scrape_r_rational/data/cache/2emyzb.md

Pokemon: The Origin of Species Chapter 11

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• u/Aretii:

  Good chapter. The theme of "when is it right to help" is an interesting one that too often gets treated simplistically. Looking forward to what comes next. 
  
  I found the Japanese gratuitous and distracting. I know your intention is to give the regions different feels and customs underneath the homogeneity, but I don't think our-universe foreign languages is the way to do it (especially when, as you mentioned, you're no expert in the language).
  

• u/Anakiri:

  Fascinating look into the dangers of wild Pokemon and how Rangers deal with them. And how Red deals with being confronted with it! I wonder how his thoughts of Pokemon in general are going to develop, after a few more events like this.
  
  I'm not sure if I quite agree with Tomio's reasoning, but I've not heard that line of thinking phrased so clearly before. So thank you for giving me something to think about.
  
  It seems strange that the Rangers would enlist the aid of some eleven year olds, especially putting Blue directly in the line of fire. But then, the fact that they're running around unattended at all already shows that the Pokemon world puts more trust in children than our world, for better or worse, so it's perfectly consistent.
  
  On Japanese: For "Kūfuku, I summon you!" I'd use "Kūfuku, *kimi ni maneita!*" But you've got "Come to me!", which isn't really bad. Though if you're using preset command phrases, it would have to be "*Kimi ni kimeta!*", "I choose you!" For "Kūfuku, plant roots," I'd use "Kūfuku, *ne o uetsukere.*" In our world, <*uetsukere*> is a really unusual word, being the command form of the verb <*uetsukeru*> "to plant"... which isn't a command very often. Go figure. If you're using macrons for long vowels, it's <*arigatō*>. And lastly, you're being *way* too free with your *-sama*s. In a world that usually drops honorifics, using any honorific at all is already more formal than it is in our world, and *-sama* is just super over-the-top. It would sound sarcastic. It should probably be Akio-*san*, Akio-*renjā* (Ranger Akio), Akio-*junsa-buchō* (Sergeant Akio, or [whatever rank](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Police_rank#Japan)), or maybe Akio-*sensei*.
  
  I don't promise this is completely correct, I'm not a native speaker. But I do promise that it is less painful than what you currently have.
  

  • u/DaystarEld:

    >I'm not sure if I quite agree with Tomio's reasoning, but I've not heard that line of thinking phrased so clearly before. So thank you for giving me something to think about.
    
    Glad to hear it :) Are you referring to his last line?
    
    >And lastly, you're being way too free with your -samas. In a world that usually drops honorifics, using any honorific at all is already more formal than it is in our world, and -sama is just super over-the-top. It would sound sarcastic. It should probably be Akio-san, Akio-renjā (Ranger Akio), Akio-junsa-buchō (Sergeant Akio, or whatever rank), or maybe Akio-sensei.
    
    Hmm. I was under the impression that "san" was for equals and "sama" was for those you look up to or for an honored elder. My intention in using the honorific rather than his title was to acknowledge thanks for something he's doing outside his official role as a Ranger, but if you think "san" works better, I'll use that instead. This would apply to Donovan in the earlier chapter too, I imagine.
    
    >I don't promise this is completely correct, I'm not a native speaker. But I do promise that it is less painful than what you currently have.
    
    Don't worry, any help at all is greatly appreciated. Do you mind if I run any future phrases by you?
    

    • u/Anakiri:

      > Glad to hear it :) Are you referring to his last line?
      
      Actually, I'm referring to his lesson that letting others keep you safe is a risk in itself. I don't think that lesson is wrong, exactly... but it might be dangerous to stop at that point. That's the sort of thinking that drives eight year olds to take it upon themselves to raise tyrogues.
      
      Tom's overall risk management thing is all good.
      
      > I was under the impression that "san" was for equals and "sama" was for those you look up to or for an honored elder.
      
      Sort of true, but the difference is more extreme than you're thinking. You use "san" for your parents and police officers (*omawari-san*, Mr. Police officer), and Mr. Company President is more often *Shachō-san* than *Shachō-sama*.  It's not just about respect, it's about class hierarchies, and situational formality, and other things that are simply incomprehensible to us westerners. "Sama" denotes *royalty*.
      
