6.9 KiB
[RT][WIP] Lizard Person, Chapter 2 - Lies
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Author: u/Lacertidae Dragon Army*
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URL: https://lizardperson.blogspot.com/2018/09/chapter-2.html
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Score: 18
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Created: 2018-10-01T16:05:05
Post:
Comments:
u/Badewell [+7] (4 hours later)
I think the story is really nailing the anxiety that would come with interacting with an empath/psychic.
I see so many stories where if they touch on it at all it's just an "oops had a sex thought" and it's never really brought up again. So I really appreciate the detailed look into how Carol is handling it. The paranoia, the second guessing your second guessing, constantly examining your own thoughts and motivations. Never being sure if any interaction is genuine or you're being manipulated and out-thought at an N+1 level. The guilt at your doubt and mistrust being known. I can't help feel a bit distressed as I'm reading, which is always a good sign.
u/Lacertidae [+3] Dragon Army (5 hours later)
Thank you! My original plan was to spend a bit less time on this stuff, but it's an important prelude to things to come. Carol isn't a particularly paranoid person, but meeting an alien/empath is a anxiety inducing concept. It makes me happy to hear it you were distressed!
u/teakwood54 [+5] (2 hours later)
Interesting concept. I'm having trouble picturing the size of Rose. She's light but large.
I didn't really understand the William character in the first chapter. He's a physic or something which is why he was able to bond with Rose? I have no idea his age.
Does Carol or Nic have real goals for meeting and befriending Rose? The first chapter made it seem like they wanted to exploit her somehow but it seems they don't actually know themselves.
u/Lacertidae [+3] Dragon Army (4 hours later)
Thank you!
The points you bring up are exactly why I need to find a beta reader. These chapters are long, so a lot of description/explanations were omitted in favor of being concise. Sometimes I accidentally omitted too much. I really should have described telepathy better. There's a ton of stuff I'm hoping I'll be able to sprinkle in the coming chapters.
I want to convey that Rose is surprisingly small, like how many people are surprised when they see the Mona Lisa. Her wings, however, are huge when unfurled.
Carol and Nic only have vague goals so far. This is very sudden for them, and they only talk about their plans briefly over breakfast. It's not something they had ever seriously considered, and they truly have no idea what they're doing. They'll have a lot more time to put thought into it before classes begin.
I am adding some more description to chapter 1 to target the things you mentioned. For people who have already read it, I am posting them below:
William Statton, the eldest of the three Statton children, was almost always seen accompanying and translating for Rose in public. It was his family that had raised the alien they had discovered in secret for several years. Rose Day, two years prior, was deliberately timed to take place at the end of his senior year of high school. After that, he had traveled around the globe with Rose, spreading her influence everywhere they went. William would be somewhere around Carol’s age, despite only now beginning his freshman year at Lincoln. Rose, on the other hand, was probably setting a record as the youngest person to ever enroll in Oxford.
Nic was right: the alien was a lot smaller than she had expected. Carol had imagined it being the size of a large Komodo dragon, but in person it was quite small, excluding its wings.
According to the couple dozen telepaths on the planet, the skill was a permanent connection that grew organically between two individuals. Initially, one had to make physical contact with another telepath to be sown the seeds of the power. After several days, it would be possible for the two to transmit simple messages, but the connection could become stronger through practice. If the telepaths’ words were to be accepted at face value, it was simply impossible to telepathically control another person (of sound mind) without their consent. Both minds had the ability to throttle the connection at any time.
Rose was trying to be friendly. She had just moved to a new place and was surrounded by strangers. Maybe Nic wanted to be a fanboy, or just learn about physics, but Carol was Rose’s new neighbor. The least I can do is reciprocate.
u/causalchain [+2] (2 days later)
Yep, these edits really helped. I only read chapter 1 after you made the edits and the ideas came across clearly.
u/Lacertidae [+2] Dragon Army (18 minutes later)
I'd really appreciate knowing what you think of this chapter. It took a lot longer to write than I expected, but thankfully I have a chunk of chapter 3 drafted (and more of the story planned further on) as a result.
Although it's 3rd person, I've been thinking of the story as documenting Carol's own experiences. The day she meets an alien would be particularly memorable, so the first couple chapters show almost everything that she observes.
That said, I'm considering making future chapters about half as long so I can release them more frequently.
Edit: Releasing more frequently is on hold for the time being. I'm going to be more preoccupied this next month than usual.
u/eroticas [+2] (a day later)
My suspicion after reading the latest chapter is that Rose really isn't really an alien in any sense of the word, and is actually a descendent of the dragons of myth (like the "shark whale" who "didn't really go extinct") and that's why aliens played a bigger role in history than she admitted.
u/confettibin [+2] (2 days later)
I'm a big fan of how you portray Ross's celebrity status. She's almost giving me Stephen Hawking vibe with all of her handicaps and special needs. Shouod I pity her or should she pity me?
I honestly can't tell how much of her personality is a facade, and the dissonance with William really hammers that in. Carol and Nic's awkwardness is entirely justified IMO.
Beyond that, I can relate with the feeling of interacting with somebody who's more talented than me in every way. I don't think Carol's feelings of inferiority are going to go away while Rose is on campus.
Overall, you've done a great job of making Rose feel truly alien. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, regardless of length. If you need a beta reader, feel free to hit me up!
u/Lacertidae [+1] Dragon Army (3 days later)
Wow, thank you!
I'll dm you about beta reading.
u/Aurilliux [+2] (8 days later)
Just wanted to say I've enjoyed what I've read so far, and I'm looking forward to seeing more.
u/Lacertidae [+1] Dragon Army (8 days later)
Thank you!