63 KiB
[RT][HF] Sufficiently Advanced Magic
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Author: u/Salaris Dominion Sorcerer*
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Score: 29
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Created: 2017-02-27T13:33:36
Post:
Comments:
u/Salaris [+21] Dominion Sorcerer (5 minutes later)
Hey all,
I just released a new novel, Sufficiently Advanced Magic, that I think would appeal to some of the people around here.
It takes place in a JRPGish setting, with the action split between a magical university setting and a ever-changing uber dungeon. There's a lot of emphasis on learning the rules of magic and applying them - both in research and in combat.
In addition to JRPGs, I drew a lot of inspiration from Mother of Learning and Tower of God. If you like the idea of something like Mother of Learning with more of a JRPGish bent, I think you might enjoy this. (No time loop here, though, so don't expect that.)
In terms of the writing style, I'm most frequently compared to Sanderson, but I tend to lean toward more anime-style tropes.
Feel free to post if you've got any questions or anything. Hope you all enjoy it if you check it out!
u/Afforess [+8] Hermione Did Nothing Wrong (2 hours later)
Awesome. Like Sanderson, you're novels are all an "instant-purchase" for myself... I found Forging Divinity in 2015 by random chance (I think your novel showed up in the "Also liked" list for Brian McClellan's Powder Mage works...) and love your writing style.
Can't wait to read this.
u/Salaris [+5] Dominion Sorcerer (2 hours later)
I'm honored to be compared to Sanderson. He's one of my main inspirations as a writer. Thank you for the kind words and support. I hope you love the book!
u/Imperialgecko [+5] (2 days later)
I'll check it out! Forging divinity wasn't my cup of tea but I really liked your writing style, excited to try this book out
u/Salaris [+3] Dominion Sorcerer (2 days later)
I hope you end up enjoying it!
u/splashmics [+3] (a month later)
"The swordsman had a blonde-haired doll in a powder-blue dress poking out of a pocket in his cloak. That was unusual enough in itself, but I could have sworn that when I looked away and looked back the doll’s expression had changed."
KAI IS THAT YOU
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (a month later)
You're close. That's Simon with Caela. Kai doesn't have the cloak, irrc.
u/splashmics [+2] (a month later)
Yeah right after I posted that I was like damn that's Simon not Kai
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (a month later)
No worries, a lot of people assumed it was Kai because there's a doll with him. I considered being more overt about it, but I'm glad people got the general reference regardless. =D
Hope you're enjoying the book!
u/splashmics [+2] (a month later)
Yeah it was great, I finished it 2 days after it came out
u/Salaris [+3] Dominion Sorcerer (a month later)
Awesome, I'm glad you liked it! I'm working on the sequel right now. =D
u/splashmics [+2] (a month later)
Awesome, thanks for taking the time to reply to me. Have a good one
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (a month later)
You're very welcome. Take care!
u/GlimmervoidG [+3] (3 months later)
Hi,
I finished Sufficiently Advanced Magic yesterday and I enjoyed it. I think you succeeded in what you set out to achieve. The towers give a strong 'gaming' feel - both in 'like a jrpg' and in the 'here's a game, now figure out how to beat it' sense. That's was good and I really enjoyed it. The magic was also quite nice, clearly rule based but also with enough breath to feel magical. You mention Sanderson in your post and a problem I sometimes have with Sanderson's magic systems is that they are too limited, more a limited set of superpowers than magic.
At times the main character did seem to lack knowledge that I really feel should be common knowledge - the kind of thing you pick up through cultural osmosis. Why is fairly clear - it's always easier and more natural to explain things to the reader if the main character is learning them too - but Corin isn't Harry Potter entering a world for the first time. This is his world that he grew up in and I don't think it all could be blamed on cutting himself off from everyone to train.
That said, the Mother of Learning inspiration was clearly evidence and here as in there, it is very nice to see a character slowly learn the rules and exploit them.
In short, I enjoyed reading Sufficiently Advanced Magic and will pick up the squeal if and when it arrives.
u/Salaris [+5] Dominion Sorcerer (3 months later)
Glad you enjoyed the book!
At times the main character did seem to lack knowledge that I really feel should be common knowledge - the kind of thing you pick up through cultural osmosis. Why is fairly clear - it's always easier and more natural to explain things to the reader if the main character is learning them too - but Corin isn't Harry Potter entering a world for the first time.
Completely agree, I think this was my biggest flaw in writing the book. I should have made it clearer that some of the classroom stuff would have been simply review for Corin, and would have been in the classes simply for the benefit of people like Marissa who may not have had a solid educational foundation, or maybe foreigners who were only aware of their own culture's attunements, etc.
Corin definitely should have basic understanding of his society and culture. I think I handled that okay in some places (like his knowledge about the Six Year War and his great grandfather's role in it), but I definitely should have had him rolling his eyes in some of the basic magic instructions.
Glad you enjoyed the book overall, and I'll try to make sure that in the future, I don't make anything seem foreign to Corin that should be common knowledge from someone who grew up in the setting.