      Actually, I'm not sure if the average man on the street *ever* uses "sama" seriously, outside of certain prescribed cases like customer service. It's definitely nowhere near as common as anime would lead you to believe.
      
      > Do you mind if I run any future phrases by you?
      
      Sure! I'd be happy to offer whatever help I can.
      

      • u/DaystarEld:

        >Actually, I'm referring to his lesson that letting others keep you safe is a risk in itself. I don't think that lesson is wrong, exactly... but it might be dangerous to stop at that point. That's the sort of thinking that drives eight year olds to take it upon themselves to raise tyrogues.
        
        Ahh yeah. Keep in mind, it comes from a man living in a world where enormously powerful monsters somewhat regularly attack cities, so the applicability in our world is a bit reduced: most people in developed countries can go their entire life without getting into a life-or-death struggle, so learning to defend yourself isn't exactly a priority.  
        
        But Tom knows that his son's life may one day depend on him being in a situation where he can't rely on anyone else to defend him but his wits and his pokemon.
        
        >"Sama" denotes royalty.
        
        Wow, yeah, that is definitely over the top then. Thanks for the info :)
        

      • u/E-o_o-3:

        >I don't think that lesson is wrong, exactly... but it might be dangerous to stop at that point.
        
        I was actually reading this as the philosophy of a man who died because he did dangerous things. From that point of view, it makes sense that he stops there.
        

• u/DaystarEld:

  So this chapter was meant to be done super quick to make up for leaving it on a cliffhanger. Like, record time quick. That was the intention. Promise.
  
  But it just kept growing. An extension to the flashback here, an extra argument there, and before I knew it I'd written the longest chapter to date instead of a quick resolution to the cliffhanger.
  
  Ah well. Some prolonged suspense now and then adds spice to life, right? Right.
  
  To anyone who speaks Japanese, please excuse my wholesale butchering of your language. I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out translations for "I summon you" and "plant roots" (as a verb-noun rather than the noun-noun I kept seeing online), and if you'd like to offer better translations, I would very much appreciate the corrections: I figured it was better to ask for forgiveness than prolong publication another few days looking for someone that would translate for me.
  
  Hope you guys enjoy the read, and all feedback welcome, as usual!
  
  (Side note: I mentioned awhile back that I hadn't read any pokemon fiction, and invited recommendations. The majority of suggestions were for Game of Champions by L. Lamora, and I recently had the free time to check it out. I swallowed it in two big gulps, and am still hungry for more. I can see now why it came so highly recommended, and anyone who enjoys my fic should definitely give it a read. It explores and expands the world of Pokemon with a creativity and passion I found admirable and immensely enjoyable.)
  

  • u/Lethalmud:

    I just started reading Game of champions. So far, I must say I prefer your story over his. Although maybe I'm just missing the rational factor.
    

    • u/DaystarEld:

      Thanks, but I'd say stick with it :) The first few chapters took a bit of settling in to the unique narrative voice, but by his battle with Brock it really kicked into high gear, and the worldbuilding began in earnest.
      
      As for the rational factor, while his Red isn't a rationalist and he does pull a few unpredictable twists out of his hat, by and large the writer does a great job translating the pokemon world and physiology into rational terms.
      

• u/Timewinders:

  I liked the evaluation of risk by the Rangers. It reminded me of how EMTs react to emergencies. Just something to note, you switch between present and past tenses a few times in the flashback.
  

  • u/DaystarEld:

    Thanks, found and fixed one offending paragraph, will be going through it again when I have time to catch more typos :)
    

• u/Ahuge:

  I'm loving this story.
  
  What's the release schedule for it btw?
  

  • u/DaystarEld:

    Thanks, glad you're enjoying it!
    
    My rule for myself is at least one per month. Weekends are when I do the vast bulk of my writing, so I usually publish on a weekend or shortly afterward. 
    
    This chapter was supposed to be done two weeks ago, but it ended up taking so long that I barely managed to meet my monthly deadline. If I get more free time or finish editing my novel sometime soon I'll hopefully get to write faster, but for now 1 per month has been the standard :)
    

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