scrape_r_rational/data/cache/2z2cpp.md

[RST][FF] Team Anko, Chapter 3

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• u/liamash3:

  Nice chapter. You explained the differences of the Shadow Clone technique from canon, as well as begun exploring the various ways each teammate has different abilities and what they can do. Having Shino use his bugs as a mapping tool is quite a smart idea.
  
  EDIT: Can we post comments on the page the chapter's posted on your website?
  

  • u/eaglejarl:

    > EDIT: Can we post comments on the page the chapter's posted on your website?
    
    Yes!  Please do.
    

• u/MadScientist14159:

  And suddenly Naruto is a walking suicidal holocaust.
  
  This is horrifying.
  
  Even worse, the clones are aware of their eminent deaths.
  
  Fuck, this is nightmare fuel.
  
  Kind of tempted to stop reading and never pick up another of your stories just because of this.
  
  *Fuck*.
  
  I didn't think I would ever read something darker than *I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream*, but it turns out that a protagonist that knowingly condemns dozens of copies of himself to a gutwrenchingly short lifespan every single day and doesn't even *care* is still capable of tripping my internal "nope" sensor.
  

  • u/eaglejarl:

    If it helps, he hasn't stopped to think about the implications, and no one (including his clones) has brought it up.  It *is* something I'll be dealing with.
    
    Of course, I do write nightmare fuel occasionally -- I've had several people read "Baby Blues" and come back with "Oh my god, this was horrifying!"  Fortunately, that's usually followed by "I loved it!"
    

    • u/MadScientist14159:

      And come to think of it: **What the fuck, Anko?!** I thought you were supposed to be looking out for your students emotional wellbeing? Or do you somehow think that this *won't* massively traumatise Naruto when he finds out? Is warning him about this too much to ask?!
      

      • u/eaglejarl:

        For this too, there is a reason.
        

        • u/MadScientist14159:

          It had better be a *damn good one*.
          
          This is several orders of magnitude worse than what Hiashi is doing to Hinata.
          

          • u/eaglejarl:

            *shrug*  Well, I can't promise it will be something you like.
            
            If it bothers you this much, you might want to stop reading now.
            

    • u/actually_just_idiot:

      Seconding a recommendation for Baby Blues. Eye loved it.
      

      • u/eaglejarl:

        > Seconding a recommendation for Baby Blues. Eye loved it.
        
        [That's ](#s "an absolutely horrible pun.  Well, I guess the eyes have it. (Also, please don't spoil it if anyone continues the thread!)")
        

  • u/EDSorow:

    The clones don't seem to mind dying so much, so I'm not sure that this counts as murder. I mean, if I was a shadow clone, I would not mind dying for the original me. In fact, I would urge the original me to keep creating more shadow clones. We would be close enough in memory and personality that it would not feel like death.
    

• u/AugSphere:

  I want Anko to learn the lessons of Kakashi from [A Teacher's Glory](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6940744/1/A-Teacher-s-Glory). Who in their right mind would pull a drill sergeant "unite against me, use lethal force" ploy on their own team of assasins? I mean, maybe Orochimaru could afford to do this, but he has a survivability of a cockroach in plot armour and only one student. 
  
  Consciously or not, they will learn to treat Anko as an enemy at least a little bit. Hopefully there will be consequences.
  

  • u/eaglejarl:

    > Who in their right mind would pull a drill sergeant "unite against me, use lethal force" ploy on your own team of assasins?
    
    Not the brightest thing, no.  She's got a bit of an overconfidence problem -- in part justified, because she can usually back it up.
    

  • u/MadScientist14159:

    Orochimaru had 3 students.
    
    When he gave them the sagemode seals all but Anko died from nature chakra poisoning.
    

• u/Anderkent:

  > you are not allowed to make me look back by dying
  
  Bad, not back.
  

  • u/eaglejarl:

    Thanks, fixed.
    

• u/DrunkenQuetzalcoatl:

  >"Hate you so much," Naruto mumbled under his breath. After a minute he cocked his head. "Hang on, you said you wouldn't tell us any direct lies, and you said to me 'it was on the spoons'. Were you lying when you said you wouldn't lie to us?" he asked accusingly.
  
