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[RT][HF] A Practical Guide to Evil: Book 4: Chapter 59: Audience
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Author: u/Zayits *
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URL: https://practicalguidetoevil.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/chapter-59-audience/
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Score: 81
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Created: 2018-09-21T04:03:06
Post:
Comments:
u/Ardvarkeating101 [+42] Father of Learning (12 minutes later)
She has finally found her soul-mate in negotiation
u/cyberdsaiyan [+32] (54 minutes later)
Holy shit... HOLY SHIT!
All this time... equal enmity to all surface dwellers, whether good or evil... most prominent Empire on the continent... insanely proud... never involved in surface affairs... never aligned to any story...
The dwarves were the True Neutrals all along!
And of course they'd be annoyed that their world was run by insane gods and would want to fix it...
u/Gr_Cheese [+12] (9 hours later)
I thought they were referring to the Dead King? We don't have any named gods to pick fights with, only choirs of Angels, which don't seem relevant to barricading the Dead King.
u/Frommerman [+4] (11 hours later)
Angels useless in fighting the King of the Dead.
Only in the Guideverse.
u/Gr_Cheese [+1] (a day later)
No clue where you got that quote from.
I said Choirs were not relevant because they have not been discussed in the Dead King arc.
u/Frommerman [-1] (a day later)
It was more a commentary on how angels in this universe are, from our perspective, evil deontologists. They have principles and rules they cannot break, but those rules don't align with human needs at all. They're just as willing to cause mass slaughter and misery as the Gods Below. So when a being called "The King of the Dead" rises, slaughtering his whole kingdom in a ritual to make him immortal and rend a permanent hole in the fabric of reality, what do the angels do? Brainwash thousands of people and have them march to their deaths at the hands of the monster. The angels are worse than useless because they only ever meddle in human affairs by destroying people and leading what remains to its doom. It's what happened to the seventh crusade, it's what happened to William, it's what's in the process of happening to the White Knight, and it's what would have happened to Liesse if our hero hadn't intervened.
Almost every death in every conflict since the beginning of this story can be placed squarely on the shoulders of Above. Malicia would have been perfectly content to reform Praes in peace, eliminating the most abominable elements and overall improving the conditions for everyone in the so-called evil empire. If she'd been left to her own devices, if Above had been content to just watch and see where she was going with all these ideas of hers, none of the conflicts on the surface of Calernia would be happening right now. But they didn't. So, instead, Malicia felt the need to quietly sponsor the creation of the ultimate superweapon. If Above hadn't pushed Procer into war or had convinced them to clean their own house for a few decades, Cat would have remained a competent and unoppressive sovereign rather than forcing her into the corner with no good options.
To put it another way, Above created the Wandering Bard before Below sponsored the Dead King. We know that the terms of the game that is creation allow each side to only use power in proportion to that which the other uses, so we know that Above knew their choice to create an immortal, unstoppable force with the power to manipulate an entire continent at once would have consequences. They did it anyway. Below responded in kind, as was their right, and obliterated a Kingdom. Above is and always has been ham-fisted and brash, acting without thinking of consequences and only coming out ahead by escalating every conflict they meddle in before Below reacts in kind. Below responds by gaining more institutional power, every time. Praes has been invaded countless times by armies led by the Scions of the Heavens themselves, and though they have caused regime change on occasion, they have never eliminated Praes or made any other substantive, long-term gain. They manage to win every battle and lose every war, in the long run. They always fail, and when they fail, they always proceed to make everything worse.
The angels are useless against the Dead King because he and his patrons are smarter and better at using power than all of them combined. That is something that you don't see outside the Guideverse.
u/Gr_Cheese [+2] (a day later)
The efficacy of Choirs fighting the Dead King is irrelevant to the question in this thread, which is: Who or what are the "Gods" the Herald is referring to?
And you seem to have forgotten that the Bard bats for both teams. There is no indication that the Above is solely responsible for the Bard, and even less of an indication that the Below created the Dead King as an equalizer:
Book 4, Chapter 30:
“You were companion to Nasseh the Great, when he fought for the submission of the twelve cities,” Trismegistus idly said. “You were at Queen Sadassa’s side as well, during the worst of the Wars of the Rat. Fortune and misfortune both draw you like carrion.”
Cat's inner monologue. Book 4, Chapter 31.
The Bard had been considered old even in the days of Sephirah’s fall. Gods, how long had she been around?
"Fuck, for all I knew the Bard was interceding in my favour."
The Bard pre-dates the Dead King by a long shot, and intercedes on both sides.
u/CouteauBleu [+23] We are the Empire. (2 hours later)
Ah, the old "pretend not to speak your foreign language so I can get an edge in negotiations" gambit.
u/Nimelennar [+7] (7 hours later)
It's a cliché, but it was also the setup for a hilarious double entendre, so I'll forgive it.
u/notjustlurking [+2] (12 hours later)
I missed the double entendre, can you explain?
u/Nimelennar [+17] (12 hours later)
The Herald of the Deep starts speaking Lower Miezan, Cat's native language, and then a few lines later:
The Herald smiled, slow and mean.
