34 KiB
[RST] Pokemon: The Origin of Species, Ch. 44 - Premortem
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Author: u/DaystarEld Pokémon Professor*
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URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9794740/44/Pokemon-The-Origin-of-Species
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Score: 74
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Created: 2017-06-01T10:47:59
Post:
Comments:
u/CarVac [+30] (an hour later)
Man the new character made me uneasy. My first gut reaction was that she was a plant for the bike shop, but that ended quickly. My next thought was that she's a spy from Giovanni.
I still don't know what to think.
u/SometimesATroll [+39] (an hour later)
Obviously she's being puppetted by an escaped MewTwo who's trying to find the true meaning of friendship. By any means necessary.
u/Slapdash17 [+30] (4 hours later)
Pfft, no way. She is the escaped Mewtwo, in a crudely made zip-up human costume.
u/None [+25] (9 hours later)
Nah guys, remember, this is the rational subreddit. Once you eliminate the impossible, what ever remains must be the truth. Clearly Mewtwo escaped, contacted the time travelling pokemon Celebi and struck a deal. Mewtwo was sent a bajillion years back in time where he met Mew. Mew then taught Mewtwo not only how to use recover, but the shapeshift as well.
Mewtwo than travelled forwards in time, and shapeshifted in to human male, after which he then fathered a girl named Aiko. The reason he doesn't want Aiko to become a trainer is because he's afraid she'll learn her half pokemon, half human pokemorph nature in a freak pokeball accident.
u/DaystarEld [+24] Pokémon Professor (14 hours later)
Obviously I can neither confirm nor deny any of this, but I can smirk and steeple my fingers and lean back in my chair and act mysterious and devious, just as a general principle regardless of whether anything devious is going on.
smirks, leans back in chair, and steeples fingers
u/Electric999999 [+3] (2 days later)
Do you pose like that after every post?
u/DaystarEld [+12] Pokémon Professor (2 days later)
Eh, at least once a day, just in case anyone's watching.
u/Slapdash17 [+11] (9 hours later)
Oh man, this reminds me of my favorite ASOIAF fan theory of all time.
https://www.reddit.com/r/asoiaf/comments/30mat2/spoilers_all_ddt_a_neverbeforeseen_theory/
u/The_Magus_199 [+2] Ankh-Morpork City Watch (18 hours later)
Oh man, these remind me of my favorite RWBY fan theory of all time.
https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/2kmplv/the_potato_so_if_were_really_going_to_mess_with/
u/thrawnca [+3] Carbon-based biped (23 hours later)
Aww, don't make light of Mewtwo's dependence on life support... :(
u/None [+8] (4 hours later)
I was pretty sure she was a spy, but if she is then whoever sent her is sloppy. After all tag So I think that rules out Giovanni, near nominative determinism on that front aside.
u/empocariam [+14] (10 hours later)
I was thinking perhaps Giovanni intentionally sent a terrible spy to see how many meta levels the party (mainly Red and Leaf) are thinking on. Do they go "Ah shucks I can't believe Giovanni is spying on us, how mean," or "Wow, what an obvious spy, Giovanni doesn't know what he is doing," or "Giovanni knowingly sent this obvious spy after us to gauge our reaction to the idea that Giovanni is spying on us." Any situation ends up with either them underestimating Giovanni's intelligence, a positive, or respecting him more while trusting other people less, also a positive.
u/DaystarEld [+8] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
It interests me that you put Leaf and Red rather than Leaf and Blue, considering Blue is currently much more famous even without being an Oak, currently, and as an Oak is more likely to be considered a significant Actor.
u/empocariam [+3] (a day later)
I got a bit carried away thinking through this reply. To be honest, a nagging part of my brain insisted that "Red is the protag" was my real underlying justification, but I tried to think through it better than that.
