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77 lines
4.3 KiB
Markdown
77 lines
4.3 KiB
Markdown
## [FF][RST] Team Anko, Chapter 12
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* Author: u/eaglejarl *
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* URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11087425/12/Team-Anko
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* Score: 19
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* Created: 2015-06-22T01:47:17
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### Post:
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[Link to content](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11087425/12/Team-Anko)
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### Comments:
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> **u/Saffrin-chan** [+4] (4 hours later)
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>
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> I hope you're not using the [Unspoken Plan Guarantee](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UnspokenPlanGuarantee) (warning TV Tropes), with how vague you were being about Hinata's plan.
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>
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> Your vagueness also made it hard to tell what the motivation behind the characters actions after the scene were. Was Anko actually being harsh with Hinata and Shino, or was it part of their plan? Did something actually cause Shino to snap against his opponent, or was his freaking out part of this unspoken plan? I couldn't really tell.
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>
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> Both of those scenes felt a little off as far as character interactions went, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to take it as character development, or hints as to what this plan is. One of the problems with having an unspoken plan is it causes your readers to question whether every action that happens after the plan is mentioned is part of the plan or not. I won't be able to stop squinting at every scene and wondering if there's some hidden hint about the plan in it until the actual plan is revealed in the story.
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>
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> I do like this chapter though, I'm just being critical of that one thing because it's a trope that just always jumps out at me. It'll be interesting if you end up reversing it, though, and have the plan fail *even though* the reader didn't know much about it.
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>> **u/WalkingHorror** [+3] (8 hours later)
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>>
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>> As I understood it, Anko was putting on a show because she knew they were being watched. Shino was angry because he thought that Hinata was badly hurt, hence Anko's "she's fine!"
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>>
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>> It's completely out of character for him to get emotional because of enemy attacking him (it's what enemies do) but it's completely in character for Hinata to assume nobody would be that upset on her account.
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>> **u/eaglejarl** [+4] (10 hours later)
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>>
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>> > I hope you're not using the Unspoken Plan Guarantee (warning TV Tropes), with how vague you were being about Hinata's plan.
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>>
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>> Yes, I am. There's a reason that's a trope; from the TvTropes link you quoted:
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>>
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>> "Where's the drama in something going wrong if no one knows what was supposed to happen? Conversely, where's the drama in seeing exactly what you were just told would happen?"
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> **u/eaglejarl** [+1] (an hour later)
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>
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> I finally got to pay off a plot coupon that's been dangling since chapter one. I am terribly excited -- although it's really less "pay off" and more "pay interest on," since there's a lot more to do with it.
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>
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> Also, foreshadowing!
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> **u/Ilverin** [+1] (9 hours later)
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>
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> Typo:
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>
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> that was the only thing that kept Shino alive as the razor-sharp chakra-infused ribbon covered ***her*** legs and torso in a welter of bloody cuts
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>> **u/eaglejarl** [+1] (11 hours later)
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>>
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>> Thank you, fixed. (Might take a while for FFN to notice, though.)
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> **u/Traiden04** [+1] (a day later)
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>
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> I really liked how this fight flowed, you really have improved from what I have seen in portraying action. I was able to follow the fight in my head with little trouble, all the elements of the area they fought in was easily pictured and made spacial sense through out the chapter.
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>> **u/eaglejarl** [+1] (a day later)
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>>
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>> Thank you, I'm really glad to hear that -- especially the part about improving.
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>>
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>> So that I can use the improvement consciously, can you point out a specific example from the past where the action wasn't as good?
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>>> **u/Traiden04** [+1] (2 days later)
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>>>
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>>> In 2YE the fight with Loki and the Hearth Goddess, the action really seemed to jump around in a way that, even with allowing for tricks and higher beings of power, did not seem to flow as well. I can't quite point to any one thing as really bad but compared to then you have improved the flow of a fight with teleportation(or the next best thing to it) existing.
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>>>> **u/eaglejarl** [+2] (2 days later)
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>>>>
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>>>> Hm, yeah. Now that you remind me of it, I wasn't entirely pleased with that fight scene. I'm glad this one came out better.
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>>>>
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>>>> Thanks for the pointer.
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---
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