5.5 KiB
[RT][WIP] Aeromancer - Chapter 13: Veritas
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Author: u/Gelifyal *
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Score: 50
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Created: 2018-07-16T14:07:32
Post:
Comments:
u/JanusTheDoorman [+7] (an hour later)
Nice chapter! Covered a lot of ground without being overlong.
Why do people live near primal gates? Shouldn't they be remote installations manned by Shepherds there to raise the alarm and hold the line until sufficient force can be dispatched? (Assuming the Shepherds aren't big enough to simply man all of them sufficiently to resist anything below A-rank).
Natalie seemed a little... underdeveloped? Her injunction against Cassie seemed like it happened just to give Seti the opportunity to act as a Champion. She's probably just a one-off character, so there wasn't much of a chance to develop her specifically, but it could haven't been laid out as circumstantial. If, say, Seti found it perplexing or hypocritical that Benediction vivamancers maintain a hardline stance against geas despite their highest ranked members employing them quite regularly, then Natalie could have come off as someone wanting to block Cassie's advancement in order to preserve Benediction's near monopoly on legitimate geas use, which would have given Seti some insight as to how and why society can marginalize even those he's seeking to Champion.
Instead, since Natalie seems to have only the straightforward motivation of wanting to prevent dangerous geas use, Seti seems more to be Championing individually but not societally powerful people who want to be able to act as they like despite other people's objections. Comes off more teenage Ayn Rand than defender of the neglected.
u/GeeJo [+7] Custom Flair (2 hours later)
Why do people live near primal gates?
Why do people on Earth live near active volcanoes, or over earthquake faults, or flood plains?
There are, apparently, thousands of these gates. And they're safe for enough of the time that people would just get on with life around them.
u/ProfessorPhi [+2] (a day later)
With floods you get fertile soil, volcanoes have that too and a lot of rock. Not sure about earthquake faults, I like to think the minerals are easy to find. None of these things happen too often and their destructiveness is inversely correlated with rarity so there aren't huge disincentives to hide.
Given Seti's description, I wouldn't be surprised if these gates promoted the growth of nature and since they rarely opened, people set up farms and cities grew from that.
u/Gelifyal [+6] (3 hours later)
Seti seems more to be Championing individually but not societally powerful people...
This is intentional! I thought about if I should reply or not (half of the comments in these threads are usually done by me lol, so it may squash discussion), but I figured it's okay to do so here. At this point in the story, we don't even know what being a champion really means, and Seti picked his topic on an event that happened at the exam without thinking through what impacts they imply, and may be more emotional than logical.
Stay tuned for more :o
u/JackStargazer [+7] Primordial Apologist (3 hours later)
Did I forget something about the Drill-o-mancer, or did he suffer some kind of brain damage? His diction has gotten noticeably worse than before, which was just a weird word choice thing, and which now is more like serious mental damage
u/cyberthief189 [+5] (5 hours later)
yea that dialogue felt jarring. it made me hope the dude is not a recurring character, or he solves this way of talking, because it did not read well at all.
u/Gelifyal [+10] (5 hours later)
Thanks for the feedback. Edited that portion to increase the intelligence level by one.
u/kaukamieli [+1] (a day later)
Now I'm curious of how it was before. Writers should use github.
u/ProfessorPhi [+2] (10 hours later)
Sounded like a non native speaker. But still annoying.
u/fated_twist [+8] (15 hours later)
You should submit this to topwebfiction; I'd vote for it.
u/Gelifyal [+2] (a day later)
I'll see if I can't set something up and post it in the comments for next week's chapter. Thanks for recommending this!
u/kaukamieli [+2] (a day later)
Seti got his first not-enemy at school! Yay! ;)
u/causalchain [+1] (12 hours later)
"The tentacles all had a mind of their own"
If this is an expression then it's fine, but my initial literal interpretation confused me. How would the people of know that each of them are seperate? Do they do dissections and analysis on fallen primals?
u/Ratseye [+4] (12 hours later)
It made me picture a fight where the tenticles fought the mages in every direction at once
u/None [+1] (4 days later)
Is the update schedule every monday? (Besides breaks)
u/Gelifyal [+1] (4 days later)
Yep! This Monday is another chapter, with the following week being a break.
u/None [+1] (4 days later)
Awesome, thanks.
u/jaghataikhan [+1] Primarch of the White Scars (7 days later)
Huh, so if I understand correctly, primal attacks are analogous to end bringer attacks in worm with the universal defense pledge/truce norms? And that now the mafia aligned parties are withdrawing from that pact?