9.8 KiB
[RT][HF][WIP][Rom] Vampire Flower Language - Chapter 3: Jonquil
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Author: u/AngelaCastir *
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URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13710744/chapters/33818760
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Score: 15
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Created: 2018-05-13T07:33:35
Post:
Comments:
u/AngelaCastir [+2] (5 minutes later)
This is a romance story about a WW2 deserter and a high-status vampire; there's (hopefully) very thorough and detailed worldbuilding in this story, and don't worry, there's not a quivering member to be seen.
This chapter has a lot of plot advancement on both the "vampires are weird" front and the "romance" front, which is part of the reason it took so much longer to edit.
The next interlude will be published in a week, and we hope to keep to the release schedule with the next chapter as I don't think it will need as much revision as this one did (due to the content of this chapter, we really wanted to do our best to make it perfect).
Thanks to ElizabethRobinThales's advice, the grammar in the quotation marks should all be correct now!
And a bit of background to one of the scenes in case anyone is curious, the small Australian town that they talk about is Kalgoorlie, which had recently undergone population growth due to a gold rush.
u/AngelaCastir [+2] (29 minutes later)
And, before I forget, a big thank you for /u/callmesalticidae for your comforting words last night when I was in a panic about missing the deadline! I hope everyone else forgives us, too :)
u/Charlie___ [+2] (7 hours later)
My hope is that you have lots of clever vampire stuff figured out that's happening unbeknownst to Red and that we'll be able to understand later. This is perhaps the kind of auduence you might expect from this subreddit :)
u/AngelaCastir [+1] (15 hours later)
You did catch the scene where William purchased Red from that other vampire in between all the kissing, right? ;)
As I said in last month's thread, this is a romance story but the background vampire politics and magical rules have been thought about carefully.
This chapter is probably as "kissy-ey" as it gets for the most part, so if what you are trying to say is that you are worried about this being "a kissing book", you're through the "worst" of it. Though there's still going to be a lot of focus on how they relate to each other, since that is what this is about.
u/Charlie___ [+4] (18 hours later)
The amount of kissing is fine. The amount of magic is fine. The amount of politics is fine. But what I really want is the weird vampire communication :D
u/AngelaCastir [+1] (a day later)
Ah, the towel-folding and that? There's shades of it throughout, but *consults outline* it peaks around chapter 8, probably. (That's chapter 8 as I count them, not as AO3 counts them, since it counts interludes as chapters)
u/_brightwing [+2] Feathered menace (9 hours later)
This was perhaps the best written chapter yet. Red is slowly peering behind the masquerade.. everything leading upto the moment of unveiling. I loved the little glimpses of the vampire society like that vampire watching him eat like that.
I also liked how you guys addressed the power dynamics of the relationship. I was a little worried about that in the beginning of the story, but it looks like this has been anticipated. The romance was spot on too.
I'd love to see Red gradually in a position of power and see how he progresses with the society. Looking forward to the chapters.
u/AngelaCastir [+2] (15 hours later)
This was perhaps the best written chapter yet.
Thank you so much! It's really improved our writing to post on here and get feedback, so I am glad it's shining through.
Red is slowly peering behind the masquerade.. everything leading upto the moment of unveiling.
to paraphrase Belle, "she won't discover that he's a vampire 'till..."
I also liked how you guys addressed the power dynamics of the relationship. I was a little worried about that in the beginning of the story, but it looks like this has been anticipated.
It was a really hard line to walk because on one hand we wanted to do the trope of having "boss/employee" romance because, well, it's a trope for a reason; but on the other hand we didn't want the relationship to be creepy and exploitative even though as a "rich vampire" and "poor human" it kind of is, by definition; and on the gripping hand we didn't want it to devolve into a seminar where the characters talk to the camera about the Importance of Enthusiastic Consent.
We're indebted to /u/mistyfoot who responded to a request I made about a year ago on another subreddit for someone to proofread excerpts to help flag where the consent problems are, and her feedback turned the story into more of the "seminar" category, and then some more edits over the past few months chiselled away the less realistic parts and smoothed it out to something that hopefully balances on that fulcrum.
The romance was spot on too.
Thanks! That means a lot.
I'd love to see Red gradually in a position of power and see how he progresses with the society.
We have a three novel arc planned that, at this rate, will probably take about 10 years to write, but that sort of thing is on the radar.
u/Bowbreaker [+2] Solitary Locust (a day later)
Regarding the consent stuff, it is kind of weird that an ancient vampire is more progressive on this count than pretty much all of humanity of that age. And that despite there being the additional factor of vampires not valuing human lives all that much, let alone their opinions. Is William already falling for Red that hard or is he just exceptionally and excentricly scrupulous when it comes to his personal love life? I guess no strings attached equality is so rare among vampires that the honesty and fairness may well be the appeal, what with Red seeing William as "merely" a rich new employer as opposed to an Australian vampire king.
u/AngelaCastir [+1] (a day later)
it is kind of weird that an ancient vampire is more progressive on this count than pretty much all of humanity of that age
This is something we wanted to keep in mind too, so the logic behind that is twofold:
The main reason (William thinks) having a human lover will be impressive / trendy is how hard it is to woo a human: they need so much of your time. At least if you're going to do it without using your mind control powers. And it's not impressive to have a human who is in love with you because you mind controlled them into it, not like it is to have had the time, energy, patience etc for the wooing process. Especially a vampire like William, who is not known for his patience with humans, having a human lover could signal a lot. Before the opera, though, having a human lover signalled that you have your priorities wrong (think of it like having a max level WoW character or something). William's hoping that the opera will change that and he can be at the forefront of the new trend.
William hasn't been entirely golden here. He made an advance on Red, told him to go away and think about it but didn't give him any of the "you don't need to work for me" speech until after Red had already decided to continue the relationship. The whole "unbecoming of a gentleman" routine on the second night could be construed as manipulative or sincere depending on your preference.
Also, William is somewhat predisposed to be progressive in general, due to a combination of past experiences and caring about gentlemanly conduct.
Hope that helps clarify it, from a Watsonian perspective. From a Doylist perspective, yeah, we wanted to keep it as consensual and progressive as we could because we're writing this in 2018, and I think we balanced it with the "this is set in 1944, and women have only been able to vote in the USA since the year Red was born" aspect as best we could.
EDIT: Also, don't forget that what William is doing right now is, to him, about as much commitment as when you go to the pound and sit there for about half an hour and see which dog comes up to you wagging its tail. He doesn't want to adopt a puppy that's cowering in the corner; he wants to adopt one that's excited to see him.
u/None [+2] (19 hours later)
[deleted]
u/AngelaCastir [+2] (a day later)
Thank you so much for that! I'll go through and fix them when I get a chance.
AO3 does something funky when you paste formatted text in, I need to remember to go into the HTML and search for next time so I'm not missing anything.
u/Atilme [+2] (3 days later)
*Squeees intensifying throughout the chapter*
I liked it! I'm sad about there not being quivering members, it seems like you'd be good at that. Didn't expect their relationship to progress so quickly, but I'm glad it did! The kissing and cuddling is D'awww. Can't wait for peak adorable!
u/AngelaCastir [+2] (3 days later)
Squeees intensifying throughout the chapter
You have no idea how happy that makes me! I am glad you enjoyed it!
I'm sad about there not being quivering members, it seems like you'd be good at that
Realistically I know it's probably the only way to monetise a story like this, but I don't think I can go there! You have no idea how much we were giggling at ourselves as we were writing the kissing parts as it was.
Can't wait for peak adorable!
If you're squeeing throughout this, there'll be a few points coming up that'll have you very happy. There's a few more chapters before Shit Gets Real.