11 KiB
[RT][WIP] Aeromancer - Chapter 2
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Author: u/Gelifyal *
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Score: 30
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Created: 2018-04-09T16:55:27
Post:
Comments:
u/HeartwarmingLies [+6] (4 hours later)
He seemed way more on board with the medical mage after the j joke geas
u/Croktopus [+4] (6 hours later)
im digging the story, but man, these people are being super flippant about mindrape
u/Gelifyal [+3] (7 hours later)
Thanks for reading! My thought process is that the MC is the only one not taking it seriously because he received direct benefit from it (memories / wind light). Other players do take it seriously and give warning (sibling), as well as the final result of reporting it behind scenes (father to authorities). I will try to improve my writing skills to better show these types of stuff. Sorry for the confusion!
u/None [+4] (15 hours later)
I dont think you treated the topic of geas very well in your world. You establish that "everyone is scared of things they do not understand [geas]" , but your civilisation, capable of managing god level threats regulary while still allowing for advanced science and technology and a normal life for all citizens, cant take the most sensible precautions? What about putting a geas on all vivamances NOT to make geas? If they can remove them, put two identical geas on them that will kill them as soon as they remove a geas from themselves? Maybe checking up on them every few years?
That would be the sensible thing to do even if putting geas on other people with their consent would be socially acceptable. And I would imagine that there would be a large populace that would push very hard for such measures, given that the sensible and widespread fear of vivamancers mindcontrolling you prevents them access to medical treatment. That would guarantee such measures in a democracy and an authoritarian regime would love to control vivamancers for their own gain.
Given all this, I cant understand Setis and Cassies reaction at all. Why did Cassie act as she did? What were her goals? How did she think she could accomplish them with her actions? Cassie SEEMS to be in it only to help Seti and maybe because she thinks fear of geas is stupid and misplaced. But she knew that what she would do to was illegal and would likely get her expelled, especially if she did not ask first. And she did not want that. So why did she risk it? She had a few hours and could talk to seti about it. Maybe get a supervisor. Now, Seti kinda consented to having the geas removed, so why the fuck would she put a geas on him that would antagonize him and did not help anyway? what was her reasoning behind that? There is literally not rational reason do antagonize him at this point by putting the geas on him.
Putting Cassie aside, why the fuck did seti share details about his dream with someone that mindraped him litterally five minutes beforehand?? As far as he knew she was an enemy. He even thought that what she did was amoral and stupid and mindrape. And why forgive her so readily. Even if it happens to not be so bad, she still in his own words "forced yourself on me". You dont forget that so fast
u/Gelifyal [+1] (a day later)
Thanks for reading so far, the full fallout of the geas actions takes place at ch4, with that in mind:
but your civilisation, capable of managing god level...cant take the most sensible precautions?
Precautions are taken to the highest degree, and your suggestion is on point. There is a reason the precautions haven't reached Cassie, which will be addressed in ch4.
What were her goals? So why did she risk it?
Excitement in the opportunity (her excitement reason not yet disclosed fully, only shown by quickened breathing), and her goal better clarified in ch4.
why the fuck did seti share details about his dream with someone that mindraped him litterally five minutes beforehand?
Goal was to get his eyes fixed, and while Cassie was whack, she seemed to want that end as well. Hiding the dream holds no benefit for Seti.
Thanks for the thoughts you've shared. My lesson learned here is to better world build before advancing on events the reader would like to know more about. I'll try to do better.
u/Croktopus [+1] (13 hours later)
No worries it wasn't so much confusion, or even anything improve-able about the writing. It's more that it seems indicative of the characterization of Seti and Cassie, or maybe just the values of the world, which might not quite line up with my own.
Like, I feel like free will is very core to the human experience, to the point where a sufficiently encompassing geass would be worse than murder (prevents you from experiencing a free life, while at the same time stealing your body from you). And so, for me at least, as soon as someone placed the first non-consensual geass on me, I'd be considering the best way to kill them when I get the chance, in the hopes that it would release any geass on me. And I mean, maybe that's just me, but...idk.
Part of it could be a lack of information on how geass works in this world. Cuz it seems that knowledge of the particulars of geass isn't ubiquitous (he believes the whole you-die-if-you-tell-someone thing), but it seems that mind control defenses would be something everyone would familiarize themselves with, unless maybe it's really not that powerful at all?
u/Gelifyal [+1] (20 hours later)
Seti wouldn't consider murder since, from his view, it's similar to "gunpoint for your own benefit," where she was true in the idea that she helped him in a fashion.
