8.9 KiB
Final two chapters of A Voice Across the Void [rational!Star Wars]
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Author: u/None *
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URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/4kcdtf/final_two_chapters_of_a_voice_across_the_void/
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Score: 42
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Created: 2016-05-21T06:03:48
Post:
The final chapters are chapters 9 and 10 here.
Thanks to everyone who has been reading. I am planning to write a sequel eventually (the fate of the galaxy in this fictional branching of the Star Wars universe is not settled). However, the focus of the sequel would be somewhat different, which is why this story has to end here.
By the way, the story was an attempt to rehash some of the concerns of Knights of the The Old Republic II; if you liked it, you will probably enjoy the game as well.
Comments:
u/2-4601 [+8] (3 hours later)
I took the opportunity to read through all of it, since before I stopped at chapter...three, I think. Overall I enjoyed it, with two little bugbears:
What is Noval going to do with his Force-only vision, once the Force is destroyed?
Reena being pained by lifting the ship up from the desert. I know the EU if kinda iffy on this, but I interpreted Yoda from ESB as saying that if you can let go of your belief in weight and strength, you will be able to lift anything without effort - you either achieve that mindset and lift, or don't. There isn't an intermediary "Lift but it really hurts".
But apart from that...yes, I still enjoyed it. Those things were right at the end so they didn't impact anything, and it was interesting to see the Jedi through a different point of view as well as the classic needs-of-the-many argument taken further, but not so far as to make the issue one-sided. Best of luck with the sequel!
u/waylandertheslayer [+3] (6 hours later)
I liked it, but I probably won't have a proper view of the whole thing until I reread it all in one go, as I've forgotten some of the events of the earlier chapters. The quality of writing was overall very good, but in a few places I was unsure of how much time had passed (e.g. in chapter 10, how long did Noval take to get used to relying only on his force senses?) and the constantly switching points of view without always immediately saying who's perspective we're looking from was a bit weird in a few cases. Still, those are just a few minor things, and especially the perspective thing felt more like a stylistic choice than a mistake.
u/rationalidurr [+7] If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! (11 hours later)
I had this story bookmarked and everyday I would open it just in case it was updated. Now it is, but it's over. Ho boy.
Okay I am loving the Holocron motivation and goal reasoning, especially since its fits with all the evidence.
However there are other hypotheses that can explain the situation, and it would go a great deal in character rational empowerment if Noval did even a cursory questioning of all the data and at least try not to go along with everything the Holocron is saying. I get the Dark Side is powerful in mental manipulation aspect, but it robs the characters of their own characterization.
Please post the sequel here when it starts. And fell free to add at least some minor info on whose point of view we are seeing when you make it change in chapter, shit gets confusing yo.
u/None [+4] (13 hours later)
And fell free to add at least some minor info on whose point of view we are seeing when you make it change in chapter, shit gets confusing yo.
You are right. As /u/waylandertheslayer said this was a stylistic choice -- I wanted the reader to feel a little uncertain about who the narrator was before revealing the answer a little bit into each shift -- but in retrospect I definitely overdid it.
u/abcd_z [+3] (22 hours later)
No doubt, this bomb was an attempt to take out one of the order’s most capable masters.
*facepalm*
u/None [+3] (23 hours later)
They don't teach the Dunning-Kruger effect at the Jedi academy...
u/abcd_z [+1] (a day later)
An explosion just decapitated both governments, and he suspects the target was himself. Unbelievable.
u/CouteauBleu [+3] We are the Empire. (a day later)
I think this is one of the best rational Star Wars fanfics out there not counting expanded universe... but it's a bit of a faint praise. The writing is so-so, the characters go from good to pretty flat, and it does this fix-fic thing where the main character seems to be the first person to ever consider solving problems that have been widely known for ages.
The last two chapters in particular are a bit weak. I'm not sure how Noval goes from "Murdering a bunch of power-hungry dictators" to "Take over the universe, slaughter jedis and sith, and crush anyone who opposes me" in less than a month, which is always the problem in "Sith corrupts Jedi to the dark side" stories. I also think that, while most of the story has Noval decently distrustful of the holocron, the last two chapters seems to jump away from that, with Noval just accepting whatever the holocron says (because how could she be a sith? She told him she wasn't one!) unquestioningly.
Anyway, as for the good points: Noval is well-written, his motives are clear and you can clearly see why he'd accept the influence of the holocron. The sith character is pretty compelling too; she's charismatic, subtle, and makes some pretty good points about the whole "Committing war crimes for the greater good" thing. The politics and logistics of the story are mostly believable, and most of the characters are acting intelligently given the options available too them. Which, I guess is the primary goal when making rational fic, so kudos for that :)
u/FuguofAnotherWorld [+3] Roll the Dice on Fate (2 days later)
The writer of this story has a rare gift for fully immersing you into other perspectives and ways of thinking in an organic way. It's impressive.
u/elevul [+5] Cyoria Observer (a day later)
Finished. Didn't like it.
The continuous shift between perspectives, coupled with the very little focus on the actual details of the events, makes the whole story confusionary and at time schizophrenic in its development.
In addition, while treating the training he underwent to become so much stronger as a black box allows you much more flexibility, it also makes it much harder to relate with the character.
Overall a very interesting experiment, but I hope the sequel will be more detailed and more focused on a single character's voyage, rather than another kaleidoscope that attempts to show everyone's perspective at the same time.
u/ZeroNihilist [+2] (10 hours later)
Well that was satisfying. I'm looking forward to the sequel.
Chapter 9 typos:
How much, how wondered, how much
Should be "he wondered".
But nonetheless we must try. For what is worth,
Should be "it's" or "it is".
someone who had not been bright to discover it
Should be "bright enough".
Chapter 10 typos:
whatever potential had lain within him was unlocked
Should perhaps be "not unlocked" (in context as a disappointing thing).
now his momentary moment of weakness
Should probably be just "momentary" or "moment of".
Perhaps the biggest hurdle would to bring his
Missing "be".
So strong were emotions that,
Missing a word like "her", "those", or "the".
things befalling to her master
Extraneous "to".
nothing seemed to happen**’** finally,
Apostrophe instead of period.
Nimbo found himself wandering at
Should be "wondering".
and in a own way,
Should be "its".
What had the master to talk to
Should be "talked".
involved a Sith attempt from his life
Should be "on".
To her surprise, ... To her surprise,
Perhaps undesirable repetition.
u/None [+3] (13 hours later)
Thank you! These sorts of things really break immersion -- I appreciate the list. I've gone through and fixed them.
u/xamueljones [+2] My arch-enemy is entropy (a day later)
Added this to RationalReads. Let me know if you want me to adjust anything like the summary or the tags. I refrained from voting how many stars it was worth due to not having finished reading this story yet.
Good night everyone....zzzz
u/elevul [+1] Cyoria Observer (4 hours later)
Is there any .epub available?
u/waylandertheslayer [+1] (6 hours later)
The story is also on fanfiction.net here, and there are several ways to download a story from there, including in epub formats.
u/elevul [+1] Cyoria Observer (7 hours later)
Thank you, gotten!