Thanks for the review!
u/elustran [+2] (4 months later)
Started reading your book. It somehow triggered a deep need to play a game version of this, collect monster crystals and craft items.
What JRPGs in particular were you inspired by?
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
Started reading your book. It somehow triggered a deep need to play a game version of this, collect monster crystals and craft items.
Glad it triggered that instinct. =D I'd love to get a game made in this setting eventually.
What JRPGs in particular were you inspired by?
Tons of them.
The tower itself was inspired by Azure Dreams, as well as the Ancient Cave in Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals. There are plenty of other games with similar elements, but those were my initial inspiration. There's a little nod in there to Tower of Druaga, too, which was one of the earliest "giant tower dungeon crawl" games.
The idea of a setting where everyone is aware of character classes existing and that they can be earned was inspired by Bravely Default.
Many of the specific attunements are heavily inspired by Final Fantasy. Sera is basically a Final Fantasy style Summoner, for example. (Although you could argue she's got a lot in common with Sheena from Tales of Symphonia, too.)
Much of the magical technology style is inspired by Final Fantasy 6. There's a lot of similarity to The Legend of Heroes as well - that's less intentional, even if they actually ended up coming across as more similar in some respects. (I haven't actually played Trails of Cold Steel yet, for example, but there's a ton of similarity from what I've seen from watching someone else play recently.)
The society placing a lot of value on retainers is pretty heavily inspired by Fire Emblem.
Four of the God Beasts are based on Japanese mythological beings (that are based, in turn, on Chinese ones). Using them as tower bosses was inspired by the very first SaGa game (Final Fantasy Legend in the US), which also happens to have a tower climbing plot.
There are other smaller influences as well, but those are some of the big ones.
u/elustran [+1] (4 months later)
Thanks for the response!
The tower setting is what somehow triggered some visceral memories and thus the purchase. And, in case nobody played FF Legend/SaGa, the part about the tower that is making me extremely curious is that at the end of FF Legend, spoilers I still haven't finished your book, but I can feel it going in a similar direction.
In my own worldbuilding over the years, magical technology has also always fascinated me, so it's interesting to see your rendition of it.
Plus, I'm listening to the audiobook version. Having Nick Podehl doing the reading puts your book in some very good company.
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
That spoiler tag didn't quite work properly.
I won't say if I'm going that direction with the story, but it's definitely a common JRPG route, I agree. =)
In my own worldbuilding over the years, magical technology has also always fascinated me, so it's interesting to see your rendition of it.
Yeah, it's rare for me to see magical technology that's actually developed "on-screen", so it's been fun to weave that into the story.
Plus, I'm listening to the audiobook version. Having Nick Podehl doing the reading puts your book in some very good company.
Nick did a great job, I was very pleased.
u/ben_oni [+14] (2 days later)
I gave it a read on a whim. A few impressions follow.
First, the title is crap. The usual inversion of Clarke's Law is "Sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology." Which makes me think the protagonist would be an inventor, or in today's parlance, an engineer. I like those kinds of stories. Generally speaking, only engineers (of some stripe) can pull it off. Unfortunately, this author is clearly not one of those. The title could still be forgivable, but now I'm asking "Sufficient for what?"
The writing style makes the sin of being tedious. Conservation of detail would be welcome. The dungeon crawling is simply boring. I really don't want to read a blow-by-blow of a D&D campaign. On the positive side, people turned off by this will be turned off within the first few pages, so there's really no complaining when it happens again. Unfortunately, the school scenes are just as tedious. Every time the narrator goes "Wow, that could be really useful!" is grating. Most of the classroom lectures are pointlessly dull. Characters taking time out from important matters to lecture about magic is off-putting. The story really could have been told in a third of the space it currently uses, and would be a more exciting read for it.
The character motivations don't really work. The main character fails to be motivated by anything but to "Get Power". Ostensibly, the reason is to get his brother back, but I'm not sold. The only other motivation I see is to protect his sister, which is actually convincingly demonstrated, but only comes up a few times. I also wish I'd seen the main character trying to have fun. Instead, it's a 24/7 grind to gain power (which he's not even very effective at).
I'm rather put off by the main character's stated values. He demonstrates values more closely aligned to modern enlightenment ideals, which are markedly different from those present in the most of the characters. It starts feeling a bit like an author tract.
Finally, what is with that one character suddenly coming out two thirds of the way through? And nobody reacting at all. I get that romance isn't a significant part of the story. Fine. And I get that maybe this is a very normal thing in the setting. Fine. But it has not been demonstrated in the least bit up to this point. No reference to any couples to give the reader any expectation of social norms, just a general sense of heteronormative behaviors. This scene could have been removed entirely without changing anything.
As for whether this work is a rat!fic... I don't know. Conflicts motivated by beliefs and values? Check. Consistent rules? Close enough. Intelligent characters? Sometimes. Not often enough. And plot-wise, the only characters making significant decisions are doing so in the background, off-screen; the plot essentially moves without the main characters.
