15 KiB
[RT] [FF] [WIP] [RWBY] Color Psychology Chapter 3 -- Words of Wisdom
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Author: u/arenavanera *
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URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13046687/3/Color-Psychology
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Score: 44
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Created: 2018-09-07T21:08:12
Post:
Comments:
u/arenavanera [+6] (3 minutes later)
Question for anyone kind enough to read: what negative feedback do you have on the story so far?
(There seems to be a pretty strong social norm in online fiction of giving almost entirely positive feedback, which I think is probably a useful social norm to have, but if anyone has any constructive criticism I'd be interested in hearing that too.)
u/vallar57 [+5] Unseen University: Faculty of High-Energy Magic (an hour later)
Be careful with publishing several fics at once. Or are you dropping the Naruto one?
Perhaps stop writing "End" at the end of every chapter? Freaks me out every time that it's the end of the fic.
Besides that, I don't have anything particularly negative to say, yet. I might, however, when the actual plot starts (unless you plan the plot to be a relatively peaceful or at least catastrophe-free school life. Which would be awesome by me).
P.S. Applying makeup must be hell for huntresses XD
u/arenavanera [+4] (an hour later)
Thanks!
Be careful with publishing several fics at once. Or are you dropping the Naruto one?
I have no idea what I'm going to do with that fic. I started it when I was much younger (I wrote the first chapter way before the publish date on FF), and I've sort of lost the ability to naturally write in that voice, so writing new chapters that aren't jarringly different in tone is like pulling teeth.
I don't want to just abandon it, but I also wasn't really producing chapters at any sort of reasonable rate, so it's on a very intermittent update schedule right now.
Perhaps stop writing "End" at the end of every chapter? Freaks me out every time that it's the end of the fic.
Interesting; I'll stop doing that.
unless you plan the plot to be a relatively peaceful or at least catastrophe-free school life
That would be a hell of a troll -- just hang a bunch of guns on the wall, and instead of firing them the whole fic is spent giving classroom infodumps and dealing with normal school stuff. :P
u/vallar57 [+3] Unseen University: Faculty of High-Energy Magic (2 hours later)
Well, Beacon is hardly a normal school anyway, isn't it? XD
I'm not asking for RWBY-Chibi style ratfic ... screw that, I am asking for RWBY-Chibi style ratfic. I just know that will never happen.
But I do think that the style of Volume 1 is better suited for exploring psychological profiles of the cast than the style of Volume 3. Do you?
u/arenavanera [+4] (3 hours later)
I'm not asking for RWBY-Chibi style ratfic ... screw that, I am asking for RWBY-Chibi style ratfic. I just know that will never happen.
A RWBY Chibi style of ratfic would be an interesting challenge. Part of that aesthetic is a feeling of low stakes (nobody will die, nothing will change too drastically, Jaune will never learn how Pyrrha feels, etc. etc.). Low stakes means you need to use different tools than most ratfics to keep people interested. Humor is one option, like RWBY Chibi itself. Cranking the mystery component up to 11 is another; even if you know everything will be fine, trying to figure out what's going on can be interesting.
I think you could probably do it. Fanfiction is also unusually well-suited to this kind of thing, because people already care about the characters, which is normally hard to accomplish in a low-stakes setting. (I think this is why RWBY Chibi works so well, actually. You get to bring Pyrrha back, and everyone is super excited precisely because of what happened in the main continuity.)
But I do think that the style of Volume 1 is better suited for exploring psychological profiles of the cast than the style of Volume 3. Do you?
Volume 1 was definitely more character-driven, and Volume 3 more plot-driven. I think you could probably use either style to explore people's psychology; the first style would focus more on their everyday psychology, and the second on how they handle and respond to big or stressful events.
