8.4 KiB
[RTish][C] Captain's Crusade: Short fantasy one-shot by TK17
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Author: u/TK17Studios Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning*
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Score: 30
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Created: 2017-12-28T11:34:34
Post:
Comments:
u/CouteauBleu [+8] We are the Empire. (2 hours later)
What's this?
No strange convoluted explanation on how Peter was actually the simulated avatar of a poorly-calibrated artificial intelligence and Neverland its simulated world along all along?
What is this story even doing on r/rational?
u/RynnisOne [+6] (3 hours later)
From the point of view of someone trapped in it, there's no way to know, short of observing glitches, being told by someone else, or through completely unbelievable genius levels of deduction that magically hit upon the right track.
It's rational because it attempts to explain why the Captain even bothers to fight against the Boy, why he would be interested in catching the kids instead of just killing them all, where more adult pirates come from if only kids can get to the Land, and why he wouldn't want to just go out and "finish it".
IE: Fixing glaring plot holes from the original work.
That being said, it has a few of its own.
He loses his eye, but gains a permanent kind of Detect Magic vision. How and why?
His Detect Magic eye sees a path that leads him to the boulder and stops. He interprets this as doing something with it, which he does. What "path" is the eye seeing, aside from the "Plot"? How does this work? Why does it stop working? (He sees no more path after that.)
Why does he need to get his eye back? The Shaman says he needs both of them, but there is no reason, on his part or the Captain's. If anything, he would prefer to stay how he is, as he can Detect Magic, allowing him to see the Boys even at night or behind cover (I imagine it's good for spotting fairies, too, which would be quite a useful ability). He is literally trading away a very useful ability in order to become a cripple, with no good reason other than "This all-knowing character says so."
u/TK17Studios [+7] Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning (6 hours later)
The detect magic vision fades away once he runs out of fairy dust. It was subtle, sorry.
I suppose you could argue that, were the story to continue, a first priority would be getting access to more dust.
u/RynnisOne [+2] (19 hours later)
Were there references to fairy dust at that point?
It still doesn't explain the "Plot Path". Some intelligence (in the real world that's the writer) has created this path to cause a certain event to happen. But where does this knowledge come from?
That part is still glaringly discordant with the rest of the story. I suppose if the story were to continue it could be retconned that a fairy had given him that path, and then that could lead up to a reveal that a certain fairy (likely T) was trying to continue the game by playing the kids off each other... but doing that removes his agency as something "new".
EDIT: Also, what's up with the gator and the loss of body part granting him another one and 'free stuff'? Is that the Shaman's power? Is it the gator, and if so, is it somehow sapient in and of itself?
u/TK17Studios [+8] Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning (19 hours later)
I think you're confusing "glaringly discordant" with "not explained within the available tiny snippet," but that edges on being defensive of the text which is not a good look for a writer (so I'll leave it at that).
Essentially, this amounted to me writing a teaser trailer for myself, to see if I even wanted to play in this sandbox, and I was happy enough that I shared it. I agree that it's not complete in the sense of being a fully realized and internally coherent rational work; hence the "ish."
u/RynnisOne [+3] (a day later)
Sure, but if I'm doing that, then all plot holes are merely "not explained within the available snippet" of the medium.
The path was created by something with intelligence. We don't find out and he doesn't question it. In normal stories, that's fine. In rational ones, the character should at least express the curiosity as to "why" weird stuff happens.
That's why it's glaring, to me. YMMV.
That being said, it was still a REALLY good story, and one I enjoyed immensely. I've seen all sorts of media where they try to portray the Captain as having been a good guy, but this take is unique and far more believable.
u/TK17Studios [+3] Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning (a day later)
Agreement with all of the above. Were it a two-parter or were I to intend to play in this universe for a longer time, I would absolutely consider all of the above as needing-to-be-addressed.
u/TK17Studios [+2] Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning (a day later)
Also: tinkered slightly. Did not solve the issues you point out, but I believe I ameliorated them significantly.
u/RynnisOne [+4] (a day later)
I like it! You did well, and it closes the holes well enough that it all fits together. The ones not answered serve as a nice tease for more interest.
u/xamueljones [+3] My arch-enemy is entropy (5 hours later)
I interpreted it as Peter giving him something during the chase to continue the 'game' so Rob would last until the clifftop for a satisfying conclusion rather than in the woods. The boys got random magic before without explanation. Also Rob isn't giving up Detect Magic; it went away after dropping the rock but he's still blind.
Or it's not magic he was seeing but rather blood and another one of his friends had been chased into the mermaid pool before Rob.
u/RynnisOne [+2] (19 hours later)
Except that would mean that Peter went through a lot of effort to make him invent a completely new game that would then take Peter's attention away from him.
Instead of Peter popping his skull like a grape and then go and do the Rock Drop directly.
u/Ardvarkeating101 [+2] Father of Learning (a day later)
He didn't plan for the rock drop game to happen, he planned for him to die at the cliff. Rob just got clever
u/RynnisOne [+1] (a day later)
If he could do that, then he could manipulate the Detect Magic directly and let him see anything he wanted, or not see anything he wanted. If that were possible--if he had that level of control--then none of your senses can be trusted at all as he could make you sense anything he desired. IE: "It's all a dream." Pretty sure that wasn't the intent.
u/Ardvarkeating101 [+2] Father of Learning (a day later)
It literally is all a dream. That wasn't implied, that was explicitly said. It's all made up by the reality-bender eldritch abomination peter. He only escaped by distracting peter with a new game he cared about more.
u/RynnisOne [+1] (a day later)
Yes, it's literally all a dream. I'm talking about the "explanation" of plot holes or the Deus Ex Machina where things get so tangled that it requires some divine being to fix it or the revelation that it was all a dream and not "real".
If it was literally the Boy's "dream", then why would he set in motion a plan to distract himself when he could just do that thing instead?
u/Ardvarkeating101 [+2] Father of Learning (a day later)
Because Rob is real, as was stated. So while he can't do anything that Peter doesn't want him to do (or rather, the world won't react if he does), "knocking over a rock" isn't in that category, at which point Peter gets distracted by the new game and lets him go.
u/RynnisOne [+2] (a day later)
Ooh, guess I didn't see the blood one earlier. That could be a possibility, except it couldn't be one of the boys they already killed as those were all behind him.
u/gbear605 [+2] history’s greatest story (5 hours later)
RT versus RST ;)
u/TK17Studios [+2] Author of r!Animorphs: The Reckoning (6 hours later)
=P