All in all, this novel is not a polished work. There are a number of minor inconsistencies that should be resolved; quite a few scenes that should be removed/combined/shortened. And the main character needs to be reworked a bit to make him relatable and believable.
u/Salaris [+10] Dominion Sorcerer (2 days later)
Thank you for the review.
I felt that the process of enchanting was sufficiently detailed to constitute the use of the title. The main character explicitly invents at least one item in the story minor spoilers, and there's clearly a lot of research going on in the setting as a whole, such as late book spoilers. I'm sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for.
If you're looking for faster pacing, that's just not my style. I write in a style more similar to Sanderson or Mother of Learning, with a lot of time put into people just learning about how magic works and doing their daily stuff. This sort of thing clearly isn't for everyone, but I like reading the more slice-of-life stuff, so I enjoy writing it as well.
The main character is definitely driven by his ambition (as a means to save his brother), but he's hindered by motivation spoilers. His struggles to achieve his goals in spite of internal conflicts are part of the design of the story. I'm sorry you didn't like that component to it.
As for his values system feeling too modern, it's a multi-cultural setting with a 1900s-era tech level. He's something of an outlier, but he's not that extreme of a case. If it was a medieval fantasy setting, I'd find his behavior too extreme, but I don't think it's that jarring at this tech/culture level.
As for one character coming out and no one reacting, the only character that hears about it is the person who gets propositioned. They think about it and give an answer.
They didn't have to think about a ton of cultural consequences because there aren't any in this particular culture. The local religion has a goddess figure with six aspects of varying apparent sexes and genders, which has significantly helped to normalize the idea of different sexes/genders in this particular society. Individuals will have different views, of course, but their religion has made them more progressive about that issue than they are about some others. (For example, racism is still fairly common.)
I would argue that the plot moves both in response to main character actions and in response to other actors, which is more realistic than a plot that is only driven by the main cast, in my opinion. Corin definitely triggers multiple plot events on-screen personally, but other people being involved in something that affects things on a national scale? That just makes sense.
If you have specific scenes that you feel are inconsistent, I would be happy to hear about those examples so I can address any problems that exist in future works.
Thank you for the detailed commentary.
u/vorpal_potato [+5] (6 days later)
After reading this sub-thread I immediately purchased the book. Both the criticisms and your replies are the sort of things that get said about a particular style of story -- and, as it turns out, you write that style very well! I'm about half-way through already.
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (6 days later)
Thank you very much! I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it so far. I hope you find the conclusion satisfying. Let me know if you have any questions or anything. =)
u/None [+5] (9 days later)
Spoilers: The jaden box seems hilariously broken. Applications I can think of off the top of my head are assassination and recovering missing persons.
Minor nitpick: He almost kills himself with the ice sword and is supposed to receive specific training for it and then offers it to his friends when going into the climbers gate for the first time.
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (9 days later)
There was actually a whole section of restrictions on the Jaden Box that got cut because it was so long that my beta readers complained. I kind of allude to it with the "see research notes" section in the description, but there are some reasonable limits on it.
That said, it's still hilariously broken, and yes, it could still be used for both of those things. The target can resist the summoning attempt, so assassination would be trickier, but it would definitely be amazing for rescuing missing persons. The main limitation is the recharge time being so long.
It's also built from a different type of magic than the current attuned use, so it wouldn't be trivial to duplicate it. (That's one of the things the researchers have already been trying to do.) Mass producing Jaden Boxes would completely change how society functions.
u/None [+3] (9 days later)
I was assuming that it could be recharged through other methods like some of the other objects we've seen. Now that I think about it though we haven't seen anything this advanced be recharged by a person and even then if it was made using a different type of magic it'd be understandable if that didn't work.
u/Salaris [+3] Dominion Sorcerer (9 days later)
Yup. It wouldn't be impossible to recharge it manually, but their standard methods won't work. It would require research to figure out how to do it without breaking the box.
u/generalamitt [+4] (8 days later)
I am probably going to get down voted for asking it, but is the main character gay?
u/Salaris [+5] Dominion Sorcerer (8 days later)
He's asexual and sapioromantic (meaning that romantically he's interested in people that intellectually interested him, regardless of their sex and gender). The closest thing to a love interest in the book is another male. This an extremely small part of the first book, but I am planning to do more with it in the sequels.
u/generalamitt [+3] (8 days later)
I don't understand how you can be romantically involved with someone if you are not attracted to them, how is that different from a very close friendship?
u/Salaris [+3] Dominion Sorcerer (8 days later)
Essentially, someone who is asexual but not aromantic enjoys forms of romantic bonding that are not of a sexual nature.
For example, they might enjoy going out on dates, dancing, cuddling, going to sleep together... it completely depends on the person, since different people define romantic activities differently.
For someone who is asexual, sex is generally not the end-goal of romantic activities. They can still have increasing degrees of closeness with another person over time; again, the specific nature is going to vary based on the couple.
As for how it differs from a close friendship, that's going to be up to the people involved. Some people might define having a candlelit dinner or holding hands at a movie as exclusively romantic activities; for others, they might be platonic.
