6.4 KiB
[Bormor] [Half-Elf chronicles] Untitled
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Author: u/melmonella Tremble, o ye mighty, for a new age is upon you*
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URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/9hjltv/bormor_halfelf_chronicles_untitled/
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Score: 27
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Created: 2018-09-20T22:22:29
Post:
A short story by Bormor was posted on this sub not too long ago, to quite positive reviews. I figured I'd try translating one of those a day to stretch my writing muscles a bit and get into the habit of writing a little each day. Not all of them are capital letter Rational, but they all seem like the type of thing that'd be enjoyed by people here. Worst case, vote with your upvotes if you don't like seeing them on the sub. Original text found here.
First into the throne room burst the Half-Elf with a bloody sword. Behind him, scattering into a half-circle, came his companions: Dwarf, Princess, Barbarian and Halfling. Dark Overlord raised his head from the papers spread on his table.
“Ah, you are very punctual,“ he noted, putting a bookmark between the pages of a thick book. “Would you look at that, precisely during sunset!”
“We came, to...” began the Half-Elf.
“I know, I know”, Dark Overlord waved him off. “To put an end to my tyrannical reign. I read it. It's described in great detail here.”
With a careless move of his gloved hand, he pushed a tome of the collected works of false prophet Aphanasiy, opened in the middle, towards the Half-Elf. Actually, Aphanasiy was a very real prophet, but since he wasn't a member of the Guild of Future-tellers, he couldn't count on an official status. Besides, his prophecies always contained an uncomfortable amount of exact details. Real prophets never write like that. Prophecies have to look mysterious and ambiguous, and must be told in an archaic language, best in verse – Aphanasiy never managed to learn this style.
Half-Elf squinted at the text, not taking his eyes off the Dark Overlord.
“In the year 5667, during the day of the summer solstice, four and a half minutes before sunset, to the Dark Overlord would come a Dwarf, a Half-Elf, a Princess, a Barbarian and a Halfling in order to put an end to his tyranny...” - he read aloud.
“Read on”, nodded the Dark Overlord
“Half-Elf would be wearing a brown cloak, torn on the left shoulder, and in his hands – Sword of The Severing (see picture). Dwarf is left-handed, squints a bit in his right eye, which was damaged at the age of ninety-six in a drunk brawl in the hamlet Drunk Stones. Princess is not actually a legitimate heir to the throne, but just a spawn of a side branch of an ancient royal line, but that means nothing, because the legitimate heir is a lame and hunchbacked idiot, and nobody will ever believe that he is the King. Princess has green eyes, hair the color of ripe wheat, has a birthmark above her left knee and a spot from a meat sauce on her sleeve...”
“A spot?! Where?!”, cried the Princess, and, blushing profusely, started checking over her sleeves. Half-Elf glanced at the long dress hiding the knees of his companion, and moved his gaze back to the Dark Overlord. Dark Overlord pulled the book back towards himself, and, sitting more comfortably, turned the page over.
“Alright, so you came here. Now I'll do a short check, if you don't mind?”
Dark Overlord brought the book close to his face and squinted shortsightedly.
“Hmmm...Ah, yes, here. Do you have Talisman of Light?”
“Yes, here.” Princess reached into her bodice and took out an amulet on a chain.
“Good, I see. You also managed to get the sword. And this axe, the one Dwarf has, whose craftsmanship is that?”
“Of the great master Ofenzingelschtanzenschtigel, also known as Nine-Fingers. Here is his seal,” added the Dwarf, pointing to a stamp on the handle of the axe.
“Fits,” nodded the Dark Overlord, “And how about you? Are you really a half-elf? Not a quadroon?”
“Here are the metrics,” the Half-Elf handed the Dark Overlord his birth certificate.
“Yes, truly...How about the halfling...”
“String, or nothing!” quickly responded Halfling, not waiting for the end of the question.
“Yeah, correct. ” Dark Overlord slammed the book closed with a sigh, but it down on the table and drummed his fingers over the spine.
“Weeell.”, he stretched out, raising. “Looks like I am doomed?”
“Looks like it.”, agreed the Half-Elf.
“Darn.... And I only just started enjoying myself....Resistance is futile, as far as I understand. It's written there that you will cut my head off, succeeding with 'minimal losses'. ”
All eyes turned to Halfling, who went white and convulsively swallowed.
“Sorry, buddy!” said the Dwarf, dropping his heavy axe on his companion's head.
“Alright, that having been dealt with...” the Dark Overlord scratched his nose. “As far as I understand, final battle is just an empty formality? Since it's already known I'll lose.”
“Yeah, sounds logical.” agreed the Half-Elf.
“Then let's not waste time.”
The Dark Overlord dropped his cloak and, turning away his collar so it wouldn't get in the way, rested his head on the edge of the table.
“I hope it won't be very painful?”
“It will be,” sighed the Half-Elf, trying the jagged edge of the blade with his finger, “Eh, come on, nothing to be gloomy about. You'll get revenge in one thousand years.”
“Yeah?” the Dark Overlord was surprised.
“That's the truth. Everyone knows that the Dark Overlord can't be permanently defeated. He is reborn and returns to this world with new strength.”
“I didn't know that,” confessed the Dark Overlord, “Well, good to know. See you soon then?”
“See you soon,” confirmed the Half-Elf, and swung the Sword of The Severing down on the neck of the Dark Overlord.
Comments:
u/IAMA_Draconequus-AMA [+6] (an hour later)
Spez is an asshole, I hope reddit burns. -- mass edited with redact.dev
u/eaglejarl [+2] (12 hours later)
Didn't he just defeat the prophecy? The heroes took no losses, not minimal losses...
Also, that was a lot of fun. Thank you for sharing.
u/melmonella [+4] Tremble, o ye mighty, for a new age is upon you (12 hours later)
Halfling died
u/eaglejarl [+1] (a day later)
Ah, so he did. I missed that.
u/Teulisch [+1] Space Tech Support (4 days later)
yeah... sounds like a decoy overlord. or else he has a cleric in the next room ready to revive him after the heroes depart.