day later)
Mostly that tumblr's CDN absolutely refuses to overwrite my CSS file. Should be fixed when their cache TTL expires.