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[RT] [WIP] [HF] Love is in the Air – Spellcraft and Heavy Artillery Chapter 5
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- u/JackStargazer:
Something I'm noticing with this, and it's a thing that I had a lot of trouble not doing with my own work, is that it is almost 100% dialogue. There are very few descriptors, explanations of how or why people are saying things, or actions outside of dedicated action scenes or infodumps. You tend to get on a roll and write out an entire conversation without any extraneous text whatsoever. As an example here, everything between “Do I know you?” and “Yes, I am. Still not sure why Charlie and I are meeting you.” is one unbroken set of speech. You only add descriptors in when a third party breaks into the conversation. My only other critique is that it is going very fast and I could use a bit more exposition. Is Adrian really the only mage who isn't a robot? If he is, how do new spells normally get developed? There's obviously been some research. Why over a hundred years has nobody thought to use a war mage as a weapon of terror and nuke a capitol? It seems to be well within their capabilities - Adrian just boasted he could take down another nation solo in six months.