3.8 KiB
[WIP] Decagon - Chapter 1
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Author: u/None *
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Score: 4
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Created: 2014-09-25T15:38:53
Post:
Comments:
u/narfanator [+3] (5 hours later)
Bluntly, both characters appear to already be dicks, which may make it hard to read. Unsympathetic viewpoint characters are hard to make enjoyable stories with.
u/None [+3] (5 hours later)
I... uh.... can't argue with that. Yeah, they're pretty much dicks. I would say "Well, there are more viewpoint characters, and they aren't as much of dicks," but I should probably have started it with one of them, shouldn't I?
I apologize for starting my book with dicks. Do you feel it's a major enough flaw that I should change around chapter orders?
u/narfanator [+1] (14 hours later)
Gah, I don't know yet.
Actually, I do know: No, it's not. More because it has to be ok for it not to perfect.
u/narfanator [+1] (5 hours later)
Read the other one, too. I like where you /can/ go with these, but right now I feel like I'm just spending a lot of time reading about things that won't be that important. You should try removing more, or answering: How does the reader know to feel like this is important?
I did like internal monologue explaining the guy's misanthropy, but not the encounter with the jocks, who don't feel like characters, or characters that could possible matter. Worm's bullies - a short lived role in the plot - have a great deal more going on than as a mere foil for characterization. HPMOR's bully scenes - wherein the bullies are, effectively, nameless characters - don't actually have anything to do with the bullies. The first is actually a scene between Harry and Neville, the second between them and Lestrange, and the SPEW encounters are about the interactions between the team members.
I like the confused timeskipping, but, if these are meant to be rational characters.... there's a deep lack of curiosity in something very strange, there.
u/None [+1] (6 hours later)
Thank you for the advice. However, at the beginning of Worm, it doesn't seem like the bullies have a lot going on other than to be bullies, or at least that's how I felt reading it. They just become more important later on. However, I can definitely see the jocks being something like plot pieces rather than characters in this, and definitely see that I should expand on the scene. I suppose I will go back and do so. Thank you, again.
u/narfanator [+1] (14 hours later)
No problem! I'm just glad I can give useful critique.
u/None [+1] (14 hours later)
It was definitely useful. It actually made me change my plans for what to do with some characters, and edit the scene a bit. So, again, thanks!
u/None [+1] (36 seconds later)
It's not very rational so far, but I fully intend to make its roots in rationality stand out more.
u/AmeteurOpinions [+1] Finally, everyone was working together. (5 hours later)
Err... what is it?
u/None [+2] (5 hours later)
Yes, I didn't make that very clear, did I? I apologize.
Shortly: People start developing super-powers in a fictional city named Roosetown, including a group of ten teenagers, and then super-powerey stuff starts happening. It's similar in a way to Worm in premise, but with a few changes: This details the first appearance of superpowers and what happens afterwards, rather than being set in a world where the powers already exist.
I have pretty much the entirety of the story arc planned out, more or less, and it's going to be rather long, and it's going to discuss super-power tropes quite a bit.