I'm not any sort of authority on this subject. If you're interested in learning more, here's an article on the subject, and you can easily find more on google if you want to learn more.
If you don't like seeing male/male relationships, I suspect my book probably wouldn't interest you.
u/-Downfall- [+3] (4 months later)
Personally, I like the direction. It's was a bit surprising, but also refreshing to see things go in an unpredictable fashion for once. A lot of depth.
u/Salaris [+3] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
I'm glad this worked for you! I wanted Corin to come across as a believable person, and I know that worked better for some people than others. Thanks!
u/TheTexasWarrior [+2] (4 months later)
Absolutely did not work for me and went from being a book I would recommend to pandering trash. Asexual is not a believable person.
u/Salaris [+7] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
Thank you for making this post. It's important for me to get a reminder every once in a while that there are people out there who don't believe in asexuality. I'm glad I made the choice to write Corin as asexual, and you've reinforced that significantly.
u/TheTexasWarrior [+1] (4 months later)
I don't think asexuality doesn't exist. You misunderstand. I think that it is so far outside the norm that you will never have a wide audience identify with your character, and, as you said, you wanted him to be believable. The 3 main characters so far are arguably Corin, Sarah, and Jin and one of the guys is gay and one is asexual. Who is your target audience with that? Not straight men which make up the largest demographic for fantasy/sci-fi books.
u/Salaris [+5] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
I don't think asexuality doesn't exist. You misunderstand.
Ah, I misunderstood what you meant by "Asexual is not a believable person."
Let me address your more recent point, then.
I think that it is so far outside the norm that you will never have a wide audience identify with your character, and, as you said, you wanted him to be believable.
A few points to make here.
First off, readers can identify with Corin about other characteristics, even if they don't identify with his sexuality. I've had readers identify with Corin because of his touch aversion (see here, because of the way he thinks (see here, or his general behavioral traits (see here.
Second, being asexual is not something everyone is comfortable talking about, and thus there may be more people out there than we're aware of. This is doubly true when you consider people who aren't quite traditionally asexual (grey asexual or demisexual), and they may still identify with the character for that reason.
Third, the number of people who are asexual might be small, but they're so rare in fiction that they may appreciate finding someone they can identify with in terms of that trait.
This both means that I can do something more positive for those people than if I was just writing another straight white guy, and if we're talking purely in terms of strategy (which seems to be your focus), those fans are more likely to be loyal because they have so few other things to read with characters they identify with on that particular subject.
The 3 main characters so far are arguably Corin, Sarah, and Jin and one of the guys is gay and one is asexual.
If the sexualities of the characters are the only factors that are important for their reading experience, and the reader is also heterosexual, I could see why they might be disappointed by a lack of heterosexual content - but romance has never been the focus of the story in general.
I would also argue that Patrick is as much of a main character as Jin, and his heterosexual interest in Sera is as much of a plot point as Jin's interests. There are other major characters that have been implied to be heterosexual (or possibly bisexual) as well, such as Marissa and Derek, so there are still people for readers to identify with if they're heterosexual and that's really all that important.
Who is your target audience with that? Not straight men which make up the largest demographic for fantasy/sci-fi books.
My target audience is people who enjoy JRPGs and anime, especially those who enjoy detailed magic systems (e.g. Sanderson's systems or Hunter x Hunter).
The fact that the main character is asexual is a minor component, and it isn't something that I market the book based on. If the main character was straight, I still wouldn't be targeting the book based on that unless the romance was a major part of the story (which is isn't).
Moreover, I don't think it's important to worry about targeting the largest possible audience. I write about what I'm interested in. It's been working out great so far, because it turns out a whole lot of people seem to share my interests. The book has been doing great.
u/TabethaRasa [+1] (8 days later)
As someone close to where Corin seems to be on the sexual/romantic spectrum, basically:
You can go through the same phases of romantic attraction without sexual attraction. I still go through periods of infatuation followed by long-term bonding with romantic partners. I mean, it's kind of a stereotype that old married couples have little or no sex, but that doesn't make them less married, right?
In my case, I can enjoy the activity of sex without feeling attraction. Since Corin is touch-averse, I'd guess he wouldn't enjoy sex at all.
u/None [+3] (4 months later)
Please don't. Keep it about how awesome magic is. Forget his love life. Loved the book but the number one thing that I didn't like was the not important to the story casual gay drop. Dude could have been Mormon in your book and neither would have had more consequence.
Drizzit didn't need a lover to be badass.
u/Salaris [+3] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
The books will never be focused on romance, not by any stretch of the imagination. Learning magic and solving problems will always be the central focus of the story.
But this is about Corin's life as a whole, and there will be portions that deal with his relationships with his family members, his friendships, and potential romantic interests.
Romance is definitely the least emphasized of the various types of relationships, but there are scenes were it may be at least somewhat relevant to the plot (like whether or not he brings someone with him to the winter ball, which is a major story event).
u/Katonthewall [+4] (26 days later)
So, I've read Forging Divinity and Sufficiently Advanced Magic and I absolutely love them both.