The limitations on geas (and full consequence of what happened) are meant to be clearer in the next few chapters if they should be written.
u/Croktopus [+2] (a day later)
Well I hope they are. I'm really enjoying the story
u/xXnormanborlaugXx [+3] Challenge Winner (6 hours later)
"She put her own finger on the wound" is repeated. "brail" - braille.
Thanks for the chapter! Excited to see where this is going.
u/Gelifyal [+1] (7 hours later)
Fixed, thanks!
u/dinoseen [+3] (7 hours later)
Nope, fuck Cassie. Anyone that does that deserves very harsh punishment.
u/PsychoLife [+2] (7 hours later)
So, his wind is "oppressive" only to people he thinks of as enemies? Because after his "gushy" moment with Cassie, the wind felt normal to her. Neat I guess. Also as someone already mentioned they are way too ok with mindrape.
u/Nimelennar [+3] (4 hours later)
I obviously have no idea, two chapters in, where the blindness arc is going to go. Even so, I've read enough to think you might need to read this: https://kbspangler.com/2016/04/20/on-blindness-and-rachels-character/
"Disability Superpowers" can be a problematic trope. Mind the pitfalls, when writing a blind character who can see without eyes.
u/Revive_Revival [+7] (9 hours later)
I read the article and the TVTropes page, but I feel like I'm missing something here. Why is it dumb and insensitive? if someone can't see but are aided by some external source (implants, superpowers, magic, etc) aren't they still technically blind? It doesn't negate the fact that their eyes don't work and they can't see through them.
"Disability Superpowers" can be a problematic trope. Mind the pitfalls, when writing a blind character who can see without eyes.
Care to elaborate? why are those superpowers a problematic trope? what are the pitfalls?
Sorry if this seems super obvious to everyone else but I'm not seeing what is the big deal :/
u/Nimelennar [+5] (9 hours later)
If I understand it correctly, the problem is with including a character from a group of people who have to deal with specific, difficult issues on a day-to-day basis, and minimizing those issues by hand-waving them away.
Everyone wants to read about characters that they can relate to, who share the same kind of issues and struggles and day-to-day life as the reader, and it's a bit of a bait-and-switch to put a character in who should be that to someone, but isn't, because they don't share any of that.
u/reasonablefideist [+1] (13 hours later)
I had hopes for this story after the first chapter, but the characters are too unrealistic in this one. They're not reacting in real ways to the things that are happening to them. The author has a plot in mind and he's going to drag the characters through it rather than letting the characters drive the plot.
u/Gelifyal [+1] (a day later)
Rationalize: attempt to explain or justify (one's own or another's behavior or attitude) with logical, plausible reasons, even if these are not true or appropriate.
Cassie's behavior is someone who has been dulled by thoughts like "mindrape" under the premise that she believes it's fine since she understands it with the end result being a positive thing (to the point of forcing it on others). Like a child who steals to eat may not consider a theft to be a terrible thing.
Seti's response to the geas is directly related to attaining sight/memories, without losing anything permanent. We may think he is unrealistic because he doesn't go around stabbing the geas user as a means of revenge, but his act is rationalized with the benefits received.
u/reasonablefideist [+4] (a day later)
It's not that the characters are irrational, it's that their emotional reactions aren't realistic/ are barely portrayed. Seti feels like. Welp, guess I'm blind now, better respond rationally to the situation, rather than HOLY CRAP. OH GOD OH GOD I'M BLIND. AAAAAGGGHHH. We're shown what the character thinks, but not what they feel. That's the unrealism.
u/Gelifyal [+1] (a day later)
He doesn't react that way because he believes it can be fixed with a vivamancer, who are portrayed as people that could fix biological problems. Even at the end he still believes it can be fixed, but his excitement to explore his sight was what he wanted to do next (compounded with the idea that he may discover something with his ability).
So to compare: arm gets broken, "Well that sucks, guess I'll go to the doctor and see what needs to be done. First doctor, an undergraduate, doesn't have a solution? I'll go to someone else later and check out this weird bone trick I can do."
I'll try to write and clarify some of these things better in the future.
u/reasonablefideist [+5] (a day later)
I got that, but people react emotionally to things before they react rationally. If you woke up blind, even in a world where you knew it could be fixed, you'd FIRST be TERRIFIED, then hopefully be reassured that it could be fixed. If your sister started cracking jokes about it you'd tell her to shut the hell up you're BLIND. It's not just Seti though, all the characters in this chapter have the same flaw. They don't react emotionally, so they feel flat and the reader loses relatability/empathy for them as a result.
u/Gelifyal [+2] (a day later)
That makes sense, thank you for the critique.
Edit: I am a robot in real life, will try to fix.