9.4 KiB
[RT][FF][WIP] Hermione Granger and the Perfectly Reasonable Explanation - Chapter 19: Disclosure
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Author: u/RobinDrew Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE)*
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URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/6pauqe/rtffwip_hermione_granger_and_the_perfectly/
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Score: 31
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Created: 2017-07-24T19:46:03
Post:
(FF.net) Chapter 19: Disclosure
I tried it several different ways to try to eliminate confounding variables like IP address and local cookies, but it appears that if you google "perfectly reasonable explanation", HGPRE is 3 of the top 5 links, out of twelve million. So that's weird, huh? O_o
Comments:
u/thecommexokid [+9] (an hour later)
So that's weird, huh?
Naw, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.
u/Chevron [+6] there is no antimemetics division (59 minutes later)
Nice chapter! I like that you actually showed her following up on making a mental note to look into something; so often characters will have interesting ideas worth investigating, perhaps mention "making a mental note" to investigate further, and then the idea is never mentioned again. Actually exploring those sorts of ideas is one of the strengths of rational fic for me.
Hopefully we get to see Minerva's science lesson next chapter, that should be interesting (and another instance of the sort of plot element that might be introduced and implied but not explicitly shown in a story) :)
u/rhaps0dy4 [+8] (2 hours later)
That letter at the end. If I were one of Hermione's parents I'd be really worried now. What a way to tease the possible "pretty serious" things that have happened.
u/RobinDrew [+3] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (6 hours later)
Yeah...on balance, Hermione does still want to stay, and she figures a staff member will be able to spin the whole thing better than she could without being blatantly dishonest. But she's still mildly offended by Dumbledore's suggestion in the first place, so she's not making it easy for them, if only subconsciously.
u/RobinDrew [+3] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (48 seconds later)
- Official Britpick/typo thread if you are so inclined, helps if they're all in one place.
u/Chevron [+5] there is no antimemetics division (55 minutes later)
Didn't notice any typos, but here are just a couple minor things I noticed. These are all just light suggestions; I get a little compulsive about noting things like this.
"Is there anything I should do - or not do - in the meantime?" He contemplated this.
Maybe add "she asked" after the question and "Dumbledore" instead of "he". It's immediately obvious what it means, but felt like it was missing that, to me.
you should, again, act as you would have if I were not already aware of the situation
"again"? I don't think he said anything about acting like she hadn't spoken with Dumbledore before this. He just said to try to act as if she didn't know anything about the Time magic.
I could've easily been killed, I can't imagine what I was thinking.
I think a semicolon after "killed" would be more appropriate here
He didn't even have a copy of the notes anymore,
I could maybe see her tentatively trusting that OTN is being honest on that score, but it seems odd that she's internally treating his narrative about honestly trying to dispose of all copies as established truth. He could easily still have copies.
u/RobinDrew [+1] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (6 hours later)
I try to trust the new paragraph = new speaker rules to keep things straight if there are only two people involved. I know a sizeable chunk of people loathe dialogue tags in general, so anything I can do to limit them is good.
I suppose I was thinking "again" applied only to the "act as you would have (otherwise)" part, which applies to both.
I think you're right in general. On the other hand, I haven't really thought about it consciously before, but semicolons in dialogue feel suuuuper-weird to me. I think what's happening in this instance is that the intent is "I could've easily been killed, (so) I can't imagine what I was thinking" but with the (so) dropped because it's informal speech? I might have used "-" instead of the comma, I suppose. It's definitely intended as two directly connected thoughts, not two separate sentences.
Her presumption that he is honest about giving her his only copy is based on a quick intuitive game-theory analysis. Assuming the existence of distributed copies, him having a personal copy gains him very little at this point, and is a slight risk if he's discovered with it, whereas him returning it to her gives him a stronger defence in the event she does try to turn him in as it argues toward "good will" and at the same time, removes the risk of inadvertent discovery.
u/Chevron [+3] there is no antimemetics division (8 hours later)
All fair points! Like I said, all minor, mostly subjective.
Re: the first one I guess the off feeling just came from the unannounced (but, I agree, perfectly reasonable) speaker switch being juxtaposed with the "He" semi-floating pronoun. It should be fine as it is though.
I see what you're saying about the semi-colons in dialogue. Personally I agree that a dash might be a good compromise and better than a comma.
And I guess the Nott trust makes some sense, especially given her charitable disposition towards Slytherins generally. I still would have thought she'd qualify her statement of belief that it's the only copy with a "most likely" or something, but, yet again, subjective choice.
Thanks for the thorough response to my picked nits! Great work as always.
u/MonstrousBird [+3] (2 hours later)
Don't know if it's a Britpick as such, but Morag's accent is reading very oddly to me as a Scot. Whereabouts is she supposed to be from? I know that transcribing accents is a minefiled, but we do have some more or less accepted spellings for Scots words, so maybe scattering a few of those would be better? I'd be happy to bete her dialogue if it would help
u/RobinDrew [+2] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (6 hours later)
If there's a better way, please let me know! I'm sort of winging it based off of Cho's accent in the movies. I think right now all I'm doing is long "o"/oi = ae, you = ye. I wanted it to be noticeable but not offensive/incomprehensible, but when I tried to look up transliteration strategies, I mostly found slang instead which isn't really appropriate for pure-blood Morag. :-/
u/turbinicarpus [+1] (a day later)
Cho Chang spoke with a Scottish accent in the movies? I only saw the first one, so I had no idea.
As for samples of Scottish accent, I give you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ .
u/HermioneGPEV [+2] (2 days later)
But upon consideration, she'd she'd decided
Hermione kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling and her breathing even when […]
I guessed you meant something akin to either:
Hermione kept her attention fixed on the ceiling and her breathing even when […]
Hermione kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling and her breathing steady even when […]
Surely as a Ravenclaw, you know how how irresistible
u/RobinDrew [+2] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (2 days later)
Fixed the doubled-words, thanks!
On the other, even itself was meant in the sense of "continuous or regular" (steady works too), not in the sense of "even when". But I see how that could be confusing the way it's worded. I went ahead and flipped the timing clause and changed even to regular.
u/HermioneGPEV [+1] (4 days later)
Oh, right, re-reading it, it seems natural actually. My brain must have gotten stuck on the incorrect interpretation of "even".
u/torac [+3] (13 hours later)
I am both annoyed and please by the fact that Hermione is socially inept. Looking forward to her response to Nott. A bit of time should let her prepare something functional.
u/turbinicarpus [+1] (a day later)
Well, that was a fast update. Glad you're on a roll.
It's been --- what? --- two weeks of Hogwarts, and Hermione's already derailed canon several times over and is earning a reputation as a scary person.
I suspect that if she had told Nott the truth of what had happened, he'd have decided that blackmailing her was more risk than it was worth.
u/RobinDrew [+2] Ravenclaw - (Author: HGPRE) (2 days later)
I had that one mostly written already. Next chapter will be the real test to see if I can actually get back on a schedule.
Not even quite one week yet. Busy, busy. I should start some minor time-skipping eventually, once Hermione is past the current time-critical challenges in the short term.
Re: telling Nott about the trap/duel - it's possible, but I'm not sure he'd believe it. Or if he did, he could've decided maybe the notes weren't crazy after all, and given them straight to his father? Not that Hermione gets specific credit for avoiding that, since she doesn't know he's a Death Eater.
u/Achille-Talon [+1] (3 days later)
Still loving it!