5.0 KiB
[RT][WIP] Delphic chapter 23: Apprehension
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Author: u/None *
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Score: 29
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Created: 2018-04-30T10:48:43
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Comments:
u/None [+7] (3 hours later)
This is the last regular chapter of Book 1. The working title for Book 2 is Delphic Incorporated.
Next Monday, there will be two posts: an epilogue entitled "Group Loyalty" and a prologue for Book 2, tentatively entitled "Now Hiring." Both will be third-person from perspectives other than Hector. (You should recognize the format as shamelessly stolen from better web serials.)
I am still looking for any feedback I can get to help decide the best direction for Book 2. If you have any comments about where you feel the story was weakest, what you liked best, or which characters or events could use more exploration, please share.
And, as always, if you are enjoying the story, vote on Top Web Fiction so that more readers find it. Thanks!
u/KilotonDefenestrator [+4] (10 hours later)
Looking forward to more Delphic!
“Peregrine!” Jason exclaimed, a manic grin spread across his face."
Shouldn't this be Jordan?
u/None [+4] (10 hours later)
Very grateful for your typo-spotting.
Any further comments on content/tone/story?
u/KilotonDefenestrator [+3] (20 hours later)
Not really, I was immersed in the story except for when I had to figure out where the mysterious Jason came from, so unless I go back and read with analytics goggles on all I can say is that I enjoyed it, it held me captivated and I want more :)
u/momanie [+3] (7 hours later)
I found the doc and the country he was in were really interesting, and i'm interested to know more about him and his colleagues as well as what he wants in return for helping "hector" out. Other than that it was pretty good all around, I liked the competence of the heroes, the only thing that was missing imo was an overarching storyline, I feel like their needs to be something bigger than just hector solving cases of the week.
u/None [+1] (3 days later)
You may very well enjoy the prologue, as part of it takes place in Eutopia.
u/sparr [+5] (9 hours later)
While it might not be a problem in book form or binge reading... In serial form, I found it difficult to remember what power various supers have. I wasn't clear why Spinner was being brought in, although skipping back a few chapters to refresh myself made it obvious, and it also becomes obvious if you just keep reading. It's hard to re-introduce that sort of info without it sounding artificial or repetitive, but it might be worth trying, even if just adding a clause "something something already written about Spinner*, to employ his tracking powers*" around the first time he's mentioned.
u/None [+3] (10 hours later)
Great advice, thank you.
What about providing hyperlinks to a character summary? Addressing a format-specific problem with a format-specific fix?
u/nicholaslaux [+5] (a day later)
Chiming in with a few others - I really liked this and want it to continue, despite the lessened commenting rate compared to some of the larger stories.
I hope that isn't taken as a negative sign, if anything, I think it's more likely to just be an effect of there being less "mysteries to try and decrypt" and more "what's going to happen next!?" (At least that's the case for me.)
One thing that I do think might be interesting to explore a bit more in the next book would be a bit more exploration of the characters themselves; thinking back, the first book didn't feel like it had much major character development, since all of the main players were already established in their lives and it really just showcased them dealing with the situations they encountered. It felt very realistic, so from a rational perspective, that's not a major complaint, but story-wise, it's something that might feel more engaging.
One way to help with that might be an interlude or flashback of some sort showing Delphic either learning to grow into his powers the way we see him use them now (might feel a bit anticlimactic, since we know the endpoint already) or more likely, showing how he learned/got into his programming/hacking skills, since his powers don't really imply "good at computers" despite him showing levels of hypercompetence at that. (For reference, I've been a programmer for 10+ years, and even with his powers, I'm not certain that I'd be able to recreate some of his feats, though I also haven't focused specifically on hacking programming for that amount of time, so that's not to say it's impossible.)
I would likely only go that path if you have a level of actual understanding of those things, though, or at least a few references that can sanity check it so that you don't end up with hollywood hacking.