12 KiB
[RT][FF][HF] Naruto. The Need to Become Stronger, Chapter 22: Trust and Tyrants
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Author: u/Sophronius The Need to Become Stronger*
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URL: https://needtobecomestronger.wordpress.com/2017/07/02/chapter-22/
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Score: 29
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Created: 2017-07-02T21:10:30
Post:
Comments:
u/memzak [+5] Imperial Commonwealth of Endeavour (11 hours later)
Hi! Many enjoyable things about this chapter.
First and foremost, the battle. As our first example of a kage-level battle, there was something rather satisfying at seeing them throw out massive jutsu all over the place. Mentally, however, there was a lot less going on than in the Kakashi-Zabuza debacle. While this does make some sense to me, seeing as both major parties were (almost overly-)confident of their victories... I still felt that the weaker attackers who had preparation time (Zabuza and Haku) could have come up with a more thought-out battle plan? Or maybe, allude to the fact they they did have many potential plans that were discarded as new information presented itself? It just kind of seemed like they just charged in knowing they were outgunned by friends and foes as well as the fact betrayal was imminent.
Second, the politics of the Village Hidden in the Mist and the things they implied about your greater Naruto world was very interesting. The fact that Yagura was able to look past some of his hate for bloodlines and still use those that have some utility was much more practical than I was expecting. I also enjoyed your resolution of the required change of regime but lack of actual rebelling forces (since all the canon rebels were, well... not), particularly since it accomplishes Akatsuki's as well as Itachi's goals. Was Yagura also under a long-term Sharingan Genjutsu in this version of events?
Third, the small details put in this chapter. Itachi being suitably terrifying and mysterious. Akatsuki using a more compact method for sealing the tailed beasts. Yagura's ruthless practically. All of these helped both satiate my thirst of ALL the details... and make it seem that there was but an ocean of them still out there. I thought that that was particularly well done.
u/Sophronius [+1] The Need to Become Stronger (14 hours later)
First and foremost, the battle. As our first example of a kage-level battle, there was something rather satisfying at seeing them throw out massive jutsu all over the place.
I'm glad you liked it! It was very satisfying for me to write as well - as overpowered as Naruto and Sasuke are, there's just so much more material to work with when writing a fight between high-level ninjas compared to genin.
I still felt that the weaker attackers who had preparation time (Zabuza and Haku) could have come up with a more thought-out battle plan? It just kind of seemed like they just charged in knowing they were outgunned by friends and foes as well as the fact betrayal was imminent
You're right, that might be the result of not showing the start from H&Z's perspective. The way I envisioned it is that they knew it was a bad situation, but they took the risk anyway because they were never going to get a better chance to kill Yagura. I imagine that they did in fact come up with a plan to get rid of Akatsuki after beating Yagura (killing Mei would have thrown a wrench in akatsuki's plans and forced them to work with Zabuza) but this was ruined when Itachi showed up as he proved to be just too much for them. Which is of course why Zabuza didn't want to summon Itachi in the first place - but alas, Yagura's tailed beast form was too strong...
Hmmm. Maybe I can put a line in there somewhere about Z thinking about how it's essential that Mei dies early for the sake of their hidden plans...
Second, the politics of the Village Hidden in the Mist and the things they implied about your greater Naruto world was very interesting. Was Yagura also under a long-term Sharingan Genjutsu in this version of events?
I don't want to spoil anything regarding the ultimate plot (though wow I wish I were able to move it along faster, all this worldbuilding and setup is taking a lot more time than I would have liked), but I don't think it's giving too much away if I say that the canon version of what happened with Obito is deeply, deeply stupid, and NTBS is not going to turn out the same way.
Third, the small details put in this chapter. Itachi being suitably terrifying and mysterious. Akatsuki using a more compact method for sealing the tailed beasts. Yagura's ruthless practically. All of these helped both satiate my thirst of ALL the details... and make it seem that there was but an ocean of them still out there.
Heheh, glad to see that's well received. One of the things that bothered me about canon (and stories in general) is that the villains never actually used the methods they have at their disposal. I mean, Itachi was specifically shown using the ultimate sealing blade to seal away an 8-headed beast, and never uses it for anything except that one fight. Same for super overpowered mind-control techniques like Koto-amatsukami. Such a glaring waste of potential...
But it gives all the more ammunition to me >:3
u/memzak [+1] Imperial Commonwealth of Endeavour (3 days later)
Thanks for the detailed response.
With regards to Zabuza, your points are fair. It would have helped a lot to have it from H&Z's perspective. The idea of them being reluctant to summon Itachi and their endgoal being killing Mei such that Akatsuki has to co-operate with them completely went over my head. A line or two with regards to Z's thoughts and long-term plan would probably help a lot, I think.
