15 KiB
[FF] [WIP] [RT] The Optimised Wish Project Chapter 5: Dungeons and Dragon Balls, a dragon ball fanfic
-
Author: u/SimoneNonvelodico Dai-Gurren Brigade*
-
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12863641/5/The-Optimised-Wish-Project
-
Score: 47
-
Created: 2018-04-22T14:37:15
Post:
Comments:
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+9] Dai-Gurren Brigade (a minute later)
This one took a bit longer - I've been busy with work/life this week, as I had to give a talk, finish submitting a paper and stuff. Hopefully I'll manage to pick up the rhythm a bit for next one, but I am going through a bit of a period in which I have less energy (creative or otherwise), so let's see.
u/None [+9] (55 minutes later)
Thank you! I'm glad you're still working on this. A friend of mine recently got me to watch the original Dragon Ball, and now I'm glad there's a rational Dragon Ball that's still being written, and I hope that you'll finish it someday
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+10] Dai-Gurren Brigade (57 minutes later)
I very much hope I won't give up so soon! I can at least finish the Pilaf Arc for now, then I'll take a bit of time to think things over for the next one. I have clear enough plans for the future too, up to DBZ stuff, but they're not "just need to sit down and write it" detailed yet.
u/None [+5] (an hour later)
Wow, that sounds like a long task to complete! Do you have anyone helping you?
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+7] Dai-Gurren Brigade (an hour later)
Nah, all in my head, more or less. I guess having someone to brainstorm with would be nice, but while I do know people who are fans of Dragon Ball, I don't think anyone would follow me down this specific rabbit hole XD.
u/None [+5] (an hour later)
I'll brainstorm with you. You can message me with Matrix!
I hope when you get into Goku fighting people, the battles have less talk. Opponents shouldn't inform each other that they're going to shoot a super powerful beam at them. There's lots of room for making the fighting more rational. And suppose Goku has read Sun Tzu's Art of War?
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+8] Dai-Gurren Brigade (2 hours later)
And suppose Goku has read Sun Tzu's Art of War?
Well, to do that, I would need to read it first. Which I probably should. But anyway I'll avoid citing explicitly real authors since technically the Dragon World just isn't our Earth, and thus they never had any Sun Tzu to begin with.
And thanks for the offer :). Though that means you get a bit spoiled beforehand :D. I'll get in touch when I have time!
u/None [+3] (8 hours later)
If you want brainstorming help, I'd be down too. This fic is really fun.
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+2] Dai-Gurren Brigade (8 hours later)
Would you be okay with just discussing ideas/concepts in general? I guess I'm at the same time interested in getting some inspiration and iffy about letting on too much about the ideas/twists I'm planning :).
u/None [+1] (13 hours later)
Yes, I would.
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+2] Dai-Gurren Brigade (17 hours later)
We can arrange something, maybe a Discord channel? I can't guarantee when I can have time though, especially during the week. Sometimes in the evenings. Weekends are usually more free. I'm in the GMT timezone btw.
u/None [+2] (22 hours later)
I'm in gmt -4, so not too far off there. On discord I'm Quantum Tesseract#7686. Weekends are pretty free here, as are mwf afternoons which are your evenings.
u/elevul [+1] Cyoria Observer (a day later)
Would you guys mind if I joined too? GMT+1 here, mainly free on the weekends since I work night shift.
u/None [+2] (2 days later)
Alright! How will you get in touch, by Reddit message or Matrix? Or would you like my email?
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+1] Dai-Gurren Brigade (2 days later)
Either Reddit or Matrix if I find a client to my satisfaction :). I don't promise anything about when I might be able to though - sorry for that, but I'm often busy, and well, I do some story planning on my spare time (riding a bus, walking around) and in the weekends I usually either write, spend time with my GF, do other stuff, or am busy being too busted to function. Guess the best shot for me would be a dead day at work when I can sneak in a few chat messages :).
u/None [+1] (14 days later)
It's been 11 days, how are you? I've been watching DBZ and I had an idea. Bulma's father's spacecraft should come with a safeword or button on the floor to shut off the gravity machine.
(Alexa, please deactivate the gravity generator.)
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+1] Dai-Gurren Brigade (14 days later)
Hey! It's fine. I wrote you on Matrix. I don't have much time to dedicate to this project at the moment, so what I have, I'm trying to focus on the short term objective of actually writing the next chapters than on long-term planning, since I have the upcoming arc ( slight spoilers ) more or less figured out already. As for that ship, that sounds like a good safety feature for any gravity chamber, but I'm not even sure that ship will exist in this timeline. Major changes will begin after the end of this arc.
u/None [+1] (15 days later)
I'm sorry, I gave you the wrong Matrix address. I'm actually @elonsatoshi:disroot.org.
u/None [+6] (an hour later)
new insta kill technique unlocked
And I was wrong about Bulma locking out the Pilaf gang from the castle. (At least for now.)
The soul explanation for the second law of capsule seems a little more of guessing, than deduction. Even if souls exist (Which they do in the DB Universe), the problem could still be biological. And scientists should be able to experiment with that. Also, bad way to find out, if something has a soul. I guess plants would survive, animals don't. Would an animal turned into a carrot survive being stored?