In general, though, I think character-driven writing works better for fanfiction. People are reading fanfiction in the first place because they want to read about their favorite characters.
u/Crimethinker [+3] (15 hours later)
There's a difference between being discreet and being discrete.
u/tjhance [+7] (2 hours later)
this is pretty adorbs so far, i don't have any complaints yet
Is the aura normalization thing from canon, or is it one of the 'aura differences'? I don't remember it from canon but I do remember that it kind of glossed over a lot of the magic so maybe I just didn't pick up on it.
u/arenavanera [+5] (3 hours later)
Thanks!
Aura was explained in only the vaguest terms in the early seasons, and then they changed it anyway in the later seasons. I don't think the way I've been writing aura directly conflicts with anything in the earlier seasons (although I could totally be wrong). It does conflict with some information in the later seasons, though, and in any case it's taking some pretty significant liberties.
u/causalchain [+6] (3 hours later)
I think it's fine to conflict with the source material as long as you follow through with the new effects, which I assume you will.
u/tjhance [+2] (6 hours later)
ok, I just wondering. I think it's a really interesting concept!
u/causalchain [+3] (4 hours later)
In most online fiction, you will get mainly positive feedback, but I don't think that's especially true for posts on this sub, eg. which got mixed responses, especially negative to begin with. I genuinely like the style of your writing which is easy to like and has little to complain about. But since you asked for criticism...
I showed this to my friend and he took the expectation of consistency in rational fics quite far:
Chapter 1. Why does Yang need to wear Ember Celica while Ruby runs her diagnostics? -> Maybe it requires aura to be run, but it should be explained at some point. "tangle of wires of wires connecting Ruby's scroll to Ember Celica": Why are there multiple wires when there are only two devices being connected? Why does Ruby actually stop after checking only one gauntlet; testing one device doesn't check for flaws in the other? -> Maybe she wasn't checking for device faults, but design faults, in which case one gauntlet would suffice. My friend has a gripe with authors using big words where simpler words would suffice, since often times the audience wouldn't be familiar with them and it would slow down the reading or go over their heads. Eg. "proprioception" where 'perception' would make more sense and is a word that more people would understand. "washing into her brain, down her spinal cord, through her whole central nervous system" appears to be a tautology, though it does get the right feeling across -> maybe replace CNS with just 'nervous system', or something else that fits. My friend knows all the words himself and gets that, since it's targeted to rational-fic readers, the audience will understand more technical vocabulary, but he doesn't feel that it's necessary. "armor that covered your ribcage but not your stomach.. should be the opposite": The opposite doesn't make much sense either. At least the former looks cool. + if this was an issue for yourself (not just ignorant Ruby), then you can also change it so he gets a full chestplate. "it was so heavy. So inefficient, but so cool": Why is it inefficient? A sword is meant to be heavy to impart more momentum, and I'm not sure how you're meant to make it more efficient. "Why did you decide to forge your weapon": Second friend interrupts, quoting a generic engineering response - maintains grainflow parallel to the surface to prevent shear planes and elongates the grains to increase hardness. Forging is expensive for each part, but in a single-part object like Jaune's sword, it is the best. "middle of a civilian craft": This is a craft with only students headed for beacon, where you've clearly said that every student has their weapon on them. She was swinging around Jaune's sword before anyways and [as far as we know] that didn't kick up a fuss, so just holding a big weapon shouldn't be that much of a concern.
u/vallar57 [+6] Unseen University: Faculty of High-Energy Magic (4 hours later)
so just holding a big weapon shouldn't be that much of a concern.
I think I know an answer to that. It's not about any weapon, it's specifically about a scythe, a very rare and extremely hard to wield weapon. Qrow being the only other known wielder doesn't help, not one bit.
u/causalchain [+5] (5 hours later)
Now, I'll try and give some negative feedback of my own.
