9.5 KiB
[RT][WIP] Aeromancer - Chapter 8: Finalis Gatu
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Author: u/Gelifyal *
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Score: 30
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Created: 2018-05-28T15:35:14
Post:
Comments:
u/JanusTheDoorman [+6] (8 hours later)
Nice build up. Introduction of the mana-grit-perception power structure makes it clear why Faulkner would take an interest in Seti despite his low mana. The distinction seems so basic that it's surprising that it's not common knowledge outside of the Families and probably the Shephards.
However, if I'm reading it right then the implication is that grit tends to come naturally with increased mana and practice and that most people's perception is so low that they couldn't train grit even if they wanted. But Seti having god-tier perception means that he can directly train grit, and also use his mana much more efficiently than other mancers. All this, plus omniview and the ability to manipulate emotions. Yeah, I can see why low mana wasn't a dealbreaker for Faulkner.
Edited with later thoughts:
If I can add a criticism, or at least an observation - the storytelling is somewhat rough and to-the-point. This might be a deliberate stylistic choice meant to convey something regarding Seti's personality and what he's paying attention to, but I'd personally appreciate more time spent of world-building and characterization.
u/Gelifyal [+3] (9 hours later)
Hey, thanks for reading!
When you say world-building, do you mean descriptions of the surrounding environment? Or actual world building such as govt, land, political standings, etc?
And what do you mean by characterization?
As for the basic distinction of mana-grit-perception, it's not necessary to know until a person hits tier 6 (and rarely 5). It's like a child growing up; they don't go to the gym, but once they reach an age and do go, that's when they learn about muscle names and proper bodybuilding techniques. It's a loose analogy but I think it kinda works.
u/JanusTheDoorman [+8] (9 hours later)
For world-building, I'm mostly talking about the latter - institutions, cultural differences with our world, history, and small aspects that don't impact the story much but add some "flavor" to things. This is mostly just my own preference for stories, while others feel that too much of such things can really bog down the reading process.
For points of comparison, I'd say that this story is currently somewhere around the worldbuilding of most shonen manga in their early phase - My Hero Academia is the one that comes to mind. We've got a decent introduction to all the places and people that Seti interacts with on a regular basis, and the basic cultural pressures that inform Seti's desire to be a stronger aeromancer, but that's about it. On the other extreme is something like the Silmarillion, where there is a coherent story, but every other sentence is a reference to events that would be a self-contained series of novels. The happy medium that I think a lot of stories aspire to is probably Harry Potter, where there are tons of detailed, but ultimately inconsequential items (Every-Flavor Beans, Butterbeer, the Knight Bus) characters (Ollivander, Gilderoy Lockhart, Bill/Charlie Weasley) and events (Quidditch, Yule Ball, almost everything about magical history) that are often used to drop subtle plot hooks and foreshadowing, but which are described with detail far surpassing what's necessary for that purpose. I think it helps to make a world feel alive in and of itself, and not merely a construct which exists merely for the purpose of the story at hand.
With regard to characterization, I'm talking mostly about more of the same. We've established most the relevant character traits that affect how and why the characters interact with Seti, but everything else about them is kinda up in the air. Faulkner is skilled, detached and playful which all affect his teaching style. But, say, what sports does he follow? His favorite foods? Does he do anything weird with his clothes or hair? I think some things might have been mentioned in his introduction (I think he likes hamburgers, maybe?) but if these are all real, constant or evolving parts of their characters, I'd expect them to show up and interject themselves into daily life. As it stands, most of the characters feel kinda flat and robotic, and most of their characters could be summed up in short, archetypal descriptions. Sydria is a bratty but affectionate sister, Dora is naive but extremely powerful, Henry is very knowledgeable and even-tempered, for Shanna her extreme lack of character traits is her most notable character trait.
You've done a great job developing and thinking through the way the powers can be analyzed, developed, and applied - it'd be great to see that same depth is the setting and the characters.
u/Gelifyal [+4] (10 hours later)
This was well thought out, thank you.