With regards to an ultimate plot... Yesss! I love it when authors have a long term game plan, plan things early-on and put in the grunt-work waaay before any of it comes to fruition. It always makes for a better read... (and is kind of a must with Rational fiction) I can understand the effort required for pre/early-writing worldbuilding required if one wants to write something that is cohesive and makes sense. All I can suggest is that you keep at it and not get discouraged!
I actually went through something very similar with my brief foray into writing a Naruto-fiction. I had a huge premise planned, and went into exacting details about the mechanics of just about anything I could think of... and then never actually got around to exploring any of them as I only wrote two chapters. >__<"
Anyhoo, very much enjoying what you've written thus far. Keep up the good work!
EDIT: If you want any of my notes, I'd be happy to send them your way. Just shoot me a PM with whatever you might be interested in.
u/Sophronius [+5] The Need to Become Stronger (4 minutes later)
This chapter is one of those I wrote some time ago, and only retouched recently. It's interesting for me to see how my writing style changed, which I guess is mainly that wow, I used to be a lot wordier. I mean, paragraphs are NOT supposed to be half a page long, and that's after severe cuttage.
Anyway, more story! Action, excitement, and villainous reveals. And of course, there's that pesky darkness technique again...
u/Sophronius [+1] The Need to Become Stronger (14 hours later)
By the way, 4t0m (a human being who the author of Animorphs sees around the office) has just added NTBS to goodreads, to be found here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35555238-the-need-to-become-stronger
Right now the story is at the very bottom of the list at place 96. Surely we can do a little better! If you think it deserves a higher score, feel free to head on over there and give it a rating or vote for it so other people get a chance to see it. Thanks a bunch!
u/ketura [+2] Organizer (18 hours later)
Nah, pretty sure 4t0m isn't a pseudonym of WhatWouldEnderDo, aka /u/TK17Studios, altho I could be wrong.
u/TK17Studios [+2] Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning (18 hours later)
Correct. /u/4t0m is a whole other separate human being who I see around the office, so unless I'm pulling a John Nash/Tyler Durden ...
u/Sophronius [+3] The Need to Become Stronger (19 hours later)
Oh oops. I always see him posting those chapters, so I just assumed.
On the other hand, "Clark is a whole other separate human being who I see around the office" totally sounds like something Superman would say.
u/TK17Studios [+2] Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning (20 hours later)
=D
u/CouteauBleu [+1] We are the Empire. (2 days later)
A while ago, 4t0m's flair was "Does not actually write r!Animorphs: the Reckoning" because he was always the one to put chapters out, and I guess people were confused.
EDIT: No wait, nevermind. It was callmebrotherg's flair.
u/Sophronius [+1] The Need to Become Stronger (3 days later)
Whoops, guess I should pay more attention to flares.
Say, you're that dog-loving guy, right? You can always tell that someone is a good person if they really love animals.
u/None [+2] (4 days later)
Oh, just a quick question I forgot to ask a long time ago. Is the Sharingan going to be as ridiculously op in this as it was in the anime? Because one of the things I hated the most about the anime was how strong those eyes got, to the point where the fact that Konoha (and I don't know if this is canon or just widely repeated fanon) needed the Fourth to win the war for them makes no sense. When you have an entire clan of Uchiha, you should curb stomp any other civilization in sight.
But anyway, enough ranting. Are bloodlines going to be more down-to-earth in this fic, or is using and countering the crazy powerful canon abilities rationally going to be part of the fun? Because in a world where genjutsu is actually useful, I can only imagine how much stuff Sasuke could do with his eyes.
u/Sophronius [+2] The Need to Become Stronger (4 days later)
Is the Sharingan going to be as ridiculously op in this as it was in the anime?
I can answer this one with a reassuring "Nope!"
There are in fact two fundamental differences between canon and NTBS, the first being heightened rationality of main characters and the second being reduced power levels. The reason for this (as you probably guessed) is that there really isn't much opportunity for rationality when you already have overwhelming power - as Kakashi keeps harping on, the best strategy is usually the simplest one, and in the case of canon Obito that would be just "teleport in and capture all the tailed beasts instantly" and in the case of canon Madara "Crush everything and everything by yourself instantly. That's no fun.
And of course, if you put put power like that in the hands of the heroes, the result is even worse.
So no. No invincible Susanoo, no techniques that can destroy entire villages like Deidera and Pain, and no morphing into a gooddamn Shark and causing a Tsunami. Even the tailed beasts are hugely toned down, as you can see in this chapter, due to A) lower chakra levels and B) lack of chakra resistance which makes them weak to genjutsu and sealing.
Because in a world where genjutsu is actually useful, I can only imagine how much stuff Sasuke could do with his eyes.
Genjutsu, on the other hand, is just as useful in this fic as you would expect it to be.
u/None [+1] (5 days later)
Wonderful :)