My theory is that Giovanni would consider Blue somewhat of a known quantity. The Oaks are a part of the Kantoan elite alongside the gym leaders, so Giovanni should be generally familiar with Blue's personality. And I think most importantly, he must already know that Blue is dark, if Giovanni ever had a psychic with him like he did when talking with Leaf (assuming that is close to correct). If Blue thought about it this way, he would come to the conclusion that Giovanni knows, and he wouldn't want that "secret" getting out and tarnishing his image. Blue isn't the story's rationalist protagonist, but I would imagine some-one with Blue's championship aspirations would know at least bit about politics/political etiquette, and throwing a fit because a gym leader "encouraged" an awkward girl to befriend you at a bike shop hardly seems worth the risk of being labeled "Dark" by the tabloids. Maybe he'd almost consider it a compliment that a leader was paying attention to him. Also, like you said, Blue is famous-ish, so Giovanni can do some diagnostic work based on his performance in battles or regular old rumor mill type stuff. I just don't really see what surprising or enlightening information this hypothetical fall-spy would get from Blue, unless Blue acts incredibly rashly when he finds out. Which, if your enemy is an idiot, it doesn't seem worth the time or money to confirm that. Burning your trust with a potential champion might be a bad idea for a secret crimelord, but if Blue really becomes a problem, well, powerful trainers die every day.
There are narratively obvious reasons why Giovanni might want to gauge Leaf's reaction. The only unique backlash I can think of is her going forward with the renegade story, but that seems easy to predict, so Giovanni would only go through with it if the renegade story going public was not a big deal any more, or he knew how to minimize/handle the fall out.
This leads us to Red. He is the least known person in the group by Giovanni. And that must bother Giovanni, since he is a travelling companion of that meddling kid-detective and THE Blue Oak. He would feel like the odd one out to me. I'm not sure that Red has been particularly cautious/secretive about his psychic training, so if Giovanni was curious I bet he could find out a lot about Red by gathering intel from his teachers. Giovanni also knows that Red follows his blog, and even once sent a reply to the kid. He is seeding some kind of relationship there I think. And if he is the rational foil to Red's protagonist, I would think that him challenging Red with a multilayered self-betraying deception would be a interesting way to get that seed to grow.
Of course, all of this is assuming Aiko is some kind of plant or spy or something, and also Giovanni is the one setting it up. I'm not sure I'm convinced that is what's happening though. Simplest solution is that she is just a person with some awkward jealousy and sense of inferiority around the main crew.
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Gotcha, thanks for writing all that out :) Refraining from commenting to avoid spoilers, obviously, but I do always find these kinds of careful reader thoughts interesting.
u/Caliburn0 [+8] (7 hours later)
I get the feeling that she really is who she says she is. I have no idea what the plan for her is, but... well... I don't dislike it.
u/SometimesATroll [+16] (7 hours later)
I just realized that in your story this adorable fellow can fly at almost 200 mph. That's kind of terrifying.
I'm guessing they don't have cute little smiley faces, though.
u/DaystarEld [+15] Pokémon Professor (13 hours later)
And this, boys and girls, is just one of the reasons why conventional weapons would not be the equalizer they might first appear in a pokemon world. Even the most benign-seeming pokemon can be more dangerous than the scariest of our world's animals.
That said, doing a slight adjustment to reflect that their high speed is also partially in their maneuverability.
u/Nic_Cage_DM [+5] (a day later)
Sounds like a piece of cake for any more modern SPAAG like this one. Dunno what we'd do about higher tier threats like zapdos, I imagine it would fry anything electronic outside the range that anything unguided would be effective.
u/DaystarEld [+6] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
True, once you've upgraded to that there's an effective weapon, but along the way any experiments in advanced weaponry with early handguns and rifles would be rather discouraging to the field, I imagine.
u/Nic_Cage_DM [+4] (a day later)
I bet you could do interesting things with the pokeball technology. You could fill one up with explosives, pressurized water, napalm, etc and chuck/shoot it at rampaging pokemon, or maybe a truckload of magnesium/aluminum for a flashbang on steroids.
