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75 lines
4.1 KiB
Markdown
75 lines
4.1 KiB
Markdown
## Horizon Breach Chapter 14
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* Author: u/elevul *Cyoria Observer**
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* URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11936165/14/Horizon-Breach
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* Score: 6
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* Created: 2016-07-29T08:55:14
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### Post:
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[Link to content](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11936165/14/Horizon-Breach)
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### Comments:
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> **u/elevul** [+7] *Cyoria Observer* (2 minutes later)
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>
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> So, I finally managed to catch up on the chapters.
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>
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> The story itself seems reasonably consistent, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to care and I'm not sure why. I ADORE Log Horizon, and the concept of this is exactly what I had been looking for a long time, but the fic itself seems ... arid, dry? More like a chronicle of events rather than a story.
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>
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> Am I the only feeling it like this?
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>> **u/i_dont_know** [+3] (12 hours later)
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>>
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>> No, I'm just surprised you made it that far.
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>> **u/Dwood15** [+1] (12 hours later)
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>>
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>> I feel like it's constantly building with each chapter, and has too many characters in such short time. Additionally as an anime only person for this series, i find it hard to know each character.
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>>> **u/GaBeRockKing** [+1] *Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857* (13 hours later)
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>>>
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>>> >and has too many characters in such short time.
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>>>
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>>> Yeah, that's definitely my biggest problem writing this. I'm probably going to have to start killing off some of the viewpoint characters in mid term so I don't need to focus on them.
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>>>> **u/Dwood15** [+1] (14 hours later)
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>>>>
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>>>> Or just don't switch so often? Keep writing the story but glue each character in two chapter bits. Try the animorphs style by not switching so much.
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>>>>> **u/GaBeRockKing** [+2] *Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857* (15 hours later)
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>>>>>
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>>>>> too late, people have died because of you :P
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>>>>>
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>>>>> But you're right, focusing on an individual character on a chapter-by-chapter basis is probably a better idea. I'll be doing some rejiggering of the coming chapters so they're not as scatterbrained.
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>> **u/GaBeRockKing** [+1] *Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857* (13 hours later)
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>>
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>> That's a pity, but thank you for following it so far.
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>>
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>> Can you tell me anything in specific you thought could be improved, removed, or added? I unfortunately probably won't ever get around to doing a complete overhaul of this fic, but I hope to improve for future stories.
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>>> **u/elevul** [+1] *Cyoria Observer* (2 days later)
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>>>
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>>> As others have said, you've expanded the scope of the story way too much and the continuous POV change makes it difficult to care for any character. Perhaps it could be a good idea to simply focus on Michael's POV and use Interludes VERY SPARINGLY for explaining specific situations that the reader needs to understand but cannot infer from what Michael has access to.
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>>>> **u/GaBeRockKing** [+1] *Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857* (2 days later)
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>>>>
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>>>> Thanks for the feedback!
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>>>>
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>>>> Michael is definitely useful for providing an outside perspective, although I don't want to have my jumped-up OC steal all the attention from the canon characters.
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>>>>
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>>>> That being said, I'm making a concerted effort to make upcoming chapters focus on one character's viewpoint at a time.
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>>>>> **u/elevul** [+1] *Cyoria Observer* (2 days later)
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>>>>>
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>>>>> Then perhaps cut off the Michael thread entirely? Try to sit down with a mental map and ask yourself for each character whether removing them from the fic would heavily impact the story you want to tell. If not, get rid of them and provide the information another way, or don't provide it at all if non-critical.
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>>>>>> **u/GaBeRockKing** [+2] *Horizon Breach: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785857* (2 days later)
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>>>>>>
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>>>>>> My current plan with Michael is to fold him into the main storyline so I don't need to keep track of him individually. You'll actually be seeing that happen in CH15 today, but I haven't gotten around to posting it yet because I got writers block pretty bad yesterday and haven't finished the latest chapter on my backlog. (I make sure to write a few chapters in the future so I can fix plot holes without anyone noticing.)
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---
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