Chapter 2. Very long infodump at the beginning. It feels especially forced since the beginning of the chapter can lead to anything, but you decide to talk about clearly plot relevant details, and you have Ruby practically teach the topic to Jaune, something clearly meant for the audience instead. My recommendation: Make it shorter and put it in somewhere where it feels reasonable to talk about, maybe between two people who are familiar with the subject and are actually applying it. It now feels like a fact of the world that is being shown because it really makes sense to use here. If you want to add more information, you could put it in Ch3, after Ruby looks at her reddened hair. I like how you made the infodump give us enough information to think about the implications of her hair colour in the next chapter, so you should leave that much information. Eg. When Ruby first looks at Jaune, she notices his blonde hair and immediately thinks that he must be socially competent. That reveals a lot of information about how colour affects personalities without any extra explanation. + you could extend this to other characters and really build up this image of colour profiling being an inherent fact of the world. On the other hand, I realise now that it showed Ruby's character as someone who likes to talk at great length about conceptuals things. I don't think this is a good way to do it, since this was completely overshadowed by infodump.
Yep I like the red colour used to describe Pyrrha.
"She did a quick calculation in her head": Nobody does that. Humans have really good intuition which is much faster than our logical minds, we are built to use training to substitute for precise calculations. I'd expect that Ruby doesn't need to think about it, since we know that she is adept at using her scythe for propulsion, so she'd have lots of practice in getting a feel for how much she needs. If she can calculate it and needs to calculate it, then that would be quite inhuman.
u/arenavanera [+2] (5 hours later)
Chapter 2. Very long infodump at the beginning.
Damn, and here I thought I was being so clever disguising my infodump as a character moment. Ah well :P
Do you think it's salvageable with a bit of trimming and a more natural segue at the beginning of the chapter, or does it just need to get cut and the same information worked in somewhere else?
(Also, if anyone else is reading this deep into the thread, I'm curious how it came across to other people.)
"She did a quick calculation in her head": Nobody does that.
Good point; it came across pretty bad to me too on a re-read. I'll fix that.
u/eleves11 [+9] (6 hours later)
If you're looking for a differing opinion, I felt the past few chapters read fine. I noticed the beginning of chapter two as an infodump but it felt tastefully done. Ruby's character as someone who likes to focus on the conceptual parts of the world stood out, and it also left me wondering what part of Jaune's past would cause him not to know about this.
At the same time, part of the intrigue of world building comes from its mysteries. There's this urge as a writer to display everything about your world upfront which can lead to infodumps. Having it woven in bit by bit into characterization and the events of the story would leave enough room for speculation while still giving readers new information to work with.
u/causalchain [+1] (7 hours later)
I would prefer if it was cut, and into many pieces, but I don't know how hard that is to do since you'd have to rewrite quite a bit. I do feel like the colour psychology theory is not something that needs exposition to explain, until maybe later when there is an important detail. Thinking about it, this could be a spot to add worldbuilding details to show how Ruby is different from canon, and show Ruby's character by talking about what she's interested in. Of course, I have have no idea what you could put there, but that's why I suck at writing.
u/arenavanera [+3] (5 hours later)
Thanks! That's actually a really interesting list to read. I have my own set of things I worry come across as contrived in the first chapter, but the only intersection with your friend's list was the "middle of a civilian craft" part. (One I'm a little surprised he didn't mention: why the hell would Yang let Ruby get most of the way through doing diagnostics on Ember Celica before asking what she was doing?)
I actually went back and forth on what kind of vocabulary to use. I think it's a big turn off for certain readers, but on the other hand I really liked learning new words from reading when I was a kid. It's probably good to make sure it doesn't get excessive, though; I almost replaced the word "symbiote" with "symbiont" in the last chapter, but managed to restrain myself :P
(Also, potentially interesting sausage-making aside: I try to give characters specific verbal habits so that dialogue actually reads like two people talking, and differences in vocabulary are a super low-effort way to do that. Once Ruby has a large vocabulary, using a large vocabulary in the narration really helps give it that close-third-person feel.)
u/Gilfoyle- [+5] (5 hours later)
So no complaints as of yet, definitely my favorite fic in a while. World building is good as of now, the little tweaks you've added here and there are particularly charming. I give it an 8.5-9/10 as of now and am eagerly awaiting more.