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101 lines
4.5 KiB
Markdown
101 lines
4.5 KiB
Markdown
## Pruning an Infinite Tree: A Magical Girl Rational Mystery
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* Author: u/nohat *
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* URL: http://pruninganinfinitetree.com/
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* Score: 12
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* Created: 2014-01-15T23:03:31
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### Post:
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[Link to content](http://pruninganinfinitetree.com/)
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### Comments:
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> **u/nohat** [+2] (18 minutes later)
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>
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> Tokyo is being attacked by monsters, but it is the appearance of three defenders with magical ability and a girlish theme that interests Sebastian. He is looking for an impressive project to leave the shadow of his overbearing and manipulative father, and this mystery presents an exceptional opportunity.
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>
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> Who are the magical girls? Whence come their abilities, and what does the existence of magic say about the world? Not to mention: why are they so reminiscent of a certain genre of Japanese fiction?
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>
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> Sebastian wants answers, and has a plan to extract them. He might be young, but he's armed with military hardware and professional training, while the magical girls let a knockoff supervillain monologue in the middle of combat. Can't be that tough.
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>
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> ~~
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>
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> I'm the author. The story is complete (71k words) and will be posted Saturday and Wednesday at 8pm EST.
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>
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> I'm crossposting this with HPMOR, since that, Eliezer's lesswrong postings, and Dungeon Keeper Ami were major inspirations. Specifically I tried to embrace the fast moving escalation and clever solutions to big problems.
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>
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> I also tried to adhere to the Chandler mystery story rules. You know what the characters know, and can make the same deductions.
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>
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> You'll probably enjoy it more if you have some idea of the tropes of the 'magical girl' genre, but in-depth familiarity is not required.
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> **u/FeepingCreature** [+2] *GCV Literally The Entire Culture* (6 hours later)
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>
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> The beginning seems pretty similar to the Artemis Fowl series. :) If you haven't read it, you might want to take a look for inspiration.
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>
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> Do you have a native-speaking proofreader or editor? You might want to find one - there's some stylistic stumbling blocks and grammatical mishaps in there.
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>> **u/nohat** [+3] (7 hours later)
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>>
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>> I have read Artemis Fowl. Jackson being 'assigned at birth' had some Butler inspiration.
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>>
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>> I actually am a native speaker. As far as an editor goes I've had several friends Beta read. I do have someone who has edited a couple books editing it. Stylistically I might have made overly convoluted sentences - sometimes I find it hard to resist. Do you have any specific instances in mind? Thanks for the comment!
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>>> **u/FeepingCreature** [+8] *GCV Literally The Entire Culture* (8 hours later)
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>>>
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>>> > I do have someone who has edited a couple books editing it.
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>>>
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>>> That's. Um.
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>>>
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>>> Er.
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>>>
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>>> > My hormones were appreciating it as they fell - they were wearing skirts you see.
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>>>
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>>> > (in my defense: at the time my digest feed had somehow slipped and was running celebrity coverage coterminously).
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>>>
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>>> > Once I began I didn't stop till
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>>>
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>>> > In retrospect the evidence was there, and I had simply failed to update my estimates despite novel evidence.
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>>>
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>>> (evidence, repeated)
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>>>
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>>> > Magic? Jacob was dead dead dead
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>>>
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>>> This does not fit stylistically.
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>>>
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>>> > Most importantly this is a real way
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>>>
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>>> Wrong tense. Wrong tense! It's not a big deal, but I don't get how it got past a proper editor.
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>>>
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>>> > Best to cut off any comment: "Jackson I need you to make some preparations
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>>>
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>>> > The demons were a bewildering array of loosely thematic abominations.
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>>>
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>>> themed*
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>>>
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>>> > Oh injuries abounded, but perhaps because of their laid back fighting style most civilians evacuated in time.
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>>>
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>>> Comma? Also slightly questionable flow.
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>>>
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>>> > The difficult thing about capturing well armed people is typically not accidentally killing them.
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>>>
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>>> Grammar iffy. "The difficult thing is not (killing them)" or "The difficult thing is (not killing) them"? Obvious upon reread, but can interrupt flow.
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>>>
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>>> > I also had shaped charge magazines prepared in case shear physical trauma
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>>>
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>>> > shear physical trauma
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>>>
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>>> > **shear** physical trauma
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>>>
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>>> I'll stop here. :)
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>>>
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>>> It does get better in the later chapters, afaics, so I don't think it's a huge issue. I'm just surprised an actual editor missed them.
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>>>> **u/nohat** [+3] (17 hours later)
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>>>>
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>>>> Actually I wasn't clear: she hasn't edited it yet (she works on paper, so it'll be in bulk). Thanks a lot for pointing these out. I was on the fence stylistically about the 'dead dead dead,' and the celebrity coverage. Embarrassing that I let a tense error past.
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---
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