16 KiB
[RT][WIP] Aeromancer - Chapter 11: Disciple of the Wind Dragon
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Author: u/Gelifyal *
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Score: 53
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Created: 2018-06-25T15:25:54
Post:
Comments:
u/MaddoScientisto [+13] (an hour later)
This may just be the best chapter yet, I enjoyed it all the way through
u/Gelifyal [+8] (42 seconds later)
Hey everyone! Thanks for reading the story up until now.
I've created a Patreon page for those that want to support through financial means. Please consider it if that's something you're interested in!
u/vaegrim [+7] (3 hours later)
The wham line at the end was pretty fantastic, but it seemed like a distraction from not actually saying what Libby's motive was.
u/Gelifyal [+7] (3 hours later)
Nah, it wasn't set up to be a distraction. I was originally going to have Libby's motivation be said right there, but it would have messed up the pacing of the chapter and extended my longest chapter into something even longer. We'll see it next chapter.
u/xamueljones [+7] My arch-enemy is entropy (5 hours later)
In that case, you probably should just cut out the paragraph entirely and jump to the line break. However, I understand that you wanted to include the following paragraph about Tobias silently questioning if Seti changed his mind about sparing Libby.
You could work it in by writing about Seti's musings on whether he should have changed his mind as he walked out of the building (bolding is the original text from the chapter):
Everyone came out of the building, one at a time. Mindy and her parents were in front. Ivan wobbled after each step, his eyes downcast and empty. Libby didn't need anyone to force her forward, as she happily skipped and jumped ahead. Tobias and Seti were last with Seti lost in thought. Seti wondered if he should have changed his answer about letting Libby live. Seti wouldn't say it aloud, but in some way, he understood Libby, even if her actions were abhorrent. He wondered what that meant for the future.
u/Gelifyal [+3] (6 hours later)
I may consider the change in a future reread of my story if I feel the same thing as OP. Though for now, I'm okay with the way things are.
u/nicholaslaux [+7] (6 hours later)
The pacing and not focusing on her motivation this chapter worked for me, but I also didn't feel nearly as strong a need to know exactly what it was as other readers appeared to have, so I might be an outlier.
u/None [+8] (7 hours later)
I like this more. We get to speculate.
There's been some talk of controlled abilities and banned niches already. How would you prevent someone from using a power you didn't want them to be able to?
The obvious question that comes to mind is why didn't she take control of them during the test? I think it'd have to be because she knew there'd be a negative reaction.
I wonder if she'll become some type of indentured servant now controlled by vivamancers.
u/xamueljones [+6] My arch-enemy is entropy (5 hours later)
I want to say that Abigail's action to soak Seti and herself in water before going into the fire is actually a terrible idea. You wouldn't grab a hot pan with a wet towel would you? It's because the fire would flash boil the water into super-heated steam to burn your hand. Water is great for cooling you down after a fire or when hot, but if you expect to run into a burning building, wearing something thick and dry would work better as insulation.
You don't see firefighters drenching themselves with water before running into a burning building do you?
u/Gelifyal [+2] (6 hours later)
I've read a few things regarding this scenario, and the answer is simply: it depends. In fact, I've read the opposite where you'd want to wrap yourself and make the clothing wet in a short burst run.
In a mancer world, though, how a second year Prestige hydromancer fights off heat with water is another topic. I have, even in this chapter, made mention that an aeromancer is capable of suffocating the flames by withholding their air if their grit is strong enough. A similar concept with hydromancers is likely to exist.
u/xamueljones [+2] My arch-enemy is entropy (6 hours later)
you'd want to wrap yourself and make the clothing wet in a short burst run.
Yeah, it's fine if the clothing is wet, just not if your skin is wet as well.
u/Gelifyal [+5] (7 hours later)
Here's the quote I read before writing this scene:
My fireman friend told me that there were always TWO people on the hose as they entered a hot blaze. The rookie was always the guy in front, because he felt the most heat, whereas the guy right behind him ( experienced fire-fighter) got the cooling mist that sprayed back. That would seem to indicate that water in any form would help you survive, assuming you do not stay in one place long enough to get that water very hot, in which case, the ability of water to hold heat could work against you. Short trip through fire? Get wet. Longer trip? run like hell.