Maybe put the three laws into earlier chapters or at the end of this, when you upload the next chapter. It was really confusing, that Bulma explained stuff calmly after freaking out at the end of the last chapter.
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+9] Dai-Gurren Brigade (an hour later)
Also, a small note. The laws are inspired by similar laws that are hinted at in the GBA games "Legacy of Goku 2" and "Buu's Fury". They mention that no living being can be put inside a capsule, and that no capsule can be put inside a capsule. However they have someone who invents a prototype of capsule that can hold a living being, and also hint at some kind of disaster that would happen if you put a capsule inside another (which I removed because any disaster could as well be a weapon, and I didn't want to juggle with that possibility too).
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+7] Dai-Gurren Brigade (an hour later)
Check the time, it says "yesterday". That's a flashback, it happened the evening before, after the rabbit incident. That's why Bulma is so calm.
Yeah, the soul thing is a guess, but that's the pattern. Of course, [that technique] (#s " would not be very effective against anyone fast or strong enough to just not let themselves be trapped inside a house, or break it before it can close. The process is probably rather slow from the point of view of one of the DBZ-level fighters, who have enhanced temporal perception").
u/None [+3] (3 hours later)
I got that, after it ended. Yesterday doesn't help much, if there could have been a time skip.
Just saying, consider using the power of editing. Personally, I don't know why it is there anyhow. They didn't use the capsule for anything, that would need to be explained with the laws. The sleeping gas could also just be stored in one without stasis effect. So just put the laws on the end or where it should be chronological after everyone read it. of course And even if the laws were needed, introducing them in the chapter they are needed to explain stuff, would be close to a Deus Ex Machina.
But I'm just complaining, ignore me, if you think it has no merit. ;-)
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+4] Dai-Gurren Brigade (3 hours later)
Personally I may edit if I ever do a "final" edition (like Eliezer did for HPMOR on his site), but I won't change an ongoing fic on FF.net, I'd be worried it would get even more confusing. "Oh, go back and read the ending of Chapter 3 again 'cos I added stuff" sounds a recipe for disaster.
I may need to make it more evident, but I don't think it's a deus ex machina because of three reasons:
- it's not really key to the solution of the chapter, after all Goku could have used the capsule to trap the gas anyway, the laws only say the time freezes which is relatively unimportant (he could subdue Shu in other ways)
- while not stated outright in canon, it's a logical way to expect such a thing to work; as for the laws concerning living beings and other capsules, as I said elsewhere, they are inspired by some things that are said in the games, at the very least, and
- they are groundwork for stuff that will happen later, so this chapter's events weren't the main reason to mention them. Being so early in the story, I think there's still some leeway for worldbuilding in these situations.
u/Silver_Swift [+2] (22 hours later)
I like this prediction thing.
u/None [+3] (22 hours later)
You may like to check out predict.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.gusbicalho.predict
It keeps your predictions for you, and shows you a nice statistic, of how good your precentage correlate to reality.
u/Silver_Swift [+1] (a day later)
I checked it out, but I thought it was a little feature light. There is, however, a slightly newer app that does mostly the same thing and that one does look interesting enough to give it a try.
Thanks for the recommendation!
u/FatFingerHelperBot [+2] (a day later)
It seems that your comment contains 1 or more links that are hard to tap for mobile users. I will extend those so they're easier for our sausage fingers to click!
Here is link number 1 - Previous text "app"
^Please ^PM ^/u/eganwall ^with ^issues ^or ^feedback! ^| ^Delete
u/None [+1] (a day later)
nice. seems like I could with that one split predictions into different fields of expertise.
u/None [+6] (5 hours later)
[deleted]
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+4] Dai-Gurren Brigade (5 hours later)
No, please keep making puns. I enjoy the titles a lot.
I see you are a man of taste.
Re: the Pilaf gang, while I've made my own changes of course, it's interesting to point out how this characterisation for me was partly influenced by how DB Super fleshed them out. In particular, showed them to be far more technically competent than we ever saw (they help Bulma repair the Time Machine), and Mai is specifically shown to be a serious "badass normal" when she wants to. Of course that doesn't count for much in Dragon Ball but that's her bad lot in life I guess.
u/SkyTroupe [+2] (a day later)
I second the need for continued puns.
I like your characterization because it makes me feel bad for the pilaf gang.
u/Flashbunny [+3] (20 hours later)
Seconding the request to keep the puns. Chapter titles are inherently meta anyway - breaking immersion isn't a concern.
u/1337_w0n [+2] (a day later)
Typo:
That's a ultrasonic jammer
That's an ultrasonic jammer
u/ngocnv371 [+1] Chaos Legion (a day later)
In the treasure room, Mai is a professional and furious, yet she did not immediately shoot nor disable Bulma on sight?
In the guest room, Shu came in with a mask, even though he took it off, how hard could it be to hold his breath for a few seconds and put it on?
u/SimoneNonvelodico [+3] Dai-Gurren Brigade (a day later)
I'd say she was trying to take her alive for questioning. Bulma knew where the other Balls were hidden, which would have saved time, and she supposedly has a better radar, and so on. Exactly because she's a professional, her being furious doesn't impair much her decision-making. Plus she's far more frustrated at Pilaf's idiotic decisions that put them in this situation to begin with, and it's not like she shoots him.