  >She laughed and bounced to her feet, stretching luxuriously. "Nice catch. Yes, it was on the spoons. So, now that you've figured that out, O Grand High Mission Commander Guy, what's your plan for the day?"
  
  She didn't actually answer the question about directly lying to them. Also she changed the topic straight after while distracting Naruto with stretching and the mocking title. Fits right in with her speech about deception training earlier.
  
  About what happens next my guess would be that the slippers won't work out and that Naruto creates and transforms two clones which will carry his teammates to the city under some pretense.
  
  Also in the section with your advertising the name renders as "Albrecht Lˆfgren" for me.
  

• u/actually_just_idiot:

  >"I drugged you," she said with a shrug. "Not in the food, of course; it was on the spoons. Paranoia, blondie—learn it, live it, love it!"
  
  Huh, I figured it was in the honey. That way she could avoid it by not eating the honey.
  
  And Naruto, curse your lack of genre-savvy. Look at how helpful Miss "get-your-own-damn-tent" was being.
  
  >Apparently not you.
  
  I think this would be better as 'Apparently you won't.'
  
  >What happens next? Guess correctly...
  
  Naruto and the rest of the team pose as a group of hunters and trappers and gain entrance to the city.
  

• u/Gworn:

  I'm missing a plot-hook. We're 26k words into the story, which is a third of a novel already and nothing much has happened yet.
  
  The story is boring. If I had just stumbled on the story on ff.net I'd probably have stopped reading in chapter 3. We spent the whole chapter, over 8k words, in one night camping. We learned a bit more about the characters and the world, but not nearly enough to justify the length.
  
  What was the point of spending over a sixth of this long chapter on how to estimate the probability of being caught? To be that thorough, you had to be trying to teach the audience. The problem with that, is that the thought experiment is about a magical ninja-world about which we don't know nearly enough to know what assumptions are plausible.
  
  The interactions between the characters - which could carry such a long scene absent plot - are not as fun or interesting as a well written canon Team 7 usually is. Shino, Hinata and even your Anko and Naruto just don't seem terribly interesting or engaging.
  
  There is also a lot of repetition in the character interaction. Anko goes back and forth between challenging the genin and praising them *constantly*. Compare that to other similar stories that do the drill-instructor as a sensei bit. They usually have the jounin be a dick for chapters at a time until the genin are completely exhausted or lose it and only *then* the teacher goes back to explaining what s/he was doing and praising them for how far they've come. That cycle is done once or twice. In your story, Anko goes back and forth between those two 'modes' all the time.
  

  • u/eaglejarl:

    Thank you for your critique.
    

  • u/derefr:

    > To be that thorough, you had to be trying to teach the audience. The problem with that, is that the thought experiment is about a magical ninja-world about which we don't know nearly enough to know what assumptions are plausible.
    
    The thing being taught, there, is the way to estimate things you don't actually have hard facts about. Not the input facts (and whether they're trustworthy or not), but the function they're inputs to and how it *preserves* the truth-value of its inputs.
    
    > In your story, Anko goes back and forth between those two 'modes' all the time.
    
    Have you read an account of what it's like to be in an abusive relationship? This constantly-shifting-back-and-forth-between-abuse-and-positive-reinforcement "tactic" is *incredibly effective*.
    

    • u/eaglejarl:

      > Have you read an account of what it's like to be in an abusive relationship? This constantly-shifting-back-and-forth-between-abuse-and-positive-reinforcement "tactic" is incredibly effective.
      
      Oh dear.  I hope it doesn't seem that Anko is being abusive.  That wasn't where I was trying to go with it...yes, everyone on the team is screwed up in various ways, but she is honestly trying to help them get better.
      

      • u/derefr:

        I presumed that she was honestly trying to help them get better, but also unconsciously echoing a particular teaching style that Orochimaru would have favored, that would have also benefitted him in other ways (like creating codependent students.) I was excited to see the kids call her on it and have her experience a bit of a Heroic BSOD on how much of Orochimaru's bad parts she had internalized without meaning to.
        

        • u/eaglejarl:

          Okay, good. That's exactly what I was shooting for.
          

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