And I really hate to use the term "because magic", but I've given a lot of reasons where the reader can assume hydromancy may play a role in fighting against heat. I do not think the write up, as it is, is irrational.
u/Croktopus [+3] (13 hours later)
i will say that, by and large, wet clothing implies wet skin
u/xamueljones [+1] My arch-enemy is entropy (22 hours later)
I should have said cloth rather than clothing to indicate that i was referring to something like a thick blanket rather than the clothes one is wearing.
u/Kachajal [+5] (34 minutes later)
Gee, Shepard Christella, an exceptional mancer? In what is named the Exceptions exam? Who woulda thunk it!
Great chapter, enjoyed it a lot. I'm quite eager to see what Libby's motivation was, 'cause mass murder is preeeettty damn unsympathetic in my eyes.
u/FxH_Absolute [+5] (11 hours later)
People can tier up right? So with his perception he'll eventually tier up no?
u/Ratseye [+5] (12 hours later)
Yep! In chapter one, Seti says he was told that at the very best he could be a three.
u/FxH_Absolute [+3] (12 hours later)
I wonder how long till he starts his inevitable climb up the tiers then. Tier is just a measure of mana capacity/production no? I think the size of his air sense is a measure of his tier. So maybe every double is a tier? Hmm that doesn't seem good enough though. At T5 that'd give him 10*2^4 =160 ft of coverage. At tier 8 that's 1280 ft radius which seems a bit small. Hmm.
u/kaukamieli [+3] (a day later)
He is using magic all the time now, so I bet he'd rank to better than three anyway.
Tier 8 radius isn't that bad when he probably has fixed the sight by then.
u/ProfessorPhi [+1] (13 hours later)
A doubling of range is a 4x increase in area. That's a lot! To compare to taylor from worm, the issue is being able to process the information is harder than the range.
u/FxH_Absolute [+1] (13 hours later)
Right but given that T8 mage can level cities, a radius of 1280 ft seems small no? Thats barely a quarter mile, or a bit above a half mile diameter. I suppose we don't really know what range T8 mage have though so maybe it's not as short as I'm thinking.
u/ProfessorPhi [+1] (13 hours later)
On a side note, it's actually a cubic increase in volume - but I expect a mostly 2DataFish omniview used with higher range. As to levelling a city, he doesn't need to see a city to level it, he almost killed Tyron without seeing what happened to him. If he could create a Storm with that radius, it'd destroy a city easily.
u/FxH_Absolute [+1] (13 hours later)
Yeah 4/6pi r^3 if it's a half sphere. I suppose a quarter mile makes his sense about as good a regular vision at distance anyway,and better in every other regard so yeah,that could work. Here's a question, if he sees a 10% increase in radius every week with no diminishing returns, what tier will he reach in a year?
u/ProfessorPhi [+1] (21 hours later)
Well, he'll be at 142x his starting radius in a year - but we don't know how tier and radius map. Assuming your doubling hypothesis above, that'd put him tier 8 in a less than a year.
Of course, we don't have a good way to mathematically describe tiers and power levels so a lot of this is likely going to be narrative dependent.
u/FxH_Absolute [+1] (a day later)
Right, so definitely won't grow that stably.
u/Nic_Cage_DM [+1] (15 hours later)
radius of 1280 ft seems small no?
I imagine that a 1280 ft sphere of air spinning very quickly could create one hell of a storm.
u/FxH_Absolute [+1] (16 hours later)
That radius is just his perception. There's no reason to assume he could convert his entire perception into a spell.
u/jaghataikhan [+2] Primarch of the White Scars (2 days later)
The Night Watch books by Sergei Lukyanenko had a similar protagonist who starts off at the very low end of the power scale.
Let's just say that very rarely in fiction does the underdog truly stay at the bottom of the power levels the whole time without getting some sort of boost/equalizer/etc...
Incidentally, highly recommend the Night Watch series. Urban fantasy, post-Soviet style - has a very distinct voice from Western lit.
u/sparkc [+2] (22 hours later)
I’ve just caught up with this story. You seem to have a knack for plot, in terms of hitting on various tropes that appeal to fantasy/webfiction readers.
However, there are a few issues with the story i’ve found frustrating. Part way through this chapter I decided to make notes on some of these issues as they arose:
Inconsistent values displayed by Seti- nearly unwilling to be soaked in urine in a situation where lives are on the line and time is of the essence but all high and mighty in a dumb narrow minded way with elderly lady. The fact that the time taken to only possibly save the previous lady would likely result in further deaths wasn’t addressed.