EDIT: Maybe teleport one of these canisters right next to whatever you want to hit?
u/DaystarEld [+6] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Yeah, explosives are a different story. How would you teleport it to them, though?
u/Nic_Cage_DM [+4] (a day later)
Oh right, you can't teleport other objects without the teleporter going as well. Maybe a suicide abra?
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (2 days later)
The abra also has to have recorded the spot as a teleporting point ahead of time, so would only work for places set up as traps :)
u/Electric999999 [+3] (2 days later)
Well there's person guided teleporting, so you just need a sufficiently dedicated psychic, if reality is anything to go by there's plenty of people willing to face certain death in the name of a cause.
u/DaystarEld [+5] Pokémon Professor (2 days later)
The person guided teleporting still requires the abra to have registered a teleportation spot :) It just lets you choose which one of the many to go to instead of just the one that non-psychics can register.
u/Electric999999 [+3] (a day later)
I imagine against swarms of bugs chemical weapons would work rather well, after all that's basically what fly spray is.
u/Schpwuette [+10] (7 hours later)
Going by base stats, that means [ninjask](http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Ninjask_(Pokémon)) have a top speed (ignoring speed boost...!) of ~430 mph.
Awesome.
u/CarVac [+5] (6 days later)
According to the pokedex, Pidgeot can fly at Mach 2.
u/Schpwuette [+3] (6 days later)
Damn that's fast. I guess base stats aren't the way!
Though, interestingly, if you add up all the boosts Pidgeot can give itself (agility x3 + tailwind = an 8x multiplier), and use its old base stats with the Combee method... you get a top speed of nearly 2000mph, which is about Mach 2.5
But it feels pretty wrong to suggest that Pidgeot is faster than Ninjask. Unless the speed stat is about agility rather than top speed, I suppose.
u/CarVac [+5] (6 days later)
Or reaction speed, time to respond after you give a command.
u/Schpwuette [+3] (6 days later)
Oh! That's the most sensible interpretation of battle speed I've heard. It fits. I even feel like it works for items like choice scarf.
Rock polish, Agility, Autotomize, Ninjask and Pheromosa being faster than Rayquaza...
The only thing that doesn't fit, that I can think of, is Tailwind.
u/CarVac [+2] (6 days later)
I guess a tailwind (and other forms of raw speed) helps the pokemon make its attack more quickly after it responds.
Speed would be 1/(reaction time + travel time) or something like that.
The one thing that wouldn't fit that would be Dugtrio. The Pokedex says it travels at 60 kilometers per hour, which is pretty slow for its base 120 speed...
u/Schpwuette [+2] (6 days later)
Maybe once Dugtrio has dug its tunnel, it becomes much faster? And then it's like whack-a-mole.
u/ConvertsToMetric [+5] (7 hours later)
^(Mouseover or click to view the metric conversion for this comment)
u/Caliburn0 [+6] (7 hours later)
...
If that's true then according to 1/2mv^2 that's around 7500 joules. (they are 5,5kg, according to bulbapedia.) That's... legitimately terrifying. If one of those hits you, you would probably explode. Or at least go splat.
u/tokol [+6] The Greater Good (12 hours later)
Just checking your math here.
For kinetic energy: KE = 1/2mv^2
In SI units: J = 1/2(1kg)(1m/s)^2
m = 5.5 kg (from Bulbapedia)
v = 5km/min = 5000m/min = 83.33...m/s
v^2 = (83.33...m/s)^2 = 6944.44...m/s
joules = 1/2(5.5kg)(6944.44...m/s) = 19097.222...
So, that combee is travelling with a little over 19kJ of kinetic energy. Let's assume that it maintains its 5km/min speed for its entire 6km typical range (or, for 72 seconds). Then that also assumes it's replacing any energy lost to air resistance/drag. I'm going to stop my speculation here, because a combee does not look very aerodynamic...
19kJ is enough energy to raise the temperature of a liter of water by about 15.83C.
This source gives an example of 10kJ of continuous usage as "large electric water heater, peak demand of medium-large home."