In Sufficiently Advanced Magic, I really enjoyed both settings of the school AND the dungeon crawl through the tower. I just wanted you to know so that you don't think some of the negative reviews/responses are indicative of all your readers.
I have one question though. Both of these series occur on the same planet, and the same time frame but have radically different magic systems. I had thought maybe the "Dominion Marks" might have been the equivalent of attunement runes, but they don't really seem to behave the same way or have the same power or magnitude. Then I thought perhaps the towers in both stories might be related, but they seem to be drastically different, both in the manner of entrance/exit and puzzles vs overt kill rooms.
So, how does magic exist in the same time/planet in such different forms? Or is this puzzle meant for the reader to decipher?
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (27 days later)
Thanks so much, I'm glad you enjoyed the books!
I'm especially glad you enjoyed both parts in Sufficiently Advanced Magic. I knew that mixing the two styles was unusual and that would rub some people the wrong way, so I'm happy it worked for you.
Your question is pretty heavily related to the main plot of both series, so I wouldn't want to say too much and spoil things. The reasons for their distinct tech levels, cultures, and magic are absolutely something that is going to be explored in the story.
They're in the same universe, but I don't think I've said that they're on the same planet or in the same time frame. It's more complicated than that; I won't get into details because of heavy spoilers.
Spoiler for people who haven't finished Sufficiently Advanced Magic
u/infinip [+3] (5 months later)
Read it after a friend recommended it to me.
I was actually going to abandon the book about 10% of the way in because, having read a lot of really bad Japanese isekai web novels, I was convinced that this whole book will be about Corin flailing around in the tower until he gets some broken power. I'm glad I pushed on, because things got much more enjoyable once he leaves and interacts with normal people, and the straightforward snark is very refreshing to me. The engineering approach to magic is also highly interesting, and felt very relatable.
I'm pleasantly surprised that this book became the first fantasy book I've read to feature a queer protagonist.
I have some problems though:
I got the Kindle edition, and you used "discrete" instead of "discreet" every single time. There were other spelling mistakes elsewhere too. I feel like the book could have used another technical editing pass.
The gulf in power between characters made certain matchups and outcomes feel improbable. I'm not sure how you intend to patch the differences in power between the protagonists and his companions after the end of the first book.
The book ended very awkwardly. spoilers
As a consequence, there are a lot of plot-irrelevant loose ends:
- Nobody publicly names or seriously attempts to catch a Spider beyond Corin speculating on Jin. I was so excited for it.
- A Hogwarts-style points system was introduced and the points were never totaled.
- Curtis the dorm RA never shows up again after his introduction. Surely there were occasions in the book where he'd be useful, such as mid book spoilers?
- There was this girl, Cecily, that Corin made a point not to talk to a couple times. When you do this it's implied that I will eventually know why within the book, and it never happens. The book doesn't even begin to explain why, and I get to the appendix and it just says "for unknown reasons". I feel like you could have left her out entirely and mention at a later book that Corin had been avoiding her for a while.
- Who was Sera's date for the winter dance supposed to be? That was dangled but I believe never answered? Things were supposed to be super awkward because of Corin's social screwup, and... that was basically thrown out.
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (5 months later)
Hiya,
Thanks for reading the book.
Some replies to your comments.
I'm glad I pushed on, because things got much more enjoyable once he leaves and interacts with normal people, and the straightforward snark is very refreshing to me. The engineering approach to magic is also highly interesting, and felt very relatable.
Glad you liked these elements.
I got the Kindle edition, and you used "discrete" instead of "discreet" every single time. There were other spelling mistakes elsewhere too. I feel like the book could have used another technical editing pass.
I fixed some of those recently, but I'm not sure when you got it. I did have a professional editor, but it's very possible I missed some of his notes. I may do a second edition at some point with another editing pass.
The gulf in power between characters made certain matchups and outcomes feel improbable.
Which ones in specific, out of curiosity?
I know it's common in xianxia and many isekai or LitRPG books for a couple tiers of power to be an insurmountable difference between characters. That's never been the intent in this series; a high powered human is still supposed to be in danger from low level ones under specific circumstances (e.g. if someone can work around their shroud).
High powered attuned are much more powerful offensively than low powered attuned, and have a lot more mana to work with. They are not, however, much more defensively powerful - their shroud gets stronger, but there are (as we've seen) a lot of ways around a shroud. That means that even the strongest humans are still relatively vulnerable to close range attacks, unless they also have a secondary form of defense (which some attuned do have, but we haven't seen a lot of it yet).
Some monsters are also harder power checks; creatures like Mizuchi or Seiryu are just too tough for a low powered character to be able to reliably deal them damage. There may still be ways to work around this, however (e.g. specific weak points).
I realize this is probably jarring because it's not standard for the genre. Most of my readers are probably expecting it to work more like an anime where a low level character would break their fist trying to punch someone of a higher power level; that's definitely not the intent here.