“I offer hospitality to you, Queen of Callow,” he said. “Let us eat, drink, and talk of murdering gods.”
Well, now they were speaking my language.
Maybe "double entendre" is the wrong term, as neither intended meaning is indecent, but I can't think of something better to mean "a phrase intended to have two different but equally valid meanings."
u/fortycakes [+12] (12 hours later)
How about "pun"?
u/Nimelennar [+8] (16 hours later)
That takes me back.
I was in Grade 9 English, and my teacher, knowing my taste for bad jokes, invited me to help out, as we were going to be taking about wordplay.
There were twenty of us, so the teacher took half, and I took the other half. I asked each of the other students to write down a joke ending in a pun, and put it in a hat.
After everyone had finished, I told everyone the definition of a pun: as opposed to other kinds of wordplay, a pun almost always involves a single word with multiple definitions, or two words or phrases that sound similar.
I took each slip of paper out of the Harry and read it aloud, to see if any of them met that definition, and, wouldn't you know it, no pun in ten did.
u/xland44 [+2] (a day later)
how about just... "double meaning"? :p
u/IgnatiusFlamel [+23] (2 hours later)
I like those dwarfs.
There we have the proof that Cat is indeed a most skilled diplomat.
u/notagiantdolphin [+9] (6 hours later)
I wonder if the staff contains a demon/devil? Wouldn't that be a kick for Praes - an entire nation of demonologists?
Or worse, a fae, or something else otherworldly. Cat is having too easy a time of it, walking head first into an army whose people make a study of binding things like her for fun would be about par for the course.
u/notsureiflying [+7] (6 hours later)
Maybe a lesser a God....
u/JanusTheDoorman [+17] (5 hours later)
Kinda funny, kinda terrifying seeing Archer so on her toes dealing with the dwarves. If Cat manages to swing an alliance or other arrangement that lets her make use of some of their military (the deed-seekers, perhaps?), I imagine it'll give everyone except the Dead King reason to pause and reassess.
I dunno how Akua managed to do it, but I can't imagine it's a coincidence that she's found herself speaking on behalf of Cat in what's probably a make-or-break negotiation for Callow. I hope this doesn't end with Cat and Vivi breaking ties when Cat refuses to kill Akua sometime soon-ish.
Cat's humanity continues to ebb, but it's nice that she's naturally referring to herself as the Queen of Callow without qualification or compromise.
u/CouteauBleu [+10] We are the Empire. (7 hours later)
“Even a lizard can eat a tadpole,” he said.
My brow rose.
“Guess you had to be there,” I said.
Which I had been. I did not smile.
I don't get it.
u/Anderkent [+13] (8 hours later)
"Guess you had to be there" is a common phrase for when something doesn't seem funny to you, whereas it's funny for the person speaking. It suggests situational humour for which you (the person not finding it funny) don't have the necessary context, because they weren't there.
That is subverted by Cat actually 'having been there' (in this case, the dwarfs weren't actually there), and still not finding it funny.
u/SkoomaDentist [+5] (10 hours later)
'having been there'
But where's "there"?
u/Anderkent [+16] (10 hours later)
'there' being where the lizard was eating a tadpole, i.e. where Cat was subduing drow.
Basically the dwarves were being racist af, and Cat made it awkward
u/TaltosDreamer [+6] (3 hours later)
Ooooh, I love it!!
I was mostly expecting this to go very poorly, but it figures the Dwarves would respect strength.
u/eaglejarl [+4] (6 hours later)
What are the chances that she can hire some dwarves as mercenaries? Because that would solve her problems quite neatly.
u/Megika [+15] (8 hours later)
Well, she’s broke. Maybe she can convince them that she could pay in future, but that doesn’t really seem like something dwarves would go for.
u/ketura [+8] Organizer (10 hours later)
Just gotta set it up so the mercenaries are payment for services she renders...presumably slaying the sve of night.
u/Law_Student [+7] (12 hours later)
Or she gets rid of the drow for them by giving the drow a new homeland out of the dwarves' way (Southern Callow was pretty depopulated anyway.) thereby gaining help from both the Drow (as her new subjects) and the Dwarves. Everyone wins! Especially Cat. She wins twice.
u/Nimelennar [+7] (12 hours later)
Everyone wins!
Well, except Cat's enemies. I don't think they'd be particularly happy about this development.
Eh... Cordelia might. It'd give her an excuse to not fight Cat while still retaining power over Procer and the Crusade.
u/MaddoScientisto [+5] (4 hours later)
Who was the demigod she killed?
u/LordSwedish [+27] Q Continuum (5 hours later)
The winter duke she killed to gain cosmic powers.
u/MaddoScientisto [+1] (a day later)
Huh I thought the winter Duke was Larat
u/LordSwedish [+6] Q Continuum (a day later)
No, he was the one-eyed prince of nightfallen, the duke was the one she fought.