Perhaps most telling example is comparing that to typical muzzle energies. A high-powered sniper rifle outputs about 15kJ, whereas an anti-tank/anti-aircraft round usually has closer to 30kJ. So, really, it's a good thing Combee (unlike Beedrill) can't learn Take Down.
u/SolidCoal [+6] (11 hours later)
I mean, it would knock you back at ~15-20mph which is kinda crazy. Certainly winded, maybe a few broken bones.
u/SometimesATroll [+5] (8 hours later)
Well, the combee is also made of flesh, so it might splat more than you do. Still, pokemon in general seem to be more sturdy than puny humans, so who knows.
u/Caliburn0 [+6] (8 hours later)
Of course the Combee will also go splat, Newton's third law will make sure of that. But so will you.
u/sir_pirriplin [+2] (a day later)
The Combee might not care, though. If they are like our wasps, they won't care that much about individual self-preservation when they are defending the colony.
u/Electric999999 [+2] (2 days later)
There are real life bees that die when they sting someone, so it's not unreasonable that combee would suicide ram people.
u/KnickersInAKnit [+2] (3 days later)
Now here's a thought - Combee suicide ram threats to their hive, and then smear the targets with honey upon splat, which attracts more Combee...
u/CopperZirconium [+13] (20 hours later)
As promised in another comment thread: FAN ART!
u/DaystarEld [+7] Pokémon Professor (20 hours later)
Holy crap this is awesome! You even came up with a bunch of extra lines for the list! (Something I felt a bit guilty about not doing)
I love your take on the realistic Pichu, she's adorably tiny. Thanks so much for this ^ _^
Do you have a site or deviant art I can link to when I post it on mine?
u/CopperZirconium [+7] (20 hours later)
The alliterations were fun! unfortunately those were all I could think of. Filter Face-masks, Reachable Repels, Shock Safety Sticks, Smear Sunscreen... I imagine Red spent a ridiculous amount of time to come up with 27! (Counting 0. Basics: Bags, Phones, Wallets)
I'm glad you like the Pichu! I've always liked the realistic style pokemon, and it's been a while since I've tried to draw one. It was a fun excuse to test out a different art style.
As far as giving credit goes, my deviant art is full of crap drawings from high school. I really need to update it, but until I do I don't want people checking out my old work. :/
u/DaystarEld [+5] Pokémon Professor (20 hours later)
I imagine Red spent a ridiculous amount of time to come up with 27! (Counting 0. Basics: Bags, Phones, Wallets)
Yeah, that's why I felt guilty, basically telling my character, "Eh, I'll just pretend you can come up with that many and not actually try to do it myself."
As far as giving credit goes, my deviant art is full of crap drawings from high school. I really need to update it, but until I do I don't want people checking out my old work. :/
No worries, if you ever do let me know and I'll add a link! Thanks again, it's the best real first fanart I could have hoped for :) I somehow feel like an actual web serial author now, strange as that seems after writing this for almost 4 years XD
u/CopperZirconium [+5] (20 hours later)
it's the best real first fanart I could have hoped for :)
Take that u/Saffrin-chan! I get the title of first real fan art! In your face, random internet person!!!
(But seriously, your post was hilarious and it inspired me to draw something for this chapter. Thank you!)
u/KnickersInAKnit [+9] (3 hours later)
Hahahaha, I guess this marks a year into their journey! Happy birthday, Red and Blue!
So I have to say that as an avid reader of the rational Animorphs fic the bit about the premortem was uncanny. Do you guys collaborate behind the scenes, or were you strongly inspired by its most recent chapter? (Is Aiko going to be the next David???)
This chapter was a nice break. It's happy, Red's being funny...I feel like this is your subtle (maybe not-so-subtle? I'm terrible at subtlety) way of informing the readers that Red's psychic training is paying off and it's lifting a kind of depression that he never even knew he had from his psyche.