No tension - never felt like SETI was in danger (character never ruminates on situation or genuinely worried plus not plausible that elder doesn’t save them if worst comes to worst).
Characters behaving unrealistically - eg. Asking Toby’s thoughts of the mafia while in a raging inferno trying to save everyone’s lives where times of the essence or Libby’s plan coming apart around her but she’s rocking back in a chair relaxed and oh so casual when people discover her and Ivan. Mindy, not someone shown to be a calm individual, going from intense fear at being held hostage and to calmly cleaning Seti’s face less than a minute after rescue.
Comically arrogant ‘bad guys’ ala Libby. ‘Eyes wide with madness’, ‘hysterical laughter’, “no one can judge me”, reveals entire plan to the ‘good guys’.
I don’t want to be all negative, I am still enjoying parts of the story.
u/Gelifyal [+7] (23 hours later)
I'll do my best here to reply to some of your complaints.
Inconsistent values displayed by Seti- nearly unwilling to be soaked in urine...but all high and mighty in a dumb narrow minded way with elderly lady
Two entirely different spectrums here. No one wants to be soaked in urine; he just had a hard time coping with it. As for the old lady, she was a physical being that would've definitely died had Seti ignored her, so her life and death was something in his hands. Indirectly blamed for something is judged differently than a direct blame.
The fact that the time taken to only possibly save the previous lady would likely result in further deaths wasn’t addressed.
It was. When that Kimberly person was found dead.
No tension - never felt like SETI was in danger
I never thought he was in danger. Seti never thought he was in danger. So we're of one accord here.
Asking Toby’s thoughts of the mafia while in a raging inferno
That questioning came up when Toby was taking care of the fire. The two were happening simultaneously.
Mindy, not someone shown to be a calm individual, going from intense fear at being held hostage and to calmly cleaning
She cried with her parents while they hugged her after the fact. Only after she broke from their hold did she come to Seti.
Libby
I won't comment here as her motivation plays a part in her actions.
I don’t want to be all negative, I am still enjoying parts of the story.
It's easy to find things we dislike about a story! Nothing will ever match what we want to see happen.
u/rhaps0dy4 [+2] (6 days later)
Does this world come with its own mathematics? There's no such thing as a "Hammington Path", even the closest thing Google returns is the Hamiltonian Path; and it's not a particular "layout" or graph.
Why?
u/MagicwaffIez [+2] (6 days later)
my guess is... cristella was looking for reasons to reject him and googled the maze (which is authentic to the time the 5 created it)... she found out there is a hamiltonian solution to the maze (which is impossible to find out without, yanno, seeing all the paths before hand). so she nailed him for not using that maze's hamiltonian path (which would be the optimal solution to the maze, but finding it is impossible without memorizing it ahead of time xD)
of course, since she just looked up the name, she botched it. but who cares? she makes polearms! why does she need to know graph theory. she's not a geomancer
u/Gelifyal [+1] (6 days later)
Hamilton path is a layout style, which was something i looked up before writing the last chapter. The Hammington one i wrote is indeed a made up one, based on real world graph theories and a mix of what would likely exist in a mancer/primal world.
My thought process was this: if i used real world graph theories (that most readers wouldn't even know existed), someone might eventually ask how a mancer world came up with the exact same name and whatnot. So changed the name and didn't go deep into it. Which is a reasonable question as magic existing in the world changes how technology advances too, and all that.
u/rhaps0dy4 [+1] (6 days later)
Hamilton path is a layout style,
No, it's a way of traversing graphs. I guess you could call graphs "layout styles", if you look at the cave solely as a series of intersections and connections; but for any given number of intersections (graph nodes) there are many possible graphs that have a Hamiltonian path.
My thought process was this: if i used real world graph theories (that most readers wouldn't even know existed),
Maybe just don't call it a "graph theory" ? Maybe say it's "a standard layout" without specifying in what and both readers who don't know about graph theory and readers who do will be pacified.
The story is still quite good, I'll definitely keep reading, but this put me off quite a bit. Along with the continuous description of women as objects of sexual desire, though I guess this second can be part of the story and appealing to some readers.
u/Gelifyal [+1] (6 days later)
No, it's a way of traversing graphs. I guess you could call graphs "layout styles"
Just watched an in depth Youtube video of what you've just said, and I stand corrected. I've made the changes in Ch10 to reflect the wordings to say Layout Styles.