I'm not sure how you intend to patch the differences in power between the protagonists and his companions after the end of the first book.
The book ended very awkwardly.
In regards to the loose ends, you're right - that's just a consequence of not covering the whole year in one book. The vast majority of that will be covered in the second book.
Curtis the dorm RA never shows up again after his introduction.
Corin did talk to Curtis about that incident, but it's just summarized, rather than shown as a full scene. Relevant quote
You're right that Corin could have made more use of Curtis, but Corin has serious trust issues in general. He doesn't like to rely on others in general, and certainly not relative strangers. This is a flaw that he needs to learn to work through.
Who was Sera's date for the winter dance supposed to be?
The winter ball stuff, as well as Cecily, will be addressed in the second book. I also have a tendency to drop hints about things that could take a while to come up as major plot points (the Tyrant in Gold, the Seventh Spire, Selys-Lyann's origins, etc.)
It's just an element of my writing style; I tend to write more like a web serial, rather than each book being fully self-contained and plot driven. This is also why there's so much slice-of-life stuff that isn't directly plot relevant. This doesn't work for everyone, and I understand that.
Thanks for the comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed the book, even if the unresolved hooks left you frustrated. Rest assured that you'll get to see most of that addressed in the sequel (or later).
u/infinip [+1] (5 months later)
re: Gulf in power
I see. I was mostly concerned when spoilers, but you've explained that sufficiently. Corin's obsessive focus on his own defense (which is part of his character) may have affected that perception.
My perceived problem (which I think I overstated, apologies) is actually the opposite - spoiler
Ah, I see. It's reassuring to have you clarify. I was mostly thrown off by the end of the book because spoilers
Corin did talk to Curtis about that incident, but it's just summarized, rather than shown as a full scene. Relevant quote
I forgot about the Curtis mention. Sorry about that! And yes, I do get the sense that Corin has trust issues and wouldn't have approached Curtis willingly.
It's just an element of my writing style; I tend to write more like a web serial, rather than each book being fully self-contained and plot driven. This is also why there's so much slice-of-life stuff that isn't directly plot relevant. This doesn't work for everyone, and I understand that.
Ah, is this a common writing style? I'm may simply not be used to it. Are there any authors you'd recommend that also do this?
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (5 months later)
Corin's obsessive focus on his own defense (which is part of his character) may have affected that perception.
Yeah, that's fair. He's a barrier-focused character. I'll try to make my explanation clearer in the text itself in the next book.
Re: Power Levels
Gotcha. More on that:
Regarding resuming school.
I see where you're coming from. This is discussed very early in the second book. I can see why you had concerns.
Ah, is this a common writing style? I'm may simply not be used to it. Are there any authors you'd recommend that also do this?
It's not common in published novels, but I would consider the plotting style similar to something like The Wandering Inn (which has a ton of slice-of-life stuff) or Mother of Learning (which is another magical academy style and more similar to my book overall).
u/Trmptplyr07 [+1] (5 months later)
SPOILERS** - I CAN'T GET SPOILER TAGS TO WORK
I loved this book tremendously Probably one of my favorite books of all time. Behind a select few Clancy, Sanderson, and Card Books. I do want to say something about your writing style though.
This is also why there's so much slice-of-life stuff that isn't directly plot relevant. This doesn't work for everyone, and I understand that.
It's these small details that make me enjoy your book, they give your characters depth that I love. I just want to request however that you Don't pull a Hollywood, and drop an extremely tempting plot hook early on, then in editing and rewriting later books drop that story line for various reasons leaving us forever hanging for more information. I understand that not everything can make it into a final product, just please be considerate and try and tie up these loose ends.
Lastly I have a few questions that I'm sure many other people have asked, but feel obligated anyway. I understand if the answer you give is, "read book 2," sorry in advance.
Last thing, I loved listening to your audiobook version of this, it's how I found it actually. But when I tried to find a version for my Nook, I couldn't find it. Is it correct to assume that you are limited to Amazon.com Companies?
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (5 months later)
I loved this book tremendously Probably one of my favorite books of all time. Behind a select few Clancy, Sanderson, and Card Books. I do want to say something about your writing style though.
Thanks so much for the kind words! I appreciate even being mentioned in the same breath as such fantastic writers.
It's these small details that make me enjoy your book, they give your characters depth that I love.
Good!
I just want to request however that you Don't pull a Hollywood, and drop an extremely tempting plot hook early on, then in editing and rewriting later books drop that story line for various reasons leaving us forever hanging for more information. I understand that not everything can make it into a final product, just please be considerate and try and tie up these loose ends.
Oh, sure! A lot of that stuff is definitely getting clear follow up. The winter ball and Cecily, for example, are outlined to both be big things in the second book. I haven't written those scenes yet, but they're planned.
And there's no way I'd drop some of the things like artificial attunements or the Tyrant in Gold - those are both part of the main plot of the series.
Sera spoilers
Corin Spoilers
Is it correct to assume that you are limited to Amazon.com Companies?
