4.9 KiB
[RT][FF] Scar's Samsara 4: Mṛtyu. Product may contain trace amounts of mṛtyu.
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Author: u/Sophronius The Need to Become Stronger*
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Score: 31
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Created: 2017-08-20T15:45:09
Post:
Comments:
u/Kosijenac [+7] (36 minutes later)
I'm really just waiting to see what happens at this point, but I can't shake the feeling that Scar is going to meet some unsavory end.
I suppose that this was just you setting up for the penultimate chapter. Honestly, It seems a bit abrupt to me even more so than the previous chapters. Now that I think about it, it the entire story feels rather fast paced.
u/Sophronius [+2] The Need to Become Stronger (5 hours later)
True, the story as a whole is very fast paced - that was kind of deliberate, since I figured there was not enough material to really make it a sprawling epic. Instead there's a lot of time skips between chapters to show Simba growing up etc. rather than having chapters in which the plot barely moves forward. It's good that you say so though, because maybe I really should have given the story more room to breathe.
Right now it looks like it'll be more than 6 chapters, maybe 8 in total. The reason is that I ended up splitting certain chapters like this one into 2 chapters of 4 pages rather than 1 of eight. Adding another 2 scenes after this one would rob the previous scenes of their power and not really do them justice, since both the Zazu scene and the Banzai scene carry a lot more oomph like this I think.
u/Kosijenac [+3] (20 hours later)
I've been thinking why this chapter in particular seems to fast forwarded, but the previous ones don't even though they're short as well. I think it might be because the drama to word ratio is quite high.
We have a total of 4 dramatic things going on: Banzai, Zazu & the zebra, the afterlife scouting & Zira's return, which is by my rough and somewhat unreliable estimate at least 50% more than the other chapters and these ones seem to have more oomph to them.
It also probably has to do with how rapidly you switch between these things. There's no resolution to the banzai problem or even a bit of Scar's introspection to make the transitions softer, it just switches from basically the height of the action to another scene.
These are just my thoughts on the issue. I am not claiming that this is necessarily the case.
P.S. I can't help but notice that you wrote that Zira had been found rather than that she had returned. I find this awfully suspicious.
u/entropizer [+4] (2 hours later)
Love your Zazu. Scar might be well served by getting rid of him, he's in a position to possibly fatally sabotage Scar.
u/Sophronius [+4] The Need to Become Stronger (5 hours later)
I love writing Zazu as well - to me he's really the epitome of the servant who easily blends into the background, but who knows far more than he's letting on. Not someone you want to underestimate.
Unfortunately for Scar, everyone in the Pridelands is a potential enemy to him, so he can't exactly get rid of everyone who is too dangerous/competent.
u/None [+2] (23 hours later)
Get strong vibes of Varys from GoT
u/scruiser [+4] CYOA (22 hours later)
One major thing I like about this story is that the main character both attempts scientific investigation, while acknowledging how seriously handicapped the main character is in terms of their investigation. With other rational fics, for example, HPMOR, I feel like the narration and the plot lets the main character get away with half-assed experiments without calling them out on it. Here it felt like the narrative and the characters themselves acknowledged how incomplete their attempts at rational inquiry are.
I also like the continued Maybe Magic Maybe Mundane (a TV Tropes trope) thing you have going on.
u/Sophronius [+1] The Need to Become Stronger (3 days later)
True, a lot of rational fiction ironically enough has such investigations happen smoothly for the sake of plot. One of the main things that always bothered me about HPMOR is that the entire world seemed to go out of its way to make HJPEV look as awesome as possible. Rational inquiry and wish fulfillment don't go well together, I feel, but the inherent contradiction of rational fiction is that the audience wants both.
And yeah, like I mentioned in an earlier post, I love the idea of magic as a mysterious force - where the character does not know if anything or everything that happens is because of magic.
Anyway, thanks for the thoughtful review!
u/Kishoto [+5] (23 hours later)
When I read those ending lines, all I could think was "Oh....fuck."
Both the hyena thing and the phrasing of that final sentence made me very concerned