I'll see what I can do in regards to the character portion going forward, without it seeming forced.
The world building part really would be personal preference, as I've heard both sides already. I'll see what I can do to make a happy medium.
u/Ratseye [+2] (a day later)
I don't usually reply to things, but this is such a gross oversimplification that i had to lol
All characters in all books from everywhere can be summed up in short archetypal descriptions (ron: funny friend who doesnt like to do homework / hermione: ugly-ish friend who is super book smart / harry: good natured orphan who isnt afraid to speak out). Not that hard to do.
Now let's take shanna, whos my fav character atm both cuz she reminds me of a manga character, and cuz i picture her as 2b with her blindfolds. she speaks to the point but doesnt let lies stand, is super considerate (where she cared about set's mental wellbeing), and has a thing for henry to the point where i think they're shagging as of the last chapter. And her loyalties arent blind (shes more loyal to some over others).
So overall there's always more to it, but i can understand wanting to know more about each one (with sports or food or whatever)
u/yagsuomynona [+3] (15 hours later)
As counterpoint, I like it a bit sparse. Your writing flows fairly nicely. Maybe you can figure out how to put more worldbuilding threaded into the action, but I wouldn't like a bunch of paragraphs of description unless you can manage to make it really interesting. They slow things down and if not done well, I just skip them (I'm reading a story where I pretty much skip all non-dialogue paragraphs at the beginning of each section because of this).
u/rhaps0dy4 [+1] (3 days later)
It's like a child growing up; they don't go to the gym, but once they reach an age and do go, that's when they learn about muscle names and proper bodybuilding techniques. It's a loose analogy but I think it kinda works.
But why is this knowledge not publicly available, even if it's not widespread? Someone like Seti who was researching Shepherds and mancer tiers because he was a little obsessed should know about all of that.
u/Gelifyal [+2] (3 days later)
I don't think I said it wasn't publically available, did I? Did a quick scan over my writing to see if I typed that in, but didn't see that phrase. If you could quote what part you're referring to, I'd be able to address it directly.
The OP originally asked why it wasn't common knowledge (something can be public, but not common).
Perception is common knowledge, but grit and tiers are interchanged constantly as they are considered the same thing until tier 6. Last chapter, Henry mentioned that once hitting tier 6 a person could perceive their mana in a new way and would be able to relearn all their spells. How a person feels it varies based on the mancy and niche, so it's unique to everyone.
Like, I picture Shanna doing quick geomancy stuff to strengthen her stuff, but that's literally tied with her niche, so other geomancers can't mimic it.
So when Seti fanboyed over aeromancers, studying a tier 8 isn't going to reveal a wide technique all aeromancers can do to get stronger, as the technique is determined by the individual's ability.
u/ashinator92 [+3] (2 hours later)
typos here
u/ashinator92 [+1] (3 hours later)
- The two Dragons and the wind adept waswere in a room*^( )*
- The room's intentions were for the weaker geomancers who couldn't weave harder floorings ^(<- grammar seems a bit off. Maybe something like 'the room was built for weaker geomancers')
- "That was terrible," Faulkner said, partly muffled withby a cigarette in his mouth.^( )
- When oneAs each test ended, Faulkner would specify that the performance was poor.^( )^()
- He sighed as ^(he) undressed and prepared the bath.
- mafian families ^(maybe mafioso?)
u/Gelifyal [+1] (3 hours later)
Thanks! Corrected the errors and took your suggestions.
u/rhaps0dy4 [+2] (a day later)
The teacher walked up to Seti as he was concentrating, and hit him across the head.
Xvim reference?
u/eroticas [+6] (a day later)
thats a very old trope haha
u/JulianWyvern [+4] Wayward Wanderer (a day later)
Faulkner should throw Mana Marbles that Seti needs to catch and breath