Regarding Aiko...well, she's not dark-type. I doubt Giovanni would send a spy who isn't dark if he knew about Red's psychic abilities. I'm reminded of those escort-type quests in the Gen 5 and later games, where you pair up with someone to go through a forest and get free healing, revives etc. She does seem to get along well with all 3 of them - perhaps too well? Shares Red's preparedness, Blue's love for battling, and Leaf's desire to avoid causing unnecessary harm to relatively placid wild pokemon. So I don't know what she is. I do hope that she doesn't become a long-term addition to the group as imo that'd get difficult to juggle 4 main characters, but if you can pull it off then hey, have at it.
Lastly, that combee honey must have a crazy strong smell if it's still capable of attracting the hive even while frozen. Freezing things tends to reduce how much smell particles diffuses from the surface.
u/DaystarEld [+12] Pokémon Professor (13 hours later)
I guess this marks a year into their journey!
I was worried it might give this impression, but no, it's only been about three months :) I specifically didn't want to make it seem like a "You turned 11 today, so you get to go on your journey!" thing: the two aren't connected. Sorry for the confusion!
So I have to say that as an avid reader of the rational Animorphs fic the bit about the premortem was uncanny. Do you guys collaborate behind the scenes, or were you strongly inspired by its most recent chapter? (Is Aiko going to be the next David???)
No collaboration here, just neat coincidence :) Someone has already remarked that seeing it show up in both stories around the same time helped remind them of it and cement the technique in their memory, so that's a happy bonus for anyone it applies to.
I feel like this is your subtle (maybe not-so-subtle? I'm terrible at subtlety) way of informing the readers that Red's psychic training is paying off and it's lifting a kind of depression that he never even knew he had from his psyche.
Not so terrible, since you got this right!
Lastly, that combee honey must have a crazy strong smell if it's still capable of attracting the hive even while frozen. Freezing things tends to reduce how much smell particles diffuses from the surface.
Yeah, they mostly followed the scent from when the jar opened, it just took awhile to reach them. By the time they tracked it back the honey was already up in the air and melting.
u/TheTrickFantasic [+6] (12 hours later)
The escort missions began in Gen 4.
u/KnickersInAKnit [+4] (12 hours later)
Well shoot, you're right. Gen 4 and 5 get a little mixed up in my memory.
u/DaystarEld [+8] Pokémon Professor (20 seconds later)
Hey everyone, welcome back! Two quick announcements: there are a few new updates in the story FAQ on my site, for anyone curious, and I'm going to be at the CFAR workshop in Seattle next week, so anyone there who wants to say hi feel free to do so!
As usual all feedback welcome. Hope you enjoy!
u/None [+9] (15 hours later)
Nice to see a practical application of rationality skills to a self contained problem, and a chance for the characters to show of their growing abilities.
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
Glad you liked it!
u/DerSaidin [+7] (3 hours later)
Red fights the urge to defend his lack of preparation.
I realize you point this out, but it does seem very unlike Red's character not to research a large purchase (also, I wonder how much they paid).
Thanks, nice chapter :)
u/JulianWyvern [+13] Wayward Wanderer (10 hours later)
It's possible he just didn't think bikes were large purchases. Like Blue says his last one was 100$
Everyone just caught unprepared, as obviously all terrain bikes are much different from what you ride in town indeed
u/DaystarEld [+14] Pokémon Professor (14 hours later)
You and /u/JulianWyvern have good alternate explanations, I just wanted to establish that sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day to cover everything you might want to spend time looking into :)
Glad you liked the chapter!
u/DerSaidin [+6] (4 hours later)
Maybe Red did research, but it turns out this shop doesn't stock that brand (gah he wished they put their product list online). Red decides her recommendation seems good relative to his researched choice and goes with it just the same.
u/DaystarEld [+5] Pokémon Professor (24 seconds later)
Typo thread!
u/KnickersInAKnit [+8] (3 hours later)
until no more come out of hte hive
u/Rouninscholar [+11] (3 hours later)
Clearly meant to be "htc vive"
u/KnickersInAKnit [+7] (3 hours later)
Quick, someone photoshop the cover image to have all 3 of them wearing htc vives
u/Saffrin-chan [+13] (10 hours later)
u/DaystarEld [+9] Pokémon Professor (13 hours later)
So not only is this hilarious, but I believe that technically this is the first bit of Origin of Species fanart I've seen.