Yes, that's correct. I'm a part of Kindle Select for my book publishing, which means I can only publish on Amazon.
u/None [+2] (8 days later)
/u/salaris Noticed what i believe to be typos in the kindle version. Both are in the same passage.
Jin’s shivered and looked away. “I... It would not be appropriate for me to stay in this place.” If he had somewhere else to say, he hadn’t mentioned it.
Edit Actually I'm not sure about the second now that I look at it again.
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (8 days later)
Thanks for calling these out! My editor did a great job but I'm sure I missed a few things. I'll try to get these fixed for a later revision!
u/None [+2] (9 days later)
Others I noticed:
She clearly knew more about Keras than I did if she’d was involved in an attempted arrest.
The older student frowned, scratching his chin. “Yeah, sure, I guess he use your old lane if he wants to.”
Let me know you feel any resurgence of pain, though.”
u/None [+2] (9 days later)
Ah one more id only bookmarked and not highlighted:
I volunteered to bring the coin coins for her because, uh, I wanted to ask you something. And to do something nice for her.”
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (9 days later)
Thanks for calling these out, I'll get them fixed!
u/None [+2] (9 days later)
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u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (9 days later)
Thanks for the feedback.
- Here's the relevant passage where he checks the sigils:
Lord Teft opened a compartment on the side of the stage, retrieving a large wooden box. After a few moments, he opened the top, reaching inside and raising a small metal disc. “Before we begin, I will need to check everyone’s shield sigils. If you’re still standing, you can sit down.” He walked to Marissa and Kent, briefly putting a hand on their sigils and closing his eyes. “This shield sigil will be your best friend at the school. Currently, both of yours are fully charged, but I will recharge them between classes. Do not lose it. You will not like what happens if you lose it.” As the combatants took positions on the stage, Teft walked among the rows of the class, checking every single student’s sigil to ensure it was on and fully charged. His jaw was set hard as he watched the students. His playful demeanor had temporarily vanished. It made perfect sense. Even though there were presumably healers close by, it was tremendously dangerous to have inexperienced students trying to duel without any sort of protective gear. Our uniforms weren’t built like dueling tunics. They would offer minimal protection, if any, from magical attacks. Lord Teft watched carefully as some of us adjusted the locations of our pins to his satisfaction, speaking as he returned to the stage.
The intent was that he was aware that overusing mana causes problems, but that he didn't know specifically about how scarring develops in mana systems. I could have been clearer about this, thank you.
The idea was that since his father pulled him out of school three years before the start of the story, he's supposed to be missing things that would be considered basic to people who had a more complete education. He would also already be aware of some of the things that the teachers discuss in the class - but the teachers start with very general information because there will be a portion of the students (mostly people like Marissa who come from less affluent backgrounds) that know very little about magic in general.
In my War of Broken Mirrors books, I had everyone come in with basic knowledge of how the magic system work, and that actually made it harder for most of my readers to catch up. There's probably a good middle ground somewhere, but it's tough to get things just right.
- Good catch, will fix that, thank you.
u/None [+2] (10 days later)
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u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (10 days later)
You're welcome!
Yeah, I hear you. I don't like it when characters don't understand the basic fundamentals about how their society works. It's a fine line. The way I was seeing it is sort of comparable to how an average teenager would have heard for years that "drugs and alchohol are bad for you", and maybe the teenager knows something specific like "my dad took this specific drug and this happened", but the kid wouldn't necessarily know the details about how all the substances work and their specific problems.
You pretty much answered this one for yourself. Jin and Marissa are not particularly popular students, exactly for the reasons you just suggested. I was also picturing that there's probably some sort of automatic assignment process for anyone who doesn't get manually selected for a team by a certain deadline; a lot of students would just lean on that.
Thanks for the call out! Will fix for the next revision.
I'm glad this all made sense in the end. I knew it would be easy for the reader to spoiler on the same subject
Neutral stuff:
Fascinating, that's the first time I've heard a review that didn't like the dungeon crawling. Do you have any specific ideas on what you didn't like about it? Most people actually tend to tell me the opposite (they liked the dungeon crawling more than the school parts).
Derek is considerably older than most of the cast (he's in his 20s). He's not a student, he's just a Climber who lives near the campus. Hitting Emerald in his 20s is highly unusual. There are other examples of people doing the same thing, but he's a prodigy. A part of that is the fact that the Hartigan family is a famous house with a lot of resources, so they presumably could afford things like the permanent enhancement elixirs that were mentioned earlier in the story.
So, the problem with selling Corin's upgraded sigils is that they'd be too expensive for most of the poor students/Climbers/etc., and not high enough quality for the wealthy ones. There would be a market, but it wouldn't be particularly large. He's in that awkward place where he can make something that's better than the free ones, but not good enough to compete with mass-produced sigils that are considerably more powerful. There are patented, brand-name shield sigils that would have all the same features and a much higher capacity.
He could absolutely make a profit on selling upgraded sigils, but the majority of people who are in the market for a better life-saving device would go with a brand name one with a higher capacity over something of dubious quality made by a first year student.