I shall treasure it always <3
u/CopperZirconium [+6] (14 hours later)
Well, then. I guess I'll be drawing this evening. THE VOID MUST BE FILLED!
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (14 hours later)
XD I literally just made this page for /u/Saffrin-chan's picture, but I'll be happy to put anything you create up there too!
u/Saffrin-chan [+5] (15 hours later)
Thank you. I will accept the honor of my shitty photoshop being the first fanart :D
I might have to make something actually good later though, your story is really good and deserves fanart :)
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (15 hours later)
\o/!
u/KnickersInAKnit [+3] (11 hours later)
Man, Bill's been getting generous with the presents lately.
u/None [+4] (4 hours later)
[deleted]
u/KnickersInAKnit [+3] (4 hours later)
Hey, /u/Rouninscholar started it!
u/Eryemil [-1] (6 hours later)
That subreddit is basically r/conspiracy for leftists.
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (13 hours later)
I haven't frequented it, but isn't it fairly proven that Reddit is regularly targeted by companies for advertising-disguised-as-content? Or do you mean they literally come up with outlandish and unlikely conspiracy theories about collaboration between companies and reddit or something?
u/Eryemil [+3] (14 hours later)
The irrational thing about being a conspiracy theorist is not the belief that conspiracies exist, but seeing them everywhere and in everything.
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (14 hours later)
True, I always got the impression that most /r/HailCorporate callouts are ironic or tongue-in-cheek, but I haven't looked into the subreddit itself to see what proportion of the ones posted there are improbable.
u/DaystarEld [+7] Pokémon Professor (13 hours later)
Fixed, thanks for pointing that out! Especially because of the humor it inspired here.
u/Ibbot [+4] (16 hours later)
Well, you never know when your characters will need some covfefe.
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (17 hours later)
I got tired of that meme really quick but this actually made me chuckle, since I've been seeing a lot of fusions pop up on my feed lately:
u/tokol [+6] The Greater Good (11 hours later)
It'll work good for faking others out too, when people know my teams well enough and expect one.
good -> well
So, this is a very common "error" that's probably widespread to point that the current usage is fine. Still, it feels a bit out of character for Blue (given my impression of his education/upbringing) and always sounds wrong to me.
Or, as I've always heard it: "Superman is doing good, you're doing well."
u/DaystarEld [+6] Pokémon Professor (14 hours later)
Fixed, thanks! One of those things I know but don't always catch in my writing :)
u/alexanderwales [+3] Time flies like an arrow (13 hours later)
u/Saffrin-chan [+2] (9 hours later)
Aiko mentions that besides her raticate. venonat, spearow and sandshrew, she also has an oddish and krabby.
raticate needs a comma after it instead of a period.
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (14 hours later)
Fixed, thank you!
u/Electric999999 [+3] (a day later)
Do Pokémon look the same as they do in the games? Because if they do combee is far from aerodynamic which makes me wonder how they can keep up that sort of speed.
u/DaystarEld [+6] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
No, I'm using the games as a rough guideline but mostly envisioning them in a more realistic manner, similar to how some artists draw them or like CopperZirconium's recent fanart:
u/Trips-Over-Tail [+5] Death of Crabs (2 days later)
Arvalis on DeviantART has produced a whole host of realistic Pokemon pieces, though he has reinterpreted the many outlandish species into real-world clades and provided backstory to explain humanity's misidentification of their traits.
u/DaystarEld [+3] Pokémon Professor (2 days later)
Yep, they're all fantastic, even if some species (like the ghastly line) are changed a bit too far beyond canon for me to mentally adopt.
u/Trips-Over-Tail [+2] Death of Crabs (3 days later)
I was most taken aback by turning Scyther into a theropod.