As for loans, that's absolutely something that he could have looked into, it just didn't occur to him. The teachers could have recommended it, but they had other things they wanted to push him toward. Vellum in particular is trying to get him to cultivate an unusual skill set, and having a bunch of money to spend would have discouraged that.
Positive Feedback:
Won't go through this line-by-line, just glad you enjoyed it. =D
Thanks for all the feedback! Glad you liked this more than my other series.
u/None [+2] (9 days later)
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u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (9 days later)
Glad you generally enjoyed it!
u/Arc-1ight [+2] (a month later)
I adore this book, love the dungeon crawling, think create an atmosphere and tension perfectly and to be honest I originally picked the book because I love the title! Can't wait for the next book!
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (a month later)
It's my favorite of my book titles so far, I'm happy it managed to hook you in and that you enjoyed the result!
u/-Downfall- [+2] (4 months later)
So, just finished this on audio book. Loved it.
Wasn't aware of the direction the story was planning to take since I went in blind (I don't even read the summaries on audible. I was super intrigued when it started to feel like a JRPG with the tower. Then I was convinced it was going for a JRPG theme after the introduction of certain elements.
Really like the story being told from the perspective of one person only, really lets you get into it. Also, not sure who chose to have Nick Podehl narrate it, but that was the right move. I'm convinced that man is some sort of god due to the vast variety of voices he has at his command and his ability to really put life into the characters.
I actually came by this book because I was searching for things narrated by him and now I see was NOT let down.
Can't wait to see where future installations in the series lead to. I think you have done an excellent job of building a foundation for a world that has multiple layers waiting to be peeled back and exposed.
Eagerly awaiting the next book!
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
Thank you for the kind words! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and that the JRPG inspiration came through.
Nick did a fantastic job. I asked my publisher for him because they hired him for my other books previously, and I was very impressed by the work he did with my other series. Also, because there will eventually be more crossover between the two series, so he will be familiar with the voices for both. =)
I'll try to get the sequel ready soon!
u/None [+2] (4 months later)
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u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
Glad to hear you generally enjoyed it!
I'll try to make the pacing a little smoother in the next one, since I know that's a common complaint. It'll also be easier to avoid info dumping in the sequel since the basics have already been established.
Thanks for letting me know you liked it!
u/None [+2] (4 months later)
Just finished this. I binged the audible in 6 days. Really enjoyed your book. I'd love to be on the in for your second book. (Send me an advanced copy haha)
Your book had everything except a bard. Literally had everything. I loved it. Thank you for making my week.
How'd you come up with the title ?
u/Salaris [+2] Dominion Sorcerer (4 months later)
Just finished this. I binged the audible in 6 days. Really enjoyed your book. I'd love to be on the in for your second book. (Send me an advanced copy haha)
I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!
Your book had everything except a bard. Literally had everything. I loved it. Thank you for making my week.
Bard attunement is on the list. =D
How'd you come up with the title ?
I debated the title for a long time. Right before release, I was still debating just calling it "Attuned", which was my working title that I'd used for the beta readers. I realized that "Attuned" doesn't really tell a prospective reader anything about the nature of the story, however, and I decided that I needed something that would set an appropriate tone.
Ultimately, the book was mostly about magic being researched to the point of being integrated into virtually every element of society. I thought about Arthur C. Clarke's quote about "sufficiently advanced technology" and inverted it. I'm not the first person who came up with that inverted quote - TVTropes refers to it as "Sufficiently Analyzed Magic", for example - but it still felt like a good book title.
u/Legend-11 [+1] (3 months later)
Could Corin's feelings about Jin change, and also I wonder how his dad will think of him because of that?
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (3 months later)
Both valid questions. Corin's relationship with Jin will be addressed to some extent in the second book. As for what Corin's father would think or how he'd react, I'd rather not say anything on that subject because it delves too deeply into spoiler territory.
u/warsage [+1] (3 months later)
Just finished the book. I like it quite a bit. The story moves along at a good pace and it has just the sort of intricate magic system I enjoy.
I have one recommendation for you: try not to overuse the word winced. He winced, she winced, it's all over the place and it started to bug me. One time Vera winces twice in two pages. Try to find more varied ways to express that a someone is uncomfortable with what has been said. Otherwise, well-written!
u/Salaris [+1] Dominion Sorcerer (3 months later)
Just finished the book. I like it quite a bit. The story moves along at a good pace and it has just the sort of intricate magic system I enjoy.
Awesome, glad you enjoyed it!
I have one recommendation for you: try not to overuse the word winced. He winced, she winced, it's all over the place and it started to bug me. One time Vera winces twice in two pages. Try to find more varied ways to express that a someone is uncomfortable with what has been said. Otherwise, well-written!
Makes sense. I'll try to keep an eye out for that in the next book. I know I overused some other expressions, too ("he scratched his chin"), and I'll try to make sure I cut down on repetition in general next time.
Thanks for the feedback and reading the book!