u/Sailor_Vulcan [+5] Champion of Justice and Reason (a day later)
where can i find more PtOoS fanart?
u/DaystarEld [+5] Pokémon Professor (a day later)
This post's comments is where you can find literally all that I know exists, helpfully compiled here :)
u/Sailor_Vulcan [+3] Champion of Justice and Reason (a day later)
honestly looking at pics it looks like combees wear parts of their hive as a shell. when a lot of combees gather together in one place that literally forms a mobile hive of sorts kinda. that's also probably why vespiquen can release combees from her body with her order moves. upon evolution her shell moves down and becomes big enough to contain multiple very young combee. maybe when they're flying fast enough they shed the hive-shell and it grows back later.
u/4t0m [+4] Chaos Legion (2 days later)
In the last scene, where Red is practicing with his rock and the rest or talking, I had the impression of suspense. Perhaps the feeling was anticipation, and I had the hypothesis that there would be some drama upon the revelation that Red is psychic. Was this an intentional effect that you subverted with the arrival of Prof. Oak & co., or was that a misreading on my part? If the latter, and your intended emotional response was different, I think it may be worth examining what gave me that impression. If the former, nice job :).
Anyway, more broadly, I can see the addition of this character as being sort of amateurish, or as being a warning sign in some other fic, but right now I am pretty interested to see how the story changes if she is not just a brief subplot, but a new mainstay of the story. That said, I think you were a bit blunt with the "hints" about her character. If she is going to be around for a while, I recommend making Red's observations more subtle (addressing them in narration but not his thought, making the things he is noticing more subtle, reducing the number, or adding things that paint a less unified picture), or else revealing whatever the deal is very shortly. I was already getting not-quite-annoyed by what felt like it was supposed to be subtle foreshadowing, and I think the effect would be greatly amplified should things continue in the same vein. Even if the reveal is coming in the next chapter, it may be worth another look at this.
(If you haven't noticed, I haven't learned her name yet. Though I was referring to Leaf as "Green" for some time.)
Looking forward to how this changes the shape of the story!
/u/DaystarEld
u/DaystarEld [+4] Pokémon Professor (2 days later)
Was this an intention effect that you subverted with the arrival of Prof. Oak & co., or was that a misreading on my part?
Maybe this won't make sense, but yes, I was aware it was building suspense and wanted to tie it into the more immediate suspense of them hearing something right afterward, even though it was an unrelated and different type of suspense and feels a bit like cheating :)
That said, I think you were a bit blunt with the "hints" about her character.
Yeah, I'm a bit worried about this too. I might try to tone it down a bit, but honestly it just felt like it would be odd if Red just learned a strategy for predicting bad outcomes and failed to consider her so fully.
u/4t0m [+2] Chaos Legion (2 days later)
So long as it was intentional, it worked! I don't think it's cheating to build up suspense like that and then have some other surprising thing happen, especially as we are still worried about her.
(Hey, I'll see you at the upcoming workshop!)
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (2 days later)
(Hey, I'll see you at the upcoming workshop!)
Neat, looking forward to it!
u/Cariyaga [+4] Kyubey did nothing wrong (2 days later)
Aiko is adorable. If she's a spy, she probably doesn't know she's one. Either that or I'm too trusting.
I hope she gets a spare dex from Oak :D
u/DaystarEld [+2] Pokémon Professor (2 days later)
Glad you think so :)
(As in I'm glad some people find her adorable, since characters being liked is kind of important, even when everyone suspects her of being a spy or thief or Mewtwo in disguise)
u/noggin-scratcher [+3] I am a happy tree (5 days later)
I mostly took her at face value - under-resourced kid just trying to be a trainer. Ruminations on deeper motives mostly went to "maybe her home life is more unhappy than is immediately apparent, hence desire to escape". Maybe I'm not very good at hints.
If she turns out to be Mewtwo in an elaborate skin suit disguise (here used as a shorthand also covering other forms of evil intent) then I will be shocked, shocked I tell you... well, maybe not that shocked, now